Smooth Operator
by Cullcati
Summary: Edward has a hard on for the local diner girl. His roommate doesn't think he has the balls to pursue her. Can this Smooth Operator get the girl?
1. Chapter 1

Stephenie Meyer owns. I do not.

**RATED M** for language and graphicness.  
Don't say I didn't warn you.  
If you're too young for this, please proceed to the peacing out station now.

* * *

She was doing that thing again. Twirling her hair around her finger and biting her lip. My weakness—bottom lip biting. It's my kryptonite. One look at that plump bottom lip being pressed and squeezed between pearly white teeth and I'm a goner. I leave the town of Limp and become the mayor of Bonerdom.

And she fucking knew it.

"Stop it." My voice was deeper than normal, and I cleared my throat to disguise the turn in my mood.

"Stop what?" she asked, cocking her head to the side, going for the coy act; but I knew better. There was nothing coy about her.

"You know _what_." My voice had now not only dropped in pitch, but also in volume. Was I getting breathy? Fucking hormones.

"Then give it to me." She leaned across the kitchen island, her arms pressing together from her movement and giving me an eyeful of the massive cleavage she had popping out of her shirt.

I gulped.

"No," my voice cracked. _What am I? Fucking 13 years old? Get a grip Cullen._

"But I want it," she continued, leaning further over the island.

"Stop that...that...that leaning thing you're doing. Stop it." I closed my eyes and held a hand out to ward off her movement...or to maybe cop a feel.

"But I want it so bad. Please let me have it." I opened one eye to look at her. She was pouting, and, if at all possible, her cleavage had gotten bigger.

"Jesus!" I closed my eyes again. I would not give in to the temptation of her evil boobs. Though, my hand may have inched closer to her side of the island. Clearly my body was not in sync with my mind tonight.

"Please?" she whined, although it sounded more like a sexy beg. This woman was a pro with the sexy voice; I had to give it to her.

I took a deep breath, licked my lips and steeled my nerves.

"No." I had become a 13-year-old boy again. Voice cracking, seriously?

She grabbed my outstretched hand and put it firmly on her breast. _Oh fuck me._ I flexed my fingers, squeezing the firm mountainous mound. _What I wouldn't give to be a hiker making his way up her peaks right now._

"I want you to give it to me now, Edward." Her voice was stern and she held my hand against her body. Though, I doubt I would have pulled away if she let me go.

But, I couldn't give in. I squeezed her breast one last time, unsure when I'd get another free feel, and pulled my arm back.

"No Rose. My car. My keys. I'm driving." My voice didn't come out as strong as I wanted, but the message was heard loud and clear.

"Ugh!" She jerked back from the table and my view into the world of cleavage was suddenly gone. I whimpered softly at the loss, and slumped my shoulders in defeat. At least I had some new material for later.

"You drive so goddamn slow, it's infuriating." She snatched her purse from beside her and began shoving God knows what inside.

"My car is a classic. I take good care of it." I held the car keys firmly in my hand, my thumb brushing over them tenderly.

"It's a fucking Volvo," she deadpanned, looking at me before rolling her eyes. "Whatever. Let's go, we're going to be late."

I waited until she walked around the kitchen island, and followed her to the front door of our apartment. She stopped suddenly.

"Stop checking out my ass."

I actually hadn't, but now that she mentioned it, I looked down. The jeans she had chosen to wear hugged her like a second skin. And just as she knew how to rile me up, I knew how to play her too.

I stepped closer to her, my hands coming down to cup each cheek through her jeans. I leaned down pressing my front against her back, and put my lips by her ear.

"If we didn't have to work tonight, I would have given it to you...over and over and over." I let my whispered words seep into her skin. I saw the affect my breath had on her skin; the slight shiver and goose bumps were a dead giveaway.

But she recovered quickly, as she always does. She smirked, took a step away from me, and looked over her shoulder.

"Promises, Promises," she chided, then opened the front door.

()()()()()()()

"Oh yeah baby, you feel that? You feel how hard you made me?" I chuckled lowly, my grin genuine.

I was winning.

"Mmm. You made me so wet tonight," she said, making my grin deepen into a smirk.

_Oh I'm sure I did, baby girl_. That's what they all say when I start working my magic.

"Can I put my long, thick cock inside you, baby?" I asked in my most innocent voice. Innocent, yet very naughty-boy-next-door was what I was going for tonight.

"Oh please! YES! Right there!" she quickly replied.

"Oh FUCK YES!" I grinned.

I just hit the jackpot.

"I want all of you." Her voice was mixed with heavy breaths. She was so into this.

"I am ALL IN, baby girl...All mother fucking in." I bit my lip.

I was feeling so lucky tonight.

"Harder," she panted. "Talk to me."

"You want me to really give it to you? You want me to pound you with my thick cock? I'm gonna give it to you so hard, baby." I could hear how wet she was. Her moans were getting louder. I knew it wouldn't take much more.

"Uhhh...Mmmm..." She couldn't even speak, she was so worked up. And understandably so. We had been at this for over 20 minutes already.

"I'm so close to getting mine, baby."

I was going to get it so good in just another second.

She kept moaning, and I threw in a few of my own moans too for good measure.

And then it happened.

I completely lost it. No. I mean. I lost it—ALL. I had gone all in on this online poker bet, and I lost everything.

"FUCK!" I yelled, slamming my fist on the desk in front of me. _There goes this week's pay-check._

"Uh Uh UHH AHHH!" _and she's done_.

I sighed heavily, thanking God that she was my last for the night and that I'd get to clock out soon. It had been a long 6 hours, and what I thought was going to be a happy ending, just blew up in my face.

I waited for a few seconds, breathing heavier to make her think I came with her.

"Mmm, baby, you gave me quite the workout." I rolled my eyes as her girly giggle came through my earpiece. "I have to hand you over to the operator now. Call me soon, baby."

Normally I wouldn't be so short with clients. I'd try to keep them on the line for another 5-10 minutes doing what I called 'snuggle talk'. But I just lost over $400 on what I thought was a winning hand, and I was no longer in the fucking mood.

I looked over the wall divider next to me at Rose who was painting her nails a bright red.

"Mmm, baby. You want mama to spank you, bad boy?" she cooed. Even though her attention was elsewhere, Rose was a pro. I felt my spirit lift slightly as I watched her work. She was good.

"Pull your pants down and bend over for me. My, my, you've been so naughty." She caught my gaze and smirked, rolling her eyes.

"You ready for your punishment?" The way she spoke sent a shiver down my spine. She turned her chair and faced me, directly. Bringing her hand up, she blew delicately over her nails, while keeping her eyes locked with mine the whole time.

I knew that look she was giving me. I was in for it. I should have just let her drive the fucking car.

Her hand came down on her desk, suddenly, the smacking sound making me jump.

Her lips widened in a satisfied grin. I guess her client liked his simulated spanking.

"Does that make you hard? You want me to do it again?" Her voice took on a grittier tone, and she slapped the table again.

I looked away from her, and started to collect my things from my desk. I made a decision right then and there to get laid. It had been over 6 months, and if Rosalie's dominatrix sex act was making me hard—at work—then something was up. If I really thought about it, I had been hard since I woke up this afternoon. My 'morning' wood never subsided. And Rose's little boobie show in the kitchen didn't help matters either. _I swear, if you could die from blue balls, then I'm headed towards the bright lights._

"You ready to head out?" Rose peeped around the wall, clearly having wrapped her call up quickly.

"Fuck yes," I groaned. I couldn't wait to leave this place. I stood, and met her near the exit.

"Diner?" she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

"Diner." I affirmed.

()()()()()()()

The diner was simple. Good food, fast service, and open 24-hours. It was almost 3:30 a.m. by the time we made it to our usual booth. There was only one other patron; an older man who sat at the bar.

I could hear the voices of the cooks out back as I leaned against the vinyl seat. I glanced around the diner trying to be discreet, but a snicker from Rose told me I wasn't being very _stealth_.

"She's by the register." Unable to stop my eyes, after the location was given to me, I looked over to her.

At the sight of her, I exhaled a long breath. Fuck, she was looking good tonight. I don't know what it was about this girl. Maybe it was her messy pony tail? Her pink flushed cheeks? Her small hand that wiped the sweat from her brow as she frowned at whatever she was typing into the register? She got this little crease between her eyes, that looked like it would only take a gentle nudge from my finger to smooth out.

Then she bit her lip. Her fucking _lip_. I sucked in a shaky breath. She did it every time I saw her, and yet it still gave me instant wood. Rose knew this and used the same gesture against me to get what she wanted. It usually worked, but sometimes didn't. Like tonight, with my car.

I smirked, thinking back to earlier in the evening. Rose was pure sex. She oozed it out of every pore in her perfect face. Plump Angelina Jolie lips. Crystal blue eyes. Sexy, long blonde hair. Curves that swayed perfectly when she walked. The girl had major front AND back.

She was literally every guy's wet dream. She'd been in mine countless times, and even though I would wake up covered in my own jizz, I'd feel disgusted. She was more like a sister to me than a lover. I shuddered at the thought.

"What's going on over there, Mr. Bipolar?" She looked up from over her menu.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I avoided her gaze, choosing to look around the room as if I had never seen it before. Old framed posters of Elvis. Red vinyl seats for each booth. Black and white checkered floor. Same as yesterday, same as the day before that.

"First, you look like a panting dog in heat. Then you smirk. And then get this grossed out look on your face." She laughed lightly, and shook her head. "I am so glad I'm not a mind reader. I'd hate to be in your head."

"Yeah...well..." I was never quick with my retorts, and luckily I wouldn't have to be.

Next to our table, 'she' stood. We were about to be served. And God how I wished she'd service me.

"Hey guys!" She smiled innocently—genuinely—as she placed 2 glasses of water on our table.

I sighed.

Rose smirked.

"Hey, Bella." Rose looked up with a wide smile. I knew that smile. Fuck! It was payback time.

"Hi, Rosalie. What can I get you?" Her voice was so soft, angelic, beautiful. Everything about her was beautiful.

"Hm.." Rose chewed on her bottom lip as if in thought. We had been here every night for the past 3 years. There was no way she didn't have the menu memorized by now. It hadn't changed at all.

"I really want something sticky and super sweet," she said, flipping through the menu pages. But her eyes weren't looking at the words. She was looking at me. She was going to get me back for not letting her drive.

"I'd love some warm buns." She suddenly looked up at Bella. "Do you have plump warm buns, Bella?" Rose cocked an eyebrow, her wide smile back on her face.

A light blush crept up Bella's cheeks and she bit her lip. She looked as flustered as I was beginning to feel.

"I think there's some out back," she finally said. I would have loved to go out back and get my hands on her buns. She had really nice buns. Nice, plump, round…

"Hmm." Rose chewed her lip again, feigning thoughts. This act was so ridiculous. "Maybe that's what Edward wants."

Then she looked at me again. I looked at her, my mouth opening and I began to stutter.

"Uh...um...n-n-no, erm," I cleared my throat.

"Don't you want some of Bella's buns, Edward?" Rose teased.

But she wouldn't embarrass me this way. I was wise to her game. I looked down at the menu, picking out the first thing my eyes landed on to order.

"Nah, actually, I want her breasts," I said, with a shit eating grin on my face. Game on, Bitch.

"Oh really Edward?" Rose's smirk didn't waver, in fact it looked like she was trying not to laugh.

_What the fuck? What did I say?_ I looked down at the menu to see what I just ordered and found my finger pointing to a description of their Chicken Breast. And the first thing that popped in my mind at the printed word 'breast' was Bella's breasts. _Oh fuck me._

"No! No...I mean...CHICKEN breast. Not Bella's breasts. I mean...she has great breasts, but I don't want to eat them. Well, not right now, maybe later, but...I mean...fuck! Chicken...Just chicken." I blushed furiously, and put my head in my hands, concealing my complete mortification.

Rose just let it out, her laugh filling the empty diner.

I heard a soft gasp, and when I peeked through my fingers, I saw an overly rosy red Bella chewing on her lip until it turned white.

Rose tugged the menu from under my arms, and handed it to Bella.

"The CHICKEN breast dinner for Edward," she smirked, emphasizing the word _chicken_, "and a cinnamon roll for me."

Bella couldn't run from our table quick enough.

I groaned and scowled at the overly happy blonde across from me.

"I hate you," I seethed.

"You love me," she grinned. I wanted to smack that grin off her perfect lips.

"I honestly believe that you're trying to kill me." I clasped my hands around my sweating glass of water.

"I would never kill my favorite roommate. I'm just trying to get you laid." She shrugged.

"Firstly, I'm your only roommate. Secondly, fuck off. I can get laid all on my own." I focused on the droplets of water, rubbing against the wetness with my thumb.

"When was the last time you got anything? A kiss? Blow job? An orgasm not brought on by your own hand?" She raised a brow at me in challenge. She already knew the answer.

"I, um...I kissed someone." I shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Kissing your mother 'hello' when you took her to lunch last week doesn't count."

I frowned.

"Well...I guess it's been 6 months, then? That's not that bad, really." I tried to believe my words. I tried to ignore Prince E, who was currently erecting a castle in my pants.

"Six months...six months...who were you with 6 months ago," she mused. "The girl that had those overly loud moans! What was her name? Jill? Jasmine? Jackie? J-something."

"Jessica," I mumbled, wishing this conversation would just end.

"Jessica!" She snapped her finger, beaming as if she just solved the world hunger crisis.

I looked up, seeing Bella approaching our table with our food. I narrowed my eyes and glared at Rose, willing her to drop the subject.

"God she was something else!" she continued.

Apparently my Jedi mind tricks weren't up to par.

"Rose," I warned, gesturing with my eyes to Bella.

"Every time I'd hear the bed creaking I'd know I was about to get a show. She would moan SO loud! I swear it was like she was auditioning for a porno." Rose was gesturing with her hands, completely oblivious to Bella's attempts at placing her plate in front of her.

I, on the other hand, was completely entrapped by everything Bella did. I could see her discomfort, and her want to hurry up and leave our table. She was clearly embarrassed by Rose's words.

In my haste to help her, and take the plates for her, I knocked over my glass, covering the table in a river of ice and water. I watched with wide eyes, my breath leaving me with a gurgled sound that came from my throat, as the water ran off the table and onto Rose's lap.

Her mouth gaped open and she stood up. Her front was dripping with water, so without thinking, I grabbed a handful of napkins from the dispenser on the table and stood quickly.

A loud 'Oomph!' left my lips as my body lurched forward, my foot having slipped on some water that had dripped off the table and pooled on the ground.

I clutched the first thing my outstretched hand could find—my dinner plate, which was still in Bella's hand. The plate went clattering to the ground, coating Bella'sjean-covered legs with my meal in the process.

Fuck! Fucking, fuck, fuck!

Real smooth.

_That'll get you in her pants in no time!_

Girls may love food play, but I'm sure she'd rather whipped cream and chocolate syrup, instead of chicken, veggies, and gravy.

I quickly moved from my seat and crouched down next to Bella, dabbing her legs with the napkins still in my hand. In all the chaos, there was a silver lining; she had magnificent legs. Thin, shapely, toned muscles.

I slid my hand up the inside of her leg, while my other hand mirrored the movement on the outside. I wiped her pants with slow, deliberate motions—totally copping a feel—but I figured I could play it off as being helpful.

As my hands got to just above her knee, I felt her muscles tense. I looked up at her and we locked eyes. She looked flustered; her mouth slightly open, her eyes wide, her cheeks red. She had never looked more beautiful.

"Um..." She bit her bottom lip, and I couldn't take my eyes off her teeth. They pulled back, slowly releasing, and then she licked her tongue across her lip. I was mesmerized.

"I need to um, go, um...fix your order." She stumbled over her words, and I loved the idea that I was the reason she was so flustered.

I vaguely heard my name being called, but all I saw were her big brown eyes, which hadn't been removed from mine this whole time.

"Edward!"

_Smack!_

"What the fuck Rose?" My hand went to the back of my head, rubbing the sore spot just inflicted by Rose. My eyes finally left Bella's and found the icy blue set that were currently glaring at me.

"Bella needs her leg back." She gestured to my other hand which was still wrapped around her thigh. I released her quickly.

"Fuck...sorry," I mumbled as I stood. Before I was fully upright, Bella took off. I slumped back in my chair, leaning my head back against the seat.

Fuck my life.

"Um, hello?" I looked up at Rose wearily.

"What?"

"I am soaking wet! Your dumb-clumsy-ass got me completely wet!" I looked at her body. Her pants were darker around her crotch, her shirt stuck to her stomach. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I made you wet, huh?" I grinned at her, cocking my brow and giving her my 'sexy' smirk.

"Just give me the napkins." She held out her hand.

"Oh. Now you're getting all hot and bothered." I couldn't help myself. She tapped her foot impatiently.

"Napkins. Please!" I got some fresh napkins and handed them to her. I chuckled while she dabbed herself dry.

"We need to go home. This is such a mess." She kept dabbing her front then finally let her arms hang loosely by her sides in defeat. "I'll tell Bella to get our orders ready to go."

I waved her off. I wasn't going to fight her on this. I humiliated myself in front of Bella enough for the night. My only hope would be to go home, eat, and get some sleep. After all, I'd be back to repeat the "Edward is a Clumsy Love-Sick Fool" show again tomorrow. This show wasn't one night only, oh no, it was every fucking night.


	2. Chapter 2

Stephenie Meyer owns. I do not.

**RATED M** for language and graphicness.  
Don't say I didn't warn you.  
If you're too young for this, please proceed to the peacing out station now.

* * *

I was totally digging this place. The air was stuffy, smelling like cigarette smoke, that I eagerly inhaled while taking a long swig of my house tap beer. I sat at the bar along with a bunch of other guys; all with our eyes fixed on the TV showing the latest ball game. A perfect evening of relaxation.

And then it got better.

I was hit with a gust of crisp winter air, and my attention was drawn to its source. There, standing in the doorway to the sports bar I was occupying, was Bella.

She was looking around like a lost puppy that I wanted to take home. What was she looking for? I took her moment of searching to blatantly check her out. She wasn't wearing her work apron, and I soon came to realize how much it distorted her slamming body. The skirt she did have on barely came below her perky ass. I had always loved the slight outline of her behind that I was able to see whenever she was retreating from whatever embarrassing situation I had put us in at the diner. But the way she wore her skirt tonight completely amplified it to a whole new plateau.

And the shirt she had on? I nearly fell off my stool. The deep scoop-neckline showed one hell of a view of cleavage. I had a feeling she was hiding a couple of big handfuls under her thick work shirts.

It wasn't until I ripped my eyes from her chest to look at her face that I realized she had been looking at me. The smile that spread across her face when my eyes met hers made me catch my breath. I had been dying for her to look at me like that since the first moment I saw her at the diner.

She blushed deliciously, the red heating the top of her breasts. She could work the coy and innocent angle better than I had ever seen; probably because she was innocent, with a hint of coy. Or, she was coy with a hint of innocent. I really had no idea what the state of her innocence was, but damn if I wasn't willing to find out.

All thoughts of figuring out exactly what angle she was left when she began walking towards me. One step, then another. Each with a perfect hip-sway that mesmerized me, until she was standing a foot in front of me.

Suddenly the smoky air was constricting my lungs, and I was unable to breathe. My heart started to race and my palms began to sweat. I rubbed my hands vigorously on my jeans, receiving a soft giggle from Bella. She could see through my smoke façade that she was the real reason for my body's reactions. She made me nervous. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks, and knew if I didn't get my shit together I'd start sweating, and man sweat while not playing sports was just not okay.

"It's time to slow things down a bit," she said softly. She reached out a hand and placed it over mine. My thigh flexed and I wished my hand would disappear so hers would be resting on my leg instead.

"What are you doing here?" I didn't mean for my question to come out so bluntly, but a sports bar didn't really seem like her kind of dive.

"For all those with a special someone out there," she said sadly. Her eyes left mine, and she looked down.

"You're here for your special someone?" I asked, genuinely curious. If she had some bar guy waiting for her, I did not want to be caught all up in this. I was perfectly at ease with my masculinity to say that I screamed like a bitch when in a fight.

"For you." She looked up through her lashes now, and I knew instantly that the coy definitely outweighed her innocence. At least for tonight. My eyes met Bella's again, and I knew that look they held. I had seen that look in countless pornos over the years—she was horny.

She pushed my hand from my leg, and as she took a step forward, she slid her hand up the inseam of my jeans, coming to rest on the ever awake Prince E. My knees parted further on instinct, her hips nestling between them.

"Let me set the mood right." Her voice was deeper than I remembered, but dripping with a serious amount of sex. Her free hand pressed against my chest, and she leaned forward, moving my body until my back hit the edge of the bar. Her lips were _right there_. I only had to pucker and I'd finally be able to feel them. But Bella had other ideas. Her fingers curled and she gripped my shirt, using it to pull herself up onto my lap, her legs going around my upper thighs and gripping to help her stay upright.

"Let me make you feel alright." She had moved her lips to my ear and the soft breath of her words sent a shiver through my body that only intensified when she moved her hand from between us. I didn't have time to even whimper at the loss before she lowered her body down to sit tightly against me.

Her short skirt had pulled up around her hips, and I quickly moved my hands around to her back, hoping and praying to all known gods and entities that she was either: A, wearing a thong; B, wearing those lacy boy shorts that look amazing on that Victoria's Secret model; or, my ever favorite, C, she went commando.

My hands slid from her lower back to the top of her skirt and I closed my eyes in anticipation. Slowly they slid over the smooth material until I reached the bottom. I bit my lip and, almost in manner of teasing myself, I slipped the tips of my fingers under the hem.

They brushed against soft skin. I gasped. It was either A or C. _Please let it be C, please let it be C, please! Please! Please!_

I sucked in a breath and cupped my hands on her bare ass and could have happily died right then and there. But the need to know outweighed my impending death, so with ambition, my fingers slid upwards.

Higher they went until I had to open my eyes to determine just how high they had gone. Under the top of her skirt and part of her shirt they rested, my hands not even on her ass anymore, but rubbing against her lower back again.

This only meant one thing.

It. Was. C!

"_Fuuuuck,_" I groaned, and quickly slid my hands back down to cup what I knew now was a completely naked ass. The only thing separating the Prince from penetrating the walls of Bella's kingdom were my jeans. I was half ready to call a lawyer and sue Rock and Republic for making my jeans with a crotch, because if they had just given P.E an opening I'd be pounding my way to heaven right now.

"I promise, baby," Bella began, bringing my attention back to the breasts all pushed up in my face. She slowly grinded her hips against my lap, "I'm gonna make you say my name tonight."

Her hand reached between us when she lifted up next, and she quickly, with seemingly no problem at all, unzipped my pants and had her hand around a stiff P.E in a second. She didn't give me a chance to even move before she slid herself down over my length.

Her breasts pushed into my face and I happily lost myself in their valley as I pushed my hips up into her and OH—

"Jesus-Fucking-Holy-Mother-Of-All-Things-Holy-Fuck!" I cussed, releasing hard...in my hand...to the sound of Justin Timberlake singing a smooth jam on my clock radio.

"FUCK!"

Wide awake now, I quickly realized that Bella's tight and wet pussy was just my fist, and the smoky bar was just my cozy, man-smelling bedroom. I squeezed my eyes closed tightly, willing Bella's image to come back. I slowly stroked P.E as he calmed down. That was one intense dream. And not the first one I had had of Bella.

I reached over to shut the radio off then sighed, dropping my arm limply back to the mattress. It was 6:00 p.m. Time to get up. I pulled myself out of bed, rubbed my eyes, scratched my fingers through my hair, and looked down.

"Thanks for the little wake up call, man," I muttered to my cock, which was hanging through the hole in my boxers. I adjusted myself so I could walk, and then padded my feet lazily over the wood floor toward the bathroom.

Standing at the bathroom door with my hand gripped around the brass knob, I paused, and then groaned in frustration, closing my eyes and dropping my forehead against the door.

The bad thing about having a roommate was sharing a bathroom. Though, some could say, in my case, it's a very good thing since I have a smoking hot roommate. Beyond the door, I could hear her muffled sounds of the shower going. _Rose._

I debated if I would be able to hold it, or if I should just piss in the kitchen sink. I remember the last time I did that; Rose was NOT happy. Hearing the downpour of water only aided in my need for urine release, and I began to hop from foot to foot, doing the official piss-dance.

"Fuck...Fuck...Fuck...Fuck..." I said through gritted teeth. "Oh fuck it." Finally resolved, I turned the knob and pushed the door open.

The bathroom was filled with steam, but not enough to keep me from seeing the outline of Rose through the glass shower door.

"That you, Edward?" she called out. _Who else would it be? Wow Rose, way to live up to your hair color._

"No. It's a serial killer that's come to kill you as soon as he takes a piss." I rolled my eyes, stumbling over to the toilet, and lifting the lid that the woman couldn't seem to remember to leave up.

"Ha. Ha. Funny." Her voice sounded clearer, and I looked at the mirror in front of me to see the reflection of Rose sticking her head out through the cracked open shower door. Her upper body was pressed against the glass and I could see the soapy outline of her smooshed breasts and hard nipples. She did that shit on purpose, I was sure of it.

"Aw, look who else is up." My eyes left her breasts and met her grin. Her own eyes averted down, looking suggestively at the Prince who was taking reign of the bathroom kingdom.

"Mother of—" I began, bringing my hand down to wrestle the Prince into waving his white flag so I could piss _in _the toilet instead of _on_ the wall. "Come on! Mother. Fucker," I grunted while maneuvring.

"Jesus, it's not a video game joystick. Ease up." My hand froze at Rose's words, wrapped solidly around my cock. I'd never referred to Prince E as a joystick before, but I guess it was.

"It won't go down, and I really need to pee," I explained as if I was talking to a two-year-old, looking over my shoulder to see at the real Rose as opposed to the reflected version.

"So you're what? Going to beat it to death? Strangle it? Rip it off?" I winced at the thought, and felt my length soften. I stroked it a few times in reassurance.

_I'd never rip you off, Prince. There, there, it's ok, boy._

I heard the shower door click closed again, and sighed loudly when I finally found my release. It was like one of those moments when you've been holding it for so long, and your eyes literally roll back into your head when you're finally able to piss. Pure bliss.

As I neared the end, I started to hum "The Anthem" by Good Charlotte, singing the lyrics to myself.

"Shake it once, that's fine. Shake it twice, that's ok. Shake it three times, you're playing with yourself—"

"Agaiiiiiiin!" Rose finished line of my official ending-of-urination song, and then shut the water off.

"Towel?" she asked.

With a hand still on his Highness, I reached over for her towel, and turned around to pass it over the top of the shower door.

While tucking P.E away, Rose stepped from the shower, her tiny towel wrapped around her body only serving to push her breasts up high. P.E began to stand up high too.

"Morning." She smiled pertly at me, then looked at my semi-tented boxers, "And 'Morning' to you too, Prince."

I stood there agape, frozen on the spot. Her impish grin only solidified her knowledge of my cock's name and I was instantly curious as to how she knew. She stepped past me, patting P.E as she moved. My hips jerked instinctively to the touch of a female, and I may have purred.

"Down, boy." Rose laughed. "If you hurry you'll be able to get about 5 minutes of hot water Oh and don't take forever. I want to blow dry my hair before we leave."

What did she think I was going to do? I had self control. I didn't have to jerk off every time I saw something remotely sexual. I mean, I didn't jerk off after every phone call I made at work, did I?

With one last smirk, Rose left the bathroom. The show was over, but the encore was about to start. I turned the water on, and after kicking my boxers off, I stepped under the lukewarm spray.

"Well, Prince? You ready for round 2?"

()()()()()()()

"Cullen! Hale!"

Our names were called, or shouted really, the second we walked through the door at work. We had been summoned by the short man with the God complex.

_Newton_.

I glared at him as he stood in his office door, leaning out to get our attention. I saw him falter in his confident, ego-ridden swagger, and for a millisecond he had a look of fear in his eyes. Then he straightened up, adjusted his tie—yes, the fucker wore a whole suit to work at a phone sex company—and disappeared into his office.

"I hate how he does that bullshit," Rose muttered as she tucked her bag and jacket under her desk. I tossed my own coat on top of my mineout of spite. We had been told to keep a clean cubicle at all times. I moved some papers and pens around too, just to add to my clutter masterpiece.

God I was childish.

"Better go face the angry man." Rose rolled her eyes.

"Wouldn't want him to turn green and hulk up," I snickered. The visual of Mike turning green with anger thrilled me to no end.

We stepped into his office and I made my annoyance known. I hadn't fully entered—just enough to be in the room and still lean against the doorframe.

"What is it Mike?" I cut to the chase. I had women to pleasure, goddammit.

"It's MISTER Newton, Cullen. Show some respect." He stood behind his desk and straightened papers into OCD-styled piles.

"Alright, _Mr. _Newton." _Eye roll_. This kid was the same age as me. Hell, we even graduated together from the same high school. He just happened to be my manager because his daddy owned the phone line. Whoop-de-fuckin-do.

"Well, maybe if you took notice in things other than yourself for once, you'd see that we have two new employees sitting right here." Mike lifted his brows and pinched his lips in what could have been an annoyed, stern and serious expression, but he looked more like a fish with one too many shots of botox.

I looked over to the chairs Mike gestured to.

A small girl sat on the edge of her seat, literally bouncing in place. She looked way too excited to be here. She was cute, in that little pixie adorable kind of way. Probably a mind-fuck in the sack. I frowned as I assessed—more like, undressed—her. She was petite and toned. I bet she was so tight.

My eyes closed and I let out a soft groan.

I was beginning to think Rose slipped Viagra into my coffee before we left the house. Before Prince E could stand at attention, I looked at the person sitting next to the petite power-fuck.

A dude.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God for that. He looked cool, casual, and totally at ease. He reclined back in his chair, and picked absently at the frayed hole at the knee of his jeans. This could go one of two ways.

One: he could be an awesome guy, and we'd get along great.

Two: he could be a total douche, and become my mortal enemy.

()()()()()()()

"What the fuck kind of name is _Jasper_?" I seethed to Rose while standing in the poor excuse for a break room. I had my superman cup up to my lips, my fingers soaking up the warmth of my coffee. The room was surrounded by windows, something I'm sure Newton did so he could keep his beady eyes on us at all times. Tonight, though, I was thankful for the clear view of _Jasper_.

I was shooting mental laser beams from my eyes with the glare I was giving him as he sat in his cubicle. Him, with his curly blonde hair that kept getting in his fucking eyes. He kept doing this hair flip thing that made half the girls in the call center swoon. I wanted to just cut that shit off. His hair _and_ his hands. The hair-flip-finger-comb action was all mine. _I _had the sex-hair.

When I heard I sigh, I snapped my eyes over to Rose.

"What?" I barked.

"What kind of name is _Edward?_" She asked with a single raised brow, a pompous smirk on her face.

"It's a...it's a fucking manly name. It's Old English. Totally reeks of authority and wealth. That's what kind of name it is." I smirked back, though I suddenly felt a little ill at ease with my uber-masculine family name.

"Eddie?" She cocked a grin.

"Rosie?" I retorted, but her grin didn't waver. _Eddie_. She had me there. "Fine. From now on I'm just Cullen. Got it?"

Rosalie saluted and laughed, "Sir, yes sir, Cullen, sir!" And damn if she didn't click her heels together when she stood at attention.

I huffed in annoyance as, yet again, _Jasper_ flipped his hair. He laughed, and Tanya literally tripped over her own feet as she walked past him.

"I can't believe _I_ have to show _him_ the ropes." I glared harder now, feeling a slight headache rising from between my eyes.

"At least you don't have Little Miss Never-shuts-the-fuck-up." It was Rose's turn to glare now, and I followed her line of sight to the petite power-fuck.

"Trade?" I asked with a grin.

She smirked, "Sure. I'd love to." Then she looked pointedly towards Newton, who was looking pointedly at us and pointing, literally, at our two charges. "Doesn't look like it's going to happen, though."

I groaned and downed the rest of my coffee quickly. One bright shining light at the end of this hell-fuck of a tunnel was seeing Bella, real life Bella, in just a few short hours.

()()()()()()()

"So, Edward, how did you end up working here?" Even his fucking voice sounded hot. _Shit_.

"First of all, _Jasper_, it's Cullen. Just, Cullen. Alright? Got it?" I snapped, not taking my eyes from the computer screen in front of me.

"Hey Man—"

"_Secondly_," I interrupted him, "how I came to work here is none of your business." I was suddenly interested in how _he_ came to work here. "Now, put your headset on. You're going to listen in on one of my calls before you try your own."

I waited until he was set up. He leaned forward, and I swear if he had a clean sheet of paper in front of him he would have been taking notes. _Amateur_.

I smirked and quickly connected to a call in my waiting list. I was going to show _Jasper_ exactly why I was one of the best here. I was going to pull out all the stops, and use my best material. I was going British.

"Hello, love. Thank you for calling 1-900-HRDCORE. My name is Robert. Do you mind me calling you 'love'?" I looked at Jasper who was almost amused by my polite tone.

"_Hey Robert. You can call me whatever you like."_ A giggling voice came through on the other end.

"I'm wearing something special for you, love. Can you guess what it is?" I looked around my desk frantically looking for British inspiration.

"_I don't know," _more giggles. She must have been a first timer. I sighed, and then spotted my saving grace. I picked the DVD up from the clutter and held it in front of me.

"I've got on my school robes. I'd love for you to help me take them off, love." I smirked. Fucking Harry Potter to the rescue.

The call continued at an extremely soft-core pace with promises from 'Love' to call again soon when it ended. I took off my headset and reclined back in my seat with my hands behind my head.

"All in a day's work." I kicked my feet onto my desk. Yeah, I was being a total cocky ass, but I was trying to intimidate _Jasper_ and make sure he knew his place...at the bottom of the fucking totem pole.

"You see, _Jasper_, what we do here is make sure we say the company name, 1-900-HRDCORE. Just in case they dialed the wrong number. You have no idea how often that happens." I grimaced, remembering a few sobering times someone called looking for a pizza place, only to get roped into phone sex, and then suing the company. Not saying it was me that received the call. Just saying I may have been around when it happened. "Sometimes, when you're more experienced like me, you'll be able to try new things. Like I did tonight with the British accent and 'Robert' persona."

"That seems pretty simple," he said with a smile and a shrug.

"Well. It's not," I snapped, sitting back up in my chair. "Give it a go if you think it's so _simple._" I put my head set back on and before I checked to see if he was ready, I connected his call.

"Uh...uh-erm..." I felt my grin grow at his awkward unease. He cleared his throat and I gestured for him to get on with it. "Hello Darlin, thanks for calling your boy Jackson at 1-900-HRDCORE. What can this cowboy call you?"

He grinned at me like he just successfully tied his shoe for the first time.

My grin dropped and I glared. He was good. _Too_ good. His put-on southern accent was even beginning to turn me on. He was a natural. Fucking _Jasper_. I quickly clicked the mouse and ended his call.

"Hello? Hello, darlin'? You there?" He tapped his head piece a few times before looking at me. "The call must have dropped."

I sighed heavily, putting a faux-comforting hand on his shoulder. "Sometimes, _Jasper_, the caller knows when the callee is trying too hard. Maybe you should just stick with the simple scripts before you try to fill the shoes of the veterans around here." I patted his shoulder a few times before I stood. "Time to clock out, anyway. Don't let first-day jitters get to you man. Just take the scripts home and practice. You'll get it down."

I quickly gathered my things feeling like a total asshole for what I did to him. But he was so fucking good and hell if I wasn't just a bit intimidated. I met Rose at the entrance and quickly ushered her out into the cold night air.

I needed a fucking diner fix. I had just met my mortal enemy.

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Thanks to everyone who checked this lil story of mine out. I can't believe the hits I got for CH 1 (even though not ever reader reviewed.. I wont hold it against you, I still have love for the shy ones).

Now, do me a favor and leave some love.. cause I'm certainly not shy and really love the attention.


	3. Chapter 3

**Does it even really need to be said?  
****Twilight.. Not mine.**

**This fic is rated M.  
Guaranteed to have horrid language and sexual thoughts/times in every chapter. **

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"And then she just starts bouncing up and down, working herself into what could only be described as a vag feeding frenzy. You know the ones we always see on Shark Week?" Rose paused, shaking her head before sighing. "She's like...this...this insane freak of nature, energizer bunny on crack!"

"She can't be that bad, Rose." I pulled my arms tighter to my body. It was fucking cold outside tonight, but the diner up ahead looked so warm and inviting. Rose stopped walking, and grabbed my arm as I moved passed her.

"Edward—" she began before I gave her a stern look. She was already forgetting. "Really?" she raised a brow that I nodded to. "Oh wow, you're fucking serious?" I nodded again. "Fuck, fine." I smiled. "_Cullen_," she paused, checking to make sure I approved; I did. "Alice is fucking insane."

"Maybe, but I still vote that she'd be fucking wild in the sack." I grinned, following Rose's lead and walking through the diner door.

"I swear to God if you bring that pixie stick home I'm moving out." She pushed past me and made her way to our booth.

"Yeah yeah," I chided, sliding in the booth across from her. We both picked up our menus at the same time, a practiced motion of synchronized nights. Instead of browsing the menu, my eyes peeped over the top searching for my dream girl.

"She's out back," Rose said without looking up. _How did she do that?_ "It's a gift." She shrugged and then decisively put the menu down on the table, crossing her arms over it.

"What?" I put my menu down slowly, careful not to make any sudden movements. I was in uncharted territory now. Rose was looking...concerned.

"You need to talk to her," she said simply.

If only it _was_ that simple.

"I talk...to her." I shrugged; a gesture to look cool, calm and collected. But it probably came off more as a twitch from someone uptight, and not at all relaxed.

"Stuttering over your order to her doesn't count."

"You never gave your definition of 'talk to her'." I acted like a child sometimes...or a lot of the time.

She rolled her eyes and looked down at the menu, browsing for God knows what. After a few minutes of silence, Rose pretending to read the menu and me watching her intently to the point of almost stalker freakishness, she finally sighed and looked at me again.

"I'm so tired of this Edward."

"Tired..." I frowned. What the fuck is she tired of? "You wanna go home?"

If she could look even more annoyed, she succeeded. "No. I'm tired of _you_."

Wait...what? She was tired of me? Did she want me to go? To leave her alone? To move out? What the fuck had I done? Ok, so hiding all the AA batteries in the house and taking the ones out of her vibrator might not have been my finest moment, but that shit was funny. Was she mad about that? Did she find out on one lonely night?

"Look Rose. I'm sorry alright? I'll go to the store first thing in the evening tomorrow and replace them all, ok?" I pleaded with her, even reaching a hand back over the table to her evil lair where I was sure she was going to do experiments on it. Maybe even replacing each digit with something sharp so I'd never forget who the boss was, even in my most intimate times.

"What? Replace what? What did you do?" I jerked my hand back quickly.

"Nothing." I smirked, brushing it off, and doing anything to evade further questioning.

"Edward…" she warned.

"Rosalie..." I quivered.

"What. Did. You. Do?" She punctuated each word and her blue eyes iced over with venom. _Shit._

"" I rushed my words out hoping she hadn't developed some super-sonic hearing.

"Ugh! I knew your childish immature brain would do something so...so...childish and immature!" I stifled a snort. She may have gotten the super-sonic hearing, but her vocabulary and talented wit had gone out the window.

She caught my smirk, which I'm guessing from the way the steam came from her ears only aided in pissing her off further.

"I'm not childish, Rose. Think what you want, but you do a hell of a lot worse shit to my shit. You think I like playing these games with you? I don't want to play with you. Rose...Rose? Sit down Rose...Rose? Where the...Shit!...Rose! Where the fuck are you going?" I watched in horror as she left our booth and stalked through the diner to the cash register. Once there, she dinged the bell with a look of accomplishment, calling Bella out from the back.

I stumbled from the booth, pushing chairs from other tables out of my path, tripping as I high-tailed it to the register. I slipped on God knows what, colliding with Rose's behind just as Bella walked out from the kitchen.

"UGH!"

"Ahh JESUS!"

"FUCK Edward!" Rose was bent over in front of me, her chest pressed to the counter top, with my hands holding her down. My crotch was pressed firmly into her ass, and I honestly had no idea how we ended up in such a position. Normally I wasn't so aggressively forceful. But, I kinda liked it. And from the feel of things, PE liked it too. I took advantage of our position to grind a little on Rose's pert ass before quickly pulling away.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Rose had turned around, her boobs heaving with her angry breath. Her eyes blazed and her face was red with fury. She totally felt that. I was so fucked.

"_MY_ problem? What's _MY_ problem? What the fuck is _your_ problem?" I really had no idea where I was going with this, but putting the blame on her in an effort to cover up PE's leap into the conversation seemed like the right thing to do.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about! It's always like this with you!" I had no fucking clue what the hell she was going on about.

"Oh yeah? Well it's always like this with you!" _Wow, nice one. Great retort_.

She shook her head sadly, and just gave me this look that I could only associate with one that an owner would give their dog right before they put them down.

"When are you just going to grow up? She's right there. She's been right there for the last three years only you've been too much of a pussy to do anything about it. And I get to hear all night long, 'Bella wore her hair differently tonight...I love that Bella doesn't wear makeup like that slut Tanya at work does...Did you see the way Bella looked at me when she handed me my plate?' Or better yet, how about the things you say when you're not even awake?" My eyes widened in horror. _She wouldn't._

"'Ohh Bella. Yeah baby. Right there. Fuck I love your ass. Let me introduce you to Prin—" I slammed my hand over her mouth, my chest heaving with frustrated rage. _So that's how she knew what I named my lil' buddy!_

"I...um...I'll be right back." Hearing Bella's voice cut through my anger-filled haze, I closed my eyes. _Shit. _She had heard all of that. I dropped my hand from Rose's mouth in defeat.

"No Bella, don't go." Sure, Rose would turn on the nice voice now. "Here..." She took a step forward, grabbing Bella's hand and tugging her around the counter to stand right in front of me. I looked down at her, and it was just like in my dream. Only this time I knew for certain that she was more innocent than coy. And definitely no horniness was to be found in her eyes. If I made it out of this evening alive, I was going to kill Rose.

"Bella? This is Edward. Edward? Bella." Rose pulled my hand, placing Bella's smaller one in my grasp. Then she rolled her eyes at me, and walked back to our booth.

I stood there with my hand holding the delicate one of my dream-diner-girl. My thumb rubbed the back of her hand in what I hoped was soothing circles. I was apparently wrong when she pulled her hand away, tucking both into the front pocket of her apron. I chanced a glance at her face to see if she was disgusted, but was happily relieved when the light blush on her cheeks gave her timid embarrassment away.

"You heard all that, huh?" I rubbed a hand nervously on the back of my neck, chuckling like a dumbass. She just nodded, a small smile on her lips.

"Rose can exaggerate a little." I shrugged, dropping my hand to my side. Bella didn't say a word. I was a sinking ship in her wavy ocean, and I was about to capsize.

"So, um..." I had to think quick before I disappeared and I had yet another moment lost with Bella. "I, uh..my name is Edward." I cursed the minute I re-introduced myself to her. "Fuck. Yeah, I already said that." _Stupid, stupid, stupid! _But it got her to giggle, which got me to smile because her giggle was...cute.

"And, I'm Bella." She smiled, her cheeks rosy, and it looked like she was waving at me from the pocket in her apron.

"Well...Bella," it felt so nice to say her name to her face, "would you, uh, well, the thing is..._fuck_. Um, I'd like to..."

"He's trying to ask you on a date!" Rose yelled across the diner from our booth. I cringed, turning to look at Rose and mouthed '_Thank you!'_ to her.

When I looked back at Bella she was frowning down at her shoes. I looked at her feet as well, trying to see whatever it was that made her frown. _Did I accidentally spill something on them? Did I step on her?_ Her shoes looked fine. _What the fuck was she looking at?_

"Bel—"

"I can't go out with you," she interrupted me, quickly lifting her gaze to meet mine. Now it was my turn to frown.

"I um...I don't really date," she explained. _Oh_. Well, that put a damper on my future with her.

"I see." I kept frowning, searching for a loophole in her sentence. _She did say she didn't _really_ date._

"But, um, thanks?" She started backing away, that small smile back on her face. I knew a dismissal when I saw one.

Dejected, I walked back to my booth and slid into my side. My frown now was directed to my menu.

"So, what time do you need the apartment to yourselves?" Rose asked, with what I imagined to be a huge shit-eating grin on her face.

"_My_-self_, _considering she turned me down." My thumb idly flicked the corner of the menu..._probably the way I'd flick Bella's nipple if she ever let me take her on a date and then see her naked. _But no, she turned me down. _No nipple flick-age for you, Bella_. I flicked the menu corner again, harder. _You would have liked it too._

"Oh man." I looked up and saw the same concerned expression on Rose's face from earlier. I just shrugged one shoulder; the effort of shrugging both didn't seem worth it. "Listen," she began, her frown getting deeper and her hand even reaching across the table to place over mine and stop my menu-slash-nipple-corner-flicking. "There's other fish in the sea, y'know? Other Bellas. Hell, I'm sure you could find another girl that looked like her with the same name. I mean, how common is the name 'Bella,' right?"

I was about to agree whole-heartedly with her when the diner door opened and in walked my nemesis, _Jasper. _He was all 'shits and giggles' with the petite-power-fuck. I glared at them as they walked to the front counter and rang the bell.

"What is it?" Rose turned, after taking note of my change in demeanor. "Ohh." And then she got comfortable, turning sideways so she could more easily look behind her. "They better be ordering take-out. There is no way I can play nice after the last few hours with Alice."

I could only grunt in response. The PPF squealed when Bella walked into view from the back kitchen, and Bella didn't even pause at the register. She came around the counter and engulfed Alice in a tight hug. PE whimpered, wishing he was engulfed in a Bella-squeeze, too.

"What the fuck?" Rose muttered.

I grunted again, my frown deepening until my eyes were mere slits. It looked like Alice was introducing Bella to Jasper. I watched the play-by-play unfold before my eyes. _Jasper_, in all his Southern gentlemanness actually had the audacity to take Bella's hand and disgrace it with a kiss from his lips. That fucking dude was going to get a karate-chop to the nuts the next time I saw him.

"What. The. FUCK?" Rose's voice was louder than her previous mutter, but this time I didn't have a breath in me to even grunt in response.

Before my very eyes, Bella grabbed her jacket and bag, and followed Alice and Jasper out of the diner.

What the fuck indeed? Did she like him? I mean, she did blush when he kissed her hand. Did she want to date him? Was she already dating him? Is that why she wouldn't date me?

Little did _Jasper_ know, but he just started a war to rival all wars. He had the nerve to come in here, like he owned the fucking place, and then take _my _girl? Oh, it was on now.

()()()()()()()

That morning I woke in a cold sweat. My legs were tangled in my sheets, and I was panting like I just ran a marathon. What had started out as another Bella-erotica-dream had taken a turn for Nightmare-Street. I took a moment to catch my breath before revisiting the fuck-fest-horror.

I was in a shiny red sports car; the top down, the sun-filled sky showering me and Bella in its warmth. I was driving down a country road, a contented smile on my lips, and my fingers combing through Bella's soft hair as she held her head over my lap. The Prince was enjoying his tongue lapping from his Princess. He was stretching to his full sprung length, about ready to explode, when she pulled back. She wiped her lips and giggled, hiding her smile behind her hand.

"Pull over." I looked at her quickly to make sure I heard her right. She nodded to me, her eyes twinkling as she dropped her hand from her lips. "I want you to come inside me."

The shiny red sports car, with its top down, had excellent traction as I made a sharp turn to the side of the road, slamming on the breaks and coming to a complete stop on the gravel shoulder. No one was around as far as the eye could see; all that surrounded us was farmland.

I turned off the engine, and quickly jerked my seat back to give her booty-room. Hopping over the middle consol didn't seem to be an issue for Bella who was quick to settle down over my lap. My pants came undone. Her skirt hitched up. And Prince E thrust his way home.

We groaned. We moaned. She gasped when I pinched her nipples. I hissed when she dug her nails into my shoulders. It was a hot, fast, furious bout of sexing. I wouldn't last in this hot-lava-Bella-volcano. I wanted to feel her erupt around me. I wanted her to scream my name. She was close, I could feel her gripping PE, and he liked it. I bit my lip, trying to hold on until she came first.

And then her gasp came heavier. I thought for a minute she had reached her climax, until I looked up to find her eyes focused on something else. I looked behind me and followed her gaze, groaning in a completely non-sexual way when I saw what she was looking at.

There on a horse, looking like a fucking moron, complete with cowboy boots and hat, sat Jasper. He even had a twig of grass hanging from his lips. He winked at Bella and her pussy instantly started clenching around me. As she massaged me with her wet walls of heaven, I felt the Prince surrender, going limp inside her.

_Fucking Jasper. _Not only did he make dream-Bella come on command, but he also fucking cock-blocked PE from his own comely times.

I couldn't wait to go to work and punch him in his fucking face.

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**The sexiest thing you could do right now would be to hit that lil review button and tell me your naughtiest fantasy.  
Do it.. you know you want to. **


	4. Chapter 4

**SM owns.  
****I do not.  
****I would never have made Edward such a pussy.**

**Before I even begin.. I need to apologize to you guys. You're fucking awesome with your reviews, Pms, 'follows', and I'm fucking fail with my updating. I honestly have a great excuse for being 'slow' this week. I had a friend in town who required touristy attention. Believe me I would have stayed locked in my room writing for you guys, but instead had to do the manly thing and go out '**_**drinkin and getting some bitches' **_**(his words, not mine). So, now he's gone, and here is your next chapter. **

**Btw.. Thanks for the replies and Pms telling me your naughty fantasies. Seriously. Made. My. Day/night. Some of you guys are kinky - I like it.**

**

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**

It had been exactly three days since I made the promise to myself that I was going to punch Cowboysper in the face. I'll be the first to admit that his newly found nickname was pitiful, but I was at the point that I didn't care. Even saying Jasper, while dripping his name with disdain, made my stomach churn. It churned, because I could picture Bella saying it. Over and over, while _he_ got to touch her.

I guess I could see his appeal.

He was _nice_. He was a _gentleman_. Big blue eyes. Tall and lean. Tan. And he had the softest blonde curls that I only knew were soft because I touched them once. That right there should have been enough for me to admit defeat. Even enough to question my sexuality. But, I brushed off my twitching-hands-curiosity as research. I had the inclination to know everything about this guy; mainly everything about him that got Bella's attention. The hair had to be part of it, and fuck me, if it didn't cascade through my fingers like the silkiest of silk.

I was half-tempted to ask him what conditioner he used. _Half_-tempted. Nowhere near _fully_.

Each day at work, he sat next to me while I 'trained' him, completely at ease, slouched in that 'cool guy' way. If I wasn't so pissed at him I'd probably want to be his friend. He wore tattered jeans each night, probably the same pair. I scoffed and rolled my eyes each time I saw him saunter down the row between cubicles to where I sat. It would only figure that he'd be dirty. But that was his only fault.

Even Rose had complimented his ass in those jeans.

I was half-tempted to ask him where he bought them. _Half,_ tempted.

It was finally Saturday. Which meant the next day was Sunday, and then the day after that was my day off. Saturday was our busiest night and I had plans for Cowboysper. Since I made my resolve to go to war with him, I had been doing little things to get under his skin. To make him have an outburst and publicly humiliate himself at work. Or better yet, start a fight with me and get himself fired.

After all, what girl wants to date a jobless guy? Certainly not my Bella.

But try as hard as I could, nothing seemed to faze the guy. I'd kick his chair out of the way just as he started to sit, and he'd somehow catch the chair with his foot and gracefully plop right down. I took the padded covered off of his headphones, and he channelled MacGyver and Martha Stewart's love-child and made covers that even looked so fucking awesome I almost asked him to make me some. _Almost_.

But now it was Saturday. I had plans for tonight. Tonight I was going to break him.

()()()()()()()

"Thank you for calling 1-900-HRDCORE, my name is Jasper, how can I be of service to you, tonight?"

"_Hey Jasper. Wow, what a sexy name. I know all kinds of ways you can servi—" __Click_.

"Hm, must've lost connection again." Jasper said, frowning at the computer and tapping the mic on his headset. He just turned half his lip into a lazy grin and shrugged. "Oh well, I'll just wait for the next one."

I frowned. "Yeah. Do that."

I sat back in my chair, after taking my hand off the mouse and re-crossing my arms over my chest. My knee bounced impatiently, and before long the phone rang in both our headsets. Jasper looked at me with a grin, his eyes lighting up like a fucking fat boy on Christmas morning who just unwrapped a massive chocolate cake from under the tree.

"Thanks for calling 1-900-HRDCORE, my name is Edward. What can I call you, love?" _CLICK_!

I turned to face him, a look of shocked hatred written clearly in every pore of my face. "What the FUCK was that?"

Cowboysper looked sheepish, a light red coating his cheeks. He fidgeted with that fucking hole in his jeans. "Um, I was trying something different." He chuckled.

"_EDWARD!_ Really? And what was with that stupid accent? Were you trying to be British?" Stupid was hardly the word to describe his British accent. The fucker was the god of accents. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that he _was_British. I bet he did accents for Bella all the time.

"Yeah, um, I was just doing what you said, y'know?"

"Yeah. Well. Don't." I turned away from him and busied my mind with new nicknames for him.

_Cocksper. Assholesper. Jerksper. Dickwardsper. Pussysper. Douchesper...Ohhh. I like that one._

I looked back at _Douchesper _with a smirk. My arms over my puffed out chest, a technique I knew made me look bigger. And bigger was always intimidating.

"Listen. Just stick to the basics. Maybe try to complete one call tonight without the girl hanging up on you before you tryany more accents."

He nodded, "Yeah man. You're right. Thanks." And then he smiled. A genuine smile. A friendly smile.

I let him actually connect to the next call, but just as I heard the woman's moans turn breathy, I clicked the mouse and ended the call...again.

He removed his headset in defeat. I almost felt bad for the guy. _Almost_. But I had no control of what my pointer finger was doing. If it wanted to click the mouse and end Jasper's calls, who was I to stop it? I fought hard against the grin that was slowly spreading across my face like the Jokers.

"Hey guys!" My wavering grin slid instantly, and the frown resumed position. It was _her_. Douchesper's sidekick; the Petite-Power-Fuck.

"Hey Alice!" Douche exclaimed. I swear to fucking God these were the two happiest people I had ever met. I could think of nothing that would make me that happy, except maybe strangling the both of them.

"So I was wondering if you maybe wanted to head to the diner again with me tonight." My eyes widened at the mention of my haven, and I began to listen intently to their chipper conversation.

"Will Bella be there?" Jasper asked. I couldn't stop my leg in time to keep my shoe from kicking The Douche in the shins._Oops_. My body doesn't seem to be listening to me at all tonight.

"Ouch man. What the hell?" He reached down to rub his leg. It was his first outburst of the night and I was a little unimpressed. He had been so mellow and easygoing with the dropped calls.

"Oh. Sorry Dou—Jasper." I got a raised brow from Douche, but then he went back to looking intently at the PPF.

"Of course Bella will be there," Alice answered as if nothing had happened.

"She's always there," I said softly, but not soft enough for the dynamic duo to ignore. I looked up at both of their quizzical stares. "What? I go there a lot, and she's the only waitress on at 3 a.m."

Alice just shrugged and ignored my explanation, but Douchesper lingered. His brow knitted as if he was trying to read my mind or something. _Read this asshole, 'You are a douche bag-jerkface-bella-stealer, and imma fuck you up if you touch her'. _I smirked at him and looked away from his stare. Not because I pussied out from the stare-down. But because I no longer cared, or at least was giving off the vibe of not caring.

"I'll be there." Douchsper sounded resolved; firm in his answer.

"Great! I'll see you when we get our break and we'll talk more. Bye!" And she even waved before literally skipping off. I followed her with my eyes, because let's face it, her tits bounced with every step she took.

"Do you have a problem with me?"

I was snapped out of my tit-gazing faze and brought back to the harsh reality of the Southern-shit-hole.

"What?" I snapped.

"Look man, I don't want any trouble here." Was this a showdown? I lifted a brow and cocked my head, trying to figure out if he was going for Clint Eastwood or John Wayne in this pathetic western flick I just stepped into. _Should I take ten paces back and get ready to draw?_ I didn't know the protocol for such lame shit as this.

But before I could sensor myself, I blurted. "Stay the fuck away from Bella."

"What?"

"You heard me, punk." Apparently I was Clint Eastwood. I had to stop myself from telling him to 'make my day'.

"You think that _I_ like Bella?" Douche paused, looking at me while I just nodded, then shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. And he laughed. He even slapped his hand up on my arm to steady himself as he doubled over. When he finally caught his breath, and I managed to pry his strong hand from my arm, he sat back up. "I'm just using her."

At his words - _just using her_ - I saw red. All I could hear were those words on repeat in my mind. Someone as beautiful and sweet and innocent as Bella was being _used_ but this guy. His gentleman-act was just that—an act. My breath came harsher with each realization. He was going to hurt her. He was using her for his own filthy pleasures and he was going to hurt her. Hurt Bella. MY Bella. I couldn't let it happen. She may not want me, but I wasn't about to let Douchesper have his way with her and break her heart.

Instantly I was clutching the collar of his button down shirt, boring my eyes into his mere inches away. "Stay the hell away from her." My grip tightened and my knuckles whitened. I was overjoyed when I saw his pupils shrink in fear. _That's right little Southern Man. You run. Run home to your mama and her home cooked apple pie._

I heard a throat clear and knew in an instant it was Rose from the cubicle next to us.

I pushed roughly with my clenched hand and released him. "You don't use Bella," I said softer, as I moved back from him with a look of disbelief. Bella chose this guy over me? I would have given her an actual relationship, and he just wanted to use her?

"You got it all wrong," Douchsper began, but I held a hand up to stop him.

"Save it." I shook my head at the sad situation, trying to stop myself from jumping on him and finishing what I started. "Just. Fuckin save it, man." I pushed back from the cubical desk and stood.

I nodded to Rose as I passed her cubicle, and she instantly got up to follow me, not even offering any explanation to Alice. Once in the somewhat isolated break room, I shut the door, and turned to face Rose.

"What the hell was that?" She was instantly in front of me.

"He's fucking using her, Rose." I looked away, unable to let her see me so defeated. But Rose wasn't having any of that. She grabbed my face and turned my attention back to her.

"What? Who?" How did she not get this?

I sighed, "_Jasper _told me he's just using Bella."

"What?" Rose shrieked, her nails digging into my cheek where she was yet to remove her hand from.

"Jesus Rose!" I jerked back from her grasp. "Fuckin' ease up. Shit." I rubbed my skin, feeling the indents left from her nails.

She dropped her hand, but kept the frown. Her eyes looking back to my cubicle. "He's not moving." She took a step closer to the glass. "He's really not moving. He looks really freaked out." She turned to face me, a look of bemusement on her face. "What did you do?"

"Absolutely nothing. Douchesper is just a pussy."

"Douchesper? That's got a nice ring to it." She stopped for a minute, "Wait. You had been calling him Cowboysper all week. Why the change?"

"I hate cowboys." I frowned. I _really_ hated them.

"Look. What he's doing to Bella, while it's completely not right and I honestly want to punch him in the balls—" her words were music to my ears. _Oh please punch him in the balls Rose. My sweet sweet Rose._ "Its Bella's choice to be with him."

"Yeah, well, doesn't make it right." Fuck her choice. She only chose him because she didn't know better. She was still under the impression that he was a great guy. Only, she didn't know how he really was because _no one had told her_.

An idea formulated in my head and I walked to the door, looking through the glass window at Newton's office to make sure he was out of sight—and he was. "I'm heading out early."

"Wait. Where are you going?"

"The diner." I turned the handle to the door, sticking my head out, double checking that the coast was clear.

"Just. Don't do anything stupid ok?"

"Yeah. Got it. I promise." The sigh I heard as I shut the door let me know that she didn't believe a word I just said.

()()()()()()()

It was just after 11 p.m. when I opened the door to the diner. I had to blink a few times to catch myself. Music played from a jukebox that was never in use when I was there. And the tables actually had other patrons seated in them. Bella would be busier than normal, but she'd have to make time to hear me out. Or I'd make her make time. Either way, time would be made.

Instead of sitting in my booth—which I couldn't have if I wanted to since it was occupied by a young couple making out all over _my_ side—I sat at the counter, right next to the register. There would be no way Bella could ignore me.

But she did.

For the next thirty minutes she didn't stop near me, or even walk by me. She was there all right. My eyes followed her as she walked from table to table; stopping and smiling at each customer. They all looked at her politely and placed their orders. She'd smile, and write the order down. But, the one thing I did realize after watching her, she didn't smile at them the way she smiled at me. I got the blush, the dipped head, the downcast eyes. I got the shy Bella. That had to mean something.

Eventually she made her way to the register. I knew she noticed me, but she avoided looking at me. She stood just mere inches from me, on the opposite side of the counter, looking intently at the screen as she typed. I couldn't take it.

I reached across and placed my hand on top of hers. She immediately flinched, and pulled her hand back. But, she looked up, if only for a second.

"Bella—" I began, going to place my hand on hers again.

"Edward, I can't talk right now." She didn't look at me, but did look over her shoulder back towards the kitchen. She bit her bottom lip, and tapped her foot in...frustration? Or nerves? I couldn't tell which, so I pulled my hand back.

I sighed. "Look, I know you don't like me, and don't want to date me, but I have to tell you something."

I waited for a reaction, a response of any kind. She looked up from under her lashes and released her lip. I took that as a sign to continue.

"You can't date him." When she frowned, I hurried to explain. "He's not right for you Bella. He's just _using_ you. He said so himself!" I felt myself start to get heated up again, and the fuel in my fire only got stronger when she looked away.

I stood up and moved in front of the register, and put both of my hands on top of hers. "How can you let yourself be with a guy like that?" I asked with a hint of disbelief in my tone.

"You're hurting me, Edward." I hadn't realized that I was gripping her hands so tightly. I instantly let go, but the way she said my name resonated like an echo in a cave. _God, I wish she'd keep saying my name, over and over, with a few moans thrown in for good measure._

"Sorry, baby...uh...Bella." I shook my head, clearing the moaning fantasy-Bella from my mind and refocused on my break-up-Bella-and-Jasper mission. "You're too good for someone like that. Someone that's just gonna use you."

I felt my frustration growing when her frown deepened. Was she seriously getting annoyed with me? I was only speaking the truth. She looked like she wanted to run from me. Like she wanted to be anywhere but near me. She held her hands close to her chest in a completely defensive way and as I reached back across to her, she literally took a step back.

_Jasper _was the one she should be getting mad at! _Jasper _was the one using her and planning on using her more. _Jasper _was the one that laughed about the situation. _Jasper _thought it was funny to hurt her! _I_ would never do that to her. _I _would never laugh at her, hurt her, use her. I slammed my fists down on the counter and damn near yelled, "I SHOULD BE YOUR BOYFRIEND!"

And then it was silent.

The hushed conversations at the tables stopped. The clattering of knives and forks stopped. Even the fucking music on the jukebox stopped.

I felt the eyes of the other customers on my back. I closed my own and dropped my head. What a fucking mess. I didn't even have the heart to look up and see Bella's face. I didn't want to see the look of hatred. When did I get so out of control? I didn't own her. She was free to date whoever she wanted. Even if it was Douchsper.

"HEY!"

My head jerked up quickly at the deep voice yelling from behind Bella, followed by heavy pounding footsteps belonged to a heavy-set bear of a man. A bear that was seriously pissed.

"What the hell is going on out here?" Man-Bear pushed Bella behind him and got right up in my face. Now he was a seriously pissed mama-bear protecting his adorable, sweet, innocent, cub from the big bad hunter. I looked up into his eyes, feeling as tiny as a fucking cockroach. This guy's neck was the size of my thigh, and the stacked muscles across his shoulders made me feel obsolete.

"Hey man, it's cool." I backed up, which I was soon to find was a really bad idea. I just gave Man-Bear some room to get even closer to me. He stepped forward. I stepped backwards. It was a little tango. But, I wasn't in a dancing mood.

"It's not _cool_," he said in a low voice, dripping with death. At least his breath was minty-fresh. I could probably even count all his fillings on all his sharpened teeth with the close proximity we were in.

"You were just leaving," he said. But I wasn't. I wasn't leaving until Bella understood what I was saying. I stopped the tango and planted my feet. She had to know. I couldn't leave now that I had her attention.

I jutted out my chin, "Not until I've said what I came to say."

Before I could blink, Man-Bear had his hands on me, and I was slung into the air. I came crashing down with a loud 'OOF' onto a block of concrete that knocked the wind out of me. It wasn't until the cold winter air hit me that I realized Man-Bear had carried me over his shoulder outside. He tossed me to the ground and I landed in a pathetic heap.

I knew I should have kept my mouth shut. I knew I should have just laid there and played dead, and kept my eyes closed. I had watched enough documentaries with Rose to know that that's what you're supposed to do when facing off with a bear. But, I couldn't.

Sometimes I really hated my big fucking mouth.

"That all you got?" I tried to make my words sound tough, but they came out in a wheezing, gasping mess. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, wincing against the pain in my side from where I had landed either on his shoulders or the ground—both were as hard as the other.

I got to my knees and crawled into a standing position. I lifted my head and looked at him.

"Oh no, little man, I've got a lot more where that came from." As he rolled up his sleeves and started taking steps towards me, I got a good look at him. He must have been a cook, the apron was a dead giveaway. As the inches of skin were revealed on his arms, I saw the twisting, rippling muscles that flexed to the point of popping. When I met his stare, beyond the amused-crazed-fighter look he had going on, I saw something familiar.

I found myself stepping forward, squinting in the dimmer outside light and looking curiously close to him. He stopped moving and looked equally curious at me. Then I figured it out. His eyes were _her_ eyes.

"I don't believe this," I muttered, no longer afraid of Man-Bear.

"What?"

"You're her brother." I looked heavenward. As if my night couldn't get any worse, I find out Bella has a massive brother who is hell-bent on kicking my ass. Then it came to me. Right from above. The answer to the break-up-Bella-and-Jasper dilemma.

"How much of what I said did you hear?" I was curious now, and my relaxed disposition seemed to confuse the man-bear and he dropped his arms to his sides.

"I heard yelling." He shrugged, "Anyone who yells at her needs to leave. I don't care about what was said."

I couldn't help the smile on my face. "Is that so?"

He frowned, "Yeah, I guess."

"You don't care that the reason I was yelling was because Bella…" I let my words trail off, I didn't want to blame her for any of this. I had to put the blame elsewhere. "Her boyfriend," I began, watching him carefully, and sure enough, his posture stiffened, "_Jasper_—that's his name." When his eyes widened slightly with what I knew was amusement, I added "Yeah I know, what kind of name is that?" I smirked then quickly continued, "Anyway, Jasper—I work with him—he told me, about 30minutes ago, that he was using Bella."

As the man-bear's eyes widened, and his nostrils flared with heavy breaths, I decided to not only dig Jasper's grave but help begin burying him. "Yeah_ using_ her. He said all this other stuff that I really don't want to repeat. It was bad, man, really bad." I began to turn, hoping he'd stop me. And he did. His huge paw of a hand grabbed my shoulder and he stepped back in front of my face. His head lowered until his eyes were right in front of me.

"Tell me everything he said."

Internally I did the most awesome happy dance. Externally I just nodded my head solemnly. "It's really bad, I don't know if I could repeat it."

His grip on my shoulder tightened. "Tell me. Now." His voice was gravelly in my ear and his hot breath bathed my face.

"He just wants to fuck her, over and over, in all these public places and film it, so he can put the videos on this site he runs. And then he wants her to pose for photos that he told me he's going to sell to magazines. And then after he fucks her - on the counter right by the register during dinner rush - he's going to publicly humiliate her and then kick her to the curb." I rushed out the words in a single breath, without even letting them register in my head before I said them. Maybe I didn't take the higher road and maybe I let my imagination run away. I just took a bit of liberty with it. But, for all I knew he _could_ have been planning all those things.

And wouldn't you know it, before I had a chance to even retract what I said, Man-Bear released my shoulder, effectively pushing me back down to the ground, and stormed back into the diner.

"BELLA!"

Even though pain was shooting through my body, and for some reason my face tingled with an icy sharp stinging sensation, I couldn't help but laugh.

Game. Set. Match. You lose, Jasper.

Then my laughter turned to whimpers. My face really fucking hurt. I brought a hand up to my cheek and touched something damp. I stroked my fingers from my cheekbone down and cringed when the wet area stung like a mother fucker. I quickly replayed back my fall, and realized that my face had hit the cement. And the wetness was probably my blood.

I brought my hand in front of me and looked down. The dark red stained my fingers, and though I knew it wasn't a deep cut and I wasn't going to bleed to death, I flared with anger. Somehow this was Jasper's fault too. Fucking Douchesper.

* * *

**Ok. All you Jasper lovers out there, don't hate me. There is a method to my and Edward's madness. Just hang out for the ride and I assure you things will work out. Tell me if you trust me in a comment**


	5. Chapter 5

**I am not Stephenie Meyer.  
****This is not the Twilight Saga.**

**I am Cullcati.  
****And this is Smooth Operator.**

**To all my new 'followers' who came from the read along on the 25th.. Thank you. And a big thanks to KASSIAH who loved this fic enough to organize the read along in the first place. Your Pimp-Stalker-tendencies are awesome! (follow Kassiah and CullCati.. Utterly shameless.)**

**I got myself a beta.. CAROSLICKLIPS. So a big thank you for the quick editing of CH 1-4 and this one. BD loves you baby. I'll be better about those things you hate. **

**Thanks for all the reviews, new favourites, new alerts, Pms.. I try to respond to everyone but after you all slammed my mail box I'm a little behind. But, I'm loving the attention, honestly. Keep it up, I know I do ;)**

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The sun was hitting me at the perfect angle as I drove. I knew instantly that I was dreaming, but I couldn't find it in me to fucking care; I loved driving the shiny red sports car. But more than that, I loved what Bella's lips were doing to P.E. Jesus that woman could suck -

"Pull over."

I grinned, pulling my fingers from where they had been buried in her hair; I was expecting her to say this. I veered to the shoulder of the car as she said her next predicted line.

"I want you to come inside me."

As soon as I put the car in park, and moved my seat back, she was on me. No matter how many times I dreamed it, I couldn't get over how great it felt. I knew it was really my fingers curled around my dick, but I let my imagination take me wherever Bella's pussy wanted to go.

As she slid down onto my length, sighing as the Prince filled her—and since it was my dream, he stretched her with his massive length and girth—I let myself think about how great it would be to _really _fuck her.

I ignored that annoying voice in the back of my mind—that even had a Southern accent—that told me I'd never get to fuck her since she was probably fucking Douchesper at this exact moment.

Her moans grew as she gripped my shoulders, bouncing up and down on PE with unabashed motions. I couldn't tear my eyes from her face; on the cusp of her impending orgasm.

But unlike last time, I was prepared. When she stilled, as I expected her to, I gripped her hips and lifted her off of me. There was no way I was going to let his wink set her off again.

She fell back into the passenger bucket-seat in a tangled sexy heap, giving me this outrageously hot pout that I almost couldn't ignore. After tucking PE back into my jeans, I hopped out of the car, foregoing the door.

My pants were still undone, but as I looked down to do them up, I grinned at my dream-like physique and decided to leave things as they were. Admittedly I wasn't as cut as I would have liked to be, but in this world? I had muscles on top of muscles, and as I walked with an air of James Dean towards the douche on the horse, I let him see how much better I looked than him. Consider me a peacock proudly showing off my feathers. Any form of intimidation worked for me.

When I reached the horse, I didn't waste any time. With a simple jerk, my hand pulled on the boot of one foot, easily bringing him to the ground. I looked down at him lying at my feet, his hat tipped off his head, and smirked when he began to beg. I decided to shut him up with a punch to the jaw. He was out cold. And I felt invincible.

This time it was _me _that looked at Bella. I winked and was happily rewarded with her throaty moans as her orgasm consumed her.

I woke easily, stretching with a lazy smirk on my face.

Best. Dream. Ever

I walked with a renewed swagger in my usual morning path. Bedroom. Bathroom. Kitchen. I found Rose eating a bowl of cereal at the island bar, her eyes intently glued to her phone. She didn't lift her eyes, but managed a half-assed, "Hey."

"Evenin', Rosie." I couldn't help the grin, I felt like _the shit _this morning. I opened the fridge, grabbing the eggs and bacon. I was going all out on my breakfast-dinner meal tonight.

"Rosie?" I stepped back from the fridge, peering around the door to look at her.

"What's wrong with Rosie?" I asked.

"What the fuck happened to your face?" I grinned broader, putting the egg carton and bacon pack on the island before shutting the door. I ignored the sharp pull of pain caused from stretching my raw cheek into the grin.

"I was attacked by a bear. Vicious fuckers." I winked, bending by the stove to find the pan.

"Edward, there's blood on your shirt!"

I looked down at my cotton Aerosmith band shirt. _Huh, interesting development_. I scratched at the dried blood on my collar with my finger before realizing it wasn't going to come off. Shrugging I went back to working on my dinner.

"You should see the other guy," I smirked. Then it occurred to me that she probably would like to see him. Man-Bear seemed right up her alley. Big. Massive. Pound for pound filled with Mr. Olympus-sized muscles. Complete meat-head. Definitely Rose's type.

Her phone long forgotten, Rose walked with a determined scowl to the sink, wetting a wash cloth before coming to stand next to me.

"Turn," she instructed, and with a heavy sigh, I turned to face her. If my bacon burned I was gonna be pissed.

"Jesus," she murmured, bringing the cloth to my face and dabbing lightly on my cut cheek. I hissed at the contact.

"Bacon," I cleared my throat, and frowned, "popped. On my arm. That's why I…" I trailed off, lifting a shoulder to explain whatever pussy-like sound I had made.

Judging by the raised brow, Rose didn't buy my story, but chose to ignore it. This time when she placed the cloth to my cheek I jumped. _Fuck that really hurt! How bad was I cut?_

"Fucking bacon." I gritted my teeth as the wound on my cheek re-opened copious amounts of pain, shooting across my face.

"You've got gravel in here," she said, leaning closer with squinted eyes.

"You say it like I put that shit in there on purpose." I backed away from her, grabbing her wrist as she went to bring the cloth back up.

"Let me clean it up."

"No." There was no fucking way in hell I was going to let that cloth of death touch my man-scrape again. That shit hurt.

"It'll get infected." Ok. Kind of gross, but still not enough for me to waver.

"I'll take an antibiotic."

"And in the meantime you'll have puss on the side of your face."

"Ugh. Fine. Fine!" I threw my hands in the air in defeat. "Just…Go put on that naughty nurse costume you wore last year for Halloween first, ok?"

With a roll of her eyes she gestured to the counter, "Not on your life. Now, hop up."

I jumped onto the counter, letting Rose lean in and dab gently to my cut. After each dab, followed by a hiss or wince from me, she blew on it. The crease between her brows as she worked did nothing to calm the pain.

"How's it look?" I asked in a soft, worried voice.

"I don't think you're going to make it."

I nodded, "That's what I thought."

She paused with her cleaning and looked away from my cheek to meet my eyes. "What did you do last night?"

"Any chance I'm going to be able to get out of this conversation?"

"Nope." She went back to my cheek, dabbing again. I chanced a glance down at the cloth in her hand, seeing it tinged a rusty brown.

"I went to the diner," I began. Rose made some humming 'Mmm' noise, like she was annoyed that I repeated something she already knew. "I told Bella. And when I left I saw a bear in the parking lot. Decided to test my fighting skills against him. Lost. And now here we are."

I cried out as the cloth in Rose's hand pressed hard to my face. "Fucking shit, ROSE!"

I hopped off the counter and pushed past her, quickly taking refuge on the other side of the island. "What the fuck!" I cupped my hand around my cheek, not daring my palm to make contact.

"Don't bullshit me, Cullen."

"That wasn't bullshit! THIS," I gestured wildly to my cheek, "inflicting more pain to my fucking face is bullshit!"

"So, a bear." She crossed her arms over her chest and gave me the Rose-look. "Really."

"Yes really. He was fucking huge! This dude could have easily passed as a bear!"

"What. Happened." The Rose-look turned into the Rose-glare.

"Look, I just went there to warn Bella about Jasper, ok? I might have yelled at her, and then Man-Bear threw my ass out. I landed on my _face _outside on the sidewalk. I'm fucking lucky to be alive. I'm contemplating suing for man-handling or some shit."

"You yelled at her?" Rose's arms dropped and her mouth hung open in disbelief.

"Sure. Of everything I just said you choose to focus on that. My face, Rose. I could have a concussion. I could have _died_," I huffed and sat down on the bar stool.

"I can't believe you yelled at her." She shook her head in further disbelief. "You'll be lucky if we're even allowed back in the diner after that."

"Yeah, well, I don't think I even want to go back," I mumbled, bringing my arms up on the island and stretching them out.

"Uh huh, sure," she chided.

"I'm serious, Rose." I looked up at her.

"Where are we going to eat after work, then?" If my calculations were right, and they usually weren't, Rose was getting worried. A frantic tapping sounded in my ears, no doubt keeping time with her racing pulse. I realized it was her foot tapping on the floor. This, I knew to be a nervous tick of hers.

"I dunno. Maybe we'll just come home and cook."

She scoffed, blowing her hair out of her face. "You don't know how to cook."

Now I was offended, "Yeah I do. I'm cooking right now."

The tapping stopped and Rose looked at me, a smirk on her face. "Your bacon's burnt."

I jumped off the stool and rounded the island quickly. Sure enough, the pan that should have had perfectly cooked strips of bacon in it had shriveled black pieces of meat drowning in their own oil.

"Fuck," I muttered, grabbing the handle and taking the pan to the sink. My shoulders sagged on a deep exaggerated breath. "Drive-thru?" I asked, before I turned to face her.

"Drive-thru," she agreed.

()()()()()()()

I sat at my desk, waiting for a call to come through; my balled up cheeseburger wrapper being used as a mini soccer ball that was tossed from side to side. I had even drawn field lines on my table, and made little goal posts out of plastic straws I grabbed with my take-out order.

Clearly we weren't really busy.

Douchesper hadn't shown up, and I was hoping he had caught the bubonic plague and had two more days left to live. _Spend them well, Douche. _Just not with Bella.

Newton had been keeping a close watch on me while he paced his office. As soon as I arrived for my shift I was called into his office for a 'meeting' where he gave me a 'warning' for bad behavior. Whenever Newton yelled at me he got this look in his eye that made me feel like he was going to tell me to bend over his desk so he could spank me. I swear, half the time he found random reasons to call me into his office just to eye-fuck me.

I shivered at the thought of 'Newton and 'fuck' in the same sentence. _Not with this piece of ass. _

A call came through on my headset and I lazily clicked the 'answer' button with my mouse.

"1-900-HRDCORE, this is…" I trailed off looking for inspiration, and then it hit me as my eyes met the red, angry face of my boss. "Mike," I finished smugly. This could be fun. Especially since I knew Newton monitored calls; usually mine.

"Hi Mike," the caller giggled, "I'm Carolina."

"My mother's name is Carolina." The laughing stopped, but if I wasn't careful mine would start.

"Uh..." The call was fading fast.

"It's ok, I think it's sexy." My shoulders shook with tamed laughter. I looked around the room for something to distract me. Locking eyes with Rose, I noticed a questioning look on her face. I just shook my head, knowing she'd ask me about it later.

"Oh. Um. Thanks?"

"I've been a bad boy, Carolina. Really, really bad." My voice had deepened.

"Mmm," she moaned softly. This girl could work for us with that sound. "I like bad boys."

"I need to be punished. Do you want to punish your bad boy?"

"Y-yes. I…I want to punish you, Mike." Her voice dropped an octave and was breathy with a whisper. Now we were getting somewhere.

"I think I need a spanking. Will you spank me, Carolina?" I leaned back in my chair and propped my feet up on my desk. This might take a while and I wanted to be comfortable.

"I've never done—" I rolled my eyes. This girl was a sexual dominatrix hiding behind an innocent façade.

"It's easy. I'm already bent over. You just spank me with your hand. I really like it hard."

"Ok. I can do that."

"Yeah, I bet you can, baby." I moved around in my seat, making sure the rustle of clothing sounded through the phone. "I'm ready for you. Give it to me."

"Um…spank?" I groaned, but not in pleasure. In complete annoyance_. Come on!_

"Harder, baby," I urged.

"Spank," she said a bit stronger.

"Ungh…yeah just like that. More."

"Spank!" _Yeah_! Now she was getting into it.

"More," I demanded.

"Spank! Spank! Spank!" she shouted through the phone, her breath coming fast. Carolina liked being bad. I wondered if Newton was paying attention. I glanced to his office to see, and sure enough, he was plugged into a call, looking over his shoulder towards me. _You like this Mike? Let's see how much you like me now_.

"Ugh. More, Mommy! More! Spank your little boy, Mommy!" I bit my knuckle to keep from laughing out loud as Mike jerked in his chair, flustering around enough to make himself fall out of it.

"SPANK! SPANK!" Carolina kept going and I couldn't help it. I played along too.

"Spank me, Mommy! I want you to spank me! Mikey's been such a bad boy!"

Soon I heard more moans than yells through the phone and, after a few shrieks, I knew she had finished.

"Oh my god," Carolina whispered.

"Me too, baby." I smirked, lowering my feet back to the floor.

"I-I never thought I'd like that." Her voice remained soft, her breaths shallow.

"You made me come so hard, _Mommy_." They liked to hear that. Every orgasm I had was supposed to be the best I'd ever had. I was supposed to come hard enough to shoot through a wall if I wanted.

I heard her moan at the nickname, and then giggle. "I like when you call me mommy."

I smiled and shook my head. Jesus. "I know. Hey, call me again and maybe _I'll _spank _you _next time."

"Ok…daddy."

I didn't answer, but instead clicked her over to the operator_. She'll be a return caller for sure. _I pulled off my headset and hung it around my neck. Leaning back in my chair, I raked my hands through my hair, and rubbed down my face. I was getting tired. Rubbing my eyes, I stretched back further, craning my neck so I could see to the cubicle next to me.

Douchesper had arrived when I was mid-call, and it looked like tonight Newton was letting him try his calls on his own. While this frustrated me—no one finished with their training that fast—I didn't let it get to me. He could be cocky all he wanted. He could think he was the best. But, let's see how he felt the next time he picked Bella up for a date and came face-to-face with Man-Bear.

"Come on now, don't tease a boy like that." I frowned upon hearing Jasper's 'Southern-Jackson' drawl. He chuckled, and I unplugged my headphones from my computer before I moved my chair an inch closer to his cubicle.

His voice was soft, "I'll make you feel good, darlin', trust me." I scooted another inch closer, my interest getting the better of me. He had this accent down.

"Just let me touch it, real gentle-like." _What the fuck was he touching?_

"See, darlin'? Don't that feel good?"—another inch towards him.

"I'm just gonna press on it a little...just like that." He chuckled lowly again, and I moved over another inch. "I can tell you like that, make that noise again. Yeah, that's the one."

I was almost next to him now, and with his back turned towards the other side, I had full access to his computer. The end call button was staring at me, just tempting me to hang up. But, my curiosity over what in the _hell _he was touching got the better of me.

I slowly lifted my headphones from around my neck and put them back over my ears. Then, with a stealth I didn't know I had, I plugged my headphones into the second jack of the computer, successfully giving me access to his phone call.

I heard the throaty moans of a woman severely enjoying herself. "More, Jackson. I want it, please."

"I'll go slow, I know this is your first time," Jasper drawled. I looked over to him and saw him shift in his seat.

"I'm wiggling my ass at you. I'm a little nervous, but do it. Please." Wow this chick was begging for it...whatever 'it' was. I was now more curious than ever.

"My finger is drippin' with lube. Don't be nervous, darlin'. I said I'd go slow." My eyes widened. He wasn't. He couldn't be...

"Mmm, darlin'..." he let out what I could only assume was a real solid moan. "Damnit you're tight back here." _Back here...where the fuck? _He shifted in his seat again.

"Ahh, Jackson. I need m-more. D-deeper. Please."

"I can't wait to have my dick in your ass, darlin'. You're so tight with just my finger." _Her ASS? _He was fucking a chick in the ass on his first solo night? This guy was a legend!

"I want it now. I'm ready." The girl was panting. Hell yes she was ready for more.

"You sure, darlin'? I don't wanna hurt you, I'm kind of big." I smirked. _Sure you are, Douche._

I didn't know how much more of this call I could calmly take, so I unhooked my headphone and waited for him to finish up. When he was finally done, he turned back to face his computer and connected the call through to the operator. He was bent over his desk, looking down to his lap, almost panting himself.

I couldn't help it. I started clapping, giving the motherfucker a well-deserved applause.

His head snapped up quickly, his eyes meeting mine, widening as he jumped up from his seat. The second he stood, I realized why he was panting…why he had a red face filled with panic. The dirty, torn jeans he wore that were usually loose-fitting seemed to have tightened…astronomically.

_Looks like our little cowboy's got himself a boner. _

_Rookie._

()()()()()()()

After witnessing the way Jasper handled that call on his own, I had to admit that I was a little deterred. But allowing himself to get turned on by the call? Probably the biggest mistake of his phone-sex career; and the only thing that made me realize I was still better than him. Add that to my epic call as 'Mike-the-mama's-boy-who-likes-to-be-spanked', and I was feeling pretty smug, easily making it through the next few calls. Before I knew it, I only had an hour left of my shift.

I was still chuckling when I answered my next call.

"1-900-HRDCORE, this is Eric."

"Cut the formalities." A higher pitched female voice came through the line.

"Sure, let's get right down to business then." I had had calls from demanding women like these before. Not my favorites, but I was able to do my job in the end. And that's all that mattered.

"Knock it off Edward." _The fuck…? I didn't use my real name did I? _I mentally ran through the conversation, pretty confident I had called myself Eric.

"I said my name is Eric. But if you want to call me Edward, then I'm fine with that."

"It's Alice," the voice hissed.

"Ok Alice. Call me Edward. How do you feel about fucking on pianos?" I asked, trying to get a handle on this call. There was always some kind of fetish with women. And with Alice wanting to call me Edward, maybe she'd like that whole 'Pretty Woman' fantasy. I had only seen that movie when Rose got to choose on roommate-bonding-movie-night. Watching it for a second time was purely for work research. Richard Gere is the man!

"No, Edward. It's Alice." I frowned; maybe I picked the wrong fantasy.

"Okay, Alice. Wanna join me in wonderland? How do you feel about twins?" _There wasn't an Edward in 'Alice In Wonderland' was there?_

I heard an annoyed growl of frustration "Look over here."

"Oh you want to play hide and seek? When I find you, you better be naked."

"Oh my God." She was that close already? Huh.

"Yeah baby, you like being hunted? I'm good at this game." Whatever worked, I guess.

"Just meet me in the break room." I frowned, looking at the screen in front of me as if it would give me all the answers I needed.

"Alice? Hello?" the call had ended and I took off my headset in confusion.

I felt a flick to the back of my head, and when I whirled around to see who did it, I saw the PPF walking past me, headed towards the break room. _PPF…Alice…Alice. Ohh_! It was all making sense now.

I got up and quickly followed behind her. When I entered the room, she quickly shut the door behind me.

"Wow you're incredibility dense, you know?" I chose to ignore her jab and crossed my arms over my chest, leaning back against the glass window.

"What do you want, Alice."

"I want to know what you said to Bella last night."

"You've got to be kidding me." Gauging by her stance and look in her eye, she wasn't. I sighed. "What does it matter to you, anyway?"

"It matters a lot. You really upset her, you know?"

I instantly felt bad. But why was she upset? Because I yelled at her? Or because she realized what her boyfriend was really like?

"Again, why do you care?"

"Even though we're cousins, I love Bella like a sister. We've been close for as long as I can remember. I just don't understand why you would do something like that to her." Well, this was news to me. That explained the hug they shared the other night.

"Look, if telling Bella what her boyfriend was doing to her makes me the bad guy, then fuck it. I'm the worst guy that ever lived."

PPF frowned now, "What do you mean, her boyfriend? Bella doesn't have a boyfriend."

"And here I thought you guys were close." It seemed I may have found the one thing that made happy-as-fuck PPF sad.

"Who is he?" Her frown deepened, her lips cast in a firm line.

"Jasper." I smirked. If I could get another person hating him, that would make my night.

"Jasper?" Her reaction wasn't what I expected; she laughed. She laughed hard. Just like Douchesper, she put a hand on my arm to steady herself. When did I become the funniest man alive? I shrugged her off.

"So, Jasper using your cousin is funny, huh?" PPF stopped laughing and straightened up.

"He's what? He said that?" I just nodded. "Did he say how?"

"You don't wanna know." I thought back to the story I told Man-Bear. Maybe…

"You're probably right. Let it be a surprise." She was bouncing now. What. The. Fuck.

"What do you mean? Don't you want to warn Bella?"

"Why would we do that?"

"Why? Because he's using her!" I was beginning to see red again.

"You're turning red. Breathe, Edward." I let out a shaky breath, unaware I had been holding it in. She smiled sweetly now, stepping towards me. "I like Jasper. And, I'm pretty sure he likes me."

I frowned, trying to make sense of what she said.

"If I'm right, and I usually am, he's getting Bella's help to ask me out." So that's how he was using Bella. Which could only mean—

"Bella's single," I breathed the words, trying not to let myself believe them, lest I made the wrong assumption.

But the PPF nodded, her smile growing into a grin.

"But…she said she didn't date…Oh." I looked down, defeated. She wouldn't date me.

"Bella has never had a boyfriend. She's really, really—annoyingly so—shy." I looked back up to the PPF with hope in my eyes. "Well that and her brother is really overprotective," she said as an afterthought. _Man-Bear! _

"But you like her, right?" I nodded in response. "Then help me get Jasper, and I'll help you get Bella."

My night was looking up again. The PPF just graduated from my list of 'People I Don't Like' to the list where I use her real name; Alice. It was a pity that I had the day off tomorrow. Operation "Become Douche's—Jasper's—Best Friend" was now in effect.


	6. Chapter 6

**In case you didn't know, because it came as a shock to me too, but I'm not Stephenie Meyer. I didn't write Twilight. **

**Thanks to CaroSlickLips for the fast beta'ing. **

**BIG shout out to my readers this week. Thank you helping SO break 100 reviews. Fucking awesome. BIGGER shout out to Jessy-Anne who was my 100th review. You guys seriously rock. And because of your mad reviewing, I give you CH6...**

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I lay in bed, my covers still perfectly covering me, and my hair, well, in its usual state of an organized-mess. I hadn't slept all morning since Rose and I got home. Instead, I went to my room under the guise that I was going to fall asleep. I watched the sky change from black to blue as the sun rose just outside my window. As tired as my body was, my mind raced, unable to calm enough for me to drift off.

I knew I was going to regret not sleeping, later.

With my hands behind my head, I studied the patterned white ceiling, and let the thoughts continue to run around freely in my head. _Bella was single_. As soon as Alice had confirmed that Jasper wasn't her boyfriend, last night, I went into devil-on-my-shoulder-an-angel-on-the-other turmoil.

The devil kept telling me that Bella just didn't want me. She was single but said she didn't really date, and she was such a nice girl that that was her way of letting me down easy. But the little bastard devil kept rubbing in my face that she would rather stay single than be with me. The whole 'it's not you it's me' thing wouldn't even apply here because, in this situation, it _was_ me. Bella didn't want me; or so the devil said.

But the angel, the beautiful fucking amazing angel—that I had decided to listen to instead of the devil—kept telling me that Bella liked me. I made her blush every night so that had to mean something. Women blushed when they were nervously turned on, right? The only reason she said she didn't date was because, well, she didn't date. After encountering her brother I could see how dating would be next to impossible. Talk about a fucking roadblock.

Perhaps, though, with Alice on my side I'd get past the Man-Bear and into Bella. I smiled at the very thought. Especially if Bella didn't date—ever—then I could imagine just how amazing she must feel. I squeezed my eyes shut, my tongue coming out to slowly lick across my bottom lip, teasing myself with images of Bella's heated cheeks and chest, caused by her blush. Only, in my thoughts, the pink tint to her perfect pale skin was for some other reason.

God I was a fucking pig.

I actually liked Bella. Yeah, I wanted to do her—a lot—but I wanted to do more than just fuck her—a lot. If I had any chance at all with dating her, I'd have to take it slow and invest in a fuck-ton of lube…for personal release. With the way my mind worked, I figured I'd probably have to have alone time at least once before I saw her each date. Unless I did it in the shower, I'd run the risk of chafing, and then when Bella and I _finally_ did get naked, she'd be so grossed out by my cock that nothing would happen.

No. I definitely needed more lube.

First things first, I had to get Alice and Jasper together. After all the time referring to them as the PPF and Douchesper, it felt weird to use their real names. I didn't see Douch…Jasper…anymore since his conversation that I listened in on. Either he went home early, or hung out in the bathroom. At least it gave me some time to figure out how I was going to play this.

Would I become Jasper's friend? His confidant? That had to be the way to get him to open up to me. I didn't know shit about Alice, except that she was hot, energetic, and according to Rose, talked non-stop. But maybe I could use that as an angle. If he liked her enough, he'd surely get jealous, maybe even angry like I did, if I talked about Alice in _that_ way. I'd swallow my pride if it was worth a try.

But for now, I decided not to let my warm, cozy bedtime go to waste. I closed my eyes again and brought my hand under the covers. The Prince woke slowly in my hand and I nodded to him to say hello. I could make this one last, today was my day off and I had nothing to do. For all I cared, I could have playtime with the Prince the whole day. Just me and my buddy…and the lube.

With that in mind, I reached to my bedside table and grabbed the bottle from the drawer. I attempted to flick the cap with my thumb but realized it still had its seal on it. _New bottle—nice! _Not wanting to stop the slow stroking movements with my other hand, I brought the bottle to my lips and opened the cap with my teeth. As if finding its fucking release, the lube spurted out of the bottle, coating my chin and mouth in its warm-to-the-touch water based slickness.

I groaned, gripping PE as I half sat up, causing the lube to trickle down my neck. Just what I fucking needed. Lubed-up sheets. Fucking perfect.

From habit I licked my lips and automatically cringed. Why I thought buying strawberry-flavored lube was a good idea was beyond me. _Jesus,_ _do women actually like this shit?_

I looked around for tissues, finding them on my dresser against the wall at the end of my bed. I didn't remember moving them from my easy-to-reach bedside table. The lube was starting its warming process all on my face and the strawberry flavor was making my skin tingle.

Not wanting to get out of my warm bed-cocoon, I just pulled my sheet up and wiped my face clean. But the damage was done. My fucking skin was burning, and my mouth felt tight.

I brought the lube bottle to my face, squinting while trying to figure out what the little bastard's problem was and why it was causing my face pain. I had never had an allergic reaction to any lube before. Then again, I had never bought flavored lube. My face felt raw and itchy as fuck, and PE was instantly forgotten. He shrunk back into his castle, admitting morning-wood defeat. I'd thank him properly, later, but for now, I had to deal with this lube bullshit.

I dropped the lube onto the bed, and sat up. Scrubbing my face with the bed sheet, I immediately regretted the action because it caused the burning to intensify. I jumped out of bed, running to my dresser, searching for anything that would soothe this irritation; anything liquid.

My hands frantically moved over the cluttered dresser-top. Loose change pushed aside, random articles of clothing I hadn't put away were thrown to the floor, and then finally my hand grasped around a bottle. I didn't look to see what it was, instead just opened the top and poured a generous amount onto my palm.

I couldn't get the smell of strawberry out of my senses and it was beginning to make me lightheaded and nauseated. _I fucking hated strawberries_.

With a palm full of cold liquid I doused my face, tilting my head back a bit to let the liquid drip down my chin. And then I screamed.

"WHAT THE MOTHER FUCK? JESUS!"

The burning in my face intensified further until I felt like my skin was going to bubble, melt off, and leave me looking like Harvy-Two-Face-Dent from Batman. Not a good fucking look.

I glanced at the bottle—whose liquid happened to be lava—and saw my Hugh Boss cologne bottle. No fucking wonder. Of course the alcohol in that would make my sensitive skin burn. The only thought in my head was that now I'd have a chemical burn. This felt like third-degree to me. I had to go to the hospital.

I jerked open my bedroom door and smacked face-first into Rose.

"Morning to you too," she said, but I didn't have time for this. I had to get to the ER.

"Move!" I pushed past her, hurrying to the kitchen to find my car keys. "Let's go. You're driving."

She followed me into the kitchen and had her ever-present smirk on her face.

"What?" I held my keys tightly in a clenched fist. My fucking face was going numb in pain. It was still throbbing but now I was starting to lose feeling in my lips.

"Well, for starters, you're in your boxers." She looked pointedly at my black batman boxers, then back to my face, when she frowned. "What the hell did you do to yourself now?"

She walked to where I stood by the front door and brought her hand to my face. I backed up until I was pressed against the door.

"Oh fuck no. Not this time." There was no way in hell I'd let her touch _this_.

"Honey." She smiled almost sadly and nodded.

"Don't use pet names with me, _sweetheart_. I'm not letting you doctor this one." If she thought she could butter me up with a fucking _honey_ she was sadly mistaken. It would take a fuck load more than that.

"No, _honey_," she said again, heavily emphasizing the pet name.

"Sorry, _baby_, I'm not budging." I crossed my arms over my chest, clenching my jaw and trying not to move my mouth. The few words I had said stretched my skin enough to start a fresh new wave of pain.

"You're a fucking idiot." She turned then, walking to the kitchen shaking her head. "You had some kind of allergic reaction, right?" She opened the cupboards looking for something.

"Mmhmm." With my clenched jaw, I didn't dare open my mouth to say actual words.

She walked back to me carrying a bottle of honey. _Honey_, _ohhhh_. Uncapping the bottle with ease, she squirted some on a finger and held it in front of my face askance.

I nodded in permission, and clenched my eyes closed in preparation for the pain I was sure would come. I felt her finger touch my chin and instantly jerked back. But the honey she had gotten onto my skin didn't burn. It actually stopped the burn. I sighed and sagged against the door.

"More," I groaned out.

Rose lifted the finger again, putting more honey on my chin and spreading it slightly.

I moaned. This felt so fucking good compared to that burn.

"More," I demanded again.

With a smirk and an eye-roll she repeated the action. "You really ought to live in a bubble, you know? And when I try to take care of you, don't fucking figh—"

I put a finger to her lips, "Shh…don't speak. Just cover me in honey."

I closed my eyes and let my head drop against the door. This was fucking heaven.

Sooner than I wanted, Rose stopped. The burning in my face had drastically gone down, and I was starting to feel my lips again. Though, I could only imagine the size that they were. _Girls liked big pouty lips, right?_

"Thank you," I murmured. Straightening up from the door and looking towards my bedroom, I adjusted PE. _Soon Prince. We'll have our happy times soon._ I lifted my foot to take a step back to my sanctuary when Rose put a hand on my chest.

"Your mother called." I stopped, groaned, and gave Rose the most pitiful look I could muster.

"You didn't agree—" I began.

"Yep. You have an hour to get yourself dressed. That's what I was coming to your room to tell you this morning." Her eyes twinkled, and I was pretty sure she knew exactly what I had been attempting before the 'incident'.

"I don't want to fucking go."

"Too bad, honey-boy. You're going. I don't know why we have to have this little battle every Sunday." She walked away from me, and it wasn't until I really looked at her that I realized she was already dressed and ready. Knee-length, pale yellow skirt. Some kind of white, lacy tank top under a matching pale yellow jacket. Even her shoes were pale yellow. She looked like a sexy canary.

"Make sure you shower all that shit off your face." She paused before fully entering the kitchen. "Oh, and strawberry? Really, Edward? Do girls really like that shit?"

"You tell me," I murmured before heading to my room. She always knew far more than what she should.

When I got to my room I hesitantly picked up the bottle of lube with two fingers. Then I tossed that motherfucker in the trash. First stop after lunch with mom would be the closest drug store. _Guess it's shower-jerking this morning._

()()()()()()()

"Just breathe, Edward."

"I don't think I can do this."

"Breathe in. And out."

"I…" _inhale_, "I really can't do this. I want to go home." _Exhale_.

"We're not going home. We do this every week. Now buck the fuck up and get in there."

And with a smack to my ass, Rose successfully forced me into another 'luncheon' with my mother at the country club. Yes, it was our weekly mother-son-roommate time. But I hated…no, loathed this day. It usually began with barely any sleep. Waking up at 9 a.m. on a Sunday after going to bed at 4.a.m. isn't my idea of a fun start to my day off. Then add my traumatic event with the lube, and I was officially having the worst day ever.

While in the shower, Rose had laid out my outfit on my bed. I flat out refused the button-down shirt with pale yellow tie. No fucking way was I going to match Rose in taking over the world, one canary at a time. I pulled on the light grey dress pants then topped it off with my semi-clean Aerosmith shirt, from the other day, and the matching grey jacket. While standing in front of the mirror on the back of my bedroom door, I thought I looked pretty good.

Now standing in the banquet room at the country club, I felt like I needed to go home and get that canary and tie it around my neck. And the disapproving look from my mother's pursed lips said that she agreed with me.

"Edward, really?" She stood as Rose and I approached her table. I cringed, hoping she hadn't been waiting long. She _hated _to be kept waiting. "Good morning, Rosalie." She smiled, stilling her bitter assessment of me for a moment to greet Rose with a kiss to each cheek. "Darling, why do you disgrace yourself with such attire?" _and back to me._

"Morning, Mom." I kissed her cheek, ignoring her jab at my clothes, and took the seat across from her. Rose sat between us.

"I've ordered already," Mom said with disdain dripping all over her words. Though, for all she knew, it could have been Rose that made us late. She was looking down her nose at me.

"We're sorry to have kept you waiting, Esme," Rose spoke, ever the picture of perfection while around my parents.

"No matter, I'm sure you have a good excuse." She lifted a brow at Rose now, clearly waiting for an explanation.

Thankfully, our appetizers were brought at that very minute and our attention was diverted. _Saved by…what the fuck is on my plate?_ I picked up my fork, jabbing the spherical, jello-like thing.

"Jesus, Mom, what the hell…?" I couldn't censor my words before they left my mouth.

"Edward!" she snapped in that whispered harsh tone only mothers could do.

"I'm sorry, it's just…what exactly _is_ this?" I stabbed one jello-thing with my fork and held it up.

"It's escargot. Either eat it, or put it down."

I chose to put it down, and waited for our main course; which turned out to be salmon. Now _this_ I could eat.

About halfway through my fillet she brought it up. I had been waiting the entire meal for our weekly topic of conversation, and without fail, it was broached. Mom put her knife and fork down, picked the cloth napkin from her lap, and dabbed the corners of her mouth.

"So, Edward, Rosalie," she began, as she always did. I took a big bite of fish and chewed as slowly as possible. "When are you two going to settle down?"

Rose took this opportunity to drink some water. The girl must have been parched; she nearly downed the whole glass before putting it down. I, on the other hand, had finished my bite and swallowed heavily. _Fuck, I was up._

I cleared my throat, "Mom, Rose and I are just friends. We've been over this. We're roommates."

Her brow rose in a perfect arch, "That's not what the lipstick on the collar of your shirt says."

_Lipstick? What fucking lipstick?_

I looked down at my shirt, tugging the collar from my neck to see what the hell she was talking about. I didn't see any lipstick, all I saw was…

"It's just blood." I dropped my shirt back and took another bite of salmon.

"Blood?" she shrieked, her voice echoing around me like I was eating my lunch in the middle of a canyon. I ducked my head as our table got unwanted attention from the other luncheon mothers in the room. Mom leaned across the table, grasping my shirt to take a closer look at the stain. I pulled back from her and patted my shirt back, smoothing out the newer wrinkles she had added with her grip.

"Edward, you will tell me what happened." I snuck a glance at Rose, quickly, looking for a bailout. When she diverted her gaze, I knew I was on my own.

I sighed and leaned back in my chair, taking my napkin from my lap and placing it on the table. I looked around the room, noting all the wry glances we got as everyone went back to their meals. How would I explain this to Mom? Since I had been so good at stretching the truth in the past—in particular about my current occupation—I thought it wouldn't hurt to kill two birds with one stone.

"I was defending my girlfriend." There. That should stop the talks of hooking me up with Rose.

Mom looked at Rose who held her hands up. "Not me." I rolled my eyes.

"Maybe you didn't stop to think that I could get a girlfriend?" I asked with probably a little more attitude in my voice than originally intended.

"I'm sorry, honey," I bit my lip and whimpered at the term of endearment. I fucking loved honey now. "It's just that, I always assumed…" she trailed off, but I knew what she always assumed. Her smile was softer now, and she reached a hand over the table to rest on top of mine. "Tell me what happened," she said in a nicer tone.

"My, uh, girlfriend…" I paused, and really shouldn't have.

"What's her name?" Mom asked.

'_Lie'_ the devil on my shoulder said.

"Bella." I barely got the word out.

"And where does she work?"

'_Lie'_ the devil said again.

"She works with food." I frowned. _'Lie better'_ the devil promoted. "She um, she works in a diner."

"That's lovely, now continue. Don't think I didn't notice the bruise on your cheek, either." She eyed me, no doubt trying to figure out the reason behind the red, rash-like skin around my chin, too.

"Well, I went to meet her at work, y'know, to pick her up and take her home…like a good boyfriend." Rose snorted, and I kicked her—gently—in the leg. "And there was some guy hassling her. So I just, like I said, defended her." I shrugged, trying to down-play the hero act. "It was no big deal."

I took a drink of water and looked at my mom. Her eyes were brimming with…tears? _What the fuck?_

"Oh, Edward," she squeezed my hand. "I'm just…" she sniffled. "I'm so happy for you."

_Jesus, did she never think I'd get a girlfriend_? Well, I guess I didn't really give her reason to think I'd have one. I had never told her about one, or brought any to our lunches before.

"You know, your father thinks you're _gay_." She whispered the word 'gay' like saying it out loud made it true. "I had my doubts, though. You're not a very good dresser." She had picked up her cutlery again and was cutting bite-sized pieces of salmon to eat.

Rose and I followed suit, relaxing now that that part of the meal was over. And then she dropped another bomb. It wasn't a question. Or a request. It was a demand laced with her smile of approval.

"Bring her to lunch next week."

()()()()()()()

"You just sat there."

"I did."

"You let me say all that shit."

"I did."

"Pass the bowl."

I took a handful of from the bowl that had been occupying Rose's lap for most of the movie that we had hardly been watching. It was my pick tonight, and tonight, _we dined in hell_. '300' baby, gotta love that movie.

"You could have said _something_," I said, my eyes glued to the action on the screen. And by action, I mean the virgin in the sheer white material floating tits-out on the screen.

"Like what? What could I have told Esme to get you out of that?" She reached over, taking the bowl back.

"I don't know. You could have said anything. Say you're pregnant, for all I care." I took the bowl back, spilling a few kernels in the process.

"Fucking hell, Edward. Egyptian cotton sheets." She gestured to the grease spot on her bed sheets left from my overly-buttered popcorn pieces.

"Sorry." I picked the pieces up, tossing them back into the bowl. "All I'm saying is, you literally took my foot and shoved it down my throat."

"You did that all on your own." She shook her head, putting the bowl on her bedside table. "I can't believe you actually said Bella was your girlfriend."

"Well…" I began, reaching over her and taking the bowl back, glaring at her before getting comfortable against the pillows piled in front of her headboard. "I was doing you a favor."

"Oh, really?" she asked, watching me skeptically while I shoved more popcorn in my mouth; more than I probably should have, but I did it out of spite. _That'll teach her for taking away the greasiness when I wasn't done._

"Yesh welry." I swallowed, brushing off the few popcorn pieces that landed on my slumped torso.

"Fucking hell 'Ward." Rose snatched the bowl from me and angrily put it back on her bedside table. "From now on, roommate movie night is in _your _bed."

"You hate my bed."

"I do."

"You hate my room."

"Uh huh."

"Actually, I can't even remember the last time you physically came in my room."

There was a pause, and when I looked at her to see why she didn't respond I realized she had moved closer to me, her face merely inches from mine. Her eyes met mine, and I squinted, trying to figure out her game. She leaned over, successfully blocking my view of the TV, had I been watching. She placed her palm on the mattress next to my body, leaning down so her breasts brushed against my hands that were resting on my stomach. The crease between my eyes deepened as she leaned down further, her hair falling over her shoulders and brushing against my face. Her lips touched my ear and her hot whispered breath sent a chill down my body.

"Baby, I've never _come _in your room." She spoke softly and deeply, and I instantly recognized it as the seductress voice she used at work. The Prince began to rise and pay his respects to the queen of phone-sex.

"That…uh. That can be arranged," I managed to get out. My hands twitched to just reach up and cup her breasts.

I felt her lips curl into a smirk, "I've never had a dry-spell that's lasted long enough for me to even _think_ of using you in that way." She pulled back slowly, and when she lifted her hand from the bed, I quickly grasped her wrist, stilling her.

"You're in a dry-spell right now." She looked at me, her lips parting in what I was going to go ahead and assume was desire; even though it more than likely wasn't.

"So are you." _Was she challenging me? _

We had never, _ever _had a sexual relationship. We'd only ever kissed on the cheeks; even under the mistletoe my mother liked to put above every doorway in her house at Christmas-time. Sure, Rose and I had fallen asleep in the same bed, but even then, while unconscious, we hadn't touched. I'd never woken with her laying on me or me spooning her. We repelled each other even in sleep.

That's not to say that I didn't fantasize about her naked. Rose was fucking hot—no doubt about it—but whenever I used my 'Rose material' for my alone time, I felt like a dirty bastard afterwards. But now? Right now, in her bed, feeling all cozy and…fuck it…horny? Could I give in?

Rose licked her lips. My eyes followed her tongue's movement with great interest. I looked into her eyes again, and saw them clouded with confusion. She frowned.

"Maybe…" She seemed to be warring with herself. "I want to try something. Don't move." I nodded slightly, and watched as she leaned closer, her lips barely brushing against mine.

I swallowed before parting my lips and waiting for her next move. She seemed to relax against me as her lips came back to mine, this time pressing firmer. I lifted a hand to snake around her neck pulling her closer to me; her lips parted to deepen the kiss.

Then something happened when her tongue touched mine.

I don't know if it was all the popcorn, or the tenderness of my face in general, but I felt sick to my stomach. This was _Rose_. My fucking sister-roommate-best-friend-Rose. I pulled back, using my hand around her neck to push her away at the same time.

Our eyes were both wide, our lips both parted, and our chests both heaving with ragged breaths.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked, dropping my hand from her.

"That was fucking weird…right?" she replied, her tone laced with uncertainty. I nodded slowly.

"Uh, yeah. Really fucking weird."

"I feel like I'm going to vomit." She brought a hand to her lips.

"Oh come on. That's a bit dramatic, don't you think?" Now I was just offended. I mean, the kiss was awkward and weird and gross and just all around wrong…but vomit? Really?

"That wasn't right." Rose moved back from me, shaking her head and wiping her lips with her hand.

"Nope." I sat where I was, an almost stunned expression on my face. _I can't believe we kissed. _

"Let's never speak of this again."

"Already forgotten." We sat in silence, the kiss and the movie both forgotten. I was lost in my thoughts and I'm sure Rose was too. It was silent, save for the epic battle going on just a few feet away on the flat screen, when a voice rang out from my pocket.

"_Let me set the mood right. 'Cause I'm gon make you feel alright. I'm gon set the mood right. Then you'll say my name tonight." _

I dug my vibrating, singing cell phone from my jean pocket. Rose finally turned to look at me.

"Justin Timberlake?" Her lips twitched.

"This song does things to me." I cleared my throat, adjusting in my seat.

I frowned, not recognizing the caller ID. I hit 'Send' and brought the phone to my ear, "Hello?"

"Edward, its Alice."

_What. The. Fuck? How did the PPF get my number? _

As if reading my mind she answered, "You're in the work directory." _I am? "_You are." I pulled the phone from ear and looked at it, as if it would be able to help me figure out what the hell was going on.

"Who is it?" Rose mouthed to me.

"PPF," I mouthed back.

"What?" she shriek-whispered. I ignored her and brought the phone back to my ear.

"What do you want, Alice?" I stood from the bed when Rose attempted the grab the phone from me—to hang up on PPF, I'm sure. I walked away from the edge of the bed, out of her reach, and frowned at her. "Fucking stop," I whispered to her.

"You're in," Alice said simply.

"I'm in what?" I asked.

"With Bella. I set up a little group thing for after work tomorrow. You're welcome." My eyes widened and I couldn't stop the smile. Somehow the PPF got Bella to go out with me. _How do you like that, Lil' Devil? Turns out the Angel was right—Bella likes me._

"Just make sure Jasper comes too," PPF said.

"Not a problem at all." We ended the call and I gripped my phone while sporting the biggest grin, pulling my still sore skin around my chin and cheeks; but I couldn't fucking care at that moment. I had a group-date thing with Bella tomorrow night!

All I had to do now was get Jasper there. How the _fuck_ was I going to do that?


	7. Chapter 7

**Im not her. This isn't that.  
Don't ask. Don't sue.**

**Some new thanks are in order for the PIMPs of the week… **_**Ms Kassiah**_** and **_**Ms KiyaRaven.**_** Thanks to the hard work getting SO out to the masses ladies. And thanks to everyone who has come to check this fic out because they were rec'd by one of them.  
Let's see… this week my phone has been blowing up with email alerts for SO. Reviews, fave'd stories/author (to those who fave'd me, you fucking own), author/story alerts and PMs. I keep my phone in my back pocket, usually on vibrate, so you can just let your dirty heads think on the interesting experiences I had. I honestly can't wrap my hand around my head with the amount of hits SO has been getting. Unreal.  
For the professions of love and proposals I've also received? Wow ladies. Take a number, you'll all get a turn with Cully.  
Thanks to my Beta, CaroSlickLips, for editing this serious bad boy even though you were on your death bed sick as fuck. Please note, the Sound of Music reference came from her. Never seen it. Never want to.**

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Things were…awkward.

I stood in front of the fridge, the door propped open by my body, drinking some orange juice from the carton. My eyes were keen on the hallway, waiting for Rose to appear. I brought the carton down and wiped my mouth and chin with the back of my hand. _She couldn't avoid me all day_.

She had woken before me—which wasn't a rarity—and instead of hanging out while I got ready in the bathroom, she darted out quickly with her towel wrapped around her. I missed our bathroom banter while she showered and I took a leak. I missed her teasing the Prince about his morning issues, and her fingers trying to further mess up my hair while I tried to style it just right. My morning felt off without a little snarky Rose to start my day.

I couldn't figure out what her deal was. Yeah, we kissed. But we both agreed that it was fucking weird, and the subject dropped. We finished '300' just like every other movie night. We fell asleep together, just like every other movie night. I couldn't figure out her change in demeanor.

I heard her distinct footsteps as she neared the kitchen, and with my eyes still on the hallway, I blindly placed the carton of juice back into the fridge. I stepped towards the kitchen island, the fridge door finally closing.

"'Sup, Rose?" I leaned over the island, my arms resting on the counter top.

"Oh um, hey, Edward," she said without interest in her voice. Then she didn't meet my eyes and actually went out of her way to side step around me to get to the fridge. I turned around and leaned my back against the island while I watched her dig around the fridge.

_Yep, she was definitely ignoring me. _

I had to do something to get a reaction from her. As she bent down to retrieve something off the bottom shelf, my wonderful mind conjured up something perfect. It always had the guaranteed effect on Rose. She'd play along, and we'd tease each other before the insults came. Then we'd be back to normal.

I moved to stand behind her, my hands coming up to cup her ass through her jeans. Her body jumped and she stood up straight. I leaned my body closer, my lips by her ear, and spoke in a low husky voice that always made my calls at work reach their peak.

"You wore these jeans just for me didn't you, Rose?" I heard her sharp intake of breath, and I chuckled lowly. Any second now and she'd be playing along. I squeezed her ass, "You know what this does to me."

And then I waited. And waited. And waited. _Come on Rose! Say something. Grind against the Prince. Tease me! Make fun of me._

But she didn't. She just stood there, frozen in her place while her breathing became shallow. I squeezed her ass again, just in case she missed it the first time.

"Rose?" I squeezed again. "Your ass?" _Squeeze_. "It drives the Prince crazy?" I asked, more than stated. _Why wasn't she playing along?_

"Stop it, Edward," she said lowly, and I grinned. _Here it comes_. I kept my hands in place just waiting for her to do something.

"Remove your hands, please," she said lowly again, and my grin hurt as it spread further.

"And put them where, baby?" I spoke in my sex-work-voice again.

I felt her shiver against my body, and then she stepped away from me, effectively removing my hands from her ass. She side-stepped around me again, grabbing a glass from the cupboard, and poured some juice in it.

"Rose?" I eyed her—something was up. "Where should I put my hands?" I prompted. I needed her to play along. I needed our relationship to not be fucked up from that kiss last night. I needed my best friend back.

"Alice called your cell this afternoon," she said, taking a sip from her juice, her eyes still averted from mine. I frowned. I didn't remember hearing it ring. "I answered it before it woke you up." I nodded, and leaned back against the island.

"She told me to let you know that your _group-date_ is going to be before work at the diner. And that she already invited Jasper." She frowned as she finished her juice, then put the glass in the sink. "I'll see you at work."

She grabbed her bag off the island and walked out the front door. I stood in the kitchen, stunned. _What the fuck just happened?_

Was it the group-date? That couldn't be it. Rose _wanted_ me to get with Bella. A group-date was progress. She'd encourage that.

Was it because the date was with Alice and Jasper? Oh…Maybe it was because she had to talk to Alice on the phone right when she woke up. There was no other explanation for how she was acting this morning. That girl hated Alice. I shrugged, figuring that that's what was wrong, and pushed off the Island.

Time to get ready for my date.

()()()()()()()

About thirty minutes later I walked into the diner.

Faded jeans, ripped in all the right places? Check. Blue and green button-down flannel, wrinkled for that relaxed look? Check. Hair styled like I was just severely fucked and dragged out of bed? Check.

I walked with a swagger, knowing and feeling like I was the shit. I had this group-date in the bag. I'd get to talk to Bella, and with Alice as my wing-man, I couldn't fail.

Across the diner, seated in a booth, were my dinner companions. I grinned cockily—they were in _my_ booth, and Bella just so happened to be on _my_ side. Even though Alice was sitting next to her, I couldn't help but let myself think that Bella wanted to sit there because she _knew_ that's where I always sat.

I kept the grin on my face as I slid into the booth next to Jasper. I was a little annoyed that he sat across from Bella, meaning I was across from Alice, but I could make it work.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late." I looked at Bella, and noticed a light blush on her cheeks when our eyes met.

Alice spoke up, "It's okay. We were just talking about the latest action movie that came out."

"Oh yeah? Which one?" I instantly got excited. I was an action man. I knew that there were a few out but hadn't managed to drag Rose to see any yet, and if I went alone, I knew I'd cop shit for it.

"That one with the water and fire. I can never remember what it's called." Jasper turned slightly to face me.

"The Last Air Bender?" I asked, knowing exactly what movie we were talking about now.

"Something like that." He frowned slightly and looked to Bella who just shrugged and smiled a little.

"You haven't seen it?" I was honestly surprised. A big action flick like that, I was sure he'd have seen it—unless action movies weren't his style. _Pussy_.

He shook his head 'no', and Alice's grin grew. "I'll go with you. I've already seen it twice, but the guy from the water tribe is so hot. I wouldn't mind seeing him again."

"Yeah I'd like that," Jasper replied, and I relaxed back in my seat in relief. With Alice and Jasper setting up a date, he'd for sure be leaving Bella alone. Not that I doubted Alice when she said he didn't like her cousin. Actually, well, yeah, I _did_ have my doubts, but this just confirmed it.

"Would you like to come too, Bella?" Jasper asked, completely un-confirming my doubts.

"Oh, um…" Bella quickly looked to Alice before answering in her soft voice. "I um, don't really like those kinds of movies."

"I don't either," Jasper shrugged. I glared in his direction. What game was he playing? "But it could be fun, who knows?"

"Bella doesn't have to come. We can still go together," Alice piped up. I grinned briefly at her. _Nice save._

"Yeah, why don't you and Alice make it a _date_?" I asked, hoping he'd take a hint.

Jasper raised a brow at Alice, who smiled and blushed. _Must run in the family_.

"Edward, why don't you and Bella go see something together?" Alice looked at me, as if talking to a little kid. She gestured to Bella with a nod of her head, a forced smile on her face. My eyes widened as I got it. She was helping me set up a date. _Thanks, PPF, like I needed your help._ I internally smirked.

"Yeah, sure. What do you want to see?" I watched Bella closely, gauging her reaction. She looked a little shy, her head dipping as she chewed on her bottom lip—that same bottom lip that I was dying to taste for myself. I groaned softly, but apparently not soft enough.

Jasper leaned over, "You ok, man?" _He_ managed to ask softly, why the hell couldn't _I_ just groan in peace?

"I wouldn't mind seeing 'The Solitary Man' again." My attention left the Douche and I was entrapped by Bella. I had no fucking clue what the movie was, but a dark theater with her by my side? Fuck, I'd see 'Little Women' if that's what she wanted.

"I loved that!" I shot my eyes over to the pussy in a man's body next to me. What. The. Fuck? Seriously?

"You've seen it?" Bella asked, with an expression that matched Jasper's; widened, brightened eyes, and excited grin.

"Yeah! I thought it had a lot to say about life and things we take for granted." The pair sobered at the thought, and I was getting whiplash looking back and forth between them.

"I just couldn't imagine how he must have felt when he realized what he gave up for the life he wanted to live." Bella shook her head. I looked at Alice who probably had the same expression on her face that I did. She just shrugged at me and together we turned back to watch the pair.

"His family. His career. His life," Jasper said sadly. This movie sounded like a fucking downer.

"All because he was addicted to sex!" Bella's tone turned bitter. "I could never be with someone like that. Someone that was willing to sacrifice so much just to get laid?" Then she scoffed. Literally fucking scoffed like a naughty school teacher at a naughty school boy. _And there goes the Prince._ _Welcome to the conversation, man._

"Pfft…yeah. Who lives like that?" I scoffed, myself, and then all eyes were on me. "Uh, you know…sex, sex, sex…" I chuckled awkwardly. "So…This weekend, Bella? I can pick you up and we can see this piece of shi—" I cleared my throat, catching myself quickly. "Piece of art."

"I, um, I don't know, Edward." Bella looked down at the tabletop. I looked to Alice for help and came face-to-face with a glare.

"What?" I mouthed to her, and her glare deepened.

"Why don't you think about it and let me know?" I offered. Bella looked up and gave a small smile and nod.

"Oh no!" Alice jumped up quickly, looking at her watch. "We're going to be late for work!"

I frowned, also looking at my watch and seeing that we still had 45 minutes before our shifts. "Alice, we have time." Why was she trying to make me leave early? I had an almost solo date with Bella in the works and she wanted to leave now?

"Maybe for you, _Edward_, but _Jasper_ and I are still new, so we can't afford to be late." She looked knowingly at me then to Jasper. I quickly caught on.

"Oh right! Yeah. Newton's a hard ass. You guys better hurry up then." I shifted from the booth, standing to the side to let Jasper out. _One order of alone time with Bella, coming right up!_

Jasper slid from the booth slowly and jammed his hands in his jean pockets. He smiled down at Alice who literally fucking beamed like she had a light saber shoved up her ass.

"Shall we?" he asked, cocking his elbow where she happily slid her arm through. With the power-douches gone, I sat back in the booth, sliding all the way over to sit in front of Bella.

It was silent—borderline awkward. I had to do something to save the group-date that had become a solo-date. I could happily kiss the ground Alice walked on for thinking up an excuse to leave me and Bella alone.

"You really want to take me out this weekend?" Bella broke the silence, her big brown eyes looking up at me from under her lashes. _Where had I seen this same expression before? Oh right, whenever she was kneeling in front of me—in my dreams._

"I'd honestly love to." I let my hand move across the table, intent on take hers in mine. But she pulled back the moment our fingers made contact. I recoiled, frowned, and tried to figure it out. It must have been the incident from the other night.

"About the other night…" I began, wincing at the memory, and then wincing further when my cheek decided it still hurt. Another nice reminder of what a fucked up mess I had made.

"You don't have to apologize."

"No, I really do. 'Cause that shit? That was totally uncalled for. I can tell you'd never date someone like Jasper, so I shouldn't have just assumed you were."

"Why wouldn't I date someone like him?" She was frowning now, not looking at all happy or relieved by my apology.

"Well, because it's _Jasper_. Why would you date him?" I smirked. He was really not her type. And I knew this because _I_ was.

"Because he's nice. He's sweet. He's funny. He's surely attractive." I balked at how easily and quickly she listed off this guy's qualities. It was like I wasn't even in the room instead of being right in front of her!

"Alice likes him!" I quickly said, ending her verbal-Douchesper-vomit.

"I know," she sighed, her frown coming back to her features. _Wow, really?_ Talk about a fucking ego-destroyer.

"Uh, thanks," I mumbled, completely put out by this. The devil on my shoulder was doing a fucking happy dance, gloating that he had been right all along—Bella just didn't like me.

"No! It's not what you think!" she said quickly.

"Oh?" was the intelligent answer I gave.

"I'm jealous." _Yeah, um, not helping matters here, Bella._ "Alice can date whoever she wants. And Jasper _is_ perfect for her. I'm jealous because they can have a relationship, and I can't." well, that cleared some things up. The angel kicked the devil in the ass, knocking him off my shoulder.

"So…you DO want to date me?" I asked, a little too hopefully.

She nodded, a small smile quirking the corner of her mouth.

"Go out with me this weekend." She let my hand cover hers this time when I reached across the table. But she hesitated with an answer. "What?" I asked when her eyes left mine and she looked around the diner. I leaned over the table and whispered to her, "Are we being watched?" I felt like I was suddenly in some spy movie and the bad guys were just around the corner. Would that make me James Bond?

She nodded slightly, her eyes widening as they fell on something…or someone…behind me.

"Oh God," she whispered before jerking her hand back quickly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" she began to chant while her face paled.

"What?" I turned to see what had her so freaked out and felt the blood drain from my face. It was Man-Bear. "Sweet Jesus…"

"We need to talk." Man-Bear was at our booth now, his fisted hands rested on the tabletop, and I couldn't tear my eyes from the pulsing muscles in his arms. _Fuck, I was going to die._

"I…uh...okay?" I stuttered, shrinking back in the booth upon instinct. This dude's eyes were narrowed in my direction. Goldfinger had found Bond, and the man with the Midas touch was about to turn his wrath unto me.

"Bella, you've got some work to do." Man-Bear didn't take his eyes off of me when he spoke, and I watched in awed-horror as Bella curled in on herself, and she slipped from the booth without another word.

"Bella…!" I called out to her, but she just walked away from me, stopping for a moment to look back over her shoulder and mouth 'Sorry'. I could only frown as she made her way up to the register.

Man-Bear took Bella's seat across from me. This was _not_ how I wanted my solo-date to go. I turned my frown to a glare directed at him, but like a pussy, I whimpered when his own glare deepened and beat mine up.

"This is what's going to happen," Man-Bear began. He paused, probably for dramatic effect. This guy looked like the kind of person that had confrontations often and knew the best way to deliver lines to ignite the most fear in a person. It was working. "You're going to help me." _Uh what?_ That was not what I had been expecting to hear.

Was the ball now falling in my court? What could Man-Bear possibly need my help with? Did this give me the power? I looked over at him, studying his features for signs of relinquishing power and was met with muscles instead. _Nope, he still has the power. _

"What can I do for you?" I asked with a raised-uncertain brow.

"That kid that was with you earlier." My expression must have been easy to read because he rolled his eyes and continued, "Sitting here with you guys. He left with my cousin?"

"Jasper." I snorted. _Kid_. Awesome.

"Yeah, _Jasper_. Is that the guy?" I loved how he sneered the word 'Jasper'.

"The guy?" What was he referring to? Oh! The video-fucker-filmer-Bella-user. Yeah that _was_ the right guy, but now I wasn't so sure if I wanted Man-Bear to think that way about Jasper anymore. I was supposed to be Jasper's friend, right? I looked at Man-Bear again and from the look in his eye I knew I had two options. One: I feed Jasper to him. Two: I tell the truth and feed myself to him. Yeah, option one, for sure.

"Yeah. That's the guy alright," I said confidently with a nod of my head.

"Has he…" Man-Bear shifted awkwardly in his chair, a shot of concern over his brow. "Has he said anything about Bella to you? Anything else?"

"Like if he's done anything yet?" I asked for clarification, and maybe just to see him squirm again. It worked.

"Yeah."

"Not yet, but I could tell he's going to try and make a move."

A moment of silence passed while Man-Bear squirmed uncomfortably in his seat as if making a hard decision about something. He huffed. Squirmed. Crossed and uncrossed his arms. Then finally rested them on the table and leaned forward, gesturing with his hands for me to do the same. When I did, he looked to where Bella stood at the cash register before whispering to me.

"I'm all Bella has." His eyes widened like he was sending me a telepathic message. I got what he was trying to tell me. As for the Swan family, there was only these two left. "I have to watch out for her. I'm her big brother." He shrugged like it was no big deal, but I could tell he took his job title very seriously. A little too seriously, in my opinion. "There're too many assholes in the world, so I like it if she just doesn't date—ever."

I gulped. If that was the case, then Man-Bear wasn't going to like me—ever.

"So, uh, how can I help?" My voice came out like a squeak.

"You're going to be her boyfriend," he said simply and leaned back from where he had hunched over the table.

I stayed motionless, fucking utterly confused. She wasn't allowed to date, but he wanted _me_ to date her? Yeah, this worked in my favor, but was it some kind of trick? If I agreed to be Bella's boyfriend, would I still get my ass kicked?

"Thank you?" I decided to play it safe and neither accept or decline.

Man-Bear let out a startling loud laugh, "You make it sound like I just put you on death row."

"No…no…Just, confused I guess."

"Listen. I like you, Edward. You're a good kid. You obviously care enough about my sister to tell her when someone isn't treating her right. I appreciate that." He took the time to re-cross his thick, muscular arms over his thick, muscular chest again. I only wished I could ooze that much intimidation.

"The way I see it is, if you're dating Bella…and by dating I mean, we're just going to _say_ you're her boyfriend…you don't get any dating privileges, just so we're clear." He eyed me until I nodded, hesitantly. "She won't be dating Jasper."

My mind was having a hard time keeping up with all the alliances I had made. I felt like I was on Survivor and everyone was using me to make it to the next round. On one hand I was working with Alice to get her together with Jasper. And now I was working with Man-Bear to get Jasper away from Bella. Somehow in all of this I had managed to not only score a date with Bella this weekend—even though it was pending her approval—but also become her 'boyfriend'.

"Alright," I said simply.

With a hard hand clapped to my shoulder, Man-Bear stood and left me in my booth thinking about how easy this all seemed to have turned out. A little too easy, if you asked me.

()()()()()()()

"I've got two in there now, baby. Fuck you're so tight, I love it." I locked eyes with Rose in the cubicle next to me, who, from the looks of her sad expression, could use a smile. I smirked and moved two of my fingers through an open fist on my other hand, simulating what I was doing in my call. I lifted a brow at her, to which she would usually respond with some other lewd gesture, but this time she just looked away.

_What. The. Fuck?_

I momentarily forgot the moaning coming through my headset and turned my seat to face Rose. I kicked her seat, jolting her and getting her attention.

"What's your fucking problem?" she hissed.

"My fucking—" I stopped when a voice came through my headset.

"What, baby? You're fucking what? Me I hope." The giggles that came next made me want to groan in annoyance, but instead my lips set in a hard line, mimicking my pissed off frown. I held up a hand for Rose to wait a second so I could finish my call.

"Oh damn, baby, I'm sorry. Shit. I'm limp now. This happens sometimes. It's not you, it's me. I'll connect you to the operator." I leaned back toward my cubicle and disconnected the call.

When I turned back to Rose she was on a call and it was all I could do to not roll my eyes. Instead I plugged my own headset into her computer and connected myself to her call. Rose shot me her Ice Queen glare but this time I was able to ignore it. This time I was too pissed off to care.

"I've missed you this week, Brigita," her caller said, his voice was already panting.

"I've missed you too. We have to be quiet, though. I almost got in trouble last time." And while she fucking giggled like the little school-girl she was playing, her eyes were set with mine; seething with something I couldn't figure out. I'd never seen her like this.

"I can be quiet, but you get noisy," panting-man groaned. I heard fabric move and knew he was getting in position.

"I can be quiet, if you stick something in my mouth." She kept her eyes on me while saying this. It was a stare-off, and one that neither of us wanted to lose. I hated losing.

"I've got something big for you, open wide, Brigita." Panting-man soon became grunting-man, and I decided I couldn't take anymore. I unmuted my mic and entered the call.

"This is Captain Von Trapp, Brigata's father." Rose looked at me with widened eyes and for a minute there, I could see a hint of _my_ Rose again. I allowed myself to smile, but as soon as I did, her hard wall came right back up.

"Daddy! No!" she squealed. She was going to play along. Normally I would have enjoyed this with her, but this time it wasn't Rose and Edward _the roommates_. It was Rose and Edward _the co-workers_ acting out a scene.

"Your…father? Oh shit! Fuck yes!" I frowned and looked at the computer screen like it was infested with some kind of sick-fuckness.

"Yes, her father. Take your penis out of my daughter's mouth." I shook my head at a questioning Rose with a universal 'I-don't-know-what-the-fuck-I'm-doing' expression on my face.

"Ungh…scold her again. Scold me!" My eyes widened at the panting-grunting-man's voice. _Jesus, the sick fuck!_

"Daddy, don't hurt him. Just let me suck him off and I promise I'll be a good girl." Rose pleaded in her innocent voice, but her expression was clearly getting more pissed off by the second.

"You'll get a big spanking for this, Brigita, and sent to your room!" I was actually kind of getting into this scene, even with the sick fuck who had started to moan louder on the line with us.

"Oh fuck…oh shit…yes…you bad girl! Spank your dirty daughter, Captain!" And then he let out this loud as fuck yell of a banshee, which I could only assume was him coming.

Then the line went silent.

Rose was silent.

I could barely breathe.

"So, uh, am I going to have to pay double for this call?" panting-grunting-man asked in a timid voice. Double pay meant more money in our pockets. I shrugged at Rose, leaving it for her to handle.

"Yes," she said soundly. "I'll give you to the operator now."

I waited for her to connect PGM over then unplugged my headset.

"Rose…"I began, but she wouldn't look at me. She was about to click on her mouse to start a new call, but I had to talk to her. I put my hand over hers and saw her whole body tense.

"Can you just let me do my job, Edward?" She looked down at my hand on hers, and I frowned, pushing my chair back from her desk. What the hell was going on with her? This had to be more than just Alice's call from earlier this afternoon.

But before I had time to analyze things further, Alice walked past us, jabbing me in the shoulder and jerking her head towards the break room. Knowing I'd get nothing out of Rose tonight, I decided to just say 'fuck it' and figure her out later.

As soon as I entered the break room Alice shut the door and started pacing.

"It's not working," she said mid-step.

"What's not?" I grabbed her shoulders to still her pacing. That shit was annoying and got old fast.

"Whatever you are doing with Jasper. Or aren't, I should say, since apparently you haven't done anything to get us together!" _Oh right_. I knew I forgot something.

"I'm on it." She looked up at me, and a look came over her face that honestly scared the shit out of me. She got excited. And I could just tell I wasn't going to like what she was thinking.

"Fuck me." That excited look in her eyes grew.

"What?" I managed to get out.

"Fuck. Me." Yeah, I was pretty sure that's what she had said, but really? Fuck her? Fuck Alice? I mean, yeah, she's hot, but wouldn't that fuck up my chances with Bella?

I dropped my hands from her shoulders. "Sorry, baby, no can do."

She sighed heavily, and chuckled. "No, just pretend to. Maybe Jasper will get jealous and want what you've got."

"That's the stupidest plan I've ever heard."

"Just do it. Trust me. I know this will work." Her fingers were working on her jacket, quickly undoing the buttons.

"You've got to be kidding me," I mumbled, swatting her hands away when they reached for my own shirt.

"Please, Edward? I got you a date with Bella. It's the least you could do."

I looked into her eyes, which was a bad fucking idea because they were so similar to her cousin's. She was right. I did owe it to her. I could do it…right?

"I'm going to regret this." She bounced on the spot, her grin growing as she continued to unbutton my shirt. "But only give me head. I won't pretend fuck you."

"Whatever works for you!" I leaned against the wall, and closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to watch her kneel in front of me and simulate sucking me off. _I apologize, Prince. You won't have to endure this ever again._

When her hands reached for my belt I put my hands on her head pushing her back. "What the fuck are you doing?"

She looked up at me, "I'm just making it look like you sucked and ducked."

"What the fuck does that even mean?"

"Like a quickie?" _Okay_. I shrugged and released her head in acceptance.

"No, put your hands back in my hair. It'll give more to the illusion." This girl was fucking crazy, but whatever worked. I threaded my hands back in her hair, wishing it was longer like Bella's so I could at least get some enjoyment out of this fucked up fantasy.

The top button of my jeans popped open while my belt lay slack. Her hands went to work grabbing at the bottom of my shirt, while mine had a little too much fun messing up her always perfectly styled hair. It was the least I could do. I smirked. _This was sure to win her Jasper's heart._

After a few minutes she finally stood. She rubbed her hand over her lips vigorously until her lipstick was smeared. I nodded at the realism. "Good one, I didn't think of that."

She grinned and tapped the side of her head, then puckered her lips and blew me a kiss before leaving the break room.

I waited a minute before I left, doing up my belt as the door closed behind me. I walked back to my cubicle, and sat heavily in my chair, making sure Jasper—in the cubicle next to me—heard me. When he looked over, I grinned and nodded in Alice's direction.

"That girl has some insane suction."

"Uh huh." He didn't look jealous, excited, turned on, angered, or any emotion I was expecting. He looked indifferent.

"I've never come that fast…or hard…before." I was trying here, but Jasper wasn't even budging. Maybe Alice was wrong? Maybe he didn't like her.

"Yep." Was all I got.

"Best suck and duck I've ever had." I rocked back in my chair, putting my feet up on my desk.

"You know the break room walls are all windows, right?" He turned to fully face me now.

"Oh shit, man, that's right, they are. You saw all that, huh?" I made a show of expressing remorse. Maybe he was trying to be the bigger man?

"What I saw was Alice faking a blow job." We were out. Caught in our own fucked up game. I dropped my feet back to the floor.

"Yeah, about that…" I began, only to be cut off by his laughter.

"It's cool, Edward. I get it. It's cute that she wants to make me jealous." He shrugged, his grin remaining. He was looking over my shoulder, and when I followed his gaze, I saw him watching Alice.

"So you like her?" I turned back to face him.

"Yeah, I do," he said easily, and turned back to his computer.

"Can you just fucking tell her so I don't have to go through all this bullshit?" He laughed again, and ignored my question, answering a new call instead.

My own computer screen blinked with a new call, and I quickly put on my headset and connected.

"1-900-HRDCORE, this is Jake the handyman, what can I fix for you tonight?" I answered quickly, trying out a new persona.

"Um, h-hi, I um…" I had myself a shy one.

"What's your name? I promise I'll go easy with you if it's your first drilling." I decided to get comfortable and leaned back in my chair. The shy ones could take a while.

"I'm Bella." Shy-girl's soft voice hit me hard, and I groaned aloud. Just my fucking luck that I'd have a caller named Bella.

"Well, beautiful. You're in luck. I am the best one for the job. Should we take a look at the bedroom? Maybe we should test out the bed to make sure its sturdy." Shy-girl didn't seem as adventurous as some of my other callers. I thought it best to stick to the basics.

"I…" she cleared her throat. She sounded really nervous. This was probably her first time. She was probably curious about phone sex lines and had no idea what to do. I was going to have to take the reins.

"I'm packing a lot of wood, so when I get to nailing I'll be gentle." I heard a gasp and knew I had said something she liked. "Can I carry you upstairs? I'd hate for these steps to be faulty and have you fall down."

"I, um…Actually," she rushed and stuttered over her words. This girl was so fucking nervous. "I'm not a call—"

"Shh, beautiful. It's ok. I'll get everything inspected. I won't leave any spot untouched."

"Are you really Jake?" she asked, her voice almost sounding panicked.

"I am if you want me to be. Why? Is that a bad name for you? I can go by something else if it makes you more comfortable."

"Edward." My real name through the phone shocked the fuck out of me. It wasn't like 'Edward' was a common name these days.

"I, uh…" now it was my turn to stutter. I coughed, and prolonged my response until I was sure I could say something that lined up with my script.

"Edward, it's me... Bella."

_Oh. Fuck. Me._

_

* * *

_**Another quickie from me...I wont be doing this often, but I have to rec out an author that I've been reading lately. I don't usually find a lot of fics that can keep my attention for long spans of time, but SHALU is totally worth checking out if you haven't yet. (you can find her in my FAVORITE AUTHORS LIST)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Gotta start out by saying thanks to all my readers for the reviews and PMs I got hit with this week. Instead of writing this week, I found myself pretty distracted in the evenings…so I'm sorry this is coming later than usual. But I'll make up for it with a surprise next chapter.  
As usual, thanks to my beta, CaroSlickLips. Who, after just having surgery, risked re-injury just so she could read this chapter and beta it for me.  
**

"_Edward, it's me...Bella." _

Her voice through the phone, confirming one of my biggest fears—next to my mother calling in for phone-sexual-pleasure—shocked my system. Bella. _My_ Bella was on the phone, with me, at this very moment.

A few things went through my mind at the same time…

Bella called a phone sex line. Meaning: my girl had a little kinky experimentation inside just waiting to come out…

I just so happened to answer her call. Meaning: I got to help her with said experimentation…

And, she recognized my voice. Meaning: she really fucking likes me.

"Hello?" I heard her say, her voice snapping me out of my Bella-is-a-kinky-naughty-girl fog and back to reality.

Another thought came through my mind…

She didn't hang up. Meaning: she wanted this. And I was going to give it to her.

I couldn't hide my smile. This couldn't have worked out any better.

"Hey, I'm here. You just surprised me." I chuckled softly while looking around. Rose was already ignoring me, so I didn't have much to worry about on my right. Jasper, on my left, was busy with a call. I was in the clear, but just to make sure, I pulled my chair in tight to my desk. Hunching my shoulders, I looked like a fucking turtle trying to hide in his shell, I'm sure, but I didn't want to get caught, A, on a personal call, and B, (provided things went the way I hoped) sporting a boner.

"I, um, had no idea you worked for…what was the line you said when you picked up?"

"1-900-HRDCORE. Yeah, I've been working here for a few years now." Fuck, it was so much easier talking to her on the phone than in person. Why hadn't I been doing this all along?

"So, this is a phone-sex line?" She sounded worried.

"Bella," I whispered, "don't worry. I won't charge you for this call. Hell, you can call me whenever and it'll be on the house." That should ease her worries. If Man-Bear was my brother, I wouldn't want him finding out I'd been calling 1-900 numbers either.

"Oh God! I didn't even think about the cost per minute thing." I bet she was chewing her bottom lip at this very moment. I groaned. God, I loved her bottom lip.

"Edward? Are you ok?" I forgot how sensitive our mics were.

"Yeah," I cleared my throat. "So, do you, uh, want to continue?" _Please say yes._

"C-Continue?" Her eyes probably widened. I knew they did when she stuttered.

"We can change characters if you don't like handymen or Jacobs, for that matter." I would do anything to hear her moaning through the phone. Whatever her fetish, I would indulge.

"No! I-I mean, yes. I'd prefer if we could just be Bella and Edward for right now." Fucking music to my ears. She wanted to just role-play as us. But, us how? I really didn't think my awkwardness was going to give me the reaction I was looking for.

"Just to clarify…We're going to be just Bella and Edward the smooth phone-sex line operator?"

"Well…I guess?" This night just kept getting better and better. "Actually, Edward, I just wanted to talk."

"That's what we'll be doing. Just saying what feels right."

"Edward!" My eyes snapped up upon hearing my name hissed at me from behind. I turned slowly in my chair, the hairs on the back of my neck prickling with the motion, until I came face to face with PPF. Interrupting my call denounced her back to her former name.

I put my hand over my mic. "What?" I hiss-whispered back.

PPF took a step closer, leaning down to whisper. "Just wanted to let you know that I gave Bella your line's direct number so she could call you and let you know about your date." She grinned and lifted her brows.

"You…wait. My line?" _If she called my line specifically…_

"Yep. That way when she calls your work number it won't come up as a 1-900 line. Great thinking, eh?" Her grin widened into a sickening the-Joker-meets-the-Cheshire-Cat expression.

Bella called _my_ line. Bella wanted to talk to Edward the bumbling fucking idiot who goes to the diner. Bella didn't know—until now—that I worked for a phone-sex company. Oh _fuck_. How the hell was I going to fix this?

I sat motionless, my mind spinning trying to think of a way I could get out of this fuck up of a situation. What could I say to Bella now? I was screwed. There was no way I would get a date with after this. Fuck, she'd probably tell Man-Bear all about my job and then I wouldn't live to date her _or_ anyone ever again.

I did the only reasonable thing I could think of. I hung up.

Just as I was hashing out the details to leave the state, my screen flashed with an incoming call. My palms began to sweat and I rubbed them vigorously on my jeans before connecting the call.

"Hello?" My voice was shaky.

"Edward?" It was Bella again. _Fuck_. How would I play this? _Just be cool and deny, deny, deny._

"Oh hey, Bella, what's up?" The shakiness wasn't as apparent anymore. That was a good start.

"I, um, I'm just…"I heard her huff out a breath—she was frustrated. "You work for a phone-sex company, Edward." Now she was just accusing. My mantra repeated in my head; _deny, deny, deny._

I started with a chuckle, "What? Phone-sex company?" I made some sound mixed with a pfft-smirk-garbled throat noise.

"You just told me you did."

"How did I just tell you when this is the first time I've spoken to you since I saw you at the diner this afternoon?" _Please buy this line of bullshit._

"But, I just talked to you." Fuck she was stubborn.

"No, you didn't, Bella." Even though I had come to realize that my jedi-mind tricks never worked on Rose, maybe they'd work on Bella. _Believe me, you will._

"I called this exact same number and you answered with some 1-900 number. You said my call would be 'on the house'?" she sounded a little flustered as she heatedly whispered the last part. Had she been planning on calling again for some one-on-one fun? Had I fucked up that chance? No. It was better for her to think she had called the wrong number and that now she was talking to the _real_ Edward.

"You called a 1-900 number?" I laughed, "Man, your phone bill is going to be outrageous!"

"I…uh…Oh God!" My laughing stopped when she sounded mortified in her embarrassment. "That really wasn't you?" A part of me wanted to ease her fears and just tell her it was, in fact, me. But the other part of me just couldn't do it.

"Sorry, Bella. I wish it was."

"Alice had said you guys worked for the local cable company's 24-hour service call line. I would never have guessed otherwise. You probably think I'm the biggest perv right now." I knew for a fact that she wasn't, since _I_ was. I wouldn't mind her being the second biggest perv, though.

A throat cleared behind me, reminding me that Alice was still there. Suddenly she was an angel again—an angel who had come up with the perfect job title for me. She'd covered for me again. I smiled at her, and when she patted my shoulder before walking away, I didn't even feel the need to look at her ass…for longer than a few seconds.

"So, what can I do for you, Bella?"

"Oh right. Well, like I said, Alice gave me your number so I could let you know about the date this weekend? Anyway, I'd love to go see a movie or something with you on Saturday." My heart pounded its way into my throat and I thought it would explode through my mouth into the most magnificent fireworks display ever seen. _She said _YES!

()()()()()()()

From that point on my week seemed to fly by. I realized that most people say that when leading up to an event they were looking forward to, that the days dragged, but not for me.

The next day I started to try and attempt at liking Jasper. He couldn't be that bad, and I was determined—now that he wasn't dating Bella—to try and be nice to him. That lasted all of about thirty minutes when he told me about a group call he had taken. Apparently a slumber party of high school girls called on a dare, and Jasper ended up having them all tangled in a naked game of twister. The fucking moans that I could hear coming from his headset, even at the distance of being in the cubicle next to him, made me—well, for lack of a better word—fucking jealous. I wasn't even in mouse-clicking range to end his call early for him.

With Rose still ignoring me at home, and things being all fucking weird with Alice at work, I decided on the next night—Thursday—to try again with Jasper. But as soon as I sat down at my cubicle, Newton summoned us to his office.

We sat there, side-by-side, in mimicked poses; slouched down in our seats, legs spread, hands resting easily in our laps. One glance at him and I could see that we were really more similar than I first thought. Maybe, after all this fuckery had time to blow over, Jasper and I stood a chance at friendship.

Newton stood behind his desk, his shoulders hunched while he looked at us with a menacing scowl. Or, what would have been menacing if Jasper and I weren't trying hard not to laugh at the obscene display of feminine-masculinity Newton was sporting. His nostrils flared, his beady eyes got beadier.

I couldn't help it, I snorted. "Just fucking spit it out."

His eyes snapped to me, and he stood straight before rounding his desk to stand right in front of me. One glance down and I knew I would be eye-to-eye with _his_ Prince. No, fuck that. I bet he hid a court jester, or fair maiden, in his pants. I could only look up, and met the glare of my 'boss'.

"I heard what you did with Rosalie." He sneered down at me, even bending to be more eye-to-eye with me. I leaned back in my chair and cast a glance to Jasper who was looking on with a little too much amusement.

"I do a lot of things with Rose." I looked back at Newton, shrugging, because it was true.

"I _heard_ that _call_ you made _together_." His emphasized words were spat out with disdain, or hidden lustful-desire. Not sure which, but by the end of it I was wiping a speck of spit off my face.

"What call, exactly, are you referring to?" I decided to play dumb. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"That _call_ where you entertained a client _together_." At this point his eyes widened as he pressed his point.

"Ahh, right, yeah, _that _call. Gotcha. What about it?" I had no idea where he was going with this. I knew I'd be able to talk my way out of it if that call got me and Rose in trouble.

He stood back from me again, seeming to almost wiggle nervously on the spot, before righting himself and going back to his side of the desk. The fucker was most dramatic. He took his time to sit, smoothing out his goddamn tie and going for a look of eased-comfort. He looked at Jasper. He looked at me. And then a blush crept up his neck before he cleared his throat and looked down at his desk.

"We don't have all day Newy." I kicked my right foot up, placing it on my left knee and started playing with the frayed end of my jeans. I was losing commission out there by wasting time in here.

I guess my pet-name affected him in some way because he shifted in his seat and then positioned his body and face into an angered pose. He was going for threatening again.

"You're going to do it again," he stated, clasping what I knew would probably be clammy hands in front of him.

"No can do, boss. Rose isn't even talking to me right now." I cast a glance out the door of the office to see Rose at her cubicle. She looked bored as fuck.

"Not with _her_." Newton cleared his throat again, moved in his seat, adjusted his tie, just all around fumbled with himself. "You and Jasper."

I froze.

Me.

And Jasper.

Doing 3-way calls.

Oh fuck no.

"Fuck no," I said aloud, my verbal filter obsolete.

"No way, man," came Jasper, and I had to admit that I was a little offended.

"What?" I turned to face him.

"I don't want to do a joint call with you." He faced me. I put my foot back on the ground. We were squaring off again.

"You think you're too good to work with me, is that it?" I was getting really offended. _I_ trained him after all. He should feel honored that he'd get to do a joint call with me.

"No. I mean…wouldn't it be…weird?" He was right. It would be, but now I had something to prove.

"Get up." I stood and waited for him to follow. "We're gonna go tag-team some women."

()()()()()()()

"Close your eyes." My voice was deep—velvety as the women called it—and I lifted a brow to Jasper who sat next to me. His mic was plugged into my computer, yet he was still on mute.

"They're closed," the caller whispered.

"I'm standing right behind you now. Can you feel my cold, hard body against you?" I was trying something new, and hopefully it would work.

She gasped. "You moved so fast." I smirked. It was working. She was totally into this scene.

"I'm running my fingers up your bare arms; your skin is so soft."

"My heart is racing," she whispered again, and I could hear her panting through the phone.

"I can feel your pulse under the tips of my fingers. I can see it beating at that point, right behind your ear." I looked at Jasper again, silently asking with a raised brow if he wanted in on this call. His small nod gave me the go-ahead.

"I want to try something with you," I said, waiting for a reaction before continuing. The caller didn't disappoint, and gave me a soft moan of acquiesce. "My brother is here." I kept my eyes on Jasper, again looking for confirmation. I heard the caller gasp. "He wants to play too."

Jasper licked his lips, inching forward on his chair, crossing his arms and clearing his throat. I covered my hand over my mic.

"Stop fucking stalling. Get in here!" I hissed at him.

"What's your brother's name?" the caller asked.

"Hey, darlin', I'm Jasper." I smiled as Jasper finally found his balls, rubbed them, and when the genie came out, wished for some courage. _This might not work out so badly_.

"Jasper and Edward. Such old fashioned names." She sighed.

"We've been around a long time." I almost smirked. Jasper lifted a questioning brow at me. I grabbed a stack of post-its and wrote quickly on one of them.

_**Vampires**_.

He read the note, nodding and smirking to himself. Tonight we were Jasper and Edward, brother vampires that were going to do some 3-some action with this unsuspecting human.

Nope. This wasn't weird at all.

"Can I touch you, darlin'?" Jasper asked. "I'm standing in front of you now."

"Please…please touch me." I guess the thought of two guys instead of one was a fantasy for our lucky caller of the night.

"I want to grab your hips and pull you hard against me, but I'm really strong. I don't want to hurt you." Always the sensitive Jasper. I almost rolled my eyes.

"I'm stronger, but I have no problem with my restraint. I'm grabbing your hips and pulling you back against my rock-hard cock. You'll have to go easy on my brother, it's his first time." Jasper shot me a surprised look at my statement, and I almost laughed. I shrugged, mouthing, "What?" He looked pissed.

"I like it rough." The caller's voice was barely a whisper but it caught both mine and Jasper's attention. With a final glare to me, he faced the computer screen and spoke with authority.

"Contrary to what my brother may think, I'm very experienced in being rough. But, you're such a weak human woman, and I lose control in the heat of the moment. Are you sure you can take it? Take all of me?"

"Oh God, yes, Jasper." I swear I heard her voice quiver.

"Can you handle us both…at the same time?" I asked, to which Jasper's eyes shot to mine again. I smirked. "Maybe you should turn around and face me. My brother likes it from behind." I elbowed Jasper, keeping my smirk in check. He fucking blushed, remembering his legend-of-a-call I overheard the other day.

She whimpered, "I've always wanted to try it."

"We'll be gentle," Jasper said with a deep drawl.

"No we won't. We're gonna fuck you so hard you won't be able to stand, sit, or even move tomorrow." Jasper's eyes widened. _I guess he forgot our little caller liked it rough?_

"Will…will one of you bite me?" her voice was shaky; either from being nervous or playing with a certain bundle of nerves.

"We both will," I said confidently.

"We will?" Jasper asked.

"Yes. We will." I glared and covered my mic again. "Stop fucking this up man!" I whispered to Jasper.

He copied me, covering his own mic, "Dude, this is weird. Vampires?"

"Yeah, chicks dig it. Just go with it." We had a silent glaring match until he finally huffed, grimaced, and we returned to the call.

"I'm going to turn your around now, I want to see that pretty face of yours. Do you trust me to kiss your neck?" I had to get this scene rolling again.

She moaned—good sign. "Yes, kiss it."

"I'm going to lick it, and suck on it just a little bit. I love your neck." I threw in a moan of my own that only heightened the caller's as well.

"I'm pushing back towards you, Jasper. I want you to suck my neck too." Wow, this caller was bold. I lifted a brow at Jasper.

"I want to too, darlin', I just…" he paused. You don't pause. You never pause.

"He's just too caught up with your ass," I said, saving the day again.

"Uh, yeah, your ass. I'm grabbing it now…That's not too rough is it?" Thank God he got back in the game.

"No, harder! I want you to grab it harder and bite me. Bite me now!" She was damn near mewling at this point.

"Can I bite you too?" I asked in my soft seductive voice.

"Oh God…please. Please bite me. Both of you. I want you both to bite me and grab me and just…Do it!" _Demanding little woman. _

"I'm brushing your hair aside from your neck and biting down on your tender skin. Your blood tastes so good." I frowned at that last line I said, meeting Jasper's almost appalled look.

The moans through the phone kept us going, and soon Jasper was latched onto the other side of her neck, roughly gripping her ass while I roughly gripped her tits. This woman was a little freaky, and very demanding, and I was happy when she finally screamed her release and we were able to end the call.

After we connected her to the operator, we simultaneously flopped back in our chairs and let out a sigh of relief.

"Your blood tastes so good?" Jasper asked, the appalled look back on his face.

I shrugged. "Sure. We're vampires aren't we?"

And when he started to laugh, I couldn't help but join in. That was the worst fucking call I had ever done.

()()()()()()()

Friday went much the same, but ever since Jasper and I did a call together, we had found this easygoing relationship where I no longer mentally referred to him as The Douche.

Rose was still acting like her dildo got stuck up her ass, and I had taken to just letting her figure her shit out. She'd come around when she was ready, and I didn't feel like letting her—whatever it was—affect me anymore.

It was Saturday and both Rose and I had been given the night off. I stood in the bathroom, facing the mirror with a sink full of steaming hot water, meticulously shaving while only wearing a towel.

Not that I cared if Rose would see me anyway, but I figured she wouldn't even venture into the bathroom while I was in there as it was. So I thought, fuck it, and did as I pleased.

A gentle tap on the door threw out all the motions of what I had cockily been thinking, and I paused with my razor. I knew it was Rose, but it was the first contact she had made with me all week. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, staring at the door.

"Edward? Can I come in for a second?"

Her voice, saying my name, requesting to be in the same room as me, was music to my ears. In two steps I was at the door jerking it open and enveloping her in a hug.

"Get the fuck in here," I said, my voice muffled as I buried my face in her hair. I would deny I ever pussied out at the mere sight of her with a hug later, but right now, I had my best friend back. I released her and stood at arms-length, just looking at her.

"What?" she asked, almost sounding self-conscious.

"I fucking missed you." I moved back to the sink, grabbing a towel to wipe off the remains of my shaving cream.

"You got me all wet," she said, looking down at her now moistened outfit. I smirked in her direction and she rolled her eyes, "I know, I know. That's what she said." And then I knew. I _knew_ we were cool again.

She hopped up onto the counter next to me. "So what are you getting all gussied up for?"

"_Gussied_, Rose? Really?"

She shrugged, "I was working on my 50s persona a lot yesterday." I nodded. I knew what it was like to carry on phone-personas into real life.

"I actually have a date," I said while running my fingers through my damp hair.

"With who?" she asked nonchalantly.

"Bella." I stopped attempting to style my hair, and grinned.

"Well, in that case…" she stood up, moved behind me, and I was startled by how easy it was to ignore the press of her breasts against my back, or her warm breath on my neck. I waited while she let her own fingers style my hair into what she called the faux-hawk-of-sex.

When she was done, it was a minute or two before she stepped back. I turned slowly to look at her and saw despondence. Whatever had been bugging her this week was still fresh under the surface. I leaned back against the vanity.

"What's going on, Rose?"

She offered me a small smile and shook her head. When she went to step away, I grabbed her arm, gently stilling her.

"Talk to me."

Her shoulders sagged with an exhaled breath and she looked up at me. "It's nothing," she shrugged.

"It's gotta be something. It's not like us to not talk for a whole week." I watched her while she pursed her lips, contemplating something. "Was it the group date? Did you want to go?"

"What?" Her eyes snapped up to meet mine, "Fuck no. God no!" _Well, it was worth a try_.

"Was it Alice calling me?"

"While that was annoying, Ward, no, that's not it." She smiled again, but this one still didn't reach her eyes.

"Then tell me," I said softly, tugging her arm. Her eyes dropped from mine, looking to the floor.

When she looked up again, that same fucking smile was on her lips. "It's, you know…" she trailed off, lifting her brows for understanding. And then I thought. Rose had been moody all week. A whole week long. The only other time she was like this was…

"Ohhhh!" I dropped her arm. "Got it. That time of the month?" I nodded in understanding, patted her shoulder and moved to the doorway. "The bathroom is all yours, Princess." I grinned once more before retreating to my room to get ready for my date.

()()()()()()()

I met Bella at the diner, and waited for her to grab her bag and jacket from behind the counter. As I stood there, watching her movements, I couldn't help but smile. I had a date with Bella. A _solo_ date with Bella, in a darkened theater.

I had it all planned out. We'd sit in the back row and when the lights went out, I would hold her hand. I'd start off small, and then move her hand to my lap where'd I'd just hold it there for a while. Then maybe, just maybe I'd cross one of my movie-time fantasies off my long list.

Bella's eyes kept nervously darting towards the back, where I knew in the kitchen housed a bear ready to attack me if I even thought about putting a finger on his cub. But what he didn't know would happen in a darkened theater wouldn't hurt him.

Like a perfect gentleman, I held her bag while she shrugged on her coat, secretly wanting to go through the contents. Call it a sick obsession, but I never knew what the fuck women put in there. All you needed was a wallet, keys and a phone. That's why man created pockets.

Distracted with my mental purse-tangent for a split second was all it took for someone to sidle up next to Bella. Someone also wearing their coat looking like they too were leaving for the evening—Man-Bear.

"Hey guys." His cheery voice was unexpected. I hadn't heard him like that before.

He wrapped a thick arm around my shoulders, effectively putting himself between me and Bella. When I went to pull away, his arm clenched and held me tighter. He then wrapped an arm around Bella and bent his head to look from my face to my date's.

"We're gonna have fun tonight!"

My stomach dropped. My heart stopped beating. I feared that I was dead, either from the strong grip of the boa constrictor wrapped around my shoulders or the news that Man-Bear was coming with us.

"Emmett, please don't." Bella's voice sounded muffled, but I heard it clear enough to finally give Man-Bear a name—Emmett.

"Come on, Bella-Baby, it'll be fun, just the three of us." Well, there went my plans for back-row-sex-fantasy fulfillment.

"Em, _please._" With the oxygen slowly getting cut off from the grip of Emmett's weighted arm, I found it hard to do what I normally did when I heard Bella say something I found enticing. Bella. Begging. I could almost see her on her knees begging for something to play with. A barely audible groan left my lips.

"See, Belly? Edward's all for it, aren't you, Eddie?" I cringed at the nickname. This fucker would give Rose a run for her money in that department. His mammoth hand squeezed my shoulder and I swear I felt it pop.

"Yeah Man-Bea—_Emmett_… it'll be a fucking blast."


	9. Chapter 9

**The Beta wanted a word with Edward...**

**PhoneSexWard: I walk into the diner, spotting her quickly and easily. She wasn't who I normally looked for, but, I had a meeting. To quote a favorite movie 'Damn The Man' for taking me away from my alone time and making me sit with his beta. I head to my usual booth. "You Lips?"****  
****CaroSlickLips: "Who wants to know?" I waggle my eyebrows and push my sexy glasses further up on my nose.****  
****PhoneSexWard: fucking glasses. I bet Bella would look sexy as fuck in those. "Cullen." I nod to her, shoving my hands in my pockets.****  
****CaroSlickLips: "Have a seat, Edward, we have a lot to discuss." I wave my hand at the spot in front of me motioning for him to bite the damn bullet and stop being so afraid of me. "Don't worry, I don't bite...much."****  
****PhoneSexWard: i personally wouldn't mind her biting just a little. I adjust my pants as I sit across from her. "What do you wanna know?"****  
****CaroSlickLips: "Let's start simple. What made you late tonight? Been busy?" ****  
****PhoneSexWard: "just pleasuring the ladies." I couldn't help the slow smirk form on my lips. I bet she'd like a bit of the Cullen-verbal-pleasing****  
****CaroSlickLips: "Hm, sounds interesting. Any more threesomes with Jasper in the cards? Can't say I wouldn't want to be double-teamed by you strapping, healthy boys."****  
****PhoneSexWard: I smirk "It's doubtful he'd be able to keep up with me in another 3-way."****  
****CaroSlickLips: "Well, maybe if you let him be more in HIS element, you might be surprised. You afraid he may one-up you, Cullen?"****  
****PhoneSexWard: "If the man can only work the Southern angle, when I can work any angle I choose, then how is that one-upping?"****  
****CaroSlickLips: "Well, we'll just have to see how things pan out, no?" I snap my fingers trying to regain Edward's attetion. "Should we have picked a better meeting place? If you're going to be staring at Diner-gir's ass the whole time, then Cullcati's readers are going to be thoroughly disappointed."****  
****PhoneSexWard: Her annoying fingers pull me from the roundness of Bella's ass "Have you SEEN her ass Lips?"****  
****CaroSlickLips: I turn my head and take a gander. I guess I can see why her ass is so distracting considering she's always bent over. "You'd think her brother would be more mindful of how much her cheeks are on display. Speaking of her brother, how did you enjoy him coming along for your date?" I can barely get the question out between giggles.****  
****PhoneSexWard: I shudder at the memory, all thoughts of Bella's fine ass thrown out the window "Fucking miserable. I don't wanna talk about it. You'll just have to read what happens like everyone else."****  
****CaroSlickLips: "I'm sure I can use my imagination for now. That dude is fucking huge, by the way! I saw him come out while I was waiting FOREVER for you. He was quite the pleasing eyefull." I can't help but stare off at the memory of Bella's brother. That's one tall broad tree I'd love to climb.****  
****PhoneSexWard: "Don't remind me Lips. I'm technically not allowed back in the diner anyway. So keep an eye out for him ok? I really don't need another face-smashing"****  
****CaroSlickLips: "Reeeeeally? Makes me wonder what you did on the date to warrant diner banishment. But we won't go there since I know you're not divulging. Tell me something, will we ever get to hear from Bella? She seems like such an anomaly. Not gonna lie, you're terrible at helping us get a look into her head."****  
****PhoneSexWard: "Now that's a chapter I'd wanna read. I have no idea what the hell she's thinking. Especially after our date. I'm as fucking confused as everyone else is, I think."****  
****CaroSlickLips: I scoff, "Men! You really have no depth. Unless we're talking about your cocks, that is."****  
****PhoneSexWard: "Hey, I'm not limited to Prince-talk. We discussed Bella's ass earlier if I recall correctly."****  
****CaroSlickLips: I stick my finger in my water and flick it at him. "That totally doesn't count and you know it. Though, I won't lie, I do enjoy discussing The Prince. However, I'm much more interested in your relationship with Rose. Spill it."****  
****PhoneSexWard: "Well, after this weekend, I found out she wasn't y'know, on the... monthly...whatever. I don't know now if I should move out? Or if she's going to get over this. But, Cullcati mentioned we might get to hear from Rose really soon. I just wish I could have been inside her head sooner."****  
****CaroSlickLips: "Now, insider HER head is somewhere I can definitely be. Rose and I are on the same page. When do you think we'll get that little treat?"****  
****PhoneSexWard: I shrug, "That's up to Cull and the special guest star writer he's getting to do it." I laugh, "Do you really think he could write it himself?"****  
****CaroSlickLips: I chuckle. "Yeah, probably not. It's very clear that the only thing Cully knows how to get into are a girl's pants...or maybe not, now that I think of it. You're not getting much play, my friend. That must be getting a bit...tense."****  
****PhoneSexWard: "The Prince is getting plenty of release." I rub my thumb through the pocket in my pants against the slightly awake Prince. He needs all the reassurance he can get. "Besides, you have no idea what he's been through this weekend." I look away, as the memories fill my mind. ****  
****CaroSlickLips: "Aw, alright, Cullen. I'll let you off the hook this time, but we will meet again. Maybe next time we'll get some questions from your fans. Because, you know you have fans, right?"****  
****PhoneSexWard: I relax a bit, my smirk coming back to my lips, "I do, don't I? If they give Cullcati their questions for me, I'll answer them. But for now, I'm heading...somewhere. Cause all I know is I can't go home, and I sure as fuck can't stay here." I gesture with a nod of my head at the approaching Man-Bear.****  
****CaroSlickLips: I turn and notice Emmett eyeing Edward. "You go, I'll intercept Man-Bear. Lord knows I have a lot I'd looooove to do to, I mean, ask that guy."****  
****PhoneSexWard: "Uh huh...sure, Lips. Go climb the man-meat over there. I'll see you next time."**

**I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT.  
RATED M. **

The movie tickets were bought and paid for. At least Man-Be…Emmett…allowed me, under the guise of boyfriend, to buy Bella's ticket for her. We stood in the theater foyer. I shifted uncomfortably in place, my hands itching to hold Bella's and gain us some kind of contact, if only to prove this was in fact a date. But whenever my fingers twitched in her direction, Emmett was there with his stern glare. I ended up shoving my hands in my pockets. This, in his eyes at least, was not a date.

When Emmett was satisfied that my perverted hands were restrained, and out of reach from his sister, his gaze shifted to the concession stand.

"Why don't you guys go find us seats and I'll meet you in there." At her brother's words, Bella seemed to sag in relief. As we turned to walk away, headed to our theater, I looked over my shoulder only to see Emmett point to his eyes, then point to me. He mouthed something that looked like 'something something you.' My only response to his threat was to lift my lips in a stiff smile, and throw him a thumbs up. _I got it, loud and clear, Man-Bear._

When we rounded the corner, out of sight, my fingers twitched again. I wanted to touch Bella. I just really wanted to hold her hand like a couple would. I had fought so hard—3 years hard—for this, and fuck if I didn't want to do everything a guy was supposed to do on a date.

But it wasn't my hand that left my pocket in search for hers. It was Bella who slipped her hand into my pocket, linking our fingers and pressing our palms together. I stopped our progression towards the theater and looked down at her. She looked at the bulge in my pocket, our two hands joined as one, and then back up at me.

"I figured I better take advantage of being alone with you." I smiled at her reasoning and withdrew our hands, keeping them joined, as we finished walking into the theater.

I stood at the bottom of the stadium seating chairs, looking up the stairs at the dark back row that was calling my name. It was hard enough just to be next to Bella, let alone sticking us in a tempting location, and I didn't know if I would be able to keep myself from trying anything.

Indecisive, I looked to Bella with a raised brow, silently asking her where she wanted to sit. It could have been my imagination, but fuck if she didn't look at that back row with the same sense of longing I had. With a reassuring squeeze to her hand, I began the ascent. Maybe Emmett wouldn't find us up here and we'd have two hours of uninterrupted, exploration fun times.

A hand clasped down on my shoulder, stilling my movements with one foot hovering between two stairs. _Fucking foiled again_. I slowly turned to see Emmett with a massive tub of popcorn cradled in one arm like a fucking child, leaving his hand free to hold onto possibly the world's biggest drink.

"I like the front row." I would have come back with something like telling him to take his front row and fuck himself in a pool of popcorn, but Bella's thumb rubbed against my own, drawing my attention down to her. A minute shake of her head, and I bit my tongue.

We followed Emmett to the bright-as-fuck front row, and somehow Bella managed to get in between us to make sure Emmett didn't fuck us over yet again and take the middle seat.

It seemed like another hour passed before our movie began and it was then that I realized I had no idea what I was seeing. Something about someone addicted to sex and losing his family. Besides that, all I could remember was that Jasper had seen it and thought it was great. Since I'd become cool with him, and realized we had a lot in common, I decided to actually watch the movie.

Minutes later and Michael Douglas was fucking around on the screen, and I was half asleep. Who would have thought a movie about a sex-addict would be so fucking boring? I rested my head against the back of my chair, slouching in my seat in an effort to get comfortable. It wasn't fucking working, however. I readjusted in my seat, trying in vain, and a stealth attempt, to get in a position where my ass didn't go numb from uncomfortable pain.

I knew the one thing that would ease some of my discomfort—rising of the armrest between my seat and Bella's. I never let that shit stay down. That _had_ to be my problem. With a quick glance towards Emmett, and seeing him knuckle-deep in his popcorn, I slowly raised the armrest.

I moved my gaze from Emmett to Bella, who was looking down at me with an expression that took me a moment to decipher. Sure, there was surprise written all over her widened eyes, but her parted lips and soft, gasped breath? That was all anticipation. I flashed her a grin—the kind the naughty boys give when they clear out the cookie jar before dinner without getting caught—and with quiet confidence, finished pushing the armrest up.

As if my body was sighing, I felt relaxed. My legs widened and my knee brushed Bella's, sending a spark right to my dick. When she subtly rubbed her leg against mine, the Prince—always ready for a party—came to attention.

I lowered my arm in the now vacated space between us, and let my fingers brush against her hand. Her fingers curled instinctively, her knuckles brushing back against my own. This little coy game of innocent touches lasted through another chunk of the movie, but I soon found myself wanting—_needing—_more.

Casting another glance at Emmett, I moved my hand up the side of Bella's thigh. Slowly my fingers slid over denim, rounding over the top of her leg until my palm came to rest. My fingers curled, the tips of them brushing against the inseam of her jeans. I felt her thigh muscle clench, and when my fingers slightly rubbed against her leg, she relaxed.

I swallowed before I continued again.

Making sure Emmett was still focused on the movie, I inched my hand higher. The heat between her legs grew warmer the higher my hand went, and soon I wasn't unable to focus on Emmett; I _had_ to watch my hand. I had to see Bella's reaction when I finally made it to my destination.

With eyes on the back of my hand and the rounding of her thigh, I finished my ascent. My right hand had reached the kingdom, guarded by clothing, and I wanted to break down the wall and penetrate the fortress.

From the angle I was at, sitting on her left, only the side of my hand near my pinky could rub against her. This was completely ineffective. I tried turning my hand, but then my elbow brushed against her breast, and I was sure then that this wasn't the least stealth position I could be in. Emmett would see this shit for sure.

I relaxed my arm, resting my right hand back on the top of her thigh, and then slid my left hand over. With it tucked behind my right arm, I just looked like a dude with his hand on his date's thigh. Nothing more, nothing less.

Using my left hand proved to be much easier. The back of my knuckles pressed against her, and I felt her stiffen. Her audible gasp penetrated my ears and I pressed my knuckles harder. Her next gasp came out as more of a groan as I felt her ever so slightly pushing back.

I groaned myself, slinking a little more in my seat. _She was getting fucking into this. _

Her hand moved to my thigh as I kept up the knuckle grazing. I could hear the soft pants of her breath, and it only egged me on. I turned my hand, moving my thumb in solid circles around where I assumed her clit to be. I pressed against the seam of her jeans and she whimpered. _I'd found it._

I pressed again, holding my thumb down and moving it in a slow circle. She fucking ground against me, moving her hips in a mimicked circle of their own. She was at the point where she was losing her inhibitions. It was that simple movement that made me realize that I could make her come. Right here. In this theater, front row, next to Man-Bear.

It then became my mission.

I shifted in my seat, turning slightly to face her, and her hand easily rested on my thigh. But I didn't want her touching the Prince just yet. Eventually I'd get my own. But if all I got tonight was the look on her face while she came, then I'd have enough in the spank-bank to get the Prince off later.

I put my free hand over hers on my thigh, and stilled any movement she may have been intending to make. This was all about her. Her eyes met mine, locked, and she stared while my thumb kept up its circling.

Her hips had made a rhythm of their own, grinding against my hand. Her other hand came up suddenly, covering my own, and pressing my fingers hard against her. Her back arched slightly off the seat, and she pressed my hand harder against her to the point of pain. But I wouldn't stop rubbing her even if she snapped my fingers with the pressure. She was coming.

She bit her lip, and a smothered moan tried to escape. So soft, I wouldn't have heard it if I hadn't been waiting for it. I then realized that I'd inched even closer to her; our lips now mere millimeters apart. Her eyes closed, and I knew that if I could see better, her cheeks would be covered in a heated pink.

Slowly her body calmed, and she released my hand from her death grip. She let herself sag against her seat, but kept my pussy-pleasing hand in hers. I sat still, watching her as she nonchalantly turned back to watch the movie, her soft fingers massaging mine.

She was masterful.

If she could act like she didn't just come, then I could act like I didn't just instigate said comage.

I relaxed back in my chair and slouched again, my head resting against the chair-back. My legs spread naturally, but it hadn't been my intent to give her better access. Her hand, which had been resting on my thigh this entire time, slid up and rounded towards the Prince. He was like a beacon, calling her to him—or she just knew which way I hung. Her fingers brushed against him through the tightening of my jeans and I jumped.

My eyes shot to hers and she had this little grin on her lips. Damn if she didn't look so proud of herself. She wanted to repay me, and even though I _had_ intended to save it for later, who was I to say no to her?

Deftly, her hand moved to my button-fly, and she popped each button quickly and with skill. I frowned at her hand, wondering where she'd found such skill at opening men's jeans, but my thoughts evaded my mind quickly, when her tiny hand slipped into the opening she had created in my jeans.

Warm fingers found my boxers, and they were no match for her as she just as easily slipped her hand through the second opening. By now the Prince had come to attention, and with a firm grasp from her hand around him, she had tugged him out of my pants.

The girl had insane movie-theater-pleasuring skills.

I slouched further in my seat, my eyes closing, and my hips lifted as her hand moved from base to tip, then back again. Slow, methodical, tight, warm, and all Bella. I gave myself in to the feelings she was creating. I had literally dreamed of this very thing, and here it was in reality.

On her next decent from tip to base, she paused, gripping just a bit tighter, and then did something unexpected. Keeping her thumb and one finger circled around the base, her other fingers spread, finding the top of my balls. She grazed her nails along them, creating a sensation I hadn't ever thought I'd want to experience. Pleasure mixed with a tinge of pain.

I couldn't stop the loud groan that left my lips and the shift of my hips as I pushed the Prince eagerly into her hand, wanting her to repeat the action she just did.

But she didn't.

She stilled. Became motionless.

I opened my eyes, looking up at her face to find it horror-stricken. Confused, and a little put-off, I looked down at my lap expecting to see an alien crawling out of the head of my dick or something.

Everything looked fine, so what was her problem?

One throat clearing, one look over her shoulder, and I knew.

Man-Bear.

His burley hand was placed on Bella's shoulder, and he leaned forward, his glare penetrating my system, causing instant shrinking to the Prince. Bella was still frozen in place, and the longer her hand remained wrapped around my dick, the harder Emmett's breath came until he jerked Bella's shoulder, startling her enough to release me.

I curled in on myself, quickly tucking the Prince back into my pants and struggling to button my jeans. I looked to Bella, for a second contemplating asking her to do them up as quickly as she had un-done them, but a low growl from Emmett made me look away.

As the last button slid into place, I was jerked up from my seat. Emmett had me and was damn-near dragging me from my seat, down the aisle, and out the theater door.

I blinked rapidly as my eyes adjusted from dark to light, and when my vision cleared, I suddenly wished it hadn't.

Emmett grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, pushing my back against the wall of the lobby. The tips of my shoes kicked the ground, trying to find footing, but he had lifted me slightly when he pushed. I had no friction, I had no standing. I was at his mercy.

He leaned close to me, his face inches from mine. His harsh breath bathed my face in a salty-butter flavor. His eyes were red, bloodshot, and narrowed.

"Emmett…I—" I began, trying in vain to calm the situation before it came to blows and knock-outs.

His chest heaved again, this time pressing against mine as he leaned even closer. His eyes bore into mine, and his voice was deep, rasping; gritty.

"Just leave. Now."

Then he released me. My body crumpled to the floor, and I rubbed a hand to my neck and chest where he'd held me.

I didn't need another warning. I got to my feet quickly, and without another look back, I ran.

I pulled my phone from my pocket, and started a new text. I needed something. I needed _her_.

**You. Me. My bed. Be there in 10.**

()()()()()()()

I fumbled with my keys, dropping them twice before trying to insert the bulky Volvo key into my apartment door lock. I was so distracted that it never crossed my mind that a car key wouldn't work.

My hands were shaking, my heart racing, my fear accelerated with visions of red-eyed Emmett coming to kill me.

With one final attempt at unlocking the door to my home, I gave up. My breath was coming in harsh wheezes at this point, and my head was getting dizzy. Talk about a fucking panic attack. I thought for sure Man-Bear was going to kill me back at the theater.

I closed my eyes, resting my forehead against the flat surface of the door, my arms hanging limply beside my torso, and focused on just breathing.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

I brought a hand up and wrapped my fingers around the doorknob, hoping that if I just steadied myself I'd be able to finally insert the key into the fucking hole. But as luck would have it, my fingers turned the knob enough for me to realize the door had been unlocked this entire time. _Thank you, Rose._

I let the door swing open slowly of its own accord, and I stood there, my eyes still cast towards the ground. I had so royally fucked up my first—and more than likely last—date with Bella.

Two steps into the apartment I was greeted with music to my ears. The strains of 'The Man In Me' by Bob Dylan drifted from my bedroom. I smiled because I knew what Rose had done for me. I knew what lengths she went through to make me happy.

I shut the front door, dropped my coat over the back of the couch as I passed it, and finished the walk to my room. My new haven, since I was sure I'd be banned from the diner now.

There, amongst pillows that she had brought in from her bedroom, was Rose. Two beers sat on my bedside table, a large bowl of popcorn was on her lap, and playing on the T.V. were the opening credits to my favorite movie—'The Big Lebowski'. _God, I loved this woman._

"You look like you've been through hell, dude." She patted the space on the bed next to her.

"It's _The_ Dude." She smiled, I smiled, and then I crawled onto the bed. I moved the popcorn bowl and curled on my side so my head could rest on her lap. In an instant, her fingers were combing through my hair, and my eyes drifted shut.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she softly asked, her fingers never wavering on their comfort.

"Not really."

"Well…what did she smell like?" I frowned, turning my head to look up at her.

"What?"

"What did she smell like? You smelled her, right?"

"Yeah, I guess…she smelled like a girl." Rose didn't seem satisfied with that answer.

"Like flowers, vanilla…that kind of thing." She offered.

"Fuck I don't know, Rose. Guys don't go around thinking, 'She smells like sunshine and homemade cookies and rainbows and Teletubbies; all things from my childhood I jerk off to." _Was she for real with this? _

She was quiet after that, so I turned to look back at the movie. The silence was short-lived.

"Well, did she smell like me?" I sighed at her next question.

"You smell like girl, too."

"Smell me," she demanded. I sighed, making sure she heard my annoyance, and turned my head back to face her. I took a deep breath in, my nose pressed against her shirt-covered stomach.

"You smell like a man, actually." I rested my head back down and faced the T.V. again.

"Only because I've been sitting in your room waiting for you to get back here."

"Well, that's not how she smelled."

This time it was Rose who sighed, "If you can't describe her by anything other than, 'She's hot and smells like a girl', then I really don't think you like her."

"Fine." I rolled my head back to look at her. "How about, Bella is hot, and smells like flowers, and she has soft hands."

"Wow. Nice one, Romeo." She rolled her eyes.

"Can we stop talking now and just let me forget tonight? Just your fingers, and my movie, please." My eyes focused on the movie and I tried to remove the images of my failed date and replace them with new happy moments provided by Jeff Bridges.

But it wasn't exactly working.

With every pass of Rose's fingers through my hair, all I felt was Bella's soft, warm hand. When Rose's fingernails scratched my scalp, I shuddered—remembering the way Bella's nails had done a very similar act.

I bit my tongue this time, though.

I would always remember how my one groan, my one slip, brought my downfall. If I had just bit my lip, or had some ounce of fucking control, my date wouldn't be over. In fact, I'm pretty sure with the way Bella was going, the Prince would have had his happily ending, and Emmett wouldn't have even known what the fuck was going on.

But instead, I groaned.

About the time Tara Reid came on the screen, I let my eyes close, feeling exhausted from the near-coming to the near-death experiences. Rose's comforting fingers never let up and I just gave in to the sensation. I made the effort to match my breathing with each stroke her fingers made, and soon found myself calmer than I had been all day.

I let my mind drift and replayed my date with Bella over again. I already knew where I'd fucked up, but I didn't want to forget any part that led up to said fuckupage.

I could still feel the heat of her body against my hand, and the way she pressed against my knuckles. She wanted more. I wish I'd had the balls she had, and unzipped her pants. I bet she would have been dripping wet. I instantly wondered what underwear she had on, and which option she had gone with; A, B, or C? God, just imaging her in option C—commando—made me groan again. _Stupid fucking loud as fuck groans._

And then when she undid my pants? When she reached her hand inside like it had directions to get through the denim and cotton—I groaned again. _Where the fuck did she learn that nail scratching thing?_ I'd have to test that out on my next alone-time venture.

This time, instead of groaning and ending my happy time with a face full of Emmett, I let my mind wander to what else would have happened in the theater.

I could almost feel the heat of her hand against the Prince, softly stroking him. I could still see the look in her eyes; proud, accomplished, and still fucking horny. This time, in my mind, the theater was empty. This time, I stopped her hand-job action and lifted her from her seat, placing her over my lap. Clearly in my mind I was more coordinated than in real life.

This time I'd actually get to kiss her.

My mind is a beautiful thing. Remembering details, and being able to recall perfectly from my vast array of 'Alone-Time-Material', helped guide me to how this kiss would go down.

With her body locked tightly around my waist, her hot option-C pussy pressing against the unrestrained Prince, I could remember her lips. I imagined they tasted sweet, like sugar. And I imagined her moaning—this time loudly—into my mouth.

This time when her hips moved, it was a deep grind against the Prince. He responded with a grind of his own, and I could feel the wet-heat as I pushed up against her. I wanted to be inside her so fucking badly, but I didn't know if it would be okay to penetrate the castle walls on the first date. Surely I'd have to court the Princess.

So I continued to rub the Prince against her, feeling her get wetter and hotter. She was grinding just a little too hard, but I knew that if I just put my hands on her hips, I'd be able to help control her erratic actions.

Her kisses got deeper and she tugged on my bottom lip with her teeth. I groaned again, making sure it was the loudest one yet, because Emmett wasn't anywhere to be seen in this empty movie theater my mind had conjured up.

And, fuck, did Bella taste and feel good in my mind. My fingers dug into her hips, and I soon wished that she'd grab a hold of mine since _my_ thrusting and grinding against her was now the erratic motion.

She broke the kiss and put her lips to my ear. "Come for me," she whispered, and on her command I did.

My head fell back against the movie theater seat, and as I pulled on her hips, she ground against the Prince slowly, fucking _letting_ me coat her with my release.

I fucking loved my mind. Everything had been so vivid. It was as if I had really been there, in that theater, with-out clothes, fucking Bella. If only that had been how it played out.

I groaned again, feeling my voice filled with sleep, and realized I hadn't been drawing on my imagination but had been dreaming instead. And I wasn't in the theater…I was in my bed…with Rose…watching 'The Big Lebowski'.

I licked my lips and thought about this for a moment.

Usually when I had dreams about Bella—sexual in nature—I'd come in them, and on myself - in real time. _Oh God, did I come on Rose?_

I slowly moved my hand, untangling it from the bedding, and found the waistband of my jeans. They were undone. _Fuck. Rose is going to kill me._ I moved my hand lower and then stopped abruptly. The Prince wasn't alone. The Prince had company. _Who the fuck had been visiting the Prince?_

My fingers brushed against the fingers that were brushing against The Prince. I felt over the smooth, soft, feminine lines until I could clasp my hand around a petite wrist. _Maybe it was Bella? Maybe Rose let Bella in, and Bella finished her hand-job?_ I could only hope.

I tugged gently on the wrist, wanting to bring my hand-job giver into view. As she moved, I realized that I was still lying on my side, and the giver was behind me. Her leg straddled mine, and her figure came into view as she lifted herself over me.

_Blonde hair. Full breasts. Fucking curves I knew better than the back of my hand. _

It wasn't Bella.

It was Rose.

**Be nice in your reviews and I'll make sure you get to hear from Rose!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for the comments, alerts, faves, and new readers. Make sure you let me know how you found me so I know which pimp I need to pay.**

**Next chapter is a lil something special for everyone. It'll be coming sooner than usual, so keep your eyes locked on your alerts.**

**Thanks to CaroSlickLips for being the best master-beta around. Keep working those fingers, Lips.**

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* * *

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_I tugged gently on the wrist, wanting to bring my hand-job giver into view. As she moved, I realized that I was still lying on my side, and the giver was behind me. Her leg straddled mine, and her figure came into view as she lifted herself over me._

_Blonde hair. Full breasts. Fucking curves I knew better than the back of my hand. _

_It wasn't Bella. _

_It was Rose._

I froze. My hand tightened on her wrist and I'm sure my eyes widened to the point of being comical. I'd had this fantasy for years; Rose doing dirty sexual things to me in my sleep. But, now that it had happened, I felt anything by fantastically satisfied. Just like when we kissed, I felt weird…wrong.

My gaze shifted from her own widened eyes to her hand where her still blood-red painted nails were wrapped around the Prince. Back and forth my eyes shifted, trying to make sense of what happened. I had been sleeping, _right?_ I didn't ask her for this, did I? I did remember being more physical in my Bella dream-thoughts, and I remember making a point of being more vocal, too. Had that all transferred to real life? Had Rose thought I was awake and then was encouraged when I moved and groaned under her touch?

Was this _my_ fault?

I jerked on Rose's wrist and, eerily similar to Bella in the theater, Rose was frozen. She didn't move. She didn't speak. In her defense, I hadn't either. It was too much to process for my still half-asleep, post-happy-ending mindset.

My eyes landed back on the flaccid Prince who was now in my hand. I had come all over my stomach and the bed. I probably got some come on Rose's hand. Jesus I felt like a prick. I tucked the Prince away and then sat up quickly.

Then it hit me.

Why was I feeling guilty for what _she_ did to me?

I could feel my exterior harden as the thoughts of Rose's hand around my dick—where Bella's had been just hours, earlier—invaded my mind. And still she sat in silence. No fucking way was this going to be pushed aside and forgotten like that kiss was. No fucking way.

"What the fuck, Rose?" I finally found my voice and, though I had intended for an angry loud yell, it came out as a gritty, deep roar. It actually worked better than I thought. _Maybe fighting when I first wake up is a good idea. _

"Ward, I…"

But I couldn't let her finish. I couldn't let her use her personal nickname for me right now. It was too… us.

"No, Rose." I stood quickly from the bed, and ran a hand through my hair—the hair that her fingers had been running through. I dropped my hand quickly, wiping it on the side of my leg. When she did it earlier, I was comforted. Now, I just felt used.

She started to get up from the bed, and I held my hand up to stop her. "What the _fuck_ were you thinking, Rose?"

I began pacing but a few steps, in I realized my pants were still undone, and I tugged them up quickly skipping over half the buttons as I did them back up. "Who the fuck does that to someone in their sleep? Jesus, Rose! I came to you after a really fucked up date and you fucking abuse my fragile mentality to, what? Get me off? Make me feel better all the while making _yourself_ feel better?"

I could see a change in her features. I could recognize what was brewing under the surface. When her eyes lifted to mine, the cold blue color was narrowed and sending ice-daggers straight through me.

"Make _myself_ feel better? MYSELF?" Her voice rose as she stood, and then it was my turn to freeze in place. Rose in anger was a sight to behold. "You _wanted_ this, Edward. You _asked_ me to make you feel better. You _grabbed_ my hand and put it on your happy little friend there, and you _enjoyed_ it."

"You think that I knew it was you? I was fucking asleep, Rose!" I could feel my anger build higher and higher the more I shouted. She stepped closer until we were nearly nose to nose, only a foot of space between us.

"You were grabbing me and rubbing up against me, and telling me you wanted me. You pulled me to you! Who the fuck does that in their sleep? You were awake! I asked you if you wanted me to touch you and you said _yes! _What the hell was I supposed to do? God, I'm so fucked up right now._"_

Rose was a taller-than-average girl, and as she stood in front of me, her pent-up anger seemed to cause a shift in her body making, her taller; tall enough to look right into my eyes and speak her version of the truth. Had I really done all those things in my sleep? It was fucking doubtful, but if you were watching this argument from the outside, you'd think that what she had said was the honest to God truth. You'd think that we'd been two consenting adults in this fuckery of a hand-job.

"No. No fucking way." I was resolved. She was lying. She was the fucked up one here.

"Yes, Edward." But she was also resolved.

We stood both in our ready-to-attack positions, our eyes non-blinking, our breaths almost matching. Another fucking stand-off. But I knew how to win this; I knew how to break her. Rose had pride, and even though I knew it was fucking low, I'd go with it.

My voice came out lower than I had thought it would, and I didn't mind the harsh, almost whispered tone it took on. "Even if I had been awake? I wouldn't have been thinking about you. In fact, what I was thinking about while I was _asleep_, was Bella."

As if the fire in my words had melted the ice in her eyes, she dissolved.

The crumbled look on her face was enough to make me want to take my words back, no matter if I had meant them or not.

"Rose…" I started, but she stepped away. I reached for her hand, our fingers barely lacing together as she put more distance between us.

She sat on the edge of my bed, and I didn't dare go closer to her. I pulled out the chair at my computer desk, turned it around, and straddled it so I could rest my arms on the back. When she looked up at me, her eyes were filled with tears I knew she wouldn't let fall, and a small smile was on her lips.

"Rosalie…" I began again.

"I just thought…" then she broke our stare and looked down at her hands in her lap. She chuckled softly. "I thought maybe you'd want me, too."

What the hell did she mean by that? Want her too? Of course I wanted Rose; I needed her in my life. But somehow, looking at her all dejected, I didn't think that that was the kind of 'want' she had meant.

"What…I…?" I licked my lips, my hands balling into frustrated fists. "What the fuck are you saying?"

"The kiss, asshole. The stupid fucked up kiss that we shared. And now I can't stop thinking about you and wanting stuff I've NEVER wanted with you...and SHOULDN'T want with you because you're my best friend and you're finally getting somewhere with Bella, and that's ALL I've wanted for so long. But now you're actually getting it and I just...I don't want you to...Jesus, I don't even fucking know what I want, anymore."

I thought back over the years we'd been friends—best friends, roommates—and never once had she ever pursued me in a romantic sense. I thought of all the nights we'd fallen asleep in the same bed, and she'd never once even touched me, unless it was accidental or to push me away in her sleep. I thought of all the times when my mom had asked us why we weren't together, and how she had been the first to speak up and deny that anything was going on.

I thought I could figure it out, listen to her ramble on, stumbling over her words while she tried to salvage whatever the fuck she could. But, then I just got mad. Irritated.

"Fuck, Rose, after all these years of parading around in my underwear when I DIDN'T have a woman, you choose NOW to get a fucking crush on me?" It was a legit question. It wasn't like we were ever really modest around each other. If she ever would have felt that need, or want, to do more than tease me while naked, maybe she should have said something sooner. I doubt I would have been opposed to her jumping me in the bathroom, after a shower one day.

"It's not a crush," she said defiantly. And maybe it wasn't? Maybe it was just experimentation amongst friends.

"Then what is it?" I needed to know. What if I needed a new place to live? Could I really work on a relationship with Bella when Rose was molesting me in my sleep? Maybe if Bella didn't know…

"I don't know! That's what I'm trying to tell you, Assward! I'm confused!" _Assward?_ _Really? Fucking come on!_ I rolled my eyes then studied her, doing the whole head-cocked-eyes-squinted 'thinking' pose.

"You want me," I smirked.

"No, I don't."

"Do so."

"Shut up!" I laughed, easing up and letting her have this one.

"It's okay, Rose." Maybe we'd be able to come back from this, if I'd be able to forget what she'd done. The image of Rose's hand wrapped around the Prince wasn't something I'd be able to get out of my head for long.

She nodded, "Yeah, I hope so."

"It's not now, but it sure as fuck will be." I eyed her as I stood up. "We're cool for now, but just…keep out of the bathroom while I get ready to go."

She nodded again, this time sadly, but with understanding. "Right. We have our weekly luncheon with Esme."

And it was weird, because this time I hadn't forgotten. This time it was like I was Rose, reminding her and even initiating myself to get ready.

It was fucking uncomfortable being responsible.

()()()()()()()

Fucking awkward wouldn't even begin to describe the mood for this luncheon. Mom was talking on and on about dad and his country club golf game shit with other doctors and specialists from around the state. I hadn't even seen dad since Labor Day, and that was months ago. I didn't give a fuck what his swing was, or that she ordered his shoes straight from Italy for the tournament. So I easily tuned her out and concentrated on eating this mini chicken—that I was told was a Cornish hen—in front of me.

Rose was tapping her foot under the table. I could not only hear the distinct noise, but I could feel the steady vibration through the table. It was driving me insane.

"Knock that shit off," I hissed at her, shooting her a frown before frowning back at my plate. Her tapping abruptly stopped.

Mom kept on talking, clearly caught up in her cookie-cutter life that she didn't notice the tension between me and Rose. Yeah, we'd talk shit out, but really? There was so much more that hadn't been said that still needed to be.

After I'd left my bedroom and headed to the bathroom, I did something I hadn't ever done before. I locked the door. I felt uncomfortable around Rose now. And I knew that being naked and wet wouldn't help the situation. The truth was I knew that a part of me—namely the Prince—had also liked our kiss. Yeah, it was weird, and wrong, and fucked up. My mind knew all that, but it did _feel_ good. I knew also that I liked her hand around my dick. Even if my mind was somewhere else, Rose had a good grip. I'm a red-blooded man, so when something feels good it can't be denied. It was different to Bella's, though. I knew this now, too. When I really thought about it, I could easily tell the difference. Rose was firmer, more confident. And yeah, Bella was confident too, but it was different. Bella was softer, with more experimentation and determination than anything else.

I had dwelled a long time, while in the shower, on the difference between Rose and Bella's hand-jobs. And it was when I started envisioning _both_ of their hands wrapped around the Prince—at the same time—that I got out of the shower.

"So…" I heard mom pause, bringing me back to the present. I knew what was coming next. Her napkin rose, and she dabbed at the corner of her mouth. "Now that I know there's nothing going on with you and Rosalie—"

It was then that Rose choked on her hen…inhaling it too quickly…not swallowing correctly. I had to stop myself before my train of thought went back to the shower.

"Edward! Don't just sit there, give her some water. The poor girl is choking."

In a rush to grab my own glass of water, I knocked it with my hand and closed my eyes, just knowing it was going to knock over. Once again, a river of ice water was going to run over the table, and probably into Rose's crotch again. This time, though, there would be no Bella for me to leg-grope.

But the glass didn't tip.

I opened my eyes to see Rose's hand wrapped around my own, steadying the glass. She had finished coughing and was fine now. But her hand. Was wrapped around my own. Her _hand_. I flinched and pulled back quickly. I couldn't look at her hand right now. It made my pants tighten and my stomach churn all at the same time.

Rose took my glass and kept her eyes downcast while she drank.

"Edward, manners." My mother's disapproving tone was enough for the Prince to go down to half-mast. _So fucking wrong._ I couldn't believe that just touching Rose's hand was getting me hard. _Come on Prince, we need to be on the same page here. We like Bella._

"Sorry, Mom." I focused back on my lunch, figuring mom was referring to my reaction to Rose.

"As I was saying…" she began, pausing and, no doubt, waiting for me to make eye contact. When I lifted my head, she continued, "Since you've made it clear that you and Rosalie aren't an item, I thought that _I_ made it clear I wanted to meet your girlfriend."

"Yeah…Uh…about that…" I looked to Rose for help out of habit, but mentally kicked myself when she wouldn't meet my gaze.

"Now, Edward. I want to meet this young woman. What did you say her name was? Bella?"

"Uh, yeah, yep. Bella." I took a drink of water.

"Darling, I didn't spend thousands of dollars sending you to a private school to talk like an incompetent person."

"Sorry, Mom. Yes, her name is Bella…from the diner." I smiled and fought rolling my eyes.

"I don't like that she works so lowly. Shouldn't you have a little higher standards?" I nearly choked on my next sip of water. Normally Rose would pat me—more like thump the shit out of me—on the back, feigning that I had been choking. But this time she sat still, as if my mother hadn't just insulted the girl I was unsure if I was still dating or not.

"Her family owns the diner," I said defiantly after swallowing hard. I didn't know if my statement was true or not, but the look of approval on my mom's face said it all.

"Well then, that's different." She cut a small piece of food from her plate, "One week Edward. I want to meet her. No excuses."

I had decidedly been unable to refrain from groaning at inappropriate times lately, and this was no exception. After last night, there was no way Bella would be able to go on another date with me. Thankfully, unlike Emmett, Mom ignored my groan, and we all continued eating in strained silence.

I cast a glance to my side and saw Rose gnawing the shit out of her bottom lip. I looked down to my lap making sure the Prince didn't have a reaction to my favorite lip-biting-gazing past time. Happy to find him at ease, I looked back at Rose.

"You alright?" I whispered to her. Her lip was released from between her teeth slowly, and she looked worried, like she was thinking about something. Eventually she shook her head. "You need some fresh air?" I prompted. Maybe if we could get out of this room, we'd be able to talk or something. This time she nodded.

We stood at the same time, much to the confusion of Mom. "Where do you two think you're going?"

"Rose is sick." I almost smirked, hoping she'd joke along with me and go with the ever-favorite story of her being pregnant. But, she didn't.

"Well, make sure you go around to the side. I don't want anyone to see you if she gets sick."

"Yep. Okay, Mom."

"_Yes_, Edward. None of this 'yep' business."

"Oh Jesus, Mom…" I faltered at her hardened stare, "_Yes_." And this time I did roll my eyes…after I had turned and started walking away.

Once outside, I turned to Rose. The expression on her face was getting to me. "Out with it."

"Do we have to do this here?" she whispered, her eyes darting around the foyer. I grabbed her hand and pulled her behind me out the front door of the country club and into the parking lot. I didn't release her until we made it to the car.

"In," I commanded, pressing the button on my keys to unlock her door.

"What about your mom?" She looked panicked, but it didn't stop her from getting in the car.

"We're not fucking leaving, we're talking." I rounded the front of the car and got in the driver's side.

We sat in silence; my eyes on Rose, whose eyes were on her hands in her lap. I had never seen her this worried before. _Maybe she was pregnant?_

"Rose." Her name came out as a question, statement, and offer to hurry the fuck along and tell me what was going on.

But when she raised her head and looked at me, I wished I'd been a little nicer. Her eyes were filled with tears.

"Please don't leave me." Her soft voice filled the car .

"I'm not going anywhere. What's this about, Rose? About earlier? With the…you know...hand-Prince-job?" the crease between her brow only deepened when I brought up her early morning deviances.

"I just. Fuck…" she broke off, opening the glove compartment and pulling random shit out of it. "Don't we have any tissues in here? You'd think we'd have a napkin or something…" More papers and pens fell to the floor, and she came up empty-handed. She looked around the car, and it was clear she needed some_thing_ to wipe with. I decided to man up.

I held out my sleeved-arm to her. When she looked at me, I only nodded. She rolled her eyes, and decided to use a piece of paper to wipe her nose instead. _To each their own._

She eventually relaxed back in her seat, and after even more fucking silent minutes passed, she chuckled. "Do you remember when we were…God, I think six or something, and that little blonde we used to always play with…What was her name? Kathy? Kelly?"

"You mean Kate?"

"Yeah, Kate." She smiled, "Do you remember when she decided she didn't want to play with us anymore because she had new friends?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"I don't want you to stop playing with me." She looked at me, almost wistfully.

"Again, if you had mentioned this _before_ I actually got a chance with Bella—"

Rose sighed, "No, you ass. I just don't want to be forgotten. It's always been just us, and I'm afraid if you actually start dating Bella that you won't need me anymore."

"Rose, I'm always gonna need you."

"I figured that the reason you want Bella is because a regular physical relationship is all you're missing. I mean, with me, that is. We're basically dating without sex. I guess I thought that if I could give you the sex then you wouldn't need Bella…and you wouldn't replace me."

It all made sense. I looked at the woman next to me. I mean, really looked. There she was, my best friend since we were in fucking diapers, sitting there, looking at me with these sad blue eyes. Only we weren't in diapers anymore. We'd both grown up. In the back of our minds we had to have known that eventually we'd find someone to be with. I wondered how I'd feel when Rose found her sexual-filler?

"Let's set something in motion, right here, right now." She looked confused, but I continued on with the sudden idea I had. "If we're forty and still single, we become each others' sexual-fillers." Her confusion deepened. "Uh, fuck-friends…boyfriend and girlfriend. But until then, we make a deal that we will never quit playing with each other." I cringed at my wording, "Fuck, that's not what I meant…" she laughed, and I couldn't help but join in with her.

"It's a deal, Ward. I'll keep _playing_ with you as long as you promise to keep _playing_ with me." She couldn't keep the amusement out of her eyes. However we worded it, we knew that anything physical from here on out wasn't something we'd need to be close. And finally, things were feeling like how they used to.

"We'll always have roommate night. No matter what," I continued, adding to our plan.

"In your room, because I still have grease stains on my sheets." She eyed me with a raised brow.

"Fine. Deal." I held out my hand towards her.

"Deal…but I'm not shaking that. You offered your arm for me to blow my nose on. God only knows what you've done with your hand today." She opened her door and got out. I followed suit, and after locking up the car I came to stand next to her.

"Yeah, but I know what you've done with yours." I grinned down at her, and was happy when she slapped me.


	11. Chapter 11

**As usual… Thanks for all the reviews/alerts/favorites… This week I've got something special for you. Because I was nagged to death by you guys to hear from a female character, I enlisted a cyber-friend to write for me. After reading her female pov, I'm glad I didn't try to get inside a woman's head and attempt to write it myself. Y'all are crazy with the way you think. Just putting that out there. **

**A BIG thank you to KiyaRaven for writing this outtake-chapter-female-pov for me. And another big thanks to her beta Irritable Grizzzly for working so fast on this. **

**So now... here is Rosalie's POV. This chapter picks up right after Rose and Edward kiss…  
(Make sure you leave some love and let Kiya know how much awesome she is for writing this chapter) **

**RPOV**

The most bizarre roommate night is I've ever experienced is officially over, and I lie in bed next to Edward and glare at him as he snores.

He's sleeping like a baby while I'm in purgatory: frustrated, annoyed and thoroughly confused.

He looks completely serene.

Prick.

"Goddamn bastard asshole jerk!" I whisper to his docile form as I grab the pillow from under me and press it against my face, breathing in and out slowly to try and purge the confusing storm of emotions that are raging inside me.

_I hate him._

_I love him._

_I want him to be happy, but also a bit miserable. _

_I want him to have a girlfriend, as long as he never goes out with her and spends all his time with me._

_I want to hit him, and hold him, and run away from him to see if he'll follow, but above all I want to stop being torn apart by all these fuck-awful contradictions that have me feeling like Jekyll and Hyde on crack._

I flip over onto my back and sigh, pushing out a long exhale and rubbing my eyes.

I'm so fucking confused, and it's all HIS fault.

He kissed me.

He kissed me and ruined everything.

Well, technically, I kissed him, but he made me. I was just joking around about never having 'come' in his room, and sure, I'd climbed on top of him and pressed my tits against his chest, because that's what we do: we grope, and tease, and try to turn each other on, but it's always a game - a bit of fun between two attractive best friends who love each other like family. It never goes any further than that, and neither of us has ever wanted it to.

Until tonight.

I have no idea why tonight was different. I mean, sure, I hadn't been laid in a while and neither had he, but he's just starting to get somewhere with Bella, and...shit...I don't know.

I think on some level I'm like that bratty little kid who doesn't want the firetruck until someone else is playing with it, and then screams blue murder. It's ridiculous.

I mean, it's not like he's never been with other girls, because he has. Plenty of them. But this girl is different. Special. She's not just some clueless bimbo that he's going to fuck and then conveniently forget to call. She's not someone we're going to mock at breakfast the next day. She's not going to be brief and disposable and not good enough.

No. She's not.

And that's what worries me.

Oh, hell, am I really that petty? Am I just jealous that Edward has finally found someone he likes as much as he likes me? Maybe more?

No, that's ridiculous. I _want_ him to go out with Bella. I've been riding his ass for months about getting up the courage to talk to her. Hell, I practically shoved him in her face and made them interact, and at the time, I thought that's what I wanted - to see him finally get a girlfriend so he could be loved and happy, and stop whacking off in the damn shower every day.

But then when we were having lunch with his Mom the other day and he called Bella his girlfriend...I don't know.

Something inside me hurt.

When his mom insisted he invite Bella to lunch the following weekend, the twinge happened again – but worse.

I mean, come on. Having lunch with him and his mom is MY thing. It's always been MY thing. Just like turning him on with my tits and watching movies in his bed are MY things. They've been _my_ things for _years_. _He's_ been my thing for years - my friend, my confidante, my...Edward. And all of a sudden I have to share my things? All of them? Him?

The thought makes my stomach churn with too much acid.

Yep. Apparently I'm petty.

He's finally making a move on the girl he's liked for years and I'm fucking jealous.

And so tonight I teased him and rubbed against him, and as usual the Prince reacted exactly as I wanted him to; but then, when I tried to move away, he grabbed me in a way he never has before - possessive, needy, demanding - and, God...I don't know what the hell happened to me. Before I knew what I was doing I was leaning in to kiss him.

We've _never_ kissed before. Not like that. I mean, I know he's attracted to me because the Prince practically salutes every time I parade around in my underwear, but that's just Edward. He's a terminally horny boy and I'm a hot girl - of course the sight of my half-naked bod is going to give him wood. That's not vanity, it's just a fact.

But tonight...I guess it occurred to me that if we could work as a couple...be romantic and whatever...with each other, then...maybe I could be enough for him, and wouldn't have to share.

He'd stay with me.

So we kissed.

We kissed and it was really fucking weird.

At the time, one part of me was screaming to stop because it was Edward - my sweet, bumbling, loveable friend who I adore as much as I want to kill him most days. But there was another part of me that shushed the 'friend' voice and whispered that despite our perennially platonic relationship, Edward was all I really had, and maybe if we could be more than friends then he wouldn't fall in love with Bella and leave me alone.

And so I kissed him, and he kissed me back, but as soon as our tongues touched, he freaked out and pulled back, and for some reason I was...disappointed. We both kind of laughed it off and acted like it didn't happen, but now I can't put it out of my mind.

Is there something wrong with me that he doesn't want me in that way? Have I already lost him?

I sigh and look at him, all crumpled face, and long lashes, and stupid adorable sleep-noises.

He really is beautiful.

I've always known he was handsome, even when we were kids, but it was kind of like looking at a painting in a museum - I thought he was pretty and could appreciate him aesthetically, put I didn't necessarily want to take him home and hang him on my bedroom wall.

So why now? Why am I wondering what it would be like if we tried? Is it just me being possessive? Terrified that if I _don't_ try I'll lose him forever?

I sigh again and turn away from him.

I just need to sleep. If I can just grab a few hours then I'm sure the whole situation will be clearer when I wake up. I'll go back to being Rose and he'll go back to being Edward, and the confusion, fear, and weirdness will simply melt away.

Yes.

Sleep.

Sleep will cure everything.

...

...

I awake in a sweat, gasping for air and trying to push the disturbing images from my mind.

I feel sickened and turned on, and a whole lot of other emotions that don't make sense because, for the first time in all the years I've known him...I've...oh, God...I've had a sex dream about Edward. And not just any sex dream, mind you - a three-D, surround-sound, multi-orgasmic porn extravaganza in which he fucked me on every surface in our apartment, finishing with taking me from behind in the kitchen as he bent me over the sink.

_What the HELL, brain?_

_I'm not confused enough? You have to throw this at me too?_

I squeeze my eyes shut and groan, because not only was the dream spectacularly pleasurable, but oh dear holy mother of epic fuckage, Edward was AMAZING. Like, A-MAY-ZING. Better than any real-life lover I've ever had.

_Fuck it!_

My heart is pounding erratically and I try to calm the hell down.

I've had sex-dreams before, plenty of times, but never one so vivid and just fucking HOT.

I wipe my face and try to roll over, but I can't.

That's when I feel him, right behind me.

Somehow I've migrated over to his side of the bed and he's wrapped around me like a fucking boa constrictor, my back to his front, his hands firmly grasping my boobs and his erection pressing against my ass. I try to move but he just grips me tighter and rubs himself against me.

"Ward, let go," I hiss in the darkness.

"No," he mumbles drowsily, "Titssoft. Nice...wannafuck'em."

_Shit. Shit, shit, shittingest shit._

_God - why do you hate me so much? _

My brain goes into a spin. My body's still wound tight as a drum from my dream sex-fest and here he is, clinging to my tits like they're a life-preserver and dry-humping my ass while he sleeps. I'm turned on beyond all belief, but I don't know if it's because of him or his highly-skilled dream counterpart. Either way, it's weird and uncomfortable. Even my freak-out is freaking out.

I wrench myself away from him and ignore his groan of disappointment as I stalk back to my bedroom and pace.

_Fuck._

_Okay, Rose, just calm down and examine the facts: Fact one - you kissed your best friend. Fact two - you kind of enjoyed it. Fact three - you then cast him as the monster-cocked, orgasm-savant/leading man in the world's best dream-porn. Fact four - part of you blames Edward for all of this and that part wants to punish him severely. Fact five - you are a silly, selfish bitch._

I stop pacing and cover my face with my hands.

_Oh, Jesus. Screw the facts._

_This is bad._

_Really fucking bad._

I flop onto my bed and grunt in frustration. I'm losing my mind, I'm horny and I'm mightily confused - never a good combination.

I open the drawer of my nightstand, intent on having some quality time with my battery-operated stress reliever, but then I remember that the sleep-humping asshole in the next room stole all the batteries out of my rabbit and I haven't had a chance to get any more.

"Giant shitting fuck balls!" I yell as I slap my bed like a tantrum-throwing two-year-old. I'm suddenly furious with him, and instantly vow to replace his lube with Ben-Gay at the earliest fucking opportunity.

_I need an orgasm. Orgasms make everything better. If I can just come then I'll stop thinking about how ridiculously hot dream-Edward was._

_Yes. Good plan. _

_One orgasm solution coming right up._

I sigh and take off my panties, figuring I'll have to go old-school with my fingers, because God only knows, if I don't do something, I'm going to walk into the next room and beat Edward to death with my useless vibrator. Or ride his cock shamelessly. Either option is going to be awkward in the morning.

So I take a few deep breaths and start touching myself, trying to conjure up my go-to sexual fantasy of the moment - the two hotties from that vampire show tag-teaming me in the shower.

Everything's going well, and I groan and move my hand faster as my orgasm starts gathering momentum, when suddenly, Edward pops into the fantasy, naked and hard and smirking like he belongs there.

"Go...away," I grunt to his smug face as I try to focus on the hot-as-hell vampires who are pleasuring me with their super-fast tongues and fingers.

"You don't want me to go away, Rose," he teases. "In fact, that's the last thing you want. You want me to stay with you, even if it means becoming one of the Prince's loyal subjects. You want him...and me."

"No, I don't," I say, as my fantasy-self tries to ignore him.

"Yes, you do," he insists infuriatingly. "You've finally realized that I'm the only man you need. Took you long enough. You've been teasing the Prince for fucking years. It's about time you realized the pleasure he's capable of giving you."

"Shut up," I groan pathetically. "I don't want you or the Prince, and you sure as hell don't want me. That's how it works with us. How it's ALWAYS worked. Stop screwing things up."

"I _could_ want you," he insists, "if you just stop being such a ball-breaking shrew for more than five minutes. We could have it all, Rose. You know we could."

"No, we couldn't," I argue. "I don't want you in that way. You're my friend. Stop confusing me."

"Just think about it, Rose. We could be so good together."

He reaches out to me, and my eyes snap open as I grunt in frustration, because he's obviously not leaving my fantasy and I really can't continue with him there, even though my girl-parts are screaming for release.

"This is NOT cool," I seethe to my brain and vagina. "Edward is our _best friend_. Our _roommate_. The one person in the WORLD who knows _all_ our dirty little secrets and still likes us anyway! He's NOT someone we _lust over_ for God's sake! Stop it!"

I pull on my panties in an effort to stifle the murmurs of resentment coming from my argumentative lady-parts.

I sit on the edge of the bed and drop my head into my hands, chanting 'fuck' over and over again.

Suddenly, my head snaps up as I hear a familiar sound.

It's Edward's phone ringing in the living room.

I listen.

_Shit, he's still asleep. I should answer it._

I let it ring.

_Really, Rose, answer it. It could be Bella._

The thought makes me queasy.

_Come on! If he misses a call from Bella he'll be devastated. You want them to get together. You've wanted it for months. You don't want to ruin his chance with her just because you're paranoid that you'll lose him._

I stay still and it keeps ringing.

_Rose! This isn't fucking cool! Stop being so damn selfish! He's your best friend! You can't keep him to yourself forever. Answer the damn phone!_

"Crap!"

I take a deep breath and stalk out to the living room.

Just as I reach out to pick up the phone, it stops ringing. I breathe an enormous sigh of relief and then cringe at my bitchtasticness.

_Nice work. Really. You're a piece of crap, lady._

I flop down onto the couch and rub my face.

_If it was Bella then I'm an asshole of the highest order. She's a great girl, and Edward deserves someone like her. He deserves to have his alleged best friend support him in trying to woo her._

_Jesus, what the hell's wrong with me?_

The phone starts ringing again and I quickly pick it up and answer it.

"Edward's phone, Rose speaking."

"Oh, hey, Rose!" the world's most annoyingly perky voice chimes. "It's Alice. Is Edward there?"

"Yeah, he is, Alice," I say, trying to not sound massively relieved, "but he's asleep." Actually, by now he's probably awake and giving the Prince his morning five-finger massage. "Can I take a massage...shit, uh, message?"

"Oh, yeah, that'd be great. Just tell him that our 'group date' is all organized. It's going to be at the diner before work."

The hairs on the back on my neck bristle.

"Group date?"

"Yeah. Jasper and me, and Edward and Bella. It's going to be epic!"

"Wow. Epic. Great." I couldn't have sounded less enthusiastic if she told me she was going to a Jonas Brothers concert.

"Well, anyway, gotta run. I'll see you at work later, okay? Bye!"

I mumble my goodbye and hang up the phone as a creeping dread oozes through my body.

_This is it. Edward's first date with Bella. The beginning of the end._

I take a deep breath and head into the bathroom. I shower quickly because I know he'll be barging in here soon, needing to pee. Usually, I don't care and would happily tease him and press my tits against the glass while he's taking a leak, but this morning I can't face him...or his penis.

Especially his penis.

He walks in just as I finish wrapping myself in a towel. He goes to say something but I look away.

_This sucks. Big time. I can't even LOOK at him. He's standing there all sleepy-eyed and ripe for epic taunting and I can't even say, "Good morning, Ward. How's his royal cockness this morning?", because if I look him in the eye he'll know how truly weird my feelings are toward him right now._

I avert my gaze like a damn thirteen year-old with a crush, and scurry into my bedroom.

After I shut the door, I exhale loudly.

_Fuck me sideways. I actually _scurried_?_

_What the hell?_

_I'm Rosalie fucking Hale - Empress of Snark and destroyer of egos. I do NOT scurry._

I look at myself in the mirror and scowl.

_You need to cut this shit out, Rose, right now, or you're going to screw things up for everyone, you hear?_

I quickly get dressed, and it's no accident that I choose to wear my most devastating pair of ass-hugging jeans. I'm feeling like crap, and the surest way to make myself feel better is to wear something I know I'm going to look hot in.

I put the girls in an uber-sexy balcony-bra and then pull on a tight t-shirt before checking my appearance in the mirror.

_Okay, good. Hotness achieved. Maybe we'll pick up a man who will give us many orgasms and make us forget all about the indecent/insecure thoughts we're currently having about our oldest and dearest friend._

I pull back my shoulders and toss my hair before grabbing my purse and heading out into the kitchen.

Edward's there waiting, and even though I still can't look him in the eye, I know he's staring at me.

"'Sup, Rose?" he asks casually, but I can hear the suspicion in his voice.

I mumble a greeting without looking up and sidestep him on my way to the fridge.

_Okay, Rose, just be cool. It's not his fault you're in the middle of an epic freak-out. Just get your juice, drink it, and be on your way. If you don't look at him, you won't be reminded about the almighty hotness of your sex-dream. _

_Just focus. _

_Juice. _

_Drink. _

_Go._

Suddenly I feel him behind me, his large, warm hands settling on my ass.

_Oh, God, no._

I gasp and stand up straight just as his mouth settles next to my ear, his warm breath making me shudder as he whispers, "You wore these jeans just for me didn't you, Rose? You know what they do to me."

_What the HELL is he doing? That voice...I'd know that voice anywhere. That's his patented Edward Cullen clit-twitching sex-voice. He only uses it at work, but now, here he is, standing in our kitchen with his hands groping my butt, wheeling out his weapon of mass panty-destruction? What does this mean?_

"Rose," he breathes, squeezing my ass-cheeks gently. "Your ass...it drives the Prince crazy."

_Oh, fuck. It's my sex-dream come to life. He wants to bend me over the sink and take me roughly from behind. What the hell do I do?_

_Has he changed his mind since our kiss last night? Does HE want to try to be romantic with ME?_

_Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I'm so not equipped to deal with this right now._

I swallow and my mind races.

_Shut him down, Rose. Shut him down, fast. He's confused. You're confused. Nothing can come of this except huge amounts of confusion._

His hands are still massaging my ass and I can't decide if I'm turned on or annoyed. Maybe a bit of both.

"Stop it, Edward," I say, trying to sort out what I'm feeling.

He ignores me and I'm finding it really hard to concentrate when he's literally breathing down my neck.

"Remove your hands, please," I say more firmly.

"And put them where, baby?" he growls right into my damn ear, his sex-voice low, rough, and needy.

_Fuck. He's good. No wonder he's so popular at work._

I shiver at the wrongness of the whole situation.

_This isn't how we're supposed to be. I'm supposed to not give a shit about his hands on my body and he's supposed to NOT use his sex-voice on me. Everything's wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong._

I step away from him, grabbing the juice and a glass as I move to the end of the counter.

I take a deep breath and finally look at him.

"Rose?"

He looks disappointed and a bit desperate, and almost as confused as I am.

_Stop looking at me like that, Ward. Just...stop._

_Please._

"Where should I put my hands?" he asks, looking forlorn and vulnerable, and I have no idea what the hell he wants me to say or do. He needs something from me and even though I have no idea what it is, I'm pretty sure I can't give it to him.

_Of course there's someone who _does_ have what he needs, and she's waiting for him at the damn diner. Just tell him what he needs to know and let him go, Rose._

_Let...him...go._

"Alice called your cell this afternoon," I say, looking away and sipping my juice. "I answered it before it woke you up. She told me to let you know that your group-date is going to be before work at the diner. And that she already invited Jasper."

_Right. Best friend duties done. Good job._

_Now, he'll go off to meet Bella and you'll...well...you'll go somewhere he's not and be...alone._

I don't even have the grace to wish him luck.

"I'll see you at work," I mutter as I grab my purse and leave.

I don't look at him again, but I can sense his confusion as the door closes behind me.

...

The rest of the week passes in a blur.

My traitorous subconscious continues to torture me with Edward-flavored sex-dreams, and I can't seem to stop wondering what would happen if we actually hooked up.

I eat, sleep, and alternate between avoiding Edward and being a complete bitch to him, because...well...apart from everything else going on in my cluster-fuck of weird, I'm pretty sure I'm PMSing like a crazy person.

I don't ask him about Bella and he doesn't say anything, but I figure things must be going pretty well because most of the time he walks around like he's in a fucking Disney movie, all bouncy-of-step and smiley-of-face. I expect woodland creatures to start showing up to sing fucking songs with him, he's so damn happy.

Part of me is happy that he's happy, and really wants to gossip about whether he's touched her anywhere good yet; but another part of me whispers that I should get used to not talking to him because as his relationship with Bella develops, he's going to drift further and further away.

By the time Saturday rolls around I miss him so damn much I feel like I want to peel off my skin. Of course, that could also be the PMS talking. I purchase every variety of M & M's available and stay in my room for most of the day, giving myself the world's slowest and most chocolate-smeared manicure.

In the late afternoon I hear him fussing around in the bathroom, and decide I can't take it anymore.

I draw in a deep breath let it out in a rush.

_Okay, Rose, just suck it up and stop being such a pussy. Tell him how you're feeling. He'll understand. And if he doesn't, then you'll have the perfect excuse to beat him to a bloody pulp in a fit of PMS-induced rage. Either way it's win/win._

_Go reclaim your friendship before he forgets who the hell you are._

I go to the bathroom door and knock gently.

The sound of movement stops immediately.

_Shit, did I just interrupt him whacking off again? _

_Dammit, why can't he put up a damn sign or something?_

"Edward? Can I come in for a second?" I ask hesitantly.

Before I even have time to put my hand on the door, it's wrenched open and Edward's arms are pulling me inside and wrapping me in an enormous hug.

"Get the fuck in here," he says as he buries his face in my hair.

_Oh, Ward, I've missed you._

I hug him back and then realize he's naked with only a towel separating me from the Prince.

Normally I'd grope and tease him, but considering one of my sex dreams started a lot like this, I decide that's probably not a good idea.

He pulls away and holds me at arm's-length, looking at me intently.

_Oh, shit. Can he tell I've been having perverted dreams about him? Can he feel how nervous his almost-nakedness is making me all of a sudden?_

"What?" I ask, defensively.

He sighs and says, "I fucking missed you."

I can't help the enormous smile that lights up my face.

_God, you've been an idiot, lady. _

_Look at him. _

_He's thrilled that you're not pushing him away for once. Pull yourself together and stow all the other bullshit. It's over. Be the friend he needs you to be. Nothing more, nothing less. _

_Be his Rose._

I look down at my damp clothes and give him a free shot.

"You got me all wet." He beams, and I add, "I know, I know: 'That's what _she_ said'."

I'm pretty sure he wants to hug me again, but he doesn't.

I sit on the counter and watch as he continues to get ready.

I don't need to ask where he's going or who he's going with, but I do, because I know he wants me to.

He looks excited and I try to be happy for him.

He fiddles with his hair until I can't take it anymore and take over, pushing it into the perfect balance of 'I don't give a shit' and 'I've worked really hard to look hot for you'. When I'm done I look at him in the mirror.

He looks great.

Freshly shaved, handsome, chaotic sex-hair and excited eyes.

_Bella's a lucky girl._

He senses something's up and asks what's wrong, but I can't say it. I feel stupid.

How can I say, "Edward, I know I'm supposed to be your friend, but I'd rather see you miserable and dateless than lose you to another woman?"

That's ridiculous.

He eventually assumes I have PMS, and I don't bother correcting him, because...well...I do.

He finishes getting ready, and I know he's really trying to impress this girl because he even slaps on some of the Hugo Boss cologne I gave him for Christmas.

"Well, what do you think?" he asks as he stands before me in the kitchen.

"I think you look hot," I answer, and it's not a lie.

"Wish me luck," he says as he playfully smacks my ass on the way to the door.

"Have fun!" I call after him, faking my enthusiasm like a big faking faker. I feel bad when I secretly hope he finds out she's a man.

I slump down into the couch and channel surf aimlessly, desperately trying to distract myself. I see stuff that Edward would find funny and comment on it, ignoring the mocking silence of our empty apartment.

_Well, this is fun, Rose. Talking to yourself now? Awesome. All you need to do is buy three or four cats and get some of those creepy mail-order dolls from the shopping channel. _

_And you wonder why you're single._

After an hour of sifting through a dozen channels of crap, I turn off the TV and head into the kitchen. I grab a beer from the fridge and rip the top off it, drinking half of it without stopping; then I belch loudly and wait for Edward to yell out a score for technique and reverberation, but of course, he's not here. He's with Bella.

I cook myself the dinner of the lonely and depressed - instant ramen noodles in a cup - and sit at the kitchen bench and eat in silence.

I get the sudden urge to buy some kibble for my future cats.

I'm startled out of my depressive nihilism by my phone buzzing with a message.

I pick it up and read, **You. Me. My bed. 10 mins.**

My heart leaps into my throat.

_Oh, crap. His date is over? Jesus, what the hell happened?_

I feel bad. I've been sitting here, practically wishing him to have a terrible time, and now this?

I feel like a shit-heel of the highest order, and vow to make it up to him.

I unlock the front door and start a fresh batch of popcorn before putting some cold beer on his nightstand and searching through his movies.

I find what I'm looking for and put it in the DVD player.

_Even the suckiest of days is made better by a dose of The Dude._

I quickly grab some pillows from my bedroom and make myself comfortable on his bed.

By the time I hear him fumbling at the front door, I've nearly finished my second beer. I hit play on the DVD and wait.

When he appears in the doorway I almost gasp. He looks like one of those guys from a horror movie who's just been chased by the crazed killer, narrowly escaping with his life.

_What the HELL did Bella do to him?_

My momma-bear protectiveness surfaces, but I push it down because he looks seriously wigged-out.

"You look like you've been through hell, dude," I say, keeping my voice light and patting the bed next to me.

"It's _The_ Dude," he sighs, and I smile as he slumps onto the bed and puts his head in my lap.

I automatically comb my fingers through his hair, and he sighs again and closes his eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask, hating that he looks so stressed.

"Not really," he mumbles softly

I want to ask him if he really likes this girl and if she's worth the effort, but instead I start a completely random conversation about her smell. He looks at me like I'm a crazy person. He's not completely wrong, because before I know it, I'm asking him to sniff me.

_All right, this shit is just wrong. Talk to him Rose. Just...talk._

He pretty much vetoes that idea when he says, "Can we stop talking now and just let me forget tonight? Just your fingers and my movie...please?"

We're quiet for a while and I continue to stroke his hair. Eventually, his breathing slows down, and soon he sounds like he's back to normal. I run my fingernails across his scalp and he pushes his head further up my body, effectively groping my boobs with his skull. I'm pretty sure he's enjoying it.

Suddenly I feel something weird, and when I look down, I see that his hand is slowly moving up my thigh. When his fingers start curling towards my crotch, I raise an eyebrow.

"Edward?"

His hand keeps moving until it's pressing against the center seam of my jeans, and I gasp as he starts rubbing his knuckles gently over my clit.

"Oh...fuck...Ward. What the hell are you doing?"

"Hmmm...warm," he mutters as he presses his hand more firmly against me. "Are you wet for me, baby?"

_What the FUCK?_

_Oh, Jesus...this is it. He's making the first move. Maybe he's been wondering about us as much as I have. Maybe his failed date with Bella made him think that we have a pretty good thing going here, and if we can both get over the squick-factor of fucking our best friend, the sex might actually be hot._

I close my eyes and try to enjoy what he's doing to me, but I can' get past the fact that it's _his_ hand - a hand that has never touched me like this before.

"Ward...this is wrong," I pant as his hand keeps moving.

"You feel so good," he mumbles. "Wanna unzip your jeans."

_God, no._

_Okay, I really can't do this._

I grab his hand and try to pull it away, but he grips my fingers and pulls them down until he's pressing my hand against his swollen crotch.

_Oh...fuck...me. I'm touching the Prince. A very hard, very long Prince. This is so fucking weird._

He groans loudly and I freeze, not sure of what the hell to do.

_He obviously wants me to touch him, and well...I kinda want to touch him too, just to see if we 'work' sexually, but...God...this could be bad. I mean the kiss the other night was strange enough. How bizarre would it be if if I jerked his junk?_

He presses my hand down on his erection again and grinds against it.

"Fuck...yes...touch me...please."

He sounds so desperate that I squeeze my eyes shut and try to push past the weird.

"Are you _sure_ you want this?"

"Yes," he groans and thrusts against my hand. "Please...I need it."

I take a deep breath and lean over to undo his pants.

_Oh God, oh God, oh God...this is surreal. So very, very surreal. _

I push down his boxers and wrap my fingers around the Prince, and Edward says something unintelligible and groans again. I slowly move my hand up and down, and he shifts his hips to make it easier.

"Fuck...yes," he moans as I move my hand faster.

I look down at him moving through my fist. It's the first time I've ever seen him in his fully erect glory, and I have to say, my bestie has a very nice cock.

_God._

That's_ the problem._

That's_ what's wrong with this whole fucked-up situation and why I feel like my skin is trying to crawl off my body._

_He's my _bestie_._

_Not my boyfriend. Not my fuck-buddy._

_My _best...friend.

_I can't do this._

_No matter how afraid I am of him leaving me for Bella, I can't do this to him. For him._

Before I can fully launch into my freak-out and sprint from the room, Edward wraps his hand around mine and squeezes, thrusting his cock erratically and groaning as he comes all over both of us.

_Oh..._

_Dood..._

_Ward-jizz._

_Not cool._

Suddenly he makes a snuffling noise and his body jerks. He takes his hand away and stretches a little, before untangling his non-jizzed hand from the sheet it's been gripping and moving it down to his groin.

As he comes in contact with my fingers, his whole body tenses. He grabs my wrist and pulls gently, making me lean forward so he can see my face.

_Crap. What am I going to say? "Thanks for making me hand-fuck you, Ward, but now I need some heavy-duty hand sanitizer and a generous amount of brain-bleach?_

_I'm so screwed._

He blinks a few times and stares at me, and I have absolutely no idea what's going on in his mind.

_I hope that he's as weirded-out as much as I am, because there's no way in hell this is happening again._

_And yet, I'm still holding his cock. Why?_

Suddenly, his grip on my wrist tightens, his eyes widen, and he looks between my hand on his dick and my face like he's never comprehended them existing in the same universe before.

_Jesus, he looks like Roger Rabbit. I think it's safe to assume that he is, indeed, freaking out too. _

He jerks on my wrist and I pull my hand back, subtly wiping it on his sheets as he continues to stare at me in horror.

He glances away from me long enough to tuck himself back in his pants and sit up. When he looks back at me, his eyes are hard and angry.

"What the fuck, Rose?" he yells, and the force of his voice takes me by surprise.

"Ward, I…"

"No, Rose," he snaps, cutting me off as he stands. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

He paces and re-buttons his pants, and I don't understand why the hell he's so angry. I mean I can understand that it was weird, but he still came. How bad could it have been?

I go to stand but holds up his had to stop me and yells, "Who the fuck does that to someone in their sleep? Jesus, Rose! I came to you after a really fucked-up date and you fucking abuse my fragile mentality to, what? Get me off? Make me feel better all the while making _yourself_ feel better?"

_What. The. Fuck?_

A blaze of anger fires through me as I register what he's just accused me of.

_Oh, Ward, you fucking prick._

"Make _myself_ feel better? _MYSELF_?"

_How fucking DARE he? I've been dealing with this bullshit all week, and then he comes home tonight and practically BEGS me to give him a hand-job, and I'M the bad guy? _

_I don't fucking think so._

"You _wanted_ this, Edward," I seethed, staring him down. "You asked me to make you feel better. You grabbed my hand and put it on your happy little friend there, and you _enjoyed_ it."

"You think that I knew it was _you_?" he accuses. "I was fucking _asleep_, Rose!"

_No. No way. He fucking SPOKE to me. _

_What a goddamn cop-out._

"You were grabbing me and rubbing up against me and telling me you wanted me! You pulled me to you! Who the fuck does that in their sleep? You were awake! I asked you if you wanted me to touch you and you said 'yes'! What the hell was I supposed to do?"

_He asked for it. I gave it to him. End of story._

_Why the hell am I being treated like a goddamn sex-offender?_

"No. No fucking way," he says emphatically, and I don't understand why he's continuing to lie.

"Yes, Edward," I insist, because there's no fucking way I'm going to be crucified for something that's not my fault.

He leans forward, and the look of cold detachment in his eyes makes a chill run down my spine.

"Even if I had been awake," he whispers, acidly, "I wouldn't have been thinking about _you_. In fact, what I was thinking about while I was _asleep_, was _Bella_."

All the air rushes out of my lungs.

_Oh..._

_God._

My stomach falls and I feel like I want to vomit.

_He's not lying._

_He was asleep._

_He was asleep and dreaming about the girl he really wants. _

_Not me._

_He didn't want my hands on him. He wanted hers._

_He doesn't want me._

_Doesn't need me._

_Stupid, Rose. So...very...stupid._

I feel my anger seep out through my feet as reality washes over me.

"Rose…"

He tries to take my hand, but I pull away.

I can't stand for him to look at me, let alone touch me.

I sit on the edge of the bed and push down the mortification, embarrassment, and pure aching hurt trying to spill out of my eyes.

_I'm an idiot._

_Such a self-deluding fucking idiot._

"Rosalie…"

"I just thought…" I interrupt, looking down at my stupid non-Bella hands and managing a hollow, bitter laugh. "I thought maybe you'd want me, too."

_Obviously not._

_Obviously._

"What…I…?"

I look up at him and he's confused, and frustrated.

_Welcome to my world, Ward._

"What the fuck are you saying?" he finally sputters.

_Oh, Jesus, he can't seriously not know._

"The kiss, asshole," I sigh. "The stupid fucked-up kiss that we shared. And now I can't stop thinking about you and wanting stuff I've NEVER wanted with you...and SHOULDN'T want with you because you're my best friend and you're finally getting somewhere with Bella, and that's ALL I've wanted for so long. But now you're actually getting it and I just...I don't want you to. Jesus, I don't even fucking know what I want anymore."

He looks at me in disbelief.

"Fuck, Rose, after all these years of parading around in my underwear when I DIDN'T have a woman, you choose NOW to get a fucking crush on me?"

"It's not a crush," I counter.

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know! That's what I'm trying to tell you, Assward! I'm confused!"

He stares at me and I can see the mischievous cogs turning in his brain. Despite all his holier-than-thou protestations, there's part of him that's enjoying this. Enjoying seeing me, his usually unflappable best friend, well and truly flapped.

"You _want_ me," he smirks, and there has never been a more smug bastard to walk the earth in its long and colorful history.

"No, I don't."

"Do so."

"Shut up!"

He laughs, and I'm glad he's able to, because I sure as hell can't.

He tells me it's going to be okay, but I'm not so sure. My fear is confirmed when he heads into the bathroom and locks the door.

He's never locked the door the whole time we've lived together, but now he feels he needs to for fear I might barge in and molest him.

_Fucking crap-balls._

Without meaning to, I've completely betrayed his trust, and as easygoing as he is, I don't know if he'll ever forgive me for that.

We get ready to meet his mother for lunch, and the whole time a giant ball of tension sits in my stomach like lead, making me nauseated.

The only thought that keeps rolling around in my head is that by trying so hard to keep him, I've lost him. And it fucking kills me.

Lunch is hell.

My stomach lurches violently whenever I look at my food, and all my limbs are filled with nervous tension.

I tap my foot on the table leg, and I guess it's really annoying because Edward hisses at me to knock it off before going back to glaring at his plate.

His mom talks non-stop as usual, but I barely register a word she says.

I pick at the midget-chicken in front of me, trying to eat as little as possible and dreading the conversation I know Edward and I need to have.

When his mom blithely says, "So, now that I know there's nothing going on with you and Rosalie—", I almost choke on a non-existent mouthful of food.

Throughout the whole luncheon Edward can barely look at me. At one point he accidentally touches my hand and then pulls back like he's touched toxic waste.

Eventually he and his mom start talking about Bella and I tune out.

The ball of lead in my stomach expands and fills with sick dread.

I feel like a prisoner waiting on death row, but instead of facing the electric chair, I'm facing the person who means more to me than anyone else in the world, and he's going to tell me he can't be around me anymore. That we can't live together. That he can't be my friend.

It's like the events of today are hovering over my head like a giant guillotine, and as soon as Edward gets me alone, the blade is going to fall.

I sit numbly and wait.

All too soon he's insisting that we talk and dragging me out to the parking lot. He orders me to get into the car, and even though I don't want to, I obey.

The doors close and it's just us. And the guillotine.

I steel myself for the pain, but when he say's my name I find I'm not above begging him to spare me.

"Rose..."

"Please don't leave me."

My voice is barely above a whisper, and I wait for his answer.

_That's it. _

_That's all I can ask. _

_That's what I should have asked before this whole debacle happened._

_He can date Bella, he can fuck Bella, he can have Bella's name tattooed on his goddamn ass for all I care, as long as the part of him I've always owned is still mine._

He's confused about what I'm saying, but before I can explain, I need to wipe my stupid crying face.

He offers me his sleeve.

God, I love him.

I laugh and try to tell him how I feel without sounding too pathetic.

"Do you remember when we were…God, I think six or something, and that little blonde we used to always play with…What was her name? Kathy? Kelly?"

"You mean Kate?" he asks, frowning.

"Yeah, Kate. Do you remember when she decided she didn't want to play with us anymore because she had new friends?"

He nods. "Yeah, I remember."

"I don't want you to stop playing with me," I say, and as the words leave my mouth, I know he's going to misinterpret them.

"Again," he sighs, "if you had mentioned this _before_ I actually got a chance with Bella—"

"No, you ass," I laugh, "I just don't want to be forgotten. It's always been just us, and...I'm afraid if you actually start dating Bella that...you won't need me anymore."

_Wow, Rose. That was remarkable erudite and succinct._

_You couldn't have said that...oh, I don't know...A WEEK AGO?_

"Rose," Edward says, looking me straight in the eye, "I'm _always_ gonna need you."

With those simple words, the lead balloon in my stomach finally melts away, and I know we'll be okay. No matter who comes and goes in our lives, and how many people we fall in and out of love with, we'll always be each other's constant.

We make a pact that if we hit forty and haven't found anyone, we'll give it a go, but I know that's not likely. We're better as friends than we'd ever be as lovers. At least that's one good thing I've learned from this whole experience.

"We'll always have roommate night. No matter what," he promises, and I believe him.

"In your room," I clarify, "because I still have grease stains on my sheets."

"Fine. Deal," he laughs and holds out his hand.

"Deal," I agree, pushing his hand away, "but I'm not shaking that. You offered your arm for me to blow my nose on. God only knows what you've done with your hand today."

We get out of the car and he walks over to me as he says, "Yeah, but I know what you've done with yours."

I slap him and laugh, knowing I'll never tell him that the reason it's so damn funny is because just over an hour ago, his hand was on my pussy and he has no idea.

I'll take that secret to the grave.

...

...

...

**Message from Kiya**

**Hey all,**

**I hope you enjoyed talking a walk through Rose's neurotic mind.**

**I haven't really made a secret of the fact that this is one of my fave fics at the moment, so when Cully asked me if I'd consider writing a chapter from Rose's point of view, I *may* have squeed a little. I mean I've never had someone ask me to write a guest chapter of their fic before, let alone a fic I was kind of obsessed with.**

**So, thank you, Cully, for trusting me with your characters. I had a thoroughly awesome time with them, and look forward to seeing what future hijinks you have in store.**

**Now, I'm shocked and appalled this fic doesn't have more reviews, so please, everyone reading this, if you're loving it like I am, pimp it to your friends; and before you close the window, please stab that review button and show Cully some love, even you shy lurkers out there. **

**Thanks for reading,**

**Love and gropes,**

**Kiya x**


	12. Chapter 12

**You can blame the lack of chapter posts on KiyaRaven who said she would whip me with her riding crop until I updated…She didn't count on me liking the punishment.  
It wasn't much of an incentive to update, eh?**

**Just playing, Kiya. If anything you gave this chapter some inspiration. Thank you also for being my beta this week when my regular master-beta, CaroSlickLips, was sick.**

**And if anyone is in a voting mood…head on over to **h t t p : / / twilightfb-awards . blogspot . com/p/vote . h t m l **(remove the spaces) and vote for Smooth Operator for The Best Rosalie Award. Thanks to whoever nominated me!**

**Once again, in case it was missed before, this isn't Twilight.  
I'm not Stephenie Meyer.  
Here is my disclaimer.  
OH… this is rated M.**

()()()()()()()

I stood in the bathroom, the battle for cock-dominance in front of the toilet was going on again: my fist gripped tightly around the Prince as he fought me with all his morning-wood glory.

I would not be defeated. The piss would come out and I would feel relief. I wouldn't let the Prince beat me.

I grunted with effort as I forced the Prince to simmer down. I'd just gotten him to point straight ahead instead of up when the bathroom door opened.

I whipped my head toward a sleepy-faced Rose.

"Mornin,." she mumbled, walking to the shower and turning it on before heading to the sink.

"You're not gonna shower 'till I'm out of here, right?" I asked, worry creeping into my voice. If I saw boobs right now, the Prince would never be defeated.

"Uh, yeah, 'Ward. I need a shower."

She pulled off her socks, and I cringed. "How the fuck do you sleep in those?"

She shrugged. "My feet get cold."

I tried hard to ignore her un-sexy strip tease. Fuck, who was I kidding? Any woman taking off their clothes, even if not intended to be so, was sexy.

"Come on buddy," I mumbled down to the Prince, shaking him gently.

"Buddy? Has someone been renamed?" She walked over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder and looked down. She tsk'd her tongue and I looked up to her.

"What?"

"You've got quite the situation going on here."

I smirked. "Impressive, isn't he?"

"Want any help?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me, and licked her lips like a porn star as she looked pointedly at the Prince.

"Someone wanna go another round?" I teased back.

She laughed as she patted me on the shoulder and stepped away. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

I turned, my fist still supporting the Prince. "Rose…my dick? Remember?"

"Nope. No idea." She tugged off her pajama pants and kicked them to the side.

"You…" I slid my hand up and down the Prince and few times, lifting my brows suggestively.

She shrugged, "Nope," then pulled off her shirt. Her breasts bounced free from their confines and her nipples hardened.

I gripped the Prince tighter.

"You don't remember?" I almost whimpered, not because I wanted a repeat performance, or to really rehash what happened, but… did she not really remember? At all? And her breasts were right there. R_ight fucking there_. I could never get tired of them.

She turned to face me, a serious expression on her face. "Edward."

"Rosalie."

"Nothing. Happened." Her stern gaze locked with mine, and I got it.

I nodded. "Oh right. My mistake." I smiled inwardly. We were back to normal. The roommate hand-job was forgotten as if it never happened.

"Naturally."

I turned back around before she took off her underwear and did the one thing I knew would help me take a leak. I put one foot up on the back of the toilet. I stood on the toes of the foot I had left on the ground, and leaning forward, I braced a hand on the wall. My other hand wrestled again with the Prince until he pointed as far down as I could get him. I moved around, aiming to the best of my ability, and with the leverage I had, I managed to tilt myself enough to finally pee INSIDE the toilet.

My head hung limply as I found relief.

_God, it feels so good._

"What the fuck are you doing?"

I heard Rose's laugh, but I didn't move. With the piss-relief, so came boner-relief, and I was in too much of a euphoric morning-bliss to let her bring me down.

"Taking a leak."

"Did you learn that pose from the Karma Sutra?"

My shoulders shook lightly while I laughed and dropped my foot back to the floor and stood up straight.  
"Actually…yeah."

I turned my head and winked at her.

"Funny, I thought the girl was supposed to do the leg-hitch."

_Yeah…well…_

"Get in the fucking shower," I laughed, and tucked the Prince back into my boxers.

The rest of the morning was how it should have been the previous week: teasing, flirting, shameless ass groping. I had my Rose back, and it seemed like she'd missed the ease of our banter as much as I had.

()()()()()()()

We'd been answering calls for a few hours, and I was in the zone. I was fully invested in pleasuring women with my words, but I was also being cautious.

"This is your local cable company, Edward speaking,"I said as I answered my next call, keeping my voice as professional and as void of sex as I could. I had to be careful. I couldn't risk Bella calling again and finding out my real job.

"Oh, a cable guy! My box is broken, can you fix it?"

I relaxed when I heard the fit of giggles following the lewd statement

"I'm sure I can. Let me take a look at it…Oh yeah, I can see the problem. Your box hasn't been used in a while, has it?" I looked over at Rose, catching her eye. She seemed annoyed.

"Yes, this is Alice, and I'm a pouty brat that never shuts up," she snapped as she answered a call. She narrowed her eyes at what I thought was her computer screen, but then I realized she was looking over the top of the cubicles. I followed her gaze and came to rest on Alice, who was talking non-stop to Jasper by the break-room door.

"It _has_ been a while since I've accessed my channels," my caller said.

"I bet I have just the tool to reach every channel you desire." I dropped my voice, keeping one ear on my call and the other listening in to Rose's.

"No, I won't let you be on top. I have to be on top so everyone can see me. It's all about me," Rose said with a snide tone. I couldn't help but smirk.

"I want the playboy channel. Can you get me into that?" my called asked, her voice already getting breathy.

_Shit, someone called prepared._

I lowered my voice. "I know for a fact that I can get into any channel you show me."

I heard a breathy moan from my headset, followed by a growl of frustration from Rose.

"I don't care what you have to do today. I want to go shopping. I want you to carry my bags. And I want you to like it." I figured her caller must be enjoying this since he hadn't hung up yet.

"Oh, oh cable guy…" I heard another moan. "I have my main channel wide open."

"I need to insert my tool into your channel to get you what you want. Open wide for me, baby. My tool is big and hard." I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my eyes. I was ready for this night to be over.

I tuned into Rose again: "Yes, come into my dressing room with me. You have to give me your opinion on my course, I won't actually take your advice. My opinion is the only one that matters."

"Wow, your tool is _so_ hard," my panting caller said.

I cleared my throat, trying to come up with another line to feed her. "Yeah, all for you. You feel that? It's so deep, I'm getting you HBO up in this channel."

Rose's voice was getting more bored. "I suppose you can fuck me against the wall, but if you mess up my hair I'm kicking you out of my dressing room." I bit the inside of my cheek. Her caller liked the abuse, it seemed.

"Oh God! HBO! Starz! Playyyybooooy!" My caller started yelling and moaning; sounds of her orgasm ringing through loud and clear. I pulled back from my computer, lifting a brow at the screen.

_Really?_

"I got you free pay-per-views for a month too," I threw in just to see what her reaction would be.

"Oh God! Oh. My. Gaaaaaawd," she groaned deeply, her voice becoming gravelly. "I…I'm…MOVIES ON DEMAND!"

I waited until I couldn't hear her loud breath coming through my head phones.

"So, uh…" I chuckled lowly, shaking my head. _Always the kinky ones_. "I'm gonna put you through to the operator. You give me a call soon."

I ended the call and looked at the clock. I had about 45 minutes until my shift was over and I was tired of being Edward The Cable Guy. Bella was probably still working. It was doubtful she'd call me tonight. I had a few characters I'd been working on that I wanted to try, so I figured that if there was little chance of Bella calling, why the hell not?

For the next half an hour I proved myself right. Bella didn't call, and I found out that while I could do an awesome British accent, my pirate voice got me hung up on. I left a post-it note on my computer not to try that one again.

On my next call, I decided to work on my 'Southern Cowboy' routine some more.

"Howdy, darlin', this is Jack. Feel like savin' a horse tonight, and ridin' a cowboy instead?"

"Um, can I speak to Edward?" _You've got to be fucking kidding me._

"Bella?" I asked, even though I could tell that it was her. That'd be just my luck.

"Edward?"

"Hey," I laughed, hoping she couldn't tell I was laughing from embarrassment.

"Why did you answer like that?" she asked cautiously.

"Oh that?" I laughed again. At this point I probably sounded like I was high on something. "Yeah, I… um…" I looked around frantically for some answer to give her. I tried to get Rose's attention, but she was using her Russian accent. Her regular-spanker must have called in. There was no way she'd be able to bail me out of this one.

Then my eyes fell on my computer screen and a smile to rival Jack Nicholson's Joker-grin spread across my face.

"Caller ID. I knew it was you calling. I was just playing around." I chuckled again.

_Please buy it. Please buy it. Please buy it._

"Oh."

I heard a shaky chuckle, and I knew that not only had she bought my bullshit, she was more than likely blushing at what I'd said.

"So, what can I do for you, Bella?" I was really curious as to why she'd call me after the failure of our chaperoned date.

"I…well…I called to see if you'd want to come by to the diner after work." I heard her huff in frustration. "Oh, this is so stupid. I doubt you'd want to come to the diner and see me. You probably don't even want to be talking to me right now. I should just hang up. I shouldn't have even called." Her words came out rushed and it took me a minute to figure out what she was saying.

"Wait, what? Bella, what the fuck are you going on about? Why would you think I don't want to see you?"

She sighed. "Because of our date."

"Bella, I want to see _you_. It's your brother that I want to avoid."

"Oh, right."

She went quiet and I fiddled with my computer mouse in anticipation of what she was going to say next.

"Well, if you want to, can you come by after work? There's something I want to _discuss _with you, and it's better done face-to-face."

She wanted to see me, tonight, after work, at the diner. My grin didn't waver as I answered, "I'm down with the face-to-face discussion with you, Bella. I'll be there in about 15 minutes."

()()()()()()()

I felt like a fucking stalker. One of those guys that hides in the bushes and looks in windows at girls sleeping in their beds. I didn't,however, feel like a pervert, even as I watched Bella through the diner window, and blatantly checked out her ass.

She was wearing black pants tonight. Black, tight pants that showed off an ass that, oddly enough, matched the one I'd been dreaming about. I knew she was hiding more than she let on. Her apron covered her front, but I couldn't get my eyes off her ass.

She bent over, wiping down a table, and I about came undone. She looked to be at just the perfect height for the mission the Prince had decided to go on.

As if she could sense me looking, her head snapped up and she instantly peered through the window at me. I smiled, almost sheepishly, sure that she'd caught me. I even did the hesitant, not-guilty-looking-at-all, wave. She smiled back at me and tucked her hair behind her ear. She looked around the nearly dead diner before gesturing for me to come to the door.

She pulled it open a crack when I got there.

"Come to the back door," she whispered.

Her wide eyes looked up at me, and I was sure my own were glinting with amusement. She might have said 'come TO the back door', but I completely heard 'come IN the back door'.

I snickered, trying hard, once again, to not feel like a pervert.

She looked worried. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head, trying to relay my answer without opening my mouth,because I was sure something completely juvenile would spilled out.

Apparently it couldn't be helped. My mouth disobeyed my brain.

"I'll be coming by the back door for sure." I grinned. I couldn't help it. I was sick. I needed help. I was sure Rose could hook me up with a young-stupid-horny hotline number.

"I'm counting on it," Bella said softly.

I stood there, mouth agape, face looking like I was just slapped with a fish, frozen to the spot.

She…this Bella…just made a sexual innuendo.

It took an additional minute of me standing there like a dumbass before I realized the door had closed and Bella had disappeared from sight. I stepped backwards away from the diner door and looked to each side of the small building.

"_Which way to the back door?",_ I wondered while sizing up the darkened alley that ran down the left side.

_Jesus, it looks like somewhere Freddy Kruger would hang out. _

_Awesome. _

I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and headed into the potentially serial-killer-filled alley.

Everything became shadows, and I tried my best to stay manly and not let that shit get to me, but when something brushed past me, scraping against my jacket, I yelped.

"Shh!" someone whispered, and I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Bella?" I whispered back.

"I'm over here."

I relaxed minutely and followed the sound of her voice.

The closer to got to where I assumed she was standing, the easier it was to see. I'd made it to the back door in one piece, and I inwardly, (and slightly outwardly), fist pumped. But, as I looked at the back door of the diner, which was clearly outlined by the single yellow bulb lit above it, my excitement wavered.

_Where the fuck is Bella?_

I heard her giggle behind me and spun around to face her. She stood next to a large, green dumpster, her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the metal side.

"Hi," she said when our eyes met.

I gave her my best grin and watched her face react while I walked to stand in front of her.

"Hey," I said, mimicking her posture and leaning against the dumpster. I leaned into her, and she seemed to become more nervous the more confident I came across. I loved the effect I had on her.

"So…" I began, not sure how she wanted to begin this meeting she'd called me for.

"I just wanted to…"

She trailed off, glancing down at the ground before looking back up at me. "I wanted to apologize for Emmett the other night."

I smirked and shrugged, trying to give off the air that I had been unaffected by the whole Man-Bear experience at the movie.

"It's cool."

She unfolded her arms and brought a hand to rest on mine.

"It's really not."

I looked back at her, quirking a brow.

"Oh?"

"I feel really, really bad about how things…_ended_."

_Is it my imagination, or did her voice deepen, and is she looking at me from under her thick eye lashes?_

But her words brought forth a patented smirk from my lips. "More like how things _didn't_ end."

"That's exactly my point, Edward."

She ran her hand down my arm, linking her fingers through mine and pulling my hand until my arms fell from their crossed position. I let her lead me out of sight, and to the side of the dumpster.

"I wanted to make things up to you."

I didn't fight when she turned me and pushed my back against the brick wall.

"I always finish what I start,"she said, her voice low and seductive.

I felt like I should have been taking notes, so I filed away that little tidbit of information into the deep recesses of my mind.

"You know you don't have to do this just because you feel obligated," I stated with a wavering voice.

_Actually, Bella, you really do have to do this, obligation or not._

"I know." She smiled simply and rested her hands on the top of my belt, her fingers curling against my stomach and dipping under the top seam of my jeans. "But I want to."

As I looked down at her pure face, I realized that I had yet to ever kiss her. Sure, I'd given her an orgasm in the theater that I was positive was the best of her life, but our lips had never actually met.

Her eyes widened when I licked my lips, and I knew she was feeling it too. My confidence soared, and I grabbed her behind the neck,pulling her closer to me as I lowered my head until our lips met.

Sure, it wasn't the most romantic first kiss: our lips crashed together sloppily, hers parting instantly while mine didn't exactly, and at one point our teeth hit and caused us to break away.

"Sorry about that," I said while wiping my lower lip.

_Jesus, Cullen, what the fuck was that? You call that a first kiss? That was fucking pathetic. Pull yourself together before this girl gives you up as a bad joke._

I decided to try again. I needed to replace our first kiss with something epic. Something mind-numbing. Something that made her toes curl, her breath quicken, her knees go weak, her vision blur. I wanted a fucking romance-novel kiss. And I was pretty sure she wanted one too.

"Let's try this again," I said with a grin.

My arm wrapped around her shoulders while my other went around her waist. Her petite body lay cradled in my grasp and I stared down at her, taking it all in.

This was _Bella_. Finally, after all these years, I had Bella in my arms.

My grin dropped into a smile as I lowered my head, gently brushing my lips against hers.

Bella's arms snaked around my neck and her lips pressed harder against mine. I took control and gently slid my tongue against her lower lip, and when she opened her mouth, I took my time in matching her and letting our tongues meet for the first time.

As the kiss deepened, my grip around Bella tightened, and I decided it was time.

I was going to do it. I was going to pull out the epic romantic movie-kiss.

I was going to dip her.

The only problem was, I wasn't sure how to do it.

I turned my head to the other side, readjusting the kiss, and opened one eye to assess our stances. I bent my knee and started to lower her upper body down towards it, hoping to use it for leverage.

Everything was going as planned, and I felt like I'd added to my sexual repertoire, until that fateful moment when she lifted her leg.

_Oh…shit._

I began to panic.

A leg hitch while trying to dip just wouldn't work. It totally threw off my balance and I didn't know how in the fuck I was going to keep us both upright. I whimpered through the kiss, my lips stilling into a pucker that didn't deter her lip-actions at all. If anything, the whimper spurred her on, and her leg lifted higher still.

I was losing balance – fast.

With the knowledge that I was going to drop her, or fall on top of her, I gripped her body tightly, holding her closer while I tried to steady us. She moaned and clung to my body with her leg hooked over my hip. Her fingers wound tightly into my hair, and I knew we'd at least stick tightly together when – no longer 'if' – I lost my balance.

The moment we fell didn't play out in slow motion. I wasn't able to smoothly flip us over and take the force of the fall. I didn't even have the time to make a manly sounding moan. Instead I made a sort of half-yell, half-gurgle as we crumpled to the ground. I did stick a hand out that kind of cushioned our fall, but really, Bella took the brunt of it. My body landed against her, but considering we were already pressed together, I went ahead and assumed our collision didn't hurt too bad.

I looked down at her, the fall causing us to end to our kiss.

"Oh shit, are you okay?" I mumbled with the intelligence of a stoned surfer.

Bella whimpered and gave me the most pitiful look. Her bottom lip stuck out and her eyes creased with worry.

"I think I hit my head."

I brought my hand from its stable position on the ground next to her shoulder, and tentatively touched her forehead.

"I'm sorry."

She smiled softly, and brought a hand to my cheek.

"It's okay."

Despite her previously display, sh'd become shy once again.

I licked my lips before jumping off of her, and helping her to her feet. I shoved my hands into the front pockets of my jeans.

"So…"

_Jesus, this is so fucking awkward._

She tucked her hair behind her ears while looking at the ground. She scuffed the toe of her shoe, and I couldn't take it anymore. I was so close to having her again, and fuck if I wasn't going to let this ruin our night. I was at least leaving with another date in my calendar.

"Listen, Bella, I…"

"Edward, I want to…"

We both spoke at the same time, and I chuckled softly before gesturing to her.

"Ladies first."

"Edward…" she began, before pausing and looking back to the ground. I looked down too, because she seemed to be drawing a lot of inspiration from the ground and damn if I didn't want some too. But then she glanced up at me: that same coy look she gave me in the bar that night, in my dream. She stepped toward me and brought her hands to my chest. I gazed down at her brown eyes, while she spoke.

"I want to finish what I started," she said with a soft, deep, extremely seductive voice.

_Who am I to deny her anything?_

I nodded slowly, a smile to match the growing one on her lips settling on mine. Then she stepped forward again, this time pushing gently on my chest until I stepped back. She kept coming toward me, silently commanding my moves with her eyes and touch until my back was again pressed to the wall.

She leaned into my body, her lips right by my ear.

"I want to put my hands on you," She murmured, while her fingers trailed down my chest and rested once again on my belt. She kissed my neck then pulled back to look at me.

"Can I put my hands on you, Edward?"

I nodded dumbly.

She kissed me softly, then pulled back to look at me. I felt completely out of my element. I was so dumbstruck by her words and actions. I had no idea what she saw when she looked at me. She wanted to put her hands on me, which I took to mean that she wanted to finish what she started on our date in the theater. Bella wanted to give the Prince the release he had been craving - from her touch, not Rose's this time.

"What's wrong?" she seemed worried, her small amount of confidence wavering.

"P-pinch me," I managed to get out.

"What?"

"This feels like another Bella-dream."

She smiled, and when she looked down between us, I swear I saw a light blush on her cheeks.

"I've never done this before," she said softly.

"Done what?"

Her head lifted until her eyes met mine, her teeth chewing her bottom lip.

"_This_."

She tugged on my belt buckle and lifted her brows.

I put my hands on top of hers, pulling them away from my body.

"Bella, you don't have to." Y_es you do._ "I don't need you to finish anything." _Yes I do._ "We can just talk, if that's what you want." _Your lips talking to my dick, cause that's what I want. _"Okay?"

She nodded while biting her lip again. She really needed to cut that out if she expected me to be a gentleman.

"But _I_ want to."

_There it is: the perfect girl, with the perfect mouth, saying the four most coveted words a young, horny man needs to hear._

"Alrighty then."

I made quick work of my belt buckle, undoing the top button of my jeans and starting on the zipper. I figured I'd let her do the rest, to give her time to get acquainted with the Prince, skin-to-skin.

"What are you doing?"

Her words came out in a soft-panicked rush. I stilled my motions and lifted my eyes to meet with hers.

"I thought…" I trailed off and gestured to my crotch.

"No, I do!" I squinted at her statement. Those ones always threw me. She tells me 'no', and then 'yes'. It's the best way to confuse a guy. I dropped my arms limply to my sides.

"You gotta be straight with me, Bella."

"I don't…I want to…What are you saying, Edward?" Again with the yes-no stuttering.

I squeezed the bridge of my nose and let out a sigh. "Which is it?"

"I…I don-"

I sighed again., "Do you, or do you not, want to give me a hand job?"

I opened my eyes to look at her.

"I…I don't."

At her words, my body sagged.

_What a fucking waste. _

But I still liked her, and I couldn't blame her if she wanted to slow things down. I took a deep breath and brought my hands to my pants and started doing them back up.

"Wait!"

I paused.

"I don't want to give you a…hand job," she said tentatively.

I nodded, not having to hear her tell me twice.

"But, I want to…I want to do something else."

My ears perked up.

"Go on," I urged.

"I want to…give you…I mean…I…" She took a deep breath. "I want to go down...on you."

She licked her lips, taking her bottom lip into her mouth and sucking lightly while her eyes averted to where the Prince was starting to make his presence known.

"Yesss," I moaned, my eyes glued to her pale pink tongue as it darted out to coat her lips again.

Her hands came back to my chest and I leaned against the wall behind me, knowing I'd need the support eventually.

Dragging her fingers down my torso, Bella began to lower herself in front of me.

"Wait!"

I grabbed her shoulders, stopping her from kneeling. I frowned at the ground, then pushed back from the wall, giving me enough space to shrug off my coat.

"Here…for your knees," I said as I handed her my winter coat. She took with a thankful smile.

"Won't you get cold?"

I smiled down at her, my finger trailing down her jawline and across her bottom lip.  
"I'm sure you'll be able to warm me up."

She blushed and looked down, getting comfortable on her knees in front of me. I watched her, and then she looked up at me through her lashes and I groaned and closed my eyes. The image of Bella, on her knees, in front of me, about to give me head, was too much to take, and I let my head rest against the brick wall.

Her small hands worked on my pants, giving her enough access to release the Prince. When her cold hand wrapped around him, I hissed.

"Shit! Sorry!" she exclaimed, pulling her hands back and rubbing them together vigorously.  
When she brought her hands back I anticipated the chill again, but was rewarded with warmer hands wrapping around me. She squeezed slightly and began to stroke.

I sighed.

I was in Bella-hand-job Heaven once again.

My hands rested on her shoulders, and I relaxed into her touch. She kept stroking for a while, finding her rhythm. I kept my eyes open, focused on her. Her bottom lip was sucked into her mouth and she had a look of concentration on her face. I smirked at the amount of attention-to-detail she was giving the Prince. He was enjoying every minute.

My thumbs rubbed small circles on her shoulders, my small effort in letting her know she was on the right track.

Then, without warning, she did it. And I about lost my shit.

Her pink, wet tongue came out from between her lips, and lapped the Prince's head in a slow circle. I tried to keep my eyes open, but the contrast from the outside air and her warm tongue was too much, and they fell shut. I groaned and gripped her shoulders.

At my sound she pulled her tongue away, and my eyes instantly darted open.

"What…?" I began.

_Oh, shit. Was I groaning? Goddammit!_

I didn't want my groaning to fuck this up again.

She ignored me, and then opened her mouth, wrapping her lips around the Prince's head.

"Jesus…"I murmured, my eyes closing again.

I felt her lips curl into a smile around me, and then she started sucking the Prince into her mouth.

_Fuuuuuuuck_.

My hands went to the back of her head, my fingers weaving through her thick hair and steadying her…or maybe helping to guide her. I was pretty sure she knew the way since it was a one-way street, but in case she got lost, I had no problem giving her a little push in the right direction.

Achingly slowly - too slowly for what I was sure was legal for a guy with blue-balls - she took the Prince into her mouth. About half-way down she stopped, and I assumed she had reached her limit. I opened my eyes to look at her and instantly had to reach behind me to grip something. My nails raked along the brick wall as I fought for friction.

This was a vision I had dreamed of countless times, gut unlike my dream-Bella, real-life-Bella felt absolutely fucking amazing. I could feel her swallowing as she got comfortable with the mouth-intrusion, and I bit my lip. Did she have any idea how that swallowing action massaged the Prince's crown just the right way?

Then her hand wrapped around the bottom half ofHhis Majesty, and she found her perfect sucking versus hand-jerking actions,and I had to think of anything to stop myself from coming all over her.

Ok…what usually worked? What was my usual material for boner-breaking?

_Mike…Newton. _

_Okay. I can think about that: Mike at work. Mike in his office. Mike spanking his monkey in his office desk chair. _

I nodded.

_Yep. This is working._

Only it wasn't. The more 'under control' I got the Prince, the harder and more determined Bella became to keep me at full mast. She sucked harder, twisted her wrist, and didn't let up for one fucking second.  
_  
Mike…Mike…Mike… gotta think about Mike… _

But then thoughts of Mike turned into when I pretended to be Mike during a call once. And then I thought about spanking. Then instead of being spanked by the naughty caller, I was spanking Bella. And this shit was not helping my situation at all.

I couldn't help it. I felt the pressure building and knew that if she kept up with that tongue action, I'd be shooting my load down her throat in no time.

_God, I wonder if she'll swallow?_

I squeezed my eyes shut.

_Hold on, Prince. You can do it man. Just last a little longer._

"Bella?"

My eyes flew open at the new voice to enter our back alley session.

"Bella, where are you?"

I knew that voice.

_Fuck_.

It was Man-Bear.

Turns out Bella knew that voice too, and like me, it shot a volt of fear through her. Her teeth clamped down, and her fist gripped like she was trying to rip the Prince from my body. My eyes squeezed closed again and my body began to curl in on itself. My hands came to either side of her face, freezing with flexed fingers, not sure how to politely rip her face from my chew-toy dick.

I swallowed hard while the pain began to numb and shrink my buddy. I whimpered, tears pricking my eyes and, I'm sure, streaming down my face.

"Bella," I ground out through clenched teeth. "Let. The. Fuck. Go."

She squeaked, and instantly dropped the Prince.

Without her hand cutting off my circulation, all the blood rushed back, and amazingly, the pain intensified.

_Fucking hell!_

I dropped to the ground, and my hands cupped the Prince, but even my gentle touch made him throb as if he was heaving heavy tears of agony.

"Bella?" Man-Bear called again.

Bella stood up quickly and stepped back from our hidden spot behind the dumpster.

"E-Emmett!" she called out, with an overly-cheery voice.

My eyes closed and I rolled to my side, curling into a very effective fetal-position. I had the Prince tucked tightly in my grasp, but still the tears came. I was sure I had teeth marks on him.

"Hey, your shift is almost done. I need you to count out the till," I heard Man-Bear say.

"Oh. Um. Ok. Yeah. I'll be right there."

My jaw clenched hard, and it throbbed along with the pulsing ache of my injured dick. How the fuck was I going to get home in this condition?

I felt a touch to my shoulder and I flinched, not sure if the touch would cause me more pain, or comfort, and not willing to risk finding out.

"Edward?" Bella's soft voice spoke close to my ear.

"Mmmhrumph," I managed.

"I am so, _so_, sorry."

I opened my eyes and saw her face right in front of mine. She looked crushed. Tears filled her eyes, and I couldn't have her crying on my conscience.

"S'cool." I tried to grin and brush off my pain, but I'm sure it came out as a grimace instead.

"Can you walk?"

"MmmHmm. Yep. Sure. Gonna go run a marathon as soon as I stand up."

I rolled onto all fours and steadied myself for a minute. Releasing my comforting cupping grip on the Prince, and letting him just kind of hang with no support wasn't probably the best thing for him at that particular moment.

"Do you live close?" Bella asked, her hand still resting on my shoulder, but this time I allowed the comfort she provided. I brought a hand up and tucked the Prince gently back into my pants and pulled up my fly.

"Yeah. The apartments about a block away.

"The red brick building?"

"Yep." I pulled back so I was sitting back on my knees. "Third floor, number 317." I smirked, not at all looking forward to all those stairs I'd have to climb.

When she saw me attempt to stand, she supported a hand by my elbow and let me use her for balance.

"Thanks," I muttered. When I was as fully upright as I could manage, I finally looked at her again.  
Her face was etched with worry, and her hands fidgeted with the sleeves of her sweater.

"Should I call someone to come get you? Rosalie maybe?"

I cringed. There was no way I'd let Rose help me with this. The amount of shit she'd give me wasn't even worth it.

"Nah, I'll be right."

"Oh!" She bent down, picking up my coat from the ground. "Here." She handed it to me sheepishly.

"Thanks," I muttered again, pulling it on and zipping it up.

Bella brought her hands up to brush some of the dirt, gravel and other random back alley shit from the sleeves.

"I'm really sorry, Edward"

She looked so sad and pitiful in that moment, and I knew it wasn't her fault. It was Man-Bear's. I believed that whole heartedly. If he hadn't shown up, I was sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the Prince would have been able to release his people down Bella's tight throat.

I brought a hand up and cupped her cheek.

"It's ok."

My mouth lifted into a cocky-grin, my cock feeling better at just the memory of her mouth around him. I leaned down and lightly kissed her lips.

"Don't worry about it."

When I pulled back, she looked more relaxed and sure of herself. My thumb brushed over the apple of her cheek before I let my hand drop.

"I better go before Emmett comes back," she said quietly.

I shuddered at the thought of his return, and nodded. Her face lit into a grin before she ran to the back door of the diner, and with a final glance towards me, disappeared.

It was then that I let my body sag again. I looked back down the alley toward the street. A block away suddenly seemed like a long fucking way.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks to my pre-reader, KiyaRaven. You worked my Bella-words, and helped with that issue we talked about. I think I see it now. As always, you rocked my Rose-words. Couldn't have finished this chapter with out you.**

**Thanks to my master-beta, CaroSlickLips. Thanks for the grammer work. I found that WITH OUT / WITHOUT comment you threw in here. Nice one. **

**Thanks for the favorites, alerts, REVIEWS and RECs. I can be slow with my updates, but the chapters are getting longer. Thats gotta make up for it. But if it doesn't, PM me. I have other ways to satisfy.**

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**Does it need to be said, still?  
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Rated M. **

()()()()()()()

My hand grasped tightly around the door-knob, my warm apartment and soft bed just on the other side of the door.

The long walk down the street-block to my building was nothing compared to the walk up the 3 flights of stairs I had to endure. Inside my pants, the Prince was wailing in intense pain from his zipper-burn. The only way I managed to get up the stairs with out giving up and setting up camp on the 2nd floor, was imagining Bella in numerous sexual positions. None of which included the use of her hands and mouth.

Fucking Bella from behind - doggy style - helped me get up the first flight of stairs.

Bella tied to my bed posts - once I buy a bed frame with posts - got me to the top of the 2nd floor.

and finally, Bella standing in my living room, bent in half, hands touching her toes, and being fucked from behind, got me to the third.

But now that I was upstairs, my dick was more miserable than it had been before. Sure, the immediate pain from the mouth-vice he was in had gone down, but all that imagery had be sporting a massive hard-on. All that raw, bitten skin had rubbed against the fly in my jeans with each step I took.

Fucking agony.

When I finally got into my apartment, I knew I wouldn't be able to make it to my bedroom...hell, I doubted I'd be able to get to the couch...but, clutching random pieces of furniture as I guided myself through the living room, I managed to basically pull my body onto the cushions.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

My eyes snapped up. I thought I had been alone, but there she was. The one person I really didn't want to have to explain this all to. Rose. In the kitchen, leaning against the counter, spoon deep in a tub of ice cream.

"Bring that over here," I nodded to the tub in her hand. She lifted a brow—and her spoon—in question. I didn't have time for this. I needed the cold relief.

I nodded quickly and with an annoyed sound, she made her way slowly to my side.

"There better be a good reason that you're taking away my chubby-hubby." Rose held the ice cream tub just out of my reach, clearly waiting for me to explain myself.

"Just give it to me," I said with annoyance, all while trying to swipe the tub from her hand without moving much of my body. _God, even breathing made the Prince hurt_.

She stealthily kept the tub away from me, teasing and taunting. "Uh-uh-uh, not so fast." She dug her spoon into the tub and taking out a big scoopful. "Ungh, this is so fucking good," she moaned as her lips wrapped around her spoon.

Under other circumstances I would have considered this an erotic visual, an occasion for the Prince to rise up and take part. But I just couldn't this time. And she noticed.

The hand holding the spoon fell limply to her side and Rose leaned closer to me. "Jesus, something's really wrong with you." She looked pointedly at my lap which held a very scared Prince.

She bent her head towards my lap. "Your majesty?" she whispered.

Again, this would have been another erotic-visual, a perfect thing to get a reaction from me, but not tonight.

She lifted her gaze to mine, "Ward?" She must have seen something in my expression that made her hand the tub over quickly. I clutched the chubby-hubby in my hand and put it on my lap. It was cold, but not cold enough to really seep through the fabric of my jeans and soothe the painful burn I had going on in there.

I groaned and leaned my head back against the couch. I needed a fucking ice pack, or something more frozen than this.

Rose sat next to me, her body turned towards mine. I rolled my head to the side and looked at her.

"What?" I grunted out.

"What happened?" she whispered. She looked concerned, worried...and was she biting her nail?

I blinked away the craziness of what I was witnessing. Rose? A loving and tender Rose? Nah, couldn't be. I rolled my head back the other way and looked up towards the ceiling. I wasn't getting into this with her. I'd never live it down.

"Edward?" she whispered.

"Just please, don't. Don't make me relive this."

She was silent for a moment, but as much as I hoped the moment would last, I knew it was too good to be true.

"You know what?" She snatched the chubby-hubby from my lap. "Fuck you." She stood up, standing in front of me, staring down at me with a look on her face that I had come to associate with only Rose. She was pissed.

"I'm glad you've returned back to your normal state." I smirked, still trying my hardest not to move.

"I sat by after your date with Bella. I knew something was wrong with you, but when you said you didn't want to talk about it, I let it go." I watched her while she paced like a pissed off panther.

"If I remember correctly, you found a way to 'soothe' the pain that night. You were very hands-on." upon my next smirk, I began to cough, catching saliva in my throat. My body jerked with each cough, the Prince getting tossed about in my pants and rubbing viciously against my zipper-fly.

"Mother fu—" _cough_, "—stupid Goddamn ass—" _cough_, "FUCK!" I finally yelled, my coughs ceasing for the moment; but the damage was done. The Prince was screaming in agony from my pants. The throbbing that I thought had stopped somewhere between the last flight of stairs and the hallway returned with a vengeance.

My hands cupped his Highness through my jeans as I collapsed on myself, my jaw clenching to keep from cussing again. If I had been laying on the ground I would have been in the same position Bella's teeth had originally reduced me to.

A hand touched my shoulder again, very much like when Bella had, and my body stiffened. "Don't fucking touch me," I ground out through my clenched teeth.

Unlike when Bella touched me tenderly, this time I was rewarded with a hard slap. "Go to your fucking room if you're going to just sit on my couch acting like a little bitch."

I heard retreating footsteps and I relaxed. Finally. _She was getting the message. She was going to leave me alone. _

I smirked at my stupidity when not even a minute later I heard her coming back. I knew it had been too good to be true to believe she'd stay away.

"Here," Rose said simply, throwing a bag of something really fucking cold at me.

I opened my eyes and looked at the bag of frozen peas that had fallen to the ground. I smiled lovingly at them. "Thanks."

"I'm not helping you out again with those blue balls," she said.

I should have let her walk away. I should have let it drop. I should have let her think I had blue balls again, even if technically I still did. I should have, but I didn't. I couldn't.

"She bit my dick," I said. And her footsteps faltered.

"She…what?" without even looking at her I could tell she was trying hard not to laugh.

"Go on. Laugh it up. You know you want to."

And she did. She laughed while I withered in pain. _Fucking hyena. _

I felt the cushion next to me dip under her weight. _Great. She was back._

"Oh, 'Ward." I opened my eyes, turned my head and looked at her. She was wiping a tear from the corner of her eye, her body still shuddering from the aftershocks of the quake-filled laughter she just emitted.

"This is something I've got to hear."

"Bella is a lesbian," I said simply, finding the strength buried deep within to lean back on the couch and resume my intended-for-comfort position.

"Wait, what? Bella likes girls?" I smirked lazily at Rose's confusion.

"She must. I can come up with no other reason why she'd try to remove my dick with her teeth unless she didn't like the Prince."

"How bad is it?" _great, she was back to whispering._

"He can still hear you, you know?"

"Who?"

I gestured to my crotch and looked over to her. "No matter how quietly we talk about this, the Prince will still hear you, and he'll still have to relive the incident. You may as well talk at a regular volume."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she tried again, this time talking without whispering.

"Thank you," I acknowledged her effort. "Nah, I don't want to, but I do need some kind of cream or some shit. I think she broke skin."

"I know just the thing."

"Honey?" I asked hopefully.

"Just wait here, I'll be right back." _Where else was I fucking going to go?_

Minutes passed, and just as I was about to fall asleep on the couch, Rose returned carrying a tube of something.

"Can you put this on yourself? Or do you need some help?" she asked, with that soft whisper-caring voice that did not sound like Rose at all.

"You're just dying to get your hands back on the Prince, aren't you?" I smirked, holding my hand out for the tube.

"Actually, I'm filled with morbid curiosity." after handing the tube over, she continued to stand in front of me, looking curiously at my crotch. "If you're barely able to even walk, let alone breath, then it must be grotesque."

"I haven't looked...yet." But now I was pretty curious myself. Images of the Prince's crown handing loosely from its body filled my head, and I shuddered.

"Do you need help getting to the bathroom?" I shook my head, trying to maintain as much masculinity as I could. But as I tried to stand, the Prince rubbed against my zipper and I collapsed back on the couch.

"Come on," Rose held her hand out, clearly for me to take, but dammit, I was going to walk—or crawl—to the bathroom by myself.

"Just take my pants off," I said, knowing that in order for me to move again, I'd need the zipper away from my body.

"Oh!" She grinned, kneeling instantly. I rolled my eyes at her enthusiasm, and prayed that the Prince was all nicely tucked away in my boxers. I wanted to see the damage before she did.

With skillful hands, Rose quickly had my jeans around my ankles, but didn't move down my body to take off my shoes. Instead she cocked her head, turning from side to side to, I assumed, get the best angle to get a peep show of the Prince.

"Shoes, Rose?" I lifted a foot and nudged her side.

"Oh, right." she shook her head and finally took my shoes off, then tugged my jeans from my body. "I'm going to get ready for bed, call me if you need me, okay?"

She stood, eyeing me until I nodded and waved her off.

I could do this. I could make it to the bathroom and apply the cream to my dick. I was a big boy. I didn't need her help.

I took a deep breath, steeled my nerves, and then took off.

I made it to the bathroom in record time. Once there, I braced myself against the vanity and looked up into the mirror in front of me, taking in my bloodshot eyes, 5 o'clock shadow, and really red lips. I smirked slightly, I looked like shit.

I looked down at my boxers. Hooking a thumb under the elastic, I pulled the material away from my body and tugged down.

I couldn't hold in my gasp. The Prince looked horrible.

There he hung, completely limp, as if he didn't have a backbone at all. Gingerly I held him in my hand and, with great care, lifted him. I turned him slowly from side to side and there they were—the evidence of my Blow-Job Of Death—little teeth marks making a perfect circle just under the head of my dick.

The option of playing this off as a shark-bite incident resided in my mind. But since I didn't surf, and spent no time at the beach at all, it didn't seem like something I could work to my favor.

I picked up the tube, squinted at the worn label of Neosporin, and unscrewed the cap. I gently applied the cream and when I was sure the bite marks had been sufficiently filled with the healing power of Neo, I fixed my boxers.

With that taken care of, next step was getting to bed.

The soft mattress and manly smelling sheets comforted me, and I felt my tired body just dissolve. I sighed and inhaled deeply. I just needed to fall asleep, and when I wake up, this will all have been a horrible dream.

"You sound like you're in labor." I heard Rose from my doorway and instantly stopped breathing. _Had I really been breathing that hard?_

"Thanks for the cream." I lifted the covers from my bed and tried—awkwardly—to maneuver under them.

"Come on, you big baby," Rose said, entering my room fully and helping tuck me in. She had changed for bed, wearing her trademark 'I'm sleeping alone tonight' clothes—one of my shirts.

"Thanks," I said softly.

"You already said that."

"Thanks for not giving me shit," I clarified.

She rolled her eyes.

"Ward," she sighed, "what sort of best friend would I be if I gave you shit the same night you almost got your dick bitten off by your potentially lesbiotic future girlfriend? What sort of person do you think I am, for shit's sake?"

I nodded in understanding.

"You're totally going to wait til tomorrow to give me shit so you can do it without your pesky sympathy kicking in, aren't you?"

She smirked before climbing into the bed with me, but instead of snuggling, like I assumed she would, she propped herself up against the headboard and reached for the remote.

"Damn straight. You're far too pathetic for me to taunt now. It's be like kicking a puppy who's just been neutered."

The Prince flinched.

"You're too kind, Rose. Really," I deadpanned.

"I know, right?" She smiled and patted my arm. "Hair strokage?"

I nodded and turned on my side, facing away from her as I closed my eyes. Her fingers started moving through my hair and I sighed.

Despite all our bullshit, she was my best friend, and she took care of me. But as I fell asleep to the sounds of Leno on the TV, I knew tomorrow would be a different story. The Prince would need his battle gear to deflect the torrent of dick taunts she would no doubt hurl at him.

The thought was strangely comforting as I drifted off to sleep.

()()()()()()()

_Thump, thump, thump._

I was warm, buried deep down in the blankets of my semi-clean bed. Not fully awake, but awake enough to realize that the reason I was half awake was due to the fucking thumping coming from the other room.

_Thump, thump, thump._

It sounded again.

At this point I was torn. Part of me wanted to just ignore the out-of-the-ordinary sound coming from outside of my bedroom. The other part of me knew that if we were currently getting broken into and I didn't at least attempt to stop them, Rose would have my ass. Especially if they stole any of her shit.

With eyes still closed, I used my hands to search for her body, hoping that if I woke her enough, she'd hear the thumping, and go investigate herself.

I brushed against something warm and hard, knowing it was some part of her body—not her breasts because those were soft—and I hit her.

The opposite reaction occurred upon hitting my roommate. She kicked me back.

"MmmfuWard?" she mumbled in her sleep, and I hit her again in the same spot.

"Mufffuuk!" she exclaimed, still sleeping. Smarter this time, I dodged out of the way of her leg, and watched while trying to hold in my laughter as she floundered around, kicking at the covers searching for me.

_Thump, thump, thump._

"Someone is stealing your shit." I hissed at her. The incessant thumping now playing with my paranoia.

"Wh-?" she managed, while rolling onto her other side. "Go break their kneecaps," she mumbled, this time sounding more awake than before.

I stared at her body, glaring at her._ How the fuck was I supposed to break someone's kneecaps? _

"Move it, 'Ward, before I tell them where you hide the Big Lebowski."

"You wouldn't." She couldn't possibly be that evil as to expose where I stashed my favorite movie.

"Try me."

Muttering and throwing in a ton of cuss words to let her know just how pissed of I was at having to get up and be the hero this early in the morning, I got out of bed.

Still clad in only my boxers, somehow having lost my shirt during sleep, I crept into the hallway, hiding behind the wall and peering around to the living room. All clear. There wasn't a fucking person in there.

_Maybe I got lucky and they're already gone?_

But then I heard it again.

_Thump, thump, thump._

It was coming from the door.

_Who the fuck thumps on someone's door at_…I looked for a clock, seeing the one on the DVD player blinking a red 12:00..._at a really fucking early time when I should still be asleep? _

Now annoyed that there wasn't someone in the living room after all, I stormed to the door, ready to tell the person on the other side to fuck off. But when I jerked on the handle and pulled the door open, I damn near withered in pain.

Poised in front of me, fingers clenched into a fist was Bella's hand. She was either ready to thump on my door again, or punch me in the jaw.

I took a step back from her, our eyes in mimicking shocked expressions.

"Bella," I whispered, the breath leaving my body, and fear rooting me in place. Her hands. Her fingers of death. Then she opened her mouth and I saw a glimmer of her teeth.

The pain I had felt from last night, and had forgotten in my sleep, was but a phantom throb in my barely there boxers. My hands went instinctively to the Prince, guarding him from the enemy.

"What are you doing here?" I managed to squeak out. _How the fuck did she find me?_

"I...Um..." she blushed and looked down at what I hoped wasn't my hands. And a part of me couldn't help the stirring I felt at her blush. The blush that I only associated with her. The blush that invaded every fucking dream that she starred in.

Then she looked up, and before my eyes could meet hers, they zoomed in on her pink lips. The same lips that had been wrapped around my dick only a few hours earlier. The memory of the warmth of her mouth, and her wet soft tongue didn't go unnoticed. At that moment I wanted to grab her and push her back on her knees and stand in front of her, or move behind her, it was honestly a toss up at that point, but either way, I wanted the Prince to penetrate her somehow.

My eyes finally lifted to meet hers and I saw them filled with an adorable, yet confused, squint. "You told me where you lived? Last night after…" she trailed off. Then I remembered last night, and like a shock wave of pain, the vivid memories came back, a ripple of fear running through my body.

"Right…" I had given her my address, personal step-by-step directions to my castle. I had to move, no question about it. The enemy could come back in my sleep and finish the job.

"I wanted to apologize, again," she said softly.

"Apology accepted. Bye." I pushed the door in an effort to close it quickly, but she put her hand up and stopped me.

"Edward," I allowed her to open the door again, "I don't know how I can make this up to you."

"You don't have to."

"I do. I feel terribly. That's twice now—"

"Don't remind me."

"Listen, can I please come in? We'll talk. I promise I won't touch you."

_But Bella, that's the problem. I really want you to touch me again. _I couldn't deny it. Even after the 'attack', I still wanted to feel her body against mine. I wanted to explore more than just a sloppy kiss, and failed blow job.

I weighed my options. I could let her in, and take her for her word. I wanted to believe she wouldn't bring me more harm.

But I didn't have to make the decision. Stumbling footsteps from my bedroom took my attention from Bella.

"'Ward, do I need to come out here and break some kneecaps on—" Rose came out, still only clothed in my shirt. Her mouth stayed open as her sentence trailed off.

I could see the visible change in her demeanor when she realized it was Bella standing in our doorway and not some ski-mask covered burglar. Her eyes narrowed and her body stiffened. She stood taller, and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" Rose spat. And though the question was directed to me, her eyes never left Bella.

"I—" Bella began, no doubt trying to explain. I had to warn her. If she spoke up now when Rose was in one of her 'moods' it'd be the worst thing she could do. I knew from experience. She just needed to shut up, take the verbal abuse, and then let it go.

"Don't Bella," I warned softly.

"I was just coming—" she tried again.

"You don't get to talk." Rose's tone darkened, and she walked with a definite sway in her hips. But it wasn't her seductive walk. It was the dominatrix Rose, the one in charge that dished out the punishments.

_God, I wish she'd spank Bella._

She walked until she was directly in front of Bella, and lucky me had a front row seat to the shit that was about to go down.

"Do you have any idea what you've done to this man?" Rose began.

I shot Rose a half-grin. So often she referred to me as a boy.

"For years, I have watched him pine over you. For years, I've been in your corner, telling him to go for it. YEARS, Bella." Rose's voice was softer, a more conversational volume, but the venom that laced every word was still there. She had dropped her arms and taken a step closer to Bella, who just stood there, her eyes widening the closer Rose came to her.

"So finally one day, after much pushing from me, you go on a date. Do you know what he was like when he came home? I expected him to be all fucking Happy Days when he walked through the door. What I got was a damn near comatose best friend, petrified of whatever the fuck happened." I was actually getting a little offended by Rose's tirade.

_Had I really been that bad? _

"Then you call him, and he leaves work. Going to the diner after work is our thing. But I wanted Edward to be happy. I want him to date you, so I let him go. And what happens? How do you repay me for pushing him back to you? You bite his fucking dick!" I saw Bella flinch at Rose's last statement.

"So if you think you can just waltz in here like you haven't branded your dental records all over the Prince, then you've got another thing coming," Rose finished smugly.

I looked at her, mouth agape, hands hanging loosely at my sides.

"Rose, shut the fuck up." Though initially I had been impressed, she had revealed my secret name for my dick. I just couldn't fathom what was going on inside her head. Now I'd have to come up with a new name, and relocate the poor bastard into the witness protection program.

_And Prince was such a good name too._

I looked back between the two woman before me.

Rose was bristled and I never realized before that she was almost the same height as me. I took her in, head to breasts, to hips, to ass, to feet. A full body scan. And for once, I didn't feel much of anything. Yeah, the usual 'she's hot' thoughts crossed my mind, but the hardening of the Prince while visualizing Rose's naked body didn't happen.

Then I looked at Bella, and it happened. But I swallowed thickly, and tried to look at her. Really look at her, and not in the sexual way.

She was a lot shorter than I originally thought. After always seeing her from my sitting down position in our booth at the diner, I hadn't really stopped to consider where she'd come up to on my body. Looked like the top of her head would hit my shoulder. Perfect for tucking her under my arm while we walked, or for holding her body against mine as we fucked against any hard surface.

I grinned, my PG thoughts now turning sexual. I really wasn't surprised.

But my sexual thoughts stopped me from seeing the problem that was steadily brewing in each girl.

I was unable to realize that it had been far too quiet for some time now. I didn't take in the subtle differences in Bella's stance, nor Rose who seemed to bristle more now that Bella was straightening up.

I had watched a lot of animal documentaries in my time, and when I finally got myself to focus, it was too late. Each wild-pussy had just sharpened their claws and were making themselves look bigger - more impressive - to try and intimidate the other.

"Ladies, let's just talk about this like civilized..." I fumbled for the word because all that was coming to mind now was pussies, and I really didn't think either girl would appreciate me calling them that at the moment.

"Whose shirt are you wearing?" Bella said. And while I knew her voice to be normally soft and sweet, this time she sounded tough, hard, and there was a hint of jealousy mixed in there.

_Someone just graduated from kitten to tigress. God, I want to fuck this woman. _

"Oh this?" Rose said, looking down at my worn Led Zeppelin shirt that she had on over...Oh Jesus. I groaned. As if this couldn't get any worse. Rose was wearing lace underwear—short things that were far too sexy to be legal.

Rose fingered the hem of the shirt, tugging it up a little and showing off a glimmer of her tanned, flat stomach. "It's Edward's."

"No it's not," I said quickly, another lame attempt at defusing this cat-fight. Neither girl paid me any attention.

It took a minute, as if Bella was taking her time thinking things over, when she looked at Rose with a crease between her brow.

"Whose room did you come out of just now?" A hint of uncertainty replaced the previous jealous tone in Bella's soft words.

_Please don't answer, Rose._

It's not like I should have felt guilty. Rose and I hadn't done anything. At least, not last night. We were innocent. So, we slept in the same bed. Big fucking deal.

As I eyed Rose, I knew she wasn't hearing my inner plea to shut-the-fuck-up because her eyes got that twinkle that she usually only got when it was Christmas morning, or the one I got when her Victoria's Secret catalogue arrived in the mail.

"That room?" Rose turned, showing off her perky ass that was half covered by black lace. When she turned back to face us, she took a chunk of her hair in her finger and twirled it, mock-innocently. "That's Edward's room. Actually, you'll have to excuse my state of, well, undress." She giggled, but there was nothing sweet and endearing about the sound. "When we heard knocking, I just reached for the first article of clothing I could find," she shrugged, so damn proud of herself.

I looked back at Bella, ready to deny the shit that Rose was saying, but something in her face told me to keep quiet. It was like she was formulating a response, calculating her next move. I felt like the cat fight had transformed into a fight between Queens on a chess board.

"So what you're saying is that you and Edward just had sex. Is that it, Rose?" Bella finally said after she had decided where to move her pawn.

Rose didn't hesitate when she shrugged and grinned; a gestured 'yes' by anyone's standards.

"Shut your face, Rose!" I snapped. Her 'Yes' to a clear 'No' pissed me off.

"Come on, Ward." but this time I wasn't susceptible to her little game.

"You know it's bullshit."

Then it was a stare down. The King - my title defaulted since I did own the Prince - verses the Queen.

But then Bella pulled out that brick-tower piece—Rook or something—and stormed all the fuck over Rose's little pawns.

"What the hell, Rose?" my eyes didn't leave her to gage Rose's reaction. This was Bella. A girl I hadn't ever seen raise her voice before. Fuck if it wasn't turning me on.

But then she began to fumble with her stuttering and stumbling that only a guy like me would still get turned on by.

"I just..." she looked flustered as she paused, then began again. "Are you now just making that...stuff...that you slept with him...are you making that up because of your, your...misplaced need to protect him?" she finished strong and I was about to look at Rose, when Bella continued on, keeping my attention. Because, really? Bella standing up and speaking out like that was hard to look away from.

"He's a man for God's sake. Do you honestly think he needs saving from me?"

I watched her, waiting for her to say more, but when it was clear she was done—for now—I turned back to Rose. She briefly met my gaze, and I shook my head at her, a silent warning that she could just deny this sleeping-with-me-shit now.

But being Rose, she just couldn't fucking help herself.

"Obviously he does.."

"Shut up, Rosalie!"

My head whipped back to Bella. _She didn't just...did she?_ I was floored. No one had the balls to talk to Rose like that. The last person I expected to do so was Bella.

Then she continued. Lower now, more direct, more...grown up and mature. Maybe Bella had stepped into Rose's dominant shoes and was taking over the fight...chess match...whatever the hell I was calling it in my head.

"You've had your chance to talk, and now it's my turn. I know things haven't gone how I'd have liked with Edward and that's why I'm here—to apologize...to try and make it up to him—and the last thing I need is his...his...guard dog!" she spat out and I flinched. _Calling Rose a 'bitch' wasn't going to help you out here, Alley-Cat. _

Rose was instantly up in Bella's face, her words seething. "This coming from the girl who tried to turn him into a eunuch last night!"

This time the Prince flinched. _Jesus, could they stop bringing last night up?_

"That was an ACCIDENT, Rosalie! My brother almost caught me going down on him in an alley! And if that had happened, having a sore...well, you know...his..." Bella blushed and gestured to me.

"Dick," I supplied for her.

"Right...Edward's dick...Well, that would have been the least of his problems, believe me! My brother is the reason—the ONLY reason—I didn't ask Edward out when we first met." _Wait, what? Bella wanted to ask me out?_

I looked at Bella in a whole new light. She had liked me all this time? And Man-Bear held her back? It wasn't me? All this time I thought my crush was one-sided. This is fucking awesome news.

"You think you're protective of Edward? That's NOTHING compared to how protective Emmett is of me. If he'd discovered us last night, Edward would be in the emergency room right now."

I cringed at Bella's words, knowing just how true they were. I reached a hand up to touch my cheek, remembering the way I was man-handled by her brother when I first met him. I couldn't imagine what he'd do to me if he _had _caught us.

"If you're so worried about what your brother will do to him then why are you still here? Just fucking walk away." Rose was back, moving her Queen into position to take out Bella's King. I watched eagerly to see what Bella's next move would be.

_Why hasn't she given me up_? I mean, I could give a thousand reasons why she'd still want this, but I wanted to hear her reason.

"You think I haven't tried to? You think I don't know that would be best for Edward?" Bella had calmed down, her voice softer, pleading. I instinctively stepped closer to her.

"I'm not stupid, Rosalie, I've tried." At her next words, I inched closer still, our arms brushing against each other.

"Believe me for three YEARS I've tried to ignore my attraction to him, but I can't do it any longer." I grinned, feeling like _the shit_ at the moment. I found her hand and linked our pinkies together as if making a silent-secret-pact that one day we would act on this attraction we both felt and fuck the shit out of each other—sans teeth, of course.

"I like him." _I like you too, Bella. _My pinkie flexed, giving hers a silent-secret-pact handshake.

"A lot." _Ditto_. I looked at her, and she looked back at me, her pinkie returning the handshake while a small grin lit her lips.

We stood like that, pinkies linked, goofy-as-fuck grins on our faces for seconds, minutes, moments...Hours was probably taking it too far. But it felt like a while, and it felt amazing. It was confirmed that she liked me. Of course I could have assumed from the hand-job and the blow-job, but having her say what I've been feeling for the past 3 years just was the icing on my Bella cake...Bella...cake...icing...licking the icing off my Bella cake..._And now the Prince has joined the conversation and I'm suddenly aware that I'm only wearing my boxers...and wow, is there a draft in here? _

"What the hell is with you and pulling your dick out around my sister!"


	14. Chapter 14

Few things before I put up the disclaimer...Massive sorry to my readers for making you wait over a month for an update. My excuses? Well, the holidays for one...Christmas, New Years... and then I moved internationally. A move from Canada to the US does count, especially if its from West Coast to East Coast. So...am I forgiven? Not yet? What if I said I'm already working on Chapter 15 and will have it to you before another month passes? Would that do it? I bet I'm forgiven and then some.

Now...onto business...

Thanks to my pre-readers, **KiyaRaven **and **Kassiah**. You girls really rocked my world in the gdoc 3-way we had going on. Same time, same place, next week?

My Beta this week, **Lilacs46. **Thanks for being a great back-up and letting me call on you at the last minute to work on this. I don't consider this a fic-chapter-one-night-stand, since I plan on using you again, and again, should **Lips, **need another break from me.

To all my new readers/subscribers that I go this past month, and all the reviews, you guys are awesome. Thanks for the support, and the pimpin.

**This isn't Twilight.  
RATED M  
(But you should already know that if you've read this far. I cuss. I'm perverted.)**

**

* * *

**

**_Its about to feel like a LOST episode...  
Previously...  
_**

****"I like him." _I like you too, Bella. _My pinkie flexed, giving hers a silent-secret-pact handshake.

"A lot." _Ditto_. I looked at her, and she looked back at me, her pinkie returning the handshake while a small grin lit her lips.

We stood like that, pinkies linked, goofy-as-fuck grins on our faces for seconds, minutes, moments...Hours was probably taking it too far. But it felt like a while, and it felt amazing. It was confirmed that she liked me. Of course I could have assumed from the hand-job and the blow-job, but having her say what I've been feeling for the past 3 years just was the icing on my Bella cake...Bella...cake...icing...licking the icing off my Bella cake..._And now the Prince has joined the conversation and I'm suddenly aware that I'm only wearing my boxers...and wow, is there a draft in here?_

"What the hell is with you and pulling your dick out around my sister!

* * *

I was broken out of my Bella-icing induced mind-coma by a voice I fucking hated. Loathed. A voice that could make even the hardest dick shrivel up and fall off.

"Who the hell is that?" Rose was leaning towards me, side-whispering in a tone that I was sure both Bella and her brother could hear.

"Man-Bear." I sneered, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring at the hulk of a man in my doorway. I felt this sense of security since he was on _my_ turf now. But knew, without a doubt, that he wouldn't hesitate in kicking my ass if he really wanted to.

"Man...who?" Rose whispered again.

"Bella's brother. He works at the diner." I noticed that while Rose and I talked, Bella had turned to her brother and was talking softly too. I could see her side profile still, and she was pissed. The fire from the fight with Rose was still burning in her eyes.

"I've never seen him there before." Rose said curiously.

"Me either. Apparently we're really unobservant."

"Hm. Shame."

I broke my gaze from Bella and looked at Rose. She didn't seem pissed at all that this guy - who had been cock blocking me through out my whole Date-Bella-Saga - was inside our home. Uninvited.

In fact, Rose was entirely too happy, when she should be entirely on my side and be pissed and seething like I currently was.

"By the way? You might want to tuck the Prince back in his chambers." She winked and I felt my anger build.

_Fuck no! This is MY house. I can let MY dick hang out of MY boxers if I fucking want to. _But before I could say my exact thoughts Bella turned to me, and her eyes instantly dropped to my crotch, and widened.

I grinned, because really, her eyes widened in amazement - not horror, and then made quick work of putting the Prince away. When Bella's eyes lifted back to mine, her cheeks were pink with blush, but a small smile was on her lips. She liked it. She wanted more face time with him. _I knew it._

Man-Bear cleared his throat and I shivered. He too had seen the Prince, but there was no fucking way I wanted to give him any one-on-one time with him.

"I'll be right back." I mumbled before hurrying to my bedroom to find some pants.

I took my time, knowing I should hurry up and defend my pissing ground, or at least defend my women, but I also didn't want to see what Emmett wanted. By the time I returned to the living room, while tying the drawstring on my sweats, I noticed a change in room-demeanor.

The front door was closed. Rose and Man-Bear sat on the couch, turned slightly toward each other. Bella sat in _my_ arm chair. And no one was talking. It was more fucking awkward than if I'd forgone pants altogether and wandered back into the room playing bongos on my ass-cheeks.

I cleared my throat, and took a few more steps further into the room. With no where else to sit, except the spot between Rose and Emmett, which I wasn't about to wedge myself into, I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms over my chest.

An advantage to this was that I towered over Man-Bear. I smirked as I looked down at him, flexing my naked chest so it jutted out just a little bit more. _It's all about the intimidation._

Then he glared at me, and I shrunk back in on myself. _Even in my own fucking home..._ My thoughts trailed off when Bella's voice spoke up.

"Emmett I really think you're being unreasonable." Though what she said might have sounded strong had it been written down on paper, her meek, soft tone and the way she didn't meet anyone's eyes was a give-away to her nerves.

"Baby B, I'm just looking out for you." Emmett leaned forward, placing his forearms on his knees, hands clasped in front of him.

"I...I really like him." Bella mumbled, and I grinned. A grin which slowly left my lips when Emmett slide his glance to me.

I cleared my throat, and changed my demeanor to a deep frown. If I looked serious, and acted serious, maybe I'd be left alone.

"Did you tell her?" Emmett eyes met mine, and instantly my serious frown started to waver.

"Tell her what." I stated, not asked. I had no fucking clue what I was supposed to tell her.

"What we discussed." Emmett responded, his brows lifted, his stern-serious look completely out-weighing mine.

"I thought you said you didn't know this guy, 'Ward?" I turned my attention to Rose, gracing her with a small smile. _Thank you Rose, for the distraction_.

"I don't know him, per'se. We just have a common interest, you could say." I replied.

Rose's confused face made my smile grow. It was always such a comical thing to see on her when she was usually the one who knew it all.

"And what would that be?" she questioned further.

"The well being of my little sister." Emmett answered for her. And then it dawned on me. Emmett had me playing Bella's boyfriend. Defending her honor against the Evil-Douche. I knew that our unofficial contract for Bella's virtue was probably null and void after the theater incident, which made me wonder what his game was tonight. What was he trying to do by bringing it up? Here? Now? in front of Bella? _Wait..._

"Wait..." I scowled at myself. I wouldn't let him do this. I knew what his game was. I was on to him. "Of course we're both concerned about Bella's well being. End. Of. Story." I punctuated my words, my own brow lifted in a silent warning that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was going to ignore.

My eyes never left Man-Bears. I couldn't risk it. I had to keep a lock on him. But his smirk grew. His eyes fucking twinkled. He was unwrapping a mental Ho Ho and he was going to take the biggest, most pleasurable bite.

He sighed one of those fucking huge sighs, breaking our stare-down and cast his eyes to his lap, shaking his head in mock-sadness.

"Bella," he began, his eyes lifting to look at her. I could only follow his gaze, still unable to look away. "I know how much you like Edward, and it literally kills me to pain you this way."

Man-Bear shot me a sideways glance, his eyes grinning with sugary-sweetness. _That fucking asshole!_

"What are you talking about, Emmett?" Bella's voice instantly grabbed my attention and I looked to her in horror. He wouldn't do this to her. Fuck how he feels about me. I know he hates me for the position he found the Prince in the last time he saw me. But his sister? The one he claims to solely protect?

I looked back to Emmett when his loud intake of breath once again pulled my attention to him. He leaned forward till his ass was resting on the edge of the couch, and clasped his hands in front of him. He thoughtfully licked his lips, shot me another glare, then began the unraveling of the small blossoming relationship I had begun to grow with Bella.

"Edward doesn't really like you."

"Ffppppt!" My lips verbally made the stupidest sound of shock they could muster. I was pissed. Pissed and shocked. Out of everything I thought he would say, I didn't think he'd start right there. Maybe something like '_I don't think you should be with Edward.' _or '_While Edward is an amazing guy, he might not be the one for you.'_ SOMETHING! But that?

"Man-b...! What the fuck!... Dude, really? Just.. Uhg! You just? and really? REALLY?" My verbal stuttering astounded even myself and I quickly just shut the fuck up.

My amazing retort to the shocking statement drew confusion and silence from everyone in the room.

Until Bella recovered, shook her head and said, "I don't understand..."

"B," he leaned forward some more, dangerously close to toppling off my couch, and took Bella's hand in his. "It's true."

His eyes held hers, and I saw the wave of confusion swell up before she jerked her hands from his. "No. You're wrong, Emmett. He took me out, and we...we..."

She looked at me quickly and I shook my head stiffly. I didn't dare open my mouth again, less I expose another amazing tirade of stupidity. And there was no way she was going to tell Emmett about the physical side of things. He didn't need to know more than he already did.

"We talk on the phone, and he..He TOLD me he likes me, Em." She was pleading with her brother, and I couldn't stand quietly anymore. Despite the mess I had said before, which thankfully was ignored.

"Bro, you know I like her." my eyes squinted at the one brave heroic sentence I said. _That's the best I can do to defend my girl? Jesus Christ Edward, I was better off shutting the fuck up._

But thank God for Rose, who snorted out a laugh, "You LIKE her? That's the understatement of the century."

"Rosalie, I thought you and Edward.." Bella's unsure voice wavered when she said my name. And if I hadn't been really close to having my balls ripped off and shoved in a cocktail blender, I would have envisioned making her say my name, wavering on the brink of intense pleasure. _Fuck it, I thought about it anyway. _

Rose laughed again, and brought a hand up to clear the air between them and brush off Bella's question. "Edward is like a brother to me." I shuddered at her words, _siblings with a hands on relationship, you mean._ "I couldn't help but get riled up when you just showed up here. I have to look out for him. He's..." She smiled up at me and shrugged, while I just rolled my eyes in reply.

"Baby B." Emmett's voice sounded in warning, and it became clear to me that he didn't usually have to fight for Bella's attention. I liked that I was causing her to be distracted.

"Sorry Em, but I just don't see it. He's the first guy I've ever really liked..." I started to grin at Bella's words before they were cut off - again - by her brother.

"I know! That's why this is hard for me." He reached for her hands again. "B, Edward and I were both trying to protect you. Which is why he was _pretending_ to be interested in you and date you. He's pretending to be your boyfriend."

"This is fucking bullshit! This is your sister, man. You're really gonna do this? Just shut the fuck up already." I could have smiled. I had managed to say _something_ that actually defended myself and Bella, and I didn't sound like a drugged out idiot, stuttering his way through a conversation.

Bella looked at me, our eyes meeting and her gaze softened. She could see it, I knew she could.

"You're lying." Bella said softly, after turning back to face her brother.

"I honestly wish I was." he said, nonchalantly.

"No..."

"Bella...Baby-B...I've never lied to you. I've always been there for you. Why would I lie now?" That mother fucker! Emmett totally pulled out the caring older brother card. Bella couldn't buy into this bullshit, could she?

But, Bella's grip on Emmett's hands tightened, and I watched as her knuckles began to turn white. Did she believe him? I felt myself pale at the thought. She couldn't. Not after everything I had gone through just for her. I didn't just let any girl bite my dick.

"Bella, he's lying!" I moved forward, intent to separate Bella's hands from her brothers. But my input wasn't needed. Bella stood, jerking herself free from Emmett, and looked between me and her brother.

I was momentarily stunned by the look of fury in her eyes. More than the fury I saw there, she looked hurt. I shook my head discreetly, my lips parted, but no words found their way out. I was sure I looked like a stunned gold fish.

She turned finally, to look at her stunned brother. "I can't believe you."

"Bella," Emmett began, but she cut him off this time.

"You've over stepped your role as big brother Emmett. You took it too far. I don't need your protecting! All these years I've stood by while you chased off boy after boy, because you're _protecting_ me? That's crap! I'm a grown woman and I've finally found a guy I really like, and he's funny and sweet and hot..." I grinned in her direction, but when she snapped her eyes to mine, my expression instantly chilled.

"And you..." I was stunned into submission by the glaring look of hurt-hatred in her eyes. "After everything we did." her voice was a soft whisper, and instead of the tears that I expected, she radiated some serious heat. The soft tone of her voice was no indicator of the hate she was spouting off.

I couldn't help it.

I was turned on.

I was a sick fuck, but Jesus, the way she looked at me? Her eyes narrowed, her cheeks reddened with her blazing fury. She was pissed the fuck off, and I wanted her to bend me over her knee...well, maybe not that. I'm not so big on the spanking front, but had we already advanced in our physical relationship, I was sure that right now would be the most opportune time for her to take control, and just ride me until I fucked the anger right out of her.

"Edward?" I blinked to clear the usual fog of hormones that clouded my brain, and trained my eyes back to Bella. She was still speaking softly, and her eyes held a pleading look. "It's a lie right? Tell me you weren't pretending to like me because my brother told you to."

How was I supposed to answer that? On the one hand I liked her. I really liked Bella, and had for years. But then, I did make that deal with Emmett. Either way, no matter how I answered her, I was screwed. But I had to try. Maybe if I could soften the blow...

"Baby," _girls liked it when you used pet names, right? "_It's not exactly like that. You know I like you. I wouldn't have let you..." I paused, clearing my throat and lifted my brows urging her to understand without me having to actually mention the dick-biting incident again. "It's just, I know what an asshole your brother is." I made sure to look pointedly at Emmett when I said that, "And I knew he wouldn't just let me date you. I had to do something though, because not being with you...I just...I couldn't not be with you anymore. Enough was enough, you know what I mean? So, I agreed to _pretend_ to be your boyfriend. Just so I could get close to you. But I like you. I really like you. I was only pretending to pretend to date you."

I tried my hardest to look sincere, hoping for that innocent-please-believe-me look. I mean, she had to believe me, right? I had spoken the truth.

But then she turned on her heel, and the last I saw of her was her retreating form - aka her ass - as she ran out of my apartment.

"Well, I think that went pretty well." Emmett's smug voice brought my attention away from the empty open front door. I turned back to find Emmett reclining back on my couch, his arms behind his head and a smug as fuck grin on his face.

My mouth gaped in shock. Was he really that fucking insensitive that he'd hurt his sister and feel cocky about it?

"You fucking cock." _Oh yeah, I was finally gonna get mine against the evil Bear. _Either that or he was really going to mess me the fuck up.

"What?" He smirked, "She might be upset now, but she'll be thanking me later."

"You're a cock." _ok Edward, get off the cock-insults here. _

I stood stationary, my hands clenched into fists by my sides. I might have had the balls to talk trash to him, but I was smart enough not to make the first physical move.

Then he laughed. "You really like her, don't you?"

My nostrils flared, and my breaths came harsh, I was like a bull filled with pent-up rage, ready to charge at the red asshole in front of me. But, I wouldn't. Because I'm not a stupid bull. Bears kill bulls. I was sure of this.

"Yes." I growled out, mildly impressed with the deep tone I managed. "I really like her. But you, being the piece of bear-shit that you are, pissed all over what could have been the best thing to happen to her."

"You thought you'd really get a chance at her?" He laughed again, "No fucking way, bud. Bella stays single." And with that he stopped laughing.

I was fucking done.

Fuck science, this bull was ready to kill himself a bear.

I lunged forward, stepping awkwardly over the coffee table between us and landed the weakest punch in history to the hardest iron-jaw. I should have known that fucking coffee table was a bad investment when Rose insisted we buy it for our place.

"Jesus! FUCK!" I recoiled, grasping my closed fist in my un-hurt hand.

Emmett leaned forward, his paw wrapped around my fists in a vice-tight grip. His beady eyes bore into mine, and he had that pissed-as-fuck look on his face that he wore the last time I saw him at the theater.

"Did you just try to punch me?" he asked, his feral fangs dripping with thick coats of venom.

_Yes, Man-Bear. I did just _try_ to punch you. TRY being the operative word here._

He smirked again, the cocky-fuck, squeezed his mammoth fist around my injured (probably broken) one and then pushed me away.

With my lame hand cradled against my chest, I stood up-right, my legs straddling the coffee table, and attempted to speak with venom all my own. "Get the fuck out of my house."

Bear-Cock stood up, his body towering over mine, even though he was only an inch or so taller than me. I took a step back, giving him a wide berth.

"I was just leaving." He said, cockily. Then turned to Rose, who had also stood up,(she'd been un-eventfully quiet this whole fucking time) and said "I'll be seeing _you_ later."

I gaped. My eyes widened, and almost bugged out of my head when he _winked_ and adjusted his belt. That cock-fucker just talked like that to Rose? Not even I get away with that shit anymore.

And apparently neither would he, as Rose swung her arm towards him, slapping the shit out of his face with an open palm. And from experience, I knew a Rose-Bitch-Slap hurt like a mother-fucker.

"Like he said," She paused, leaning forward with the Ice Queen glare only my Rose could master. "Get the fuck out."

Bringing a hand to rub gingerly at the red hand-print on his face, Emmett smirked, _a-fucking-gain_, and walked to the open front door. He paused to look back at Rose, his eyes quickly looking her over, then he licked his bottom lip and lifted his eyebrows playfully.

Shocked by his boldness - and if I was being honest with myself, a little impressed - I moved in front of Rose, effectively blocking his view of her, and crossed my arms over my still naked chest. I lifted my own brows, but my intent was not to play.

He shook his head, and chucked as he quietly walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

I turned to face Rose, "What the fuck, right?"

When I met her expression, I didn't find my roommate, my best friend, my Rose, standing there on my side, ready to ball-bash this guy. Instead I saw an expression I had only seen before when Rose watched '300' and nearly wet her pants lusting after the burly half-naked men.

"No, Rose. No fucking way."

_"_I'm sorry, Ward. But..." her eyes looked right through me. Right through me to the front door.

"No 'buts'. You're on my side, Rose. You can't do this."

"Did you _see_ him?" She mumbled. "Jesus..." And then it happened. She fell speechless.

Fucking Man-Bear ruined my relationship with Bella, and now he's taken My Rose.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks for all the reviews, and PMs since my last update. Just so you guys know, I read them all, respond to as many as I can, and generally love the shit out of all of you. Seriously. Your comments are some of the funniest I've read in a while. I loved the reaction I got to my Emmett. You guys really hate him eh?**

**Thanks to everyone who voted for Smooth Operator in the Twinklings Walk Of Fame (yeah, the award title bugged me too), and the Golden Lemon Awards. If you didn't vote, then no Cully love for you. Better just do it next time. **

**I've been more active on my twitter page (cullycati) and just re-opened my facebook (search for Cull Cati) page (getting ready for the next chapter...you'll understand when you get to the end of this chapter). Come find and play with me. seriously. I play really nice and dirty. **

**And now I think I've done all my self-pimping (had to give my girls a break this week).**

**As usual...Thanks CaroSlickLips for the beta'ing. Thanks KiyaRaven and Kassiah for the prereading. You 3...THREE...worked me hard during this. I was exhausted, but I only hope that all that extra effort I put in really satisfied you all. **

**Enjoy the chapter...Next chapter we'll be hearing from Bella. I have a really awesome guest writer who is going to go to town on Bella (sadly, not in the way my mind wished she would). You'll love it. And maybe you'll start to love Emmett again too.**

* * *

I was running. The weight of my shield slowed me, but still I pressed on. My mammoth sword brushed against my leg, and I grinned at the sexual innuendo that even in my sleep I managed to make.

Men all around me, dressed in similar leather attire, ran, bellowing and lifting muscular arms into the air to pronounce their battle cry.

I stopped running and looked around.

Where was the red sports car?

Where was Bella?

Where the fuck was that horse-riding jackass, Jasper?

What the fuck kind of dream was this?

There was nothing sexual in this dream. There were no hot chicks giving me head. And I sure as fuck wasn't impressed with what I was wearing. I looked down at the lace-up boots covering my legs. My extremely large calf muscles flexed as I turned. Then I looked at my brawny arms. The sinewy muscles twisted and turned as I rotated my wrist.

Damn, I looked good. I was beefed up, almost to the point of looking like a Spartan. I did a double take, lifted my shield, and the looked around me again. My dream was tinted in sepia color, and up ahead, on a rock-cliff, were hundreds-my guess was about 300-other guys dressed just like me.

_Fuck yeah! _

I was having a Spartan dream.

I jogged to quickly catch up to my group and couldn't keep the grin off my face. This was going to be fucking epic. I was FINALLY going to get to kick some ass; something I was apparently useless at in real life.

We were all facing toward our leader, who I assumed was Gerard Butler, and waited for him to turn around and face us to begin his pre-battle speech.

I was literally bouncing on the spot from foot to foot, loving every minute, even if I knew the outcome of the fight we were about to begin.

Then Butler turned around. Only it wasn't Gerard. It was Emmett. Fucking Man-Bear invaded my dream. My bouncing quickly stopped. My grin slipped instantly.

What the fuck was he doing here?

He looked right at me, pointed his sword in my direction and started to yell his speech; "We have a traitor amongst us! A man not worthy of the Spartan name. Before we begin our battle, we must unite to take out one of our own. Tonight, Edward, _you_ dine in hell!"

Then he charged at me. Running surprisingly quickly considering the weight of his muscles. And just as he reached me, pressing his impressive sword-though mine was bigger-to my neck, my alarm went off.

I couldn't have been happier to hear the traffic report on the radio than I was at that moment.

I rolled over, my body slowly uncoiling from the tense sleep I had had. I opened my eyes as I stretched, and what did they see as the lights from the street seeped through my slightly parted curtains? The DVD case for '300' sitting on my bedside table.

The sight of the half-naked Gerard Butler on the cover brought me back to my dream, and with an angry growl, I sat up and grabbed the case. Glaring down at the cover, Butler's face began to morph into Emmett's sneer and I threw it across the room.

"How about you dine in hell, you piece of cock?" The DVD case hit the wall and fell to the floor. I got out of bed, making it a point to kick it as I passed. "Fucking cock-sucker."

I mumbled and grumbled the whole way to the bathroom, keeping it up while going through my 'morning'-evening-routine.

I had left Rose in the living room after Em-Cock-Bear had gone. My stupid best friend was still standing, staring at the doorway, and I know that had I stuck around, I would have seen the first drip of drool leave her parted lips.

She was fucking _smitten_.

And I was fucking _irate._

She was _my_ best friend. He was _my_ enemy. How _dare_ he fucking wink at her? And how _dare_ she receive his blatant flirting with such...such...admiration?

I brushed my teeth with vigor, probably scrubbing hard enough to rub off the enamel. But I didn't care. _Fuck the enamel._ Better that I get to take it from myself before Bear-Cock got his hands on it. After all, given the chance, I was sure he wouldn't hesitate to take yet another thing from me. First Bella, then my pride, and now Rose? Things from my actual body were sure to be next.

I put too much gel in my hair, and styled the shit out of it. Thoughts of Emmett and _my_ Rose filtered through my brain and I tugged on my hair as if tugging those images out.

Rose wasn't supposed to do this. She wasn't supposed to go fucking speechless over some _asshole_. She wasn't supposed to trade to the other team. It was mid-season! All the trades were done. It was in the friendship rule book. Maybe she had lost her copy.

I slammed the bathroom door behind me and stomped to the kitchen. I was offended! I was pissed off. I was...I stopped mid-step.

I was hurt.

Standing gobsmacked in the middle of the kitchen, I came to a realization.

_I_ had PMS this time.

Not in the traditional sense. But when Rose was moody for that week, I had chalked it up to PMS when really she was hurt about losing me to Bella. I had understood-to a degree-what she was feeling.

But now I really got it.

What if Rose decided to date Emmett? How would I feel while she got ready in the bathroom, a spring in her step, and lipstick on her lips? She didn't wear lipstick for me. Or perfume. She just was natural around me. But I was sure, on a date, she'd dress up.

Could I stomach it if I had to say goodbye to her? It would only be for a few hours, but still. The first of many goodbyes?

"I thought we established long ago that your Jedi-mind control didn't work on the fridge."

At Rose's humored tone of voice, I realized that I had been staring at the fridge while having my mental breakdown. I turned my head to look at her and could have cried. Big, manly tears, of course.

I walked around the Island to where she sat perched on a stool and eating her cereal. The same as yesterday, and the same as tomorrow.

Wrapping my arms around her tightly, I buried my face in her neck and inhaled deeply. _Natural Rose._

"What the fuck, 'Ward? How much gel is in your hair?" Her meager attempts to push me off of her made me chuckle. I wasn't going to let her go that easy. She'd have to pry me off if she thought Emmett was going to ruin what we had.

I wouldn't allow them to date. Hell, I wouldn't allow them to be _friends._ If Emmett thought he was the world's biggest cock-blocker, he hadn't witnessed the high stature of cock-blocking I was capable of.

But first, I had to make sure of one thing. My cock-blocking would be fruitless if Rose wasn't with me in this.

"Tell me our pact," I stated softly. I had to know if she remembered our friendship vows. I couldn't let go until I was sure she'd always remember me.

"What?" She pushed against me again, but I held tighter still.

"Tell me."

"Uh...Our pact...to...um. You know? Honestly? I have no idea what pact you're talking about."

I pressed my face against her neck, squeezed my eyes tightly shut, and let out a strangled cry. She had forgotten. So quickly Emmett had made his bed in her mind, and now she was rubbing herself all over his cock-scented sheets and forgetting about important shit like me.

"Rose. Please," I whispered. "Please tell me our pact."

"Edward," she whispered back, "I think the hair gel has seeped into your brain."

"Dammit, Rose!" I exclaimed, abruptly pulling away.

"Whoa there, Mr. Bipolar," she said as she steadied herself again. "What's gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into me?" I scoffed and moved away from her. _Fuck breakfast. Fuck this early morning __roommate __banter. _I didn't need it. I grabbed my keys and headed to the front door. I'd be early to work, I didn't want to stick around where I wasn't wanted anymore.

"'Ward?"

I turned around and faced Rose, sitting primly on her stool, confusion etched between her brows.

"You wanna know what's gotten into me, Rose? A big fat cock named Bear, that's what."

()()()()()()()

Despite my best efforts, Rose arrived at work a mere few short minutes behind me. I had just settled down in my cubicle, while she took off her coat and draped it behind her chair.

She looked at me, sighing softly.

"'Ward." She stated my name as if asking for something, but I didn't want her to _ask_. I wanted-no NEEDED-her to _state_. I needed her to remember. I needed to be as important to her as Emmett was right now.

So, I ignored her.

"Edward." She tried again, and for once I didn't mind when Newton interrupted my day with his chipped yell.

"Cullen! Hale!"

I looked briefly at Rose as I stood. I tried to keep the expression in my eyes nonchalant, but I'm sure my sadness seeped through. She sighed again, and that pitiful sound was really beginning to grate on my nerves.

Had I wanted to talk to her, I sure as fuck wasn't going to now.

She _pitied_ me. Her sighs told me so.

Fuck her sighs. Fuck her pity. I didn't need them. I stalked to Newton's office and pushed my way inside, making it a point to show how pissed off I was. I knew, deep inside, that I was being really fucking petty, but I couldn't find it in me to care.

I slumped down in a chair in front of the over-sized desk that filled most of the room and waited. Not bothering to make eye contact with my 'boss', because I'd hate to give him some 'material' for when he was alone later.

I normally would have shuddered at the thought of Newton spanking his man-meat to the image of my pretty face, but right now, I didn't care. I even went as far as toying with the idea that Newton wouldn't leave me for Emmett. Newton would probably never fucking leave me. He'd be the kind of super-dedicated friend/closet-ass-bandit that'd stick to me like glue. Or jizz.

Now, at _that_ thought, I _did_ shudder.

_Jesus, had I really gone that far into the deep end? _Yeah, I was pissed at Rose, but I was honestly acting like a shit. She had just finished treating me the way I was currently treating her. I had hated it when she did it, so why was I doing it now?

Because I could and I would. Simple.

Rose walked in, and I couldn't help it. I looked up. I followed her as she walked confidently-like always-into the room, and sat on the chair next to me. She darted a look in my direction, and I could see the crease forming between her brows, letting me know she was still concerned about how I was acting.

The distance I was putting between us was borderline painful to endure, but it had to be done. She had pissed all over the best-friend code by forgetting our secret pact, and she had to pay the price. So even though it was killing me, I clearly had to punish us both to teach her a lesson.

So with that final thought, I turned my attention to Newton. "Get on with it. Why do you always take your fucking time with these meetings?"

"It would do you well to treat me with respect, Cullen." Newton spoke with false authority.

"Haven't we already had a discussion about my lack of respect for you?" I asked, making sure my voice clearly showed its boredom.

"Yes. In fact, we have." Newton plonked his ass in his desk chair. "During your last 6-month evaluation. It was..." He paused as he riffled through the papers on his desk, finally finding the one he needed and pulling it out. "Ah yes, right here. It was, and I quote, 'Something I'll try harder to work on, _Sir_.'"

Rose snorted next to me, and I couldn't keep the chuckle in. Clearly I was being a kiss-ass at my last evaluation.

"Been reading up on me, huh Newie? Keeping my file within hands reach? Right next to the Kleenex, I see." I nodded to the papers on his desk, which looked interestingly enough, exactly like the paper work I filled out when I was first hired.

"I...No. Not at all. These are just..." Newton fumbled, quickly moving the papers into a pile and shoving them haphazardly into a drawer. "Can we get back on topic here?"

"By all means." I waved him on and looked quickly to Rose. I was pathetic. It couldn't be helped. She was the fucking yin to my yang, the peas to my Forest Gump carrots, the Rug to my Dude, the naked hovering-in-the-air virgin to my army of Spartans.

I frowned. _Fucking Spartans. _Now she was just the traitor to my non-traitor. She was the Angels pitcher to my Mariners batter. Simply put, she was playing for the rival team.

"We've had numerous requests," Newton began. I narrowed my eyes at him, all thoughts of baseball and Spartans leaving. We had begun a similar meeting like this not too long ago.

_No. No fucking way, he wasn't going to go three__some on me again._

"Don't even go there." I shook my head to emphasize my point. No way was I doing that shit with Rose.

"It's not up to you, Cullen. When the callers request things on a regular basis, it's in the best interest of the company to comply and give the callers what they want-" he began, but with a roll of my eyes, I cut him off.

"Yeah, yeah, just say it. Your dad wants you to boost sales, and the quickest way to do it is with three-way calls. Am I right?"

"Edward, I really don't think this should be a big deal. Let's just do it." _Rose._

I slowly turned my head toward her with a look of bewilderment. How fucking _dare_ she? It was one thing to side with Emmett, but quite a-fucking-nother to jump on Team Newton.

"Fuck. This." I stood up. "Find someone else. I'm outta here."

"Sit down," Newton said, his voice-I'm sure-struggling to sound as strong-willed as mine. He fell short.

"Fuck you, Newton. I'm not doing it."

He stood up at my statement, fists clenched and resting on the desk as he leaned over and looked at me with his beady eyes.

"If you don't, you're fired."

I smirked at his threat. I had heard it before and knew from experience that I wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm. Not. Doing. It." I made sure to pronounce my words clearly, hoping he'd get the point this time.

"'Ward, don't." Rose had joined the standing party and had the fucking balls to place a hand on my arm in a comforting manner. I shrugged her off.

"I'm not doing three-way calls with Rose." I didn't even have to look at her to see the crest-fallen expression. So I decided to dig a little deeper, cut her a little more, and really finish her. "I'd rather do them with Alice."

Rose stormed out of the room, and Newton smiled. A slow, sadistic smile. _Oh fuck._

"Have it your way, Cullen."

()()()()()()()

"So then, I was like, really surprised when Mike called me into his office. Naturally I started freaking out thinking maybe he was going to fire me. But then, what would he be firing me for? I hadn't done anything." She paused-finally-to giggle, then picked right back up again. "So when he said I was going to be working with you, I have to admit, I got really excited!"

"Oh yeah?" I fought for the millionth time in the last two minutes to roll my eyes. _Jesus, does she ever stop?_

"Yes! Oh my God! You're like a God here! All the girls are totally jealous of me! You should have _heard_ Tanya in the break-room just going on and on about it! But it's not really like that for me. I mean, I'm really excited about doing these calls with you, but I'm not into you like that. You know how I feel about Jasper and all."

"Oh yeah?" I had resorted to just repeating the same two words every time she paused and I was expected to give some verbal response. She hadn't seemed to notice my disinterest.

"Ed_ward_."

I looked at her, my eyes widening slightly, thinking that I was supposed to answer with something else. "Uh...no?" I tried to backtrack and cover up.

She giggled again. "Duh Edward! You _know_ how much I like him. After all," she leaned closer, whispering, "you've been buttering him up for me, right?"

She grinned and winked, and I just nodded and gave a wry smile. _This was going to be a long fucking night_.

"Oh look! Our first three-way!" She fucking _clapped_ her hands together and readied her headset to begin the call that I was sure would end up being the most torturous thing in my life.

I fixed my own headset and entered the call, automatically assuming my phone-sex voice as I answered.

"You've reached 1-900HRDCORE, I'm Sam, how do you want me tonight?"

I waited with anticipation. Was it going to be a girl caller, or a guy? _Please be a girl, please be a girl, please please please._

Then I heard a giggle, and I sagged with relief. "Hi Sam, I'm Kylie."

"Hey there, Kylie. You know," I lowered my voice, "I have to warn you, my crazy ex-girlfriend has been hanging around, lately. She just can't get enough of me, and she's the real jealous type too."

I felt a sharp jab in my side and looked to Alice who was smiling widely at me and giving an over-exaggerated thumbs-up.

"Oh no! She won't be a problem will she?" Even though Kylie was playing along, I just didn't feel like I could really get into it.

"Yes. She will." I knew my voice slipped out of my sex-tone, because the more I thought about it, the less I felt right doing this. It wasn't my moral side finally kicking in after all these years. It was that I was doing this call with Alice instead of Rose. With Rose I knew I'd be having fun. This? This was just torture. I felt like I should sell Alice to the Military. They could use her as a weapon of mass annoyance.

I imagined my tombstone saying something along the lines of: "Here lies Edward. Friend, lover, hardcore fucker. Talked to death by the PPF."

I felt another jab in my side and looked to Alice whose expression had changed from hyper-chipmunk to a pissed off beaver.

"_What!" _I hissed at her.

She covered her mic and hissed back, "I thought you were the _best,_ Edward! Get with the program here! We need to get this girl off!"

"Fucking _fine!"_ I turned away from her, making it clear that even though we were in on the call together, I was going to ignore her as much as possible.

"Yeah, Kylie, my bitch of an ex, fucking slut that she is, loves my super-charged dick. Can't get enough of him. I'll do my best to protect you from her." I rolled my eyes at this stupidity, and snuck a look at Alice.

Instead of the idiotic thumbs-up-grin she had before-or the pissed off look she wore later-this time she looked like she had been slapped.

"Get with the program," I whispered, taunting her with her own words. It seemed to snap her out of her funk as she resumed the glaring expression and scooted forward on her chair.

"Sam? Sam, where are you?" she called lightly.

"Oh fuck, Kylie. It's her." I knew I should have used more expression, but Jesus this was the worst call I had ever been on.

"Oh no Sam! It's her!" _At least the caller was still into it. _

"Who is that?" Alice suddenly shrieked, the high-pitch of her voice shooting through my headset and piercing my ears, causing me to cringe and rip the headphones of death from my head.

"What the fuck, Alice? Jesus. These things are really fucking sensitive."

Alice muted our mics before looking at me.

"Listen, Edward, I was just trying to get into the scene. At least one of us is. I can't do the work for both of us, you know?" She looked annoyed, pissed, and vaguely hurt with the half-assed attempt I was giving this call.

I felt moderately bad for my behavior.

"Well," I sighed, frowning at the thought that I was actually going to give this a real shot, "just be careful with your pitch. We're trying to get the caller off, not call all the neighborhood dogs to the office."

She at least looked like she was somewhat embarrassed, so I slipped my headset back on carefully, eyeing her the whole time. She gave me a small smile, and I leaned forward to resume the call.

"Dammit, Leah! I told you we're over. I've moved on. I want Kylie now." I looked at Alice and the firework-light was back in her eyes.

As much as she annoyed the shit out of me, I shouldn't chastise her for wanting to do her job well. I was just like her when I first started here.

"But, Sam, I've missed you. I don't mind sharing. Maybe Kylie and I can play together. You've got enough cock to go around." _Not bad PPF_. I shot a grin at Alice. Maybe this call wouldn't be so bad afterall.

"I don't know, Leah. What do you think, Kylie? Will you let my ex play with us?" I waited to see what our caller would say, and found myself happy when she conceded.

The call was lasting longer than most one-on-one calls did, and even after a solid hour, we were still going strong.

"Unnnngh, Kylie, yes, I love when you lick me there." Even Alice's throaty moans were starting to really get to me.

I cleared my throat, ignoring the affect said moans were having on the Prince.

It wasn't Alice that was making doing my job a hard thing to accomplish. It was the fact that about 99% of the time, my mind was occupied with Bella. While Kylie had her mouth all over Alice, I had thought about having my mouth all over Bella. The moans Alice made were quickly replaced by the ones I had heard Bella make, and Jesus if the room wasn't getting hotter and my pants smaller.

"Kylie, you ready for me again?" my voice was thick and deep. _At least I don't have to fake my arousal._

I heard a deep moan and smirked. _Someone likes the horny-voiced operator._

"Your mouth too busy to answer me? Leah won't mind if you take a little break."

On cue, Alice whimpered, signaling that Kylie should pull back. Our little caller was a pro at this. Clearly it wasn't her first time.

"Yes, Sam. Yes. Fill me up. I want you inside me again."

I lifted an amused brow at Alice, who just smirked back.

"I'm putting my huge cock right there, Kylie. Keep licking Leah's pussy while I fill you up." I shifted in my seat, trying to get comfortable. Fuck, I wished I was putting my huge cock inside Bella instead of Kylie.

I looked up in time to see Alice giving me a knowing smirk, pointedly looking at my crotch.

I rolled my eyes. I was not getting a boner from this call. _I was getting hard because of your cousin._

"Oh yes, Kylie! I've got my fingers in your hair, pulling you against me. Moan for me!" Alice was getting all breathy next to me, and she was concerned I was turned on? She sounded like she was literally about to come on the seat.

Kylie moaned through the phone like a good little caller, and I groaned before speaking. "Jesus, baby, you're still so wet from last time. I'm going to fuck so you hard. I wanna make you come all over me."

_I bet Bella drenched her jeans when I got her off in the theater. The things I would have done if Emmett hadn't been there_...My thoughts trailed off. But he _was_ there. Emmett was _always_ there.

Kylie's moans and squeals brought my attention back to the call. Alice was excitedly bouncing in place, either because she was really into it, or she was just happy that we were almost finished. _Fuck, I hope Kylie's satisfied after this._

And nine minutes later, she finally was.

After we connected her to the operator-with a big payday in sight-I leaned back in my seat, took off my headset, and lazily stretched my arms.

"Thank fuck that's over."

"It wasn't that bad, was it?" She asked with such a timid voice. Not at all what I had been used to hearing after the filthy mouth she had on full display during the call.

"You were good, Alice." I threw her a bone. A little confidence wouldn't hurt, right?

"Thanks," she said softly. "You know? I feel like we're practically family."

"Uh...Come again?" How the fuck she came to that conclusion was beyond me.

She laughed and put a hand on my arm, and I slightly flinched under her touch. "Don't look so petrified. I just mean that I know so much about you, mainly because of Bella, but..." she trailed off with a shrug.

Because of Bella'? But what the fuck did that mean?

"What the fuck does that mean?" Apparently I had this amazing knack to just say what I was thinking.

"It means," she paused, pulling her hand back and rolling her eyes playfully, "that Bella is really into you. Since I'm the closest thing to a sister she has, she dishes all the goss to me."

_What the fuck is 'goss'?_ God, that didn't sound good.

"Okay," I responded skeptically.

"She just talks about the usual stuff. That you've been coming to the diner for about three years. You always sit in the same booth. Rosalie is your roommate. You call her Rose, she calls you 'Ward. You wear way too much flannel. Normally you order the pancakes, but randomly you'll order chicken breast..."

As Alice continued to list off every little factoid about me that Bella knew, I remained on the chicken breast meal. Her voice faded into the background as I drifted away to a fantasy that I'd put into my spank-memory-bank.

"...She knows you're from the area, even grew up here with Rosalie. She knows your mom's name is Esme, that your dad, Carlisle, is a doctor. That you named your penis, and you had a dog growing up and you still refer to him as your only brother..."

I remembered the water and ice spilling incident as if it was yesterday. It was the first time I had really felt up Bella's leg. I mean, _really_ felt it up.

"...Even though you don't specify, she always puts three lemon slices in your water because she knows how much you like them. Your favorite drink is iced tea, which, until you started asking for it, had never been served at the diner. It's her homemade blend. You do know she only offers that to you, right? It's not on the menu."

"Fucking chicken breasts," I mumbled, shaking my head with a smile on my face. What a great memory.

"Fucking what? Chicken breasts? Edward?"

"Right. Chicken. Sounds good, don't you think?"

"Yeah, maybe. I guess. Did you listen to anything I just said?"

I looked at Alice now and realized that maybe I hadn't been paying attention-again-while she talked.

"'Course I did. You were talking about everything Bella knows about me." If she had been talking this long, while I had been fantasizing about Bella's long legs, then Bella really knew a fuck-ton about me.

I suddenly felt like a jerk. Bella knew a whole fantasy's worth of shit about me, and while I could list off-in detail-every inch of her clothed body, I didn't really know anything solid about her.

I had only just recently discovered she had a brother and a cousin. I don't know what I had assumed before, maybe that she was just Bella. The Diner Girl. My fantasy girl. But she really wasn't. She was more. And I wanted to know more. Of course, she wasn't exactly speaking to me at the moment, so finding out more might be pretty fucking impossible.

"Our shift is over, do you want to go to the diner? I know Bella's working right now." I could hear the grin in her voice without having to look at her, but I couldn't go there. I couldn't face Bella after this realization.

I had to figure out how to get to know her without her knowing I was getting to know her. How the fuck I was going to do that was beyond me. I didn't know her friends. For fuck's sake, it's not like I could grill them for information.

Then it came to me.

The internet.

"Nah. You go on ahead. This last call wore me out." I faked a yawn to emphasize my point.

"Oh, I know! She was a wild one!" Alice stood up, and I didn't even watch her ass while she walked away.

I quickly got my shit together and hurried from the building.

I had a plan.

I was going home.

Everyone had Facebook, didn't they?


	16. Chapter 16

**A little note before I hand this chapter over to my girl, Kassiah...**

**Thanks to everyone who has kept up with this story, pimped it out, talked about it with your friends, screamed my name when you're breathless...from all the intense laughter I bring you on a weekly basis. **

**I've decided that I'm going to do something pretty special for whoever is my 1000th reviewer. I've got a couple hundred more to go, so keep up with the reviews and you'll get some extra special Cully-lovin. It'll be worth it, I promise. **

_**As usual...This is FICTION. this IS NOT Twilight.  
Rated M **_

**Now...onto our chapter, brought to us this week by KASSIAH. I'm giving you all what you wanted. Finally, we'll get inside Bella's mind. Hope you're ready.  
(Thanks Kass for writing this awesome chapter. And thanks to your Beta, N****icnicd.)**

* * *

**BPOV**

There are times in a girl's life when desperation leads her to extremes.

Obviously, today was one of those situations.

I scrolled through the videos offered on the site, opening one up in a new page when it looked interesting. Most were pretty boring, the same old thing after the same old thing, like a tired plot line in a book. Some simply weren't hot enough, grossing me out halfway through and turning my stomach. A few were entirely too complicated—I was here for research, not a yoga workout.

_Hmmm…_that_ could be interesting. _No._ Not enough._

"Ugh!" I groaned, exiting the site entirely (...and clearing my browsing history. Emmett would _so _kick my ass if he scooped what I was looking at) and slamming my pink macbook closed.

I didn't even know why I was looking at this...stuff, anyway. Knowing my luck, he'd probably already been there, done that, and had the t-shirt. And it probably hadn't involved a lame girl like me, either. My research was completely futile. I wouldn't be able to find _anything_ interesting enough that would make up for what I'd done.

Biting him.

Hard.

_Down there._

Trying to fight back tears, I took a deep breath and held it for a second as I considered what I'd done. I'd ruined my chances with him. I had only been trying to make up the failed hand job to him—I wanted him to feel as good as he'd made me feel.

Better, even.

Though I had no practical experience, I had studied enough that I could write a dissertation on giving head. Technically, I _knew _what to do—I just needed another chance to _prove_ it to him. Opening my computer and logging on again, I restarted my fruitless search for the answer.

_There has to be something—some way that I can make it up to him. It can't be over—we haven't even gotten started, really._

Although Edward had been coming into my diner for years, I'd never forget the first time I saw him. He arrived around the same time he always does: just after three in the morning. His smile was breathtaking, and his hands..._god, his hands_. He had this habit of running his long fingers through his unruly coppery colored hair; hair that I wanted to tangle my fingers into while I kissed him until he couldn't breathe. I didn't know what was happening to me—I'd never seen anyone who looked so…_beautiful_.

Standing at the register admiring his lanky frame, I was rooted to the spot trying to identify the strange sensations that were coursing through me. I could barely describe it. For the first time in my life, I felt something I'd never felt before—desire.

I _wanted_ him.

He turned his head in my direction, and I was trapped by the deepest green eyes I'd ever seen. Unable to look away, I just continued to stand there as if in a trance—time seemed to stop.

An amused laugh came from the woman he was with, and he turned his head, breaking me from the spell I seemed to be under. She was looking at me so I waved my hand, indicating the nearly empty diner, and that they could take a seat anywhere they'd like. I watched as he led her to a booth in the corner and breathed a sigh of relief as he sat down across from her.

As time passed, I learned as much as I could about him without coming off as a complete lunatic. The woman he came in with was his roommate, Rosalie, but that they weren't a couple, thank god. I found out about his parents, what kind of music he liked, how he liked his pancakes, and that his favorite thing to drink was sweet tea. We didn't offer it on the menu, so I started making it especially for him.

Continuing to click through the links I'd bookmarked, I thought about what to do next. Obviously, I'd have to talk to him—explain how I felt about him and how monumental being with him was for me. I mean, he knew I liked him, but Edward didn't know how _much_ I liked him, or just how long I'd been hoping for a chance to be with him.

Three years.

I'd been crushing on for him for three years.

Pathetic.

And completely one-sided. At least I thought so until about a week ago.

He'd look at me but never talk to me, except to place his order. And even if he had really looked at me, it's not like he could _like_ me. I knew he checked me out whenever he came in. He'd watch me so intensely sometimes, his gaze practically burning me when I'd turn around to walk into the kitchen.

Regardless of the fact that he'd get _that look_ in his eyes when he didn't know that I knew he was looking at me, there was no way that I had even a remote chance with him. I heard all about the kind of girls he was interested in periodically when he was talking to Rose. For years I said nothing, quietly crushing and being crushed as his exploits were made known. The worst conversation (to me, at least) was about someone he had been _with_ a few months before.

_"The girl that had those overly loud moans! What was her name? Jill? Jasmine? Jackie? J-something," Rosalie said._

_Edward replied, his voice low. "Jessica." _

_"Jessica!" She snapped her finger at him, so happy that she remembered. _

_As I walked up, Edward glared at her, obviously uncomfortable from Rosalie talking about all of his exploits. _

_Even as I tried to serve their plates to them, Rosalie kept on talking about the girl Edward had been with. "God she was something else! Every time I'd hear the bed creaking I'd know I was about to get a show. She would moan SO loud! I swear it was like she was auditioning for a porno." _

Meanwhile, all I could think was how many girls had there been if his roommate couldn't even remember all of their names?

Devastated after hearing that, I wanted to run from the room and cry. I knew that even with all my research, after all my efforts to learn everything I could so I could be good for him, I couldn't be _that_ girl. If that was the kind of girl he wanted—a porn star—there was no way I would be enough. I'd watched enough movies, studied enough clips to know that I couldn't be like _that_.

Those girls in the videos I'd watched were so...aware of themselves. They knew what to do, how to keep a man's interest. Despite all of my "studying," I didn't.

_Obviously... _

Incidentally, that was the same night that I knew that I had more than a simple crush—it was the first time he touched me. After a mishap with a water glass, Edward grabbed my leg. My face flamed and my breath hitched as his hands made their slow ascent over my calf and above my knee. It was all I could do not to beg him to let me take my jeans off so I could feel his hands on my skin.

_Why hadn't I worn a skirt?_

Realizing that I was quickly losing control of myself, I made an excuse about having to go fix his order before practically sprinting back to the kitchen and trying to catch my breath.

Sadly, there was no more hand-to-leg contact after that. Life went back to "normal" for us: he came in every night and I pined away, acting out everything I wanted to do to him in my head. It wasn't until I overheard another conversation he was having with Rosalie that I thought I might actually have a chance of making my fantasies come true.

_"When are you just going to grow up? She's right there. She's been right there for the last three years only you've been too much of a pussy to do anything about it. And I get to hear all night long, 'Bella wore her hair differently tonight... I love that Bella doesn't wear makeup like that slut Tanya at work does... Did you see the way Bella looked at me when she handed me my plate?' Or better yet, how about the things you say when you're not even awake: 'Ohh, Bella. Yeah baby. Right there. Fuck I love your ass. Let me introduce you to Prin—'" _

Noticing me standing there, he covered her mouth with his hand. I didn't want to embarrass him, so I told them I'd be right back, but inside, I was ecstatic. Edward had had a _sex_ dream—_about me._ Not only that, but he'd been thinking about me all this time, too. He'd noticed me! Just as I turned to go, Rosalie stopped me, grabbing my hand and placing it inside of Edward's.

_Finally._ My skin was touching his skin. My hand was in his. He was looking at me and then…and then…he asked me out…_on a date_. Well, Rosalie did it for him.

And I was crushed.

No matter how much I'd been planning and all the ways I wanted to make him feel good, all the things I wanted to do to him, how perfect I knew we would be together, it could never go any further than in my head. Because even with the way he was looking at me, making me feel like there was a definite possibility that he wanted me, too, I knew my brother would never allow it.

Emmett had been taking care of me ever since our parents died. Even before that, he was almost overbearingly protective of me. I wasn't sure what made him that way, if he'd witnessed something or if he just took his job of older brother to heart, but no boys ever even attempted to approach me with him around. After our parents passed away, Em became even more protective. They had always ingrained in him that it was his job to take care of me, and he was determined not to let them down. Though I hadn't so much as held hands with or kissed a boy, I didn't really mind. There never was anyone I wanted to be with.

Until _him_.

Now, there was someone I wanted to hold my hand and kiss me and do _other things_ with me. Desperately.

It took all that I had in me to turn Edward down when he asked me out, but I knew if Emmett found out, he would kill him. Though telling Edward that "I didn't really date," was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do, I knew it was for the best. There was no need to endanger his life, not to mention as soon as he figured out that I couldn't be the kind of girl that he wanted, he'd dump me anyway. Things would get awkward, and he'd stop coming into my diner.

_Then when would I see him? _

Life as I knew it would end. I couldn't risk it.

Luckily, my cousin Alice came in a little while later with Jasper, a new guy she'd just started working with. It was clear that she was in love with him, and I couldn't be happier for them. Jasper seemed like a great guy. Which is why, when Edward came to the diner the next day looking so, _so_ _tempting_ in his worn Aerosmith t-shirt, complaining about Jasper, I was confused.

Afraid I wouldn't be able to keep my hands to myself, I tried to avoid him as he sat at the counter instead of in his regular booth, but I just couldn't stay away. The prospect that he came in just to see _me_ absolutely thrilled and terrified at the same time.

He started to tell me that he knew I didn't like him, which was so ridiculous. Just as I was about to try to explain to him how much I wanted him, that I was only trying to keep him safe, he began rambling about me not being able to date Jasper, and how he was all wrong for me.

_What the hell was he talking about? _I was going to ask him to explain when he placed his hands on top of mine, rendering me incapable of thought. So I just stood there, frozen in place as an electric current seemed to pass from him through me, my heart beating fast. I bit my lip to keep from whimpering in front of him. He was _touching_ me. Again!

_Ohmigod. Ohmigod. Ohmigod._

Breaking the silence, he asked, "How can you let yourself be with a guy like that?" He was gripping my hands so tightly that I had to tell him he was hurting me.

Then, he called me 'baby' and apologized, and I swooned. I seriously considered asking him to just…run away with me or something, until he opened his mouth again and said, "You're too good for someone like that. Someone that's just gonna use you."

Pulling my hands away, I took a step back from him. I didn't need someone else trying to protect me. I wasn't as vulnerable as he thought—I could take care of myself. The guys in my life needed to realize that I could be with someone and not...break, or whatever they thought I was going to do.

Just as I opened my mouth, he slammed his fists down on the counter and practically screamed, "I should be your boyfriend!"

_Um, what?_

Even if I had known what to say to that, I didn't get the chance to say it as my brother barreled out of the kitchen, grabbing him and throwing him outside. They were out there for awhile until Emmett stormed back in, yelling at me about my supposed "boyfriend," Jasper.

Emmett calmed down after I explained that I had no desire to date Jasper. Wrapping his arms around me, he held me close to him, rocking us from side to side and telling me he'd never let anyone hurt me, ever. Usually, I felt safe in his arms, but right then—I felt _smothered_.

Since I'd never had to deal with anything like this before, I decided I needed advice on how to handle the situation. Alice came over and told me that she thought Edward was jealous of Jasper and that I could use that to my advantage. She wanted the four of us to go out as a group and figured that, since she'd be there, Emmett wouldn't have a problem with it. I wasn't so sure it would work, but at that point, I'd do anything to be with Edward.

Alice told me she'd take care of everything. Just before she left, she jotted his number down on a blue post-it note and told me to call him. I wasn't sure if I could be so forward, but after thinking about it, I realized the idea was brilliant. Talking to my friends online was easy so I should be able to talk to Edward without getting tongue-tied and feeling so pathetic. Online, I was whoever I wanted to be, with no overprotective brother looking over my shoulder and none of the awkward shyness that I usually felt. It would be the same on the phone with the guy of my dreams.

The next day, I found myself sitting in _his_ booth, waiting for him to arrive for our group date. Shredding the napkin in my hands, I was so nervous. I was sure that Alice could feel me trembling as I sat next to her. She leaned over and grabbed the napkin from my hand just as I looked up and saw _him_.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from him as he approached the table, looking so fine in faded jeans that hung from his hips just right, his blue and green flannel bringing out the intensity of his eyes. I didn't even care that he was late—he was actually here to be with _me_.

He slid into the seat next to Jasper, and I suddenly wished I could come up with some excuse that would make sense for why he needed to sit next to me. It was probably for the best, though. I wasn't sure I could keep control of myself if he were in such a close proximity, and Emmett would definitely know something was up if he saw me clambering into Edward's lap like I wanted to do.

We discussed movies and what we'd all like to see. Internally rolling my eyes as Alice went on and on about wanting to see "The Last Airbender" again, I tried to think of a movie with a little more substance than just having some hot guy in it. I wanted to show Edward that even though he may not be able to see that we were made for each other right away, I had a brain. There was more to me than what was on the surface—I wasn't just "diner girl," and all he had to do was give _us_ a chance to find out.

Jasper agreed about the movie, leaving Edward and me free to go to a different movie—_alone_.

_Oh god, why hadn't I thought of that?_

Em would never be suspicious; it was the perfect setup. That idea was squashed when Jasper said he'd like to see the movie I mentioned. At first, I wondered what his deal was, but then I figured that Alice had filled him in that it was imperative that Emmett thought we'd all be going together—he was just trying to keep up the charade.

_Good thinking._

Alice and Jasper had to leave for work, leaving Edward and me alone at the booth. It was awkward for a few minutes before I finally asked him if he was serious. I had to know if he meant it when he said he wanted to go out with me.

His response was, "I'd honestly love to," as he moved his hand across the table toward mine.

He really meant it. He wanted to take me out and he wanted to hold my hand—or at least touch me. Before I could let that happen, though, I needed to know what was up with him yelling at me before.

Edward sort of apologized, telling me that he should've known better and that he knew I'd never date anyone like Jasper.

Not understanding why he would say something like that, I started listing Jasper's great qualities: he was nice, sweet, funny, and good-looking. While not a god like Edward, he was still pretty awesome. Absolutely perfect for my cousin. Looking up at the crestfallen expression on Edward's face, I realized he thought I _liked_ Jasper.

I blurted out that it wasn't what he thought, and his response of "Oh?" let me know that not only was he disappointed, he didn't believe me. Maybe he did really like me.

So I explained that I was jealous that Alice could date whoever she wanted and that I couldn't because of my stupid brother being an overbearing Neanderthal.

He smiled and asked, "So…you _do_ want to date me?"

Nodding, I could barely keep from launching myself at him over the table when he touched my hand and practically begged me to go out with him that weekend. Before we could make any definite movie plans, Emmett came over to our booth, saying he needed to talk to Edward and telling me to get back to work. _Jerk. _

The next day, I found myself holding my breath, clutching the blue paper in my hand like a lifeline as I dialed his number.

His unmistakable velvety voice rang out, even sexier than I remembered. "1-900-HRDCORE, this is Jake the handyman, what can I fix for you tonight?"

I stammered into the phone as he went on about drilling and nailing and the fact that he was packing a lot of wood. _What the motherfuck is going on?_ Though I was certain I recognized Edward's voice, I thought I had perhaps gone temporarily insane, so I asked, "Are you really Jake?"

"I am if you want me to be. Why? Is that a bad name for you? I can go by something else if it makes you more comfortable."

_More comfortable?_ Uh…could this get any more _uncomfortable_? I didn't know what to say, so I just asked for "Edward." He went on and on before I finally said, "Edward, it's me, Bella." After a few moments of silence, he laughed, saying that I "surprised him." I asked him about the line I called and he said he'd been working there for a few years.

At 1-900-HRDCORE.

_A phone-sex line._

He even went on to tell me not to worry; he wouldn't charge me for the call. I could call him whenever I wanted and it would be _on the house_. Did I mention that it was a phone-sex line? Alice told me that they worked for a cable company. I was so confused. After telling him that I just wanted to be _Edward and Bella_, his voice became muffled, like he was covering the receiver or something. Then…he hung up on me.

Double checking the number (it was the same) I pressed redial and was even more confused when he acted like he hadn't just been talking to me. I wasn't sure what he was playing at, but, regardless, I still wanted to talk to him. I told him that I was calling so we could make plans to go to the movie on Saturday.

He seemed to be excited about it, too—though he couldn't be as excited as I was. No one had ever been as excited as me; I was practically walking on cloud nine the rest of the week. Edward showed up at the diner on Saturday right on time, freshly shaven and smelling so good. Just as I grabbed my bag to leave, Emmett rounded the corner, announcing that he was accompanying us to the movie.

Torn between telling him how much I liked Edward and feigning nonchalance so he wouldn't know how much I liked him, I begged Emmett not to do this to me. He seemed so happy as he sidled up between us, wrapping his arms across each of our shoulders. Edward didn't say anything, so I figured he was trying to placate him as much as I was. Maybe if Emmett went out _with_ us a couple of times, he'd trust Edward to take me out alone.

Hope was all I had at that point.

We arrived at the theater and the idea of being able to touch Edward invaded every thought I had. As he shifted uncomfortably in front of me, I wondered if he was thinking the same thing. Tucking my hand into his pocket, giddiness overwhelmed me as he entwined his fingers with mine and smiled at me. Em told us to go find a seat while he went to the concession stand, and I swear Edward looked up at the top row in back of the dark theater with a sense of longing.

He wanted me, too.

Just as we were trying to decide on where to sit, Emmett arrived, forcing us to sit in the very front row. Fucking Emmett. Who wants to sit down there? My neck was sore from craning my neck back to see the movie.

About halfway through the movie, Edward raised the armrest between us and touched me. First my hand, then my leg, then _me_. Gasping when his knuckles brushed the inseam of my jeans, I practically held my breath to keep from whimpering out loud. I couldn't wait to know what his hands would feel like on me—not just through my jeans. _On my skin._

Emmett wasn't paying any attention, so I just went with it.

Almost unable to stop from grinding against his hand, I bit my lip to keep quiet as his eyes locked with mine, his hand continuously moving against me and just _oh. my. god_… I'd touched myself before but it had never felt like _that. _I wanted to beg him not to stop because I was _so close_ already. The room started spinning, my breath becoming more and more ragged as the most intense feeling I'd ever experienced overtook me.

As my panting breaths calmed slightly, I glanced surreptitiously at Emmett (still not paying attention) before inching my fingers closer to the buttons on Edward's fly. He jumped slightly as I brushed against him, and I just smiled sweetly at him. I popped the buttons open easily, just like I had been practicing, and slipped my hand through the opening and into his boxers. _Fucking yes_. What was it about guys and button flies? It was so hot.

He felt better than I could have imagined. Warm and soft but hard and so—_perfect_. His breath hitched as I wrapped my hand around him and started to slowly stroke him. If his reactions were any indication, I'd remembered everything I'd read about. I relaxed and thought back to my research, making sure I did everything I was supposed to.

It seemed almost too easy…instinctual even, as with each tightening, stroke, or slight twist of my hand, he rewarded me with a moan, pressing himself into my hand like he couldn't get enough, or by lifting his hips like he just had to be closer. I was doing this to him—_me_.

Unfortunately, he wasn't as good at keeping quiet as I had been because just as he groaned a little too loudly, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Emmett grabbed me, causing me to let go of Edward as he leaned forward to glare at him. Edward quickly buttoned up his pants and both of them bolted out of the theatre.

I caught up to Emmett just in time to hear him advise Edward to run. Realizing Em was rounding on me, I burst out crying and fell to my knees in front of him. I just sat there and _sobbed_ on the dirty carpet in the theater lobby.

My brother caught me giving Edward a hand job on the front row of the movies. Right beside him. And I was embarrassed, sure. But more than that, I was utterly heartbroken. No way would Edward ever want to see me again after being scared away by my brother.

Emmett looked around for a few minutes, his rage being quickly replaced with sympathy. He scooped me up and carried me out of the theater, whispering the whole time that "it would be okay" and "he'd make sure that _sonofabitch_ never made me do anything that I didn't want to do ever again." I just sobbed louder and didn't stop until we got home.

For the next few days, I felt forlorn. Edward had been really into it. I knew if he had been able to finish, he would see that I could be what he needed, that I could make him feel good—that I was better for him than those other girls he usually went after.

I knew just what to do to prove it to him. I just had to get him to let me do it.

So, I found myself nervously clutching that blue post-it tightly in my hand, dialing his number for the third time. Momentarily distracted when he answered in some stupid cowboy-voice, mentioning _riding_ him, I stammered out, blushing, "Um, can I speak to Edward?"

He laughed and said he knew that it was me, so I got down to the reason I was calling.

_Going down, to be exact. _

"I…well…I called to see if you'd want to come by to the diner after work." God, I was so lame. "Oh, this is so stupid. I doubt you'd want to come to the diner and see me. You probably don't even want to be talking to me right now. I should just hang up. I shouldn't have even called."

He stopped me, asking why I thought he didn't want to see me.

_Duh._ "Because of our date." _Real witty response, Bella._

"Bella, I want to see _you_. It's your brother that I want to avoid."

_Yes! He still wanted to see me_. Doing a mental fist pump, I got myself together and said, "Well, if you want to, can you come by after work? There's something I want to _discuss _with you, and it's better done face-to-face."

Edward showed up about twenty minutes later and I told him to meet me out back. There we were, leaning up against the enormous green dumpster and looking into each other's eyes. I apologized for what happened with Emmett and told him that I wanted to make it up to him, but he didn't understand me.

Grabbing his hand, I murmured, "I feel really, really bad about how things…_ended._ I wanted to make things up to you." Emboldened by the darkness and the thought that I knew what I was about to do, I pushed him against the brick wall and said, "I always finish what I start."

His voice wavered, "You know you don't have to do this just because you feel obligated."

Power surged through me. _He wanted this._

And I wanted to give it to him.

Before I could move to the button on his jeans, he grabbed me behind the neck and pulled me up to press his lips to mine. And just—_oh my god_. It was better than anything I could have imagined. And I had imagined it about a million times. It was a little sloppy and wet and warm and as his tongue slid against mine, I just wanted to be closer to him—to feel _more_.

We stood there kissing for awhile, his arms wrapped around me, holding me against him. Since I'm me, we eventually fell down on the ground but it was alright because I got to feel his body pressed against mine. When we righted ourselves, I laid it all on the line for him. "I want to put my hands on you," I whispered, trying not to allow my shyness to screw this up.

He was so cute as I explained to him that I'd never done this before. He seemed confused for a bit as I undid his belt buckle. "Bella, you don't have to."

"But _I_ want to."

He groaned and let me finish undoing his pants.

"Yesss," he moaned out, watching my mouth as I licked my lips and explained that I didn't want to give him a hand job, that I wanted …to put my mouth on him.

Just as I started to lower myself onto my knees in front of him, he stopped me, handing me his coat so my knees wouldn't hurt. _Such a gentleman._

Opening up his pants and pulling him out, I froze for a second. _Could I do this? Was I going to be able to actually follow through? _I _had _to. I wouldn't let my inexperience stand in the way of the one thing that I wanted more than anything else..._ever_. He rested his hands on my shoulders, relaxing slightly as I started to stroke him, slowly at first then picking up speed and increasing the pressure. Biting my lip, I furrowed my brow and watched the way he was reacting to me.

Tentatively, I ran my hands up the outside of his thighs and gripped his hips for a minute, taking a deep breath and remembering everything I'd ever read. He smelled nice, clean and not at all like I was expecting. Honestly, I didn't know what I expected, but the feel of him in my hand, the way he almost imperceptibly leaned into my touch, the way he was brushing his fingertips across my skin—it was just _right_. I wanted this to be perfect for him. I needed him to take me seriously. The small moan he released as I licked him in a slow circle spurred me on.

_Oh, hell yes._ I could do this. My mouth was made to do this. Well, made to do this for him.

He groaned, gripping my shoulders and causing me to stop and look up at him. Smiling, I opened my mouth and started to run my tongue along the part that I knew was the most sensitive—right at the opening. Just like the best site I'd been looking at said, I pretended that it was a lollipop. A giant lollipop.

I couldn't help but moan when he weaved his hands into my hair, steadying me, showing me what he liked. And then, as I took more of him into my mouth, he was groaning and saying "Jesus" as he held me tighter to him and I just wanted him _so much_. I wanted to make him feel so good. Momentarily caught up in the sensation of what I was doing-and that I seemed to be _good_ at it, I remembered just in time to hollow out my cheeks and swirl my tongue around the head as I methodically moved up and down.

Everything I'd read said that I would know how much pressure to apply, how much to suck, how to move my hands from the base of him and up in time with my hands. And they were all correct. My god, his hands felt so good on me, the way he was holding on to me and moaning, getting lost in the sensations of my mouth on him. He was so into it. It was heaven.

If my calculations were correct, he was close, and I started to mentally prepare myself to swallow. I wasn't going to be a huge sissy and spit—I wanted him to know that I could give it to him just as good as any of those other girls. His breathing became rougher and he started grunting, his muscles tensed, and his…he started to pulse a little in my hand. Recalling what I'd read with precision, I took a breath and sucked him deeper into my mouth, knowing the deeper he was, the less likely I'd have to taste anything _unpleasant_.

Just as I started to pick up the pace, steadily moving my hands and mouth in perfect synchronicity and humming around him, wanting nothing more than for him to give himself to me in this way, I heard a sound behind me that froze my movements.

"Bella."

Someone called my name. Someone that wasn't Edward. Someone that _was_ my brother. Someone that would kill the guy I loved, especially if he saw that his dick in my mouth.

"Bella? Bella, where are you?"

I couldn't help it. Fear seized through me, causing me to clamp my teeth down on him and tighten my grip around him. I couldn't move. It wasn't until he let out in a strangled voice, "Bella, Let. The. Fuck. Go," did I realize what I was doing.

I squeaked, instantly backing away from him as he dropped to the ground in front of me. My brother was still calling me, so I stepped out from behind our hiding place beside the dumpster. He told me I needed to go count down the register, so I promised I'd be right in as I turned back to Edward.

Growing up with an older brother had given me the knowledge that guys really, really didn't like when painful things happened to them..._there_. They tended to get defensive over that part of their anatomy in general, and, after rolling around on the ground in pain, usually ended up supremely pissed off at the person who'd done them harm.

...And that was when a simple knee was involved. Throw teeth into the equation and you had an entirely new set of problems.

"I am so, _so_, sorry," I whispered into his ear, trying to keep the tears at bay. He told me he was okay, steadying himself and rising up from the ground. After offering to call someone to come get him, I continued to apologize as he reached out to touch my cheek and kiss me softly.

_Well, if he's kissing me, he must not want to murder me, right?_

Edward assured me he was fine, so I told him I'd better get back inside before Emmett came out, looking for me again. He nodded at me and watched as I walked back into the diner.

Which is how I got here, now, steadily researching and looking for something—anything to make up for what I'd done. He told me it was okay—that he was fine. But what if he wasn't? What would I do if he never wanted to see me again? What if my brother had run him off for good?

Emmett's feelings be damned, I wouldn't let him stand in my way. Our parents had made him promise to protect me, but they also would have wanted me to be happy. Edward was the only way that I could be happy.

Cleaning out my history again just to be safe, I closed my computer and grabbed my jacket. I had to go to him. I had to make him see that we were meant to be together. I wasn't throwing away the past three years without a fight.

x-x-x-x-x

Taking a steeling breath, I knocked on his apartment door. There was no answer, so I looked at the numbers again, making sure I was at the right place. He definitely said number 317, so I knocked again, louder this time.

Finally, he came to the door wearing only boxers. When he saw it was me, he covered himself protectively and asked what I was doing there. I couldn't help but notice how he kept watching my mouth. Licking my bottom lip before tugging it into my mouth, I tried to rid myself of the nervous habit of biting it to no avail.

Didn't want him to think about my teeth one little bit.

Wringing my hands, I told him I came to apologize. His flippant response of "Apology accepted, bye…" floored me, but I wouldn't be deterred. I _had_ to talk to him. Promising not to touch him, I practically begged him to let me in.

Just as it seemed he was going to relent, Rosalie walked up to the door, practically screaming at me. "What the fuck is she doing here?" Though I tried to explain, she cut me off. "You don't get to talk. Do you have any idea what you've done to this man?"

She got right in my face and continued. "For years, I have watched him pine over you. For years, I've been in your corner, telling him to go for it. _Years_, Bella. So finally one day, after much pushing from me, you go on a date. Do you know what he was like when he came home? I expected him to be all fucking 'Happy Days' when he walked through the door. What I got was a damn near comatose best friend, petrified of whatever the fuck happened."

_Oh my god. What had I done to him? Was it really that bad?_ I couldn't think about it anymore as Rosalie continued on with her tirade.

"Then you call him, and he leaves work. Going to the diner after work is our thing. But I wanted Edward to be happy. I want him to date you, so I let him go. And what happens? How do you repay me for pushing him back to you? You bite his fucking dick! So if you think you can just waltz in here like you haven't branded your dental records all over the Prince, then you've got another thing coming."

_Prince? I thought I bit Edward..._

Looking at Edward, who just stood there with his mouth hanging open, I turned back to Rosalie. I'd had enough. "Rose, shut the fuck up."

I appreciated that she was trying to take up for her friend, but she didn't understand. _I was in love with him._ I didn't mean to hurt him. And if half of what she had just said was true, he really liked me, too. Just like I wasn't going to let Emmett stand in our way, I'd be more than happy to knock Rosalie to the side as well if that's what it would take to finally be with Edward.

Standing up as tall as I could, I wanted her to know that I would not be intimidated by her. I zeroed in on what she was wearing—it was _his_ shirt. His Zeppelin shirt. _How could he?_

I wanted to run; I couldn't believe it. Just as I took a step back, Rosalie spoke. "Oh this? It's Edward's." She insinuated that they had been _together_ and as I took her in, beautiful and leggy and blonde and everything that I would never be, I almost backed down. I almost gave up.

Then I looked over at Edward and knew that I couldn't do that. If I was going to fight for us, it had to be now.

Feeling more powerful than I ever had, I practically screamed, "What the hell, Rose?" When they both turned their attention to me, though, I started to get flustered. "Are you now just making that...stuff...that you slept with him...are you making that up because of your, your...misplaced need to protect him?"

The words weren't coming out right, but I needed them to know—both of them—that I knew what it was like. But that he didn't need to be protected from me.

She said that it was obvious that he did need to be protected—from me, and I just _snapped_. Narrowing my gaze, I told her to shut up and listen to me, explaining that I was there to apologize and that what happened had been an accident. I really liked Edward and had wanted to be with him for _three years_. I started to tell them about my overprotective brother, how I knew staying away from Edward would be the best thing for him when out of nowhere, Emmett showed up, yelling about Edward being in his boxers.

We all went inside the apartment and Emmett told me that he didn't want me with Edward. That I wasn't allowed to date. He wouldn't even listen to me. He didn't care that I was twenty-one years old or that I had feelings or that I could do whatever I wanted. He kept trying to say that he was "looking out for" me and trying to make me give in.

Then Emmett dropped the bomb on me. "Edward doesn't really like you."

Shaking my head, I looked at him. _What was he trying to get at? _ "I don't understand..."

Emmett grabbed my hand and looked me right in the eye as he told me, again, that Edward didn't like me. I tried to tell him that he was wrong, that Edward _told _me he did, but he kept cutting me off.

I couldn't believe what he was saying to me. "B, Edward and I were both trying to protect you. Which is why he was _pretending_ to be interested in you and date you. He's pretending to be your boyfriend."

Edward yelled at him. "This is fucking bullshit! This is your sister, man. You're really gonna do this? Just shut the fuck up already."

Our eyes met and I wanted to believe him. But he didn't deny it. And my brother had never lied to me before. I turned to Emmett, telling him he was lying. He _had _to be.

He just looked at me sadly and said, "I honestly wish I was." Then he reminded me that he'd never lied to me, that he'd always been there for me. I didn't know what to think. I …couldn't believe this was happening.

Finally, Edward said, "Bella, he's lying!" as I wrenched my hands from Emmett's grasp. I told Em that he'd gone too far this time. Then I turned to Edward and asked him, flat out, "It's a lie right? Tell me you weren't pretending to like me because my brother told you to."

He _hesitated_. I could barely make out his words as he said, "Baby, it's not exactly like that. You know I like you. I wouldn't have let you..."

_Oh, god. He had lied to me. After everything we'd done. After I told him how I felt. _

I couldn't breathe as he continued, "It's just, I know what an asshole your brother is, and I knew he wouldn't just let me date you. I had to do something though, because not being with you...I just...I couldn't not be with you anymore. Enough was enough, you know what I mean? So, I agreed to _pretend_ to be your boyfriend. Just so I could get close to you. But I like you. I really like you. I was only pretending to pretend to date you."

_Pretending? He'd only been pretending?_ This was too much, I couldn't breathe. I had been such a fool. They were all right about me—I was a naïve idiot. I couldn't stand there and let any of them watch me fall apart. Taking one more look around the room, I locked eyes with Edward one more time before I turned around and ran out of the apartment as fast as my feet would carry me.

* * *

**I'm crazy fail when it comes to writing notes like this, but I hope that you liked this chapter. I've never been asked to be a guest author before so I was really honored when one of my favorite people trusted me enough to write for his story. It was really fun to get into Bella's mind and luckily Cullcati pretty much let me do my thing.**

**Thank you Cullcati for asking me to write this. Thanks to my beta, nicnicd, who made it a little easier to navigate through her thoughts and kept me from being overly technical *grin*. And thanks to you for reading Smooth Operator. **

**xoxox-Kassiah**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hoped you all enjoyed getting inside Bella's mind as much as I did. But thanks again to Kassiah for her hard work on Chapter 16. I was trying to figure out how far along I am in this story, but since I don't have an outline, or any real fucking idea where this story is going (I have a vague idea, not a solid one), I'm not sure I can honestly say if we're halfway done, or almost done, or what. I pretty much wake up, and start writing. and whatever comes out that day is the direction the story is going. I don't pre-plan the chapters. (in case anyone was wondering, and wanted to get inside MY head for a change). **

**For those who follow me on twitter (Cullycati), you'll already know this, but I've written a one-shot for the Freedom Fan Fiction Writers (link on my profile) Valentine's Day Competition. Keep me on author alerts because I'll be posting it here when the competition is over.**

**Thanks to my BETA, CaroSlickLips. I had to pull her away from her social life just to work on this, and while I know I should feel badly about that, I really don't. I should be number one in your life, Lips. Keep that in mind.**

**To my pre-readers, Kassiah and Kiya Raven. You girls are awesome. And no. I'm keeping you guessing about the cooler. **

**Also...Don't forget. Reviewer 1,000 gets a lil' somthin' special from me. Less than 200 to go...**

**Now, onto Chapter 17.**

**As usual...Twilight is not mine. Its not yours either.  
This is fiction. Bella and this fucking amazing Edward, aren't real.  
Rose, however, is based on a real-life girl I know.  
She's fucking amazing.  
I want to use her tits as a pillow.**

* * *

I was frustrated.

Really fucking frustrated.

It was hard.

Ridiculously hard.

To the point of being almost humorous.

I frowned, huffed out a breath, and tried again.

No matter what finger combination I tried, I just couldn't complete. _One more solo go, then I'm calling in the reinforcements. _

With finger precision, I typed...

**A S T O N M A R T I N**

I grinned as I clicked 'Log In'. This _had_ to be it.

_The password you entered is incorrect. Please try again_

"FUCK!" I yelled, slamming my defeated hands on the bed on either side of my body.

Below that degrading message was, _Forgot your password? __Request a new one._

I didn't want to have to resort to getting some help, but at the rate I was going, Facebook would shut down before I could even log in.

I thumped my head back against the wall my bed was positioned against. _Thump, thump, thump._ I willed my password into my brain. _Come on! What are you?_

I tried again.

My favorite car: **V A N Q U I S H**

Denied.

My favorite movie: **L E B O W S K I**

Denied.

Denied.

Denied.

No matter what I tried, the message was the same, and I was even at the point where the little 'Are You A Real Person' word to type was there.

"What the fuck?" I leaned my head back against the wall again.

"Sorry! I should have knocked. I didn't realize you were having a conference with the Prince."

_Oh, Prince!_

I hadn't tried that yet! Typing it in, I sat up straight, eager to get this Facebook-stalking-show on the road.

_DENIED_.

_Fucking figures. _ I slumped back again, defeated. I was never going to find out the secrets of Bella.

"What do you want, Rose?" I muttered. Not even bothering to look up at her, I kept my glare on my laptop screen.

"Just letting you know I'm home."

"Great." _Like __I gave a fuck?_

She sighed heavily from the door.

"I can't do this again, 'Ward," she said softly. At her dejected tone, I finally allowed her the honor of my full attention. I looked at her.

She was leaning against the doorframe, looking at her fiddling hands. She didn't look strong, confident, or Rose-like. She looked sad. I had made her sad. I felt like a total douche.

I patted the bed next to me. "C'mere."

She raised a brow, "You sure you don't want to minimize some of those windows? Grab a rag and tidy up?"

"Believe it or not, I do other things with my laptop than use it to look up porn." _Sometimes __I don't have to look it up. Sometimes what I want is already downloaded. _But she didn't need to know that.

Timidly, she sat next to me on the spot I patted and leaned over close enough to peer down at my screen. I turned my laptop toward her to show her what I was looking at.

"Happy?"

"Re-opening your Facebook account, are we?" she asked, crossing her legs to sit more firmly next to me.

"Trying to, more like it." I turned the screen back toward me, my restless fingers tapping on the edge of it, impatiently wishing they could figure out my damned password.

_Yeah, Edward. __It's your __fingers' __fault your dumbass brain has absorbed so much porn __that __your password had to be forgotten to make room for it all. Did you really need to watch that __'Naughty School Girls Down Under' video that many times? _

Yes. The answer was a resounding YES.

It's a wonder I could even remember how to drive considering where my brain was half the time. Though, if I really thought about it, the way you hold the steering wheel...your hand is curled into a similar stroking-the-cock fist...

"What do you mean, _trying_?"

"Trying what? I wasn't trying anything. I don't need to try it, I just know that's the action your hand does when—" I cut off my tirade of steering-wheel grip verses dick-grip and looked at Rose with question. I cleared my throat. "What did _you_ mean?"

"Why don't you just log in?"

"Because, genius, I can't remember my fucking password." I gestured to the red blaring message on the screen that really should just read, 'This fucking moron can't remember shit, especially his password'.

"Isn't it the same one you use for everything else?" she asked, seemingly innocent enough.

I stared at her blankly. "Right. Because if I could remember _that_ password, I'm sure I would have already tried it."

What didn't she get about this whole no-password situation?

"Do I have to do every-fucking-thing for you?" she grumbled, taking my laptop from my lap and typing briefly before successfully logging me into my account.

I stared at her, completely dumbfounded.

"How did you...?"

"I love tits and ass," she said simply.

I smirked, "I know, baby, and one day I'll be there to document when you act on your hidden desires for the female sex."

"Who said it's hidden?" Rose winked coyly at me.

"Yep. Right." I dismissed her. Rose was playful, a tease, and—from what one of her ex's said— she was open to trying anything once. But I knew for a fact, trying a woman hadn't been done yet. "So, how'd you get me in? What's my password?"

"I love tits and ass...or TNA, actually."

"Huh. that simple, eh?"

"Mmhmm," she said, barely paying attention to me anymore since her attention was focused on my now fully-accessed Facebook account.

"What's that red flag thing up at the top?" I reached my arm in front of her, making sure to cash-in on an innocent boob-graze.

"That—" she began, hitting my arm down when it lingered and rubbed a bit against her. I couldn't help but laugh. "That would be your notifications. Jesus, you have a lot. When was the last time you logged in?"

I just looked at her. _Really, Rose?_

"Right. Forgotten password. Got it. Alice wants to be your friend." She smirked.

"Ok?" I really had no idea what this Facebook shit was all about. I just wanted to spy on Bella.

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you just want to get some info on Bella, right?"

_How did she_— "How did you know?"

"I'm not an idiot, 'Ward. So, we'll add Alice and just ignore the others..." She began mumbling about something farmville and zombie whatever. Then this mafia group game that had the potential to sound interesting, and before I knew it we were on Alice's page...er...wall.

"Ex-cheerleader," she snorted, "captain of the debate team, yodeling squad...wait..._yodeling?_ What the—"

"It makes perfect sense." I shook my head in disbelief. "All these things require yelling. Fucking dog-screamer...is that on there too? I wouldn't doubt it."

"What happened with you guys today, anyway? Did Newton make you three-way with her?" She continued to scroll through Alice's profile, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips every now and then.

"Yep. For over a fucking hour, too. I was completely spent afterwards. What about you? Ridin' solo all night?"

"Uh, nope. Newton had me three-way with Jasper," she said nonchalantly.

It took me a minute filled with an open-mouth, gum-flapping fish look before I could react.

"What. The. Fuck? Jasper? Oh fucking, NEWTON. He knows. He fucking _knows_ how I feel about that douche." It would have been just like Newton to pair my best friend up with my once-again mortal enemy.

"I thought you were trying to get along with him."

_Was I?_ I was having a hard time keeping up with who I was supposed to be nice to, hate, or have a secret pact with.

"Not the point. That was a low blow."

Rose shrugged. "It's not like you wanted to work with me, anyway."

She paused what she was doing, her indifferent expression changing to a sad smile as she looked at me.

"I was a dick," I said.

She nodded.

"I did to you what you did to me. I didn't like it when you did it, and I shouldn't have done it to you. It was a dick thing to do, and I was a dick to do such a dick thing. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. But, 'Ward? You act like a dick again, I'm going to cut _off_ your dick. Got it?"

I gulped and nodded.

There was a moment of silence where I had the time to think; which boded very badly for Rose. I thought about _why_ exactly I had been mad at her, _why_ exactly I had chosen to act dick-ish.

"Just a thought," I started, innocently enough.

"Mmm?" she replied, also innocently.

"You and Man-Be...Cock...Emmett!" I stumbled over my words. I had to tread carefully with this one. Rose didn't like being told what to do.

"What about him?" I still didn't have her full attention. She just kept scrolling through whatever page, or wall, or window, or whatever-the-fuck she was on.

I fiddled with a stain on my comforter that had been there for years. Probably a grease stain from overly buttered popcorn. I picked at it, almost losing track of the mini-mission I had decided to go on.

_Right. Focus, Edward. Mission Defeat Emmett!_

"You haven't...uh...talked to him...have you?"

"Talked to him about what, 'Ward?"

She didn't even glance up at me. I cleared my throat and watched her. Still nothing. I licked my lips, just waiting. Waiting for _something_. My finger was really digging into the fucking stain on my comforter, and if Rose didn't look up and respond and say what-ever-the-fuck she was thinking of doing with Emmett, I was sure I was going to rip a hole into the material.

"How about how you practically ripped off your underwear and humped his leg when he was here, huh?"

_Oh great one, Edward. So fucking subtle._

But it kind of worked. Her fingers stumbled on their Internet scrolling, and she glanced at me quickly before looking away intently—too intently—at the screen again. She wasn't scrolling or reading, she was fucking _hiding_ from me.

"So?" I prompted.

"That's—" She 'pfftd' and damn near motor-boated her lips, "That's just ridiculous, 'Ward."

"Rose, I could have fucking mopped the kitchen with the amount of drool you were drool you were producing."

"So what?" She shrugged, _still_ not looking at me.

"So what? _That's what you say?_ 'So What?'" I scoffed, my bark of a laugh sounding almost crazed with insanity. "So fucking WHAT?" _Yes, Edward, I think she gets that part. Time to be moving on now. _"So fucking _WHAT_ if the man wants to fucking murder me by cutting off my _dick_ and shoving it down my throat? Do you really think I want to fucking _taste_ that, Rose? My own _dick _being the last thing I taste before I fucking _die_? But don't worry about me. _Oh no_. Once Edward has fucking asphyxiated on his _dick_, he'll be out of the way, and I can ride Emmett into the sunset!" I shook my head, trying to calm my tirade, but finding it really hard. "THAT'S fucking _what_."

"So what exactly are you saying, then?"

I turned to fully face her, a look of disbelief on my face. "You're fucking kidding me, right? What I'm _saying_ is that you and Emmett? Uh-uh. Ain't gonna happen."

"And what? You're going to stop me from talking to him? Dating him even?"

She was challenging me? Oh, that was rich.

"Yeah. I am. Consider this an ultimatum. You date him? You lose me." I did it. I had lit a match to a cord that ended up splitting down the middle. Now, the question was, which way would the fire burn? Would it burn our friendship? Or would she heed my warning and burn the Emmett line? The choice was hers. I could barely breathe.

"Edward..."

That wasn't a good start. Not a _'Ward_. But an _Edward_?

"Is this about the whole shiny new toy analogy?" She wasn't pissed anymore. Or if she was, any traces of said piss was quickly dissipating and turning into this gooey love look. It was fucking breaking my resolve.

"Maybe...yes. No. Yes." I began to stumble through the love-goo.

She smiled, putting a comforting hand on my arm. Not one of those faux-comforting hands that I generally gave people. Rose knew how to comfort.

"If my interest—which at this point is all physical, just so you know—in Emmett is going to ruin us? Then I don't want it. I'm not going to choose anyone over you. I hated the other week. Really fucking hated it. So you're stuck with me." She squeezed my arm, and that little bit of pressure forced the fire down Emmett's cord. With a bright smile, I watched him go up in flames.

"Oh, look! Alice is friends with Bella." She smirked, setting the laptop between us and getting up from the bed. "She has a cute profile picture, too."

I quickly grabbed the laptop, frantically searching all over the screen to figure this shit out.

"Just click on her name, and it'll take you to her profile page."

I nodded quickly and got to work. I barely registered when Rose left the room, leaving me all alone to my Bella-stalking devices.

_Ok, where do I begin_? I looked over her page, starting at the top listing her basic details, name, occupation, schooling, where she was from, when she was born...and relationship status. I half expected it to say "Waiting for Emmett to die so I can date Edward." But, instead it just said "Single." A very good sign.

Below that was her wall? Updates? Some random shit from other people...

A comment from Alice, **"Can't wait to see you later tonight, bb. ****SQUEEE! Love you!"**

_Yep. That sounded like Alice. _

A few things from Emmett and some guy named Jacob—a name that made me snort when I remembered when she called in and I was being Jake the handy-man. _I bet she loved that._ An older chick—that looked like a total MILF— named Renee, left a message about a trip to Florida.

More random-shit that didn't tell me ANYTHING about Bella. I needed some substance. I needed...

_Ah, her info page!_

I clicked the link and was rewarded with a more detailed selection of her likes and dislikes. This was exactly what I needed. I needed those random little fun facts that I should have already been able to pick up on.

Music...I could see a few bands that I recognized, and some I even would have put on my top ten list, but the others? Who the hell was 'Florence and the Machine'? Of course, in my mind I made it completely sexual. A woman named Florence and all her machines. I could get into this band if that was the case. A dirty singer, singing about playing with her machines. _Nice._

Books...'Jane Eyre', 'Pride and Prejudice', 'Wuthering Heights'...Yeah, I wasn't about to go there. _I guess we wont be talking about books, then._

Movies...My jaw dropped. _No fucking way._ I looked back at the top of the page, making sure I was on Bella _Swan's_ profile, and not some other Bella. But it was right. This girl. _MY_ Bella. I fucking _knew_ we were meant to be! There, nestled between a plethora of classic zombie movies—including '28 Days Later' and 'Dawn of the Dead'—was 'The Big Lebowski'.

"Fucking YES!"

"Stop jerking off to Bella's pictures!" I heard Rose's distant voice from my open doorway.

_Oh! Her pictures! I hadn't even looked there yet. _

The picture on her page was a simple close-up of her face. I found myself smiling along with her smiling face. And then I clicked on it and opened the realm of Bella. Multiple albums dedicated to things Bella did, liked, her family, her friends, her fucking _bedroom!_

I clicked on that album first. Opening pictures of every man's dream. What little things would I find? I half expected—or wanted—to see a framed picture of myself on her nightstand. But what I did see was just a few random pictures of her curtains, bedding, and general room layout. It was clean too. No lace anythings on the floor, no playgirls peeking out from under the mattress, even her fucking bed was made.

_I bet she cleaned up for the photos._

Quickly, I backtracked, opening the album titled 'SUMMER'.

Visions of Bella in a bikini filled the screen. I would have shot straight to full mast had she not been wearing a skirt and tanktop over the bikini, but, still, a _bikini. _And fucking Emmett right next to her. His arm tightly wrapped around her shoulders while he playfully gave her a noogie. She looked happy, though. A big bright smile on her lips. Fuck, I loved her lips.

I spent much longer than I should have in her photo albums. Browsing and memorizing every little curve of Bella that I hadn't had the time to really study this closely before. I saw the different hair styles she had over the years, the change in clothing as she grew older. Then I noticed that one thing remained constant.

Emmett.

Emmett was everywhere. In basically every group photo. Any outing Bella went on, there he was. There had to be a way to get around him. I felt like I was going to need to free Bella.

Another thing I noticed from her photos, the wall comments, and friends list...she had no guys hitting on her. A girl like that _should_ get at least one or two 'Hey baby, wanna fuck?' comments a week. _At least._ I know I'd give her that.

_And maybe I would if I could figure out how to__: A, __do it__; and B,__ join the Dickless Protection Program. Because I'm pretty sure if I went with A, Emmett would rip my cock off.__. _

Despite Emmett cock-blocking every advance that I—and, apparently, every other guy—had made toward her, I realized that she hadn't been...wooed. Courted. Hit on. Treated nicely by a guy who wanted more than to just fuck her.

She deserved to be pampered, given attention, showered with everything she hadn't been before. And I was just the dumbass guy to do it. Apparently I had no self-preservation.

If I was smart, I would just say _fuck it_ and put dating Bella in the 'too hard' file. But, I couldn't do it. I had wanted this damn girl for so fucking long. Now that I knew she wanted me too? There was no fucking way I wasn't going to get what I wanted.

Emmett be damned.

Exiting out of Facebook, I opened Google. There had to be a way to go about this. Instead of just asking Rose, and dealing with the ridicule she'd dish out, I started searching for what women wanted from men. Sites and blogs popped up instantly, and I hesitated before clicking on one of them.

_Surely Cosmopolitan Magazine wouldn't steer me wrong, right?_

I read through a few things, including a brief article about male erogenous zones, before I found one that I thought might work.

**WAYS TO KEEP HIS MIND ON YOU.**

Even though the article was written for ways a girl could make sure the dude was always thinking about her, I was sure I could implement some of them into my own situation.

I was pretty sure Bella wouldn't want me to leave my 'panties' in her coat pocket before she left for work. Or to write my name in lipstick on her bathroom mirror.

_Jesus, where do girls come up with this shit?_

Those things would creep me the fuck out.

But then I spotted one that would work.

**Give him a gift that reminds him of a special event you shared. **

I knew just the thing, too.

()()()()()()()

I arrived at work a little later than usual, having stopped at the store on the way to make sure I had Bella's gift to give to her after my shift.

I set the cooler down by my chair before placing the paper bag on my desk.

"What's in the cooler?" I turned to Rose, continuing with taking off my coat while trying hard not to kick her chair that was balancing precariously on the back two legs while she leaned from her cubicle.

"Something for Bella." I smiled and sat down.

"Is it fish? Because girls really don't like fish _that_ fresh."

_What the hell?_

"Why would you automatically assume its fish? It could be anything in here." _And besides, Bella and I hadn't shared any fish memories_—_yet. _

"So what is it?"

"Ok, first? Stop leaning so damn much. I'm so fucking close to kicking your chair out from under you just to watch you fall. And second...it's a surprise."

Rose rolled her eyes, but still dropped her chair back to its four-legs before scooting over to sit next to me.

"Yeah, a surprise for _Bella_. I'm not Bella, so, come on. Spill."

"Girls don't like it when they are gossiped about." _W__here the fuck did that come from? _I knew I shouldn't have read more of those Cosmo articles after I figured out my gift.

"Um...Sure. Okay." I could tell by Rose's tone that I had really made things awkward. Being the fucking idiot that I was when it came to this shit, I decided to just let Rose in on what I was doing.

I sighed heavily before turning to her, leaning close and whispering, "You tell anyone..._any-fucking-one_...and I will punch you in the ovaries, got it?"

She smirked and saluted. "Aye Aye, Capt'n."

I had to pause because I had always wanted to role-play as a pirate. _Maybe Bella __will __want me to shiver her timbers after she walks me plank._ I grinned at the thought. Fuck, Bella would look so hot in one of those naughty, pirate girl costumes. And secretly I really wanted to wear an eye-patch. That would be the perfect time to fuck her from behind. _Yar! I be plunderin' yer booty!_ _Let me dig deep for the treasure!_

"'Ward? Pirate fantasy again?" Rose knowingly smiled, bringing me back to the present.

_I'd make such a great pirate. _

"You guessed it." I winked, then sobered up quickly. "Look, I read online about different ways to—I dunno—_woo_ a girl. And Cosmo said—"

"Whoa, you've been reading Cosmo?" she exclaimed, a little too fucking loudly.

I clamped a hand down over her mouth. "Shut the fuck up, Rose. Jesus. What part of the _I-Will-Punch-You-In-The-Ovaries_ didn't you get?"

Her muffled 'sorry' was all I needed to continue. "Anyway," I dropped my hand from her mouth, "it said to get her something that would remind her of a special occasion. So, I did." I gestured down to the cooler.

"So, what did you end up getting?"

I grinned, bit my lip, looked around turning this into a covert operation, and gestured to Rose to lean down. Lifting the lid of the cooler, I revealed my master-gift.

"You have got to be shitting me," she said, in what I assumed was awe. Because really? This was the perfect gift to give my girl.

* * *

**I want you to tell me what you think is in the cooler. Get into the gutter with me. I want to see what things you guys come up with.**


	18. Chapter 18

**I've gotta let you all know how much I enjoyed reading what you all thought was in the cooler. I think only 2 of you got it right. I think the general consensus is that Penis is on every females brain, just as much as Tits and Ass are on mine. For everyone that mentioned a sex toy? Your punishment for being overly horny and perverted while reading my story, is to send me a link to your favorite sex toy. I'm not kidding. I'm doing research...for a gift...for a friend. **

**Hopefully this will be the chapter that I break 1000 comments. I have that lil' special somethin' for my 1000th reviewer. But in the mean time, for all my readers who have stuck through the insanity with me from the beginning (and even those who have joined later on) I have something. Something fucking epic. Something that made a reader call me a Pioneer in the fandom. An Epic Pioneer. Ladies, and perhaps the occasional gentlemen (fist bump), I present to you, _Smooth Operator_, book-on-tape. **

**http :/ cullcati . tumblr . com / **

**Check out the above site for the first of MANY recordings of Smooth Operator. Character voices are done by me and your fellow authors/readers from the fandom. Check each week for a new recording, and to see who plays with us next. The roles of Edward (me), Rosalie (KiyaRaven) and Bella (LDUT) are already filled, but I am 'casting' for additional characters. If you are interested in playing with me (and I know you all are, don't lie), PM me and we'll work somethin out. Each chapter has at least one phonesex call and I want a new reader each week. This week I had phone sex with OBSMAMA. She...she was amazing. Her moans? Her orgasm? Jesus. She was so into it. Thank YOU Corie. Thank you. **

**THANK YOU to Kassiah and KiyaRaven for the foreplay, and THANK YOU to CaroSlickLips for Masterbetaing. I was watching. You were good. So good. I love watching you work those fingers. **

**And now onto CHAPTER 18.. titles "What the fuck is in the cooler?"**

**

* * *

**

"I have a cat."

"Oh yeah? I love kitties." I didn't, but if girls could lie about their cup sizes while wearing a water-bra, then I could lie about this.

"Wanna make it purr?" It sounded like she was already purring.

"You gonna let me touch your kitty?" I played along.

"Mmhm."

"What if I just gently pet it like this? Can you feel my fingers softly touching the kitty's fur?" While I spoke, my fingers wrapped around what I guessed would be about a c-cup of breast. I squeezed the stress ball, palming it, wishing it had a nipple to tweak.

_Why do breasts and nipples comfort and relax me?_

"I wax!" she blurted out.

_That was random, but I'll go with it._

"I can tell. So smooth. Does your kitty like when my fingers stroke here? Against its lips?" I squeezed the stress ball a few quick times in succession.

_Fuck, I was nervous._

"Oh yes!" she panted.

"Mm, so wet. You have such a wet…kitty." _I was really beginning to hate kitties, cats, and all felines in general._

"Meow, baby."

_What. The. Fuck? Meow?_ Whatever works, I guess.

"I love stroking your kitty, but I want more." If only I could hurry this call along. Once I ended this, I could leave. And once I left? I'd be on my way to the diner...to Bella...and to relationship heaven.

I eyed the cooler still sitting by my feet.

"Puurrrrrr." My caller literally purred. _Purred._

"Can I put my fingers inside?"

"Puuuurrrr!"

_Jesus._

"So fucking wet. My fingers love fucking your kitty, but I still want more." Really, I wanted to finish this fucking call. The sooner we got to simulated fucking, the sooner we'd be done.

"Mmmmm," she moaned. _At least it wasn't another purr._

"I'm unbuckling my pants, I love that you're already naked for me. Lie on your back and spread your legs. I want to see your kitty up close." I shifted in my seat and picked up the belt buckle I had sitting on my desk for such occasions. I fiddled with it with my free hand, making it sound like I was, in fact, taking off my pants.

"You want me to pound that pussy?"

"Fuck! Yes! I want you to fuck my dripping wet vagina!" _FINALLY!_

When the last moan was released, I rushed through the pillow-talk and quickly sent her to the operator. My last call of the night was _finally_ over, and I was on my way to the diner.

"Hey, Rose." I leaned over the wall between our cubicles.

We made eye contact, which was good enough for me to continue. She was in a call, after all.

"I'm gonna..." I lifted my cooler from the ground and waggled my eyebrows in what was a comical, yet extremely sexy, gesture indicating that I was about to do something that would be like a gateway into Bella's pussy. Or that's what I was hoping.

Rose covered her mic and leaned toward me.

"While I'm _dying_ to see Bella's face when she receives your...gift, you really need to do this on your own. I'll catch you at home later...or will I?" She winked.

I rolled my eyes and stood up. "Not this time. I don't want her to feel like all I want is sex."

"But, 'Ward, all you want _is_ sex."

_True__._

"Not the point. _Cosmo_ said..." I trailed off. She could fill in the blanks.

With a chuckle, Rose waved me off, clearly done with me for the night.

So with cooler and jacket in hand, I left the office and walked toward the diner. Toward Bella.

()()()()()()()

I felt like I should have changed my name from Edward to Tom. With the way I was peeping through the diner window, I thought it would be more fitting. Unless there was a name for someone who stalks.

Stalking Sam.

Hides-In-Bushes Brett.

Fogs-Up-Windows-With-Panting-Breaths Frank.

Of course, all of these names reminded me of the movie _Chasing Amy_, and visions of lesbians filled my head. Naturally, this wouldn't help me on the current peeping-Tom mission I was on, but it couldn't be helped.

I had moved on from being Tom, and was currently Frank, as I looked through the diner window.

_Where the fuck is she?_

Bella always worked nights. Bella was always at the diner when I got off from the call center. Bella was supposed to be there.

But she wasn't.

It was like someone tipped her off that I was coming. But if I really thought about it, that made no sense. If someone tipped her off that I was coming to see her—with a gift, no less—she should have put on her sexiest dress and let her hair down. At least that's what the magazines told girls to do.

But where was Bella in her sexy dress and fuck-me hair?

No. Where.

I looked down at the cooler I was holding. What a fucking waste. And I couldn't return it either.

Dejected, I stepped out of the bushes and onto the sidewalk. With one last look at the diner—sans Bella—I walked toward my apartment building.

_It fucking figures_. The one night I really needed to see her. The one night I really needed to prove that I could be that guy for her. The one night I grew a fucking set of balls, and said, 'Emmett Be Damned'...was the one night she wasn't working.

"Unnngh."

I paused in my emo-walk-of-shame down the sidewalk.

_What the fuck was that?_

"Unhh."

_Yeah, that was definitely another groan. _

"So...big."

Even though they were muffled—by groans and moans—those were sex-words. No doubt in my mind.

I had become Peeping-Tom again and stepped closer to the alley beside the diner where the noises were coming from.

"Come on!"

_Wow. She's an aggressive one._

Wait. She?

"Fuck!"

At her curse, and the sound of something hard being pounded into another something, I felt not only the Prince get interested in the happenings of the alley, but also my anger boil.

"I cannot believe this!" she said clearly, very pronounced, no moans this time. There was no doubt in my mind anymore. That was fucking _Bella!_

I was angry. Furious even. She said she liked me. She said she wanted me. She did sexual things to me. It was supposed to be ME in the alley with her. Not some random dude who probably couldn't fuck her right anyway.

Driven with this caveman need to stake claim to what was soon to be mine, I stalked down the shadowed alley. I saw the outline of her body against the dumpsters. _Our_ dumpsters.

I couldn't see the dude, but there was a large shadow kneeling in front of her.

_If this guy is getting a taste before me, then shit's about to go down._

"Bella!" I said her name. Loudly. Letting them _both_ know exactly how I was feeling.

The moans stopped, the moving stopped, everything stopped-except me. I didn't stop until I was right in front of the pair. The fucking douche didn't even have the balls to stand up and face me.

I grabbed him roughly, my fingers digging into his plastic shirt...wait..._plastic_?

I tightened and flexed my fingers, feeling the material, and realizing something else. Not only did the guy wear plastic trash bags for clothing, but, he also felt oddly like...garbage.

_What the fuck? _

I pulled my arm up and looked at what I held in my hand.

A giant...no. What was the word Bella used? Big? A big trash bag.

_Fuck._

"Why are you so mad?" Bella asked. I looked to her, meeting her eyes with my own.

"I...uh—" I had to think quickly. I couldn't exactly tell her what I had really been thinking. Why else could I be mad? I looked at the massive trash bag in my hand—which was honestly weighing me down a bit. How she could have managed to throw it into the dumpster was beyond me. I knew I'd have had a bit of struggle myself.

A slow smile began to form as I hurried with my half-lie.

"I'm pissed off. But not at you." I tugged the bag to get her to let it go. "At _Emmett_."

_Oh, good one, Edward. Put the blame on Big Brother. __Now, stop grinning like a fucking idiot, and get all heroic. _

"I mean, really..." I put down the cooler that was in my other hand, and then struggled as I lifted the trash bag up to throw into the dumpster. "You shouldn't be out here, in the middle of the night, throwing this shit away. You're not the trash girl." With a grunt of my own, I managed to hoist the heavy-as-fuck trash into the dumpster like the manly man I was.

"What the fuck was he thinking, anyway? You're lucky I came along when I did. Imagine if someone else had." I wiped my hands off on my jeans before picking up the cooler again.

"I guess I just didn't think anything of it," she said meekly. _Great. Now you made her feel stupid._

"Of course you wouldn't have. You're a great sister. It's your brother who should have been looking out for you." I put my arm around her and resisted letting my hand drop down and touch her breast like it wanted to.

_Calm yourself, appendage. We're being a gentleman tonight._

"I guess," she said while turning her head to look up at me. I couldn't get over how well she fit against me. "I have to go back and finish my shift." She glanced at the back door.

As she started to pull away from me, I turned her to face me instead. My arm that was around her dropped until my hand found hers. I held it, linking our fingers together and keeping her with me.

"I didn't get a chance to really apologize for the whole," I paused—_how the fuck did I word this?_—"uh, pretending to be your boyfriend and working with your brother so you wouldn't get to date anyone, while secretly dating me. Only I was pretending, but _not pretending_, because while it was real for you, it was also really real for me, too."

_Yep. That about summed it up. So fucking smooth. Just give her the gift and maybe she'll forget that you're a bumbling idiot._

"So, to kind of make it up to you, I wanted to get you something that showed you how I feel. How much you mean to me," I said softly, suddenly nervous about her reaction.

A small smile filled her lips. Her plump, pale pink lips. _Focus Edward!_

I cleared my throat, and set the cooler down on the ground next to us.

"It's uh...Well, I guess it kind of speaks for itself." I dropped my hand from hers and kneeled down, opening the cooler and pulling out a brown paper-wrapped package.

_Fuck. It's fucking drenched!_

I frowned at the package and stood. _Shit_. Hopefully, she wouldn't mind. Girls didn't like wet things like guys did. But Bella seemed different.

I managed to smile through my frown when I looked at her. "It got a little..." I shrugged. Surely she could see that it got more than a _little _wet.

"What is that?" she said, looking worried.

"It's not a pig's heart." I rolled my eyes. _Women_.

I began to unwrap the useless paper, letting the chunks of wetness fall back into the cooler by my feet. Once unwrapped, I held the meat in my hands.

Bella's muffled scream took my attention away from making sure I got all of the paper off of the meat, and I looked at her.

Her eyes were wide, terror filled. A hand was over her mouth, hence the muffled scream, and she backed away from me.

I rolled my eyes. "What's up with women and meat?"

I picked off another bit of paper from the meat, and then held it up to her.

"It's just completely free-range organic chicken breast. Seasoned the right way and it's actually really good for you. If you're worried about getting fat—"

"It's meat."

Really, it was not just _meat._ It was the best chicken breast the store had. I asked the deli guy, and this is what he recommended. It was the chicken breast equivalent of a dozen long-stemmed roses. I figured someone who worked in the food business would get that. Maybe she liked red meat. Should I have gotten her a steak? Kobe, perhaps? I mean, it's so fucking obvious what I was trying to do. _Why doesn't she get it? _

"Look. If you don't want it—"

"I don't understand it."

I let out a sigh. This wasn't going the way I had planned.

"Do you remember a few weeks ago when I was here with Rose? And I ordered the chicken dinner? It was the first time I touched you...intentionally. Not an accidental brush of your arm against my hand when you set my plate down." I smiled when she began to smile, and her hand dropped to her side.

"It was the first time we had a moment. When I was kneeling in front of you, and my hands were on your leg, and you looked at me." I had to look away from her because this shit was getting hard. And I suddenly realized just how stupid I must have looked.

_I should have just gotten her the roses. _

"Fuck it." I looked down at the chicken breast in my hand and with my final sigh of the night, threw it into the dumpster.

"Wai—"

I cut off Bella's plea. I knew she didn't really want my meat. Well, not my raw chicken breast meat. She'd been quite forward with the meat of mine she did want.

"The real reason I came here tonight is to ask you on a date. A real date. Without Emmett."

"I really don't think Emmett is going to let me go out with you again."

I smirked, "Don't worry about your brother. I'll take care of him."

Her smile grew and she walked back toward me. As soon as she was in front of me, I took her hand back in mine. I frowned when she instantly pulled back.

"What?"

"Your hands are slimy."

"Right. The chicken." I shoved my hands in my pockets.

"So, where would you like to go?" I knew I should have already planned the date out and prepared a location, but _Cosmo_ said women liked to have a part in the planning. The least I could do after my failed gift was let her choose the place.

"How about Cafe Raven?"

_Oh fuck yes!_

Cafe Raven was dark, erotic, seedy, sexy. The place oozed sex from every dark velvet curtain they had. Each table in the place had its own private nook, and it was more of a lounge or nightclub than a cafe. Even the urinals were sexy. The ceramic toilets shaped as naked women in different sexual positions were enough to make me down glass after glass of coffee just so I could go on them.

I would love to go there with Bella. Sit close to her. Nibble on her ear while her hands roamed all over the Prince. No one would see us. We'd get away with anything we wanted. I could even fuck her at our table and no one would even care. Hell, we'd probably get a free show from some other customers.

_Fuck_.

"NO!" I blurted.

I couldn't go there with Bella! I couldn't let her think that all I wanted was sex! Where could we go that didn't turn me on? Where was one place where we _had_ to be good?

Then it came to me. A title of an article I had just read the night before.

**College guys? Sexy AND Smart! **

"I mean...No, Bella. Maybe another time. But...for our first real date? I was thinking more along the lines of something else."

"Oh." She looked so disappointed.

_Don't worry Bella. I'll never disappoint you. I'll treat you right._

"How about meeting me at the library?"

()()()()()()()

Lace.

Silk...maybe satin.

Thong.

Panty.

_What the fuck is this even called? _

I held up what looked like a lacy belt, but had these buckle things hanging down from it, connecting it to stockings.

_Whatever it is, I like it._

I tossed it aside, however. It wasn't what I was looking for.

I resumed my rummaging. I pushed aside shoes, moved bags. _Really, who needs this many purses? _But I still couldn't find it.

I sat back on my heels, kneeling on the floor of Rose's semi-walk-in closet. I kept mine in the bottom of my closet. Surely Rose would too.

I searched the shadowed spaces beneath her hanging pants. I hadn't checked the back corners yet. Eagerly, I crawled forward, my search on again.

"Condom stash low?"

I paused, looked over my shoulder and saw Rose standing in the middle of her room looking at my ass. _Fucking perv._

I ignored her; I was on a mission.

"I keep them in my bedside table, not in my closet."

I stopped again. On all fours, I dropped my head and closed my eyes, willing her to just leave me to my searching. I didn't want fucking condoms. I had enough of a stash in my own bedside table—because fuck knows I hadn't needed to actually use any of them in MONTHS. But it was just like her to rub that little fact in.

"Don't you fucking read?" I snapped over my shoulder, standing up finally and leaving the closet.

Rose smirked, "Need another _Cosmo_?"

I shrugged and stood in front of her, deciding to drop the search for now. "I'm out of fresh material."

She eyed me for a moment, taking in my appearance and generally making me uncomfortable.

"What?" I said finally after a stretch of silence. I hated to be under Rose's scrutiny.

"You look nice," she said.

"Thanks?"

"I'm just trying to figure out why you're all dressed up." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at me again.

I looked down at my button-down shirt which could, admittedly, have been a little crisper. But we didn't own an iron because a certain roommate just sent her shit out to be dry cleaned. _Let's just forget about others in the house who, while they don't know how to iron, might need to one day._

I tugged on the bottom of my shirt, realizing that I had only half tucked it in. The pants I wore—also without that crisp look but still smooth—had been pulled from the back of my closet, on the side where I kept my Luncheons-with-Mom clothes.

"What's wrong with grey slacks and a white shirt?" I asked. Maybe I made the wrong choice.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." She smiled. "So tell me, Mr. GQ, what's the occasion?"

I smirked, liking the title she gave me. I knew all about girls' GQ references. It was a good thing.

"I have a date with Bella."

"Oh, I get why you need a _Cosmo_ now. Gotta get some more tips on how to find the G-spot, huh?" She grinned.

"I don't need any tips." I had just read an article about that particular spot the other night. I was well versed in G-spot stimulation.

"I was actually looking for something to read. Like a book. Something to make me look," I shrugged, "I don't know, smarter, you know?"

I saw her fight it, try to conceal it. Her cheeks went red with the effort.

"Let it out, Rose. Fucking let it out!" I stormed out of her room to a resounding bout of laughter from my fucking insensitive roommate.

Doing my best to ignore her offensive wails that were following me down the hall, I went to the bathroom. I jerked open the cupboard and grabbed my hair gel.

_Fucking laughing at me. Because I want to make a good impression. She probably didn't even have a book. _

Angrily, I squirted the gel into the palm of my hands and furiously rubbed them together. She wasn't going to ruin this for me. If I couldn't take a book, I'd just get one when I was there. I was pretty sure you didn't have to actually bring a book to the library to gain admittance.

"Need me to faux it for you?" My eyes shifted their gaze from my reflection in the mirror to Rose, leaning against the door frame.

I chose to ignore her, and looked back at myself while I finger-combed the gel through my hair.

"I'm sorry."

I glanced at her from the corner of my eye, knowing from the telltale grin on her face that she really wasn't sorry. I pulled open a drawer and got my comb. Smoothing my hair, I perfected the Clark Kent comb-over and patted it down to hold it in place.

And for the final part. The Pièce de résistance. From the same drawer I got the comb, I pulled out my secret weapon. Originally bought for a Halloween costume, the dark rimmed I-am-a-suave-businessman-by-day-and-fucking-Superman-by-night glasses had brought many girls to their knees. Literally.

Sliding them on, I turned my head to the side.

Clean shaven jaw-line.

Smooth lips, complete with chapstick. _No one wants to kiss a guy with chapped lips_. As soon as I had read that, I went right out and bought a little roll-up tube of the stuff. My lips were like silk.

Neat as fuck hair.

Shirt. Pants. Shiny...I looked down..._kind_ of shiny shoes.

"I just ovulated."

I glanced at Rose, who stood opened-mouthed, staring unabashedly at me.

"Better clean it up. Don't wanna slip." I closed the cupboard and drawers and stepped toward her, intent to pass by. She put a hand on my chest, her fingers sliding down slowly.

"I'm just..._wow_. I didn't know the nerd-look worked on you."

As much as she had teased me before, her approval meant a lot.

"Yeah? This works?" I asked, maybe too eagerly.

She nodded slowly, biting on her bottom lip, unintentionally. "I kind of want to hump your leg while you read Shakespeare to me."

"Tho thy Lord does wish to hear moans, nay, tis not from thee does he yearn." I removed her hand from my chest and winked at her.

"What...I just...wow...Uh..." She stuttered, and I grinned. Fucking Speechless Rose was my favorite kind of Rose. I walked to the kitchen, with a strut worthy of lifetime gold club card holder to the Bunny Ranch.

I slid my wallet into my back pocket and picked up my keys. Turning around I saw Rose, and I needed to hear it one last time. I needed that vote of confidence that I wasn't going out on this date like an idiot.

"So. Bella will like this?" I gestured to myself.

"If she is wearing panties, they will disintegrate."

"Easy, accessible. Nice."


	19. Chapter 19

**No. You're not imagining things. Your inbox did just fill up with some Cully. Though you wont admit it, you enjoyed it. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw my user name, and the words SMOOTH OPERATOR UPDATE. Its been a while, but it feels like just yesterday. I have a million excuses why its taken me about 4 months to update this bad boy. Working long shifts, then going out afterwards, might not sound like an excuse, but honestly, it is. Plus...it was summer. And while a lot of people don't think summer break is an excuse for a fic break, I had 90 degree sun filled days to go play in. And thunderstorms are my weakness. We get them a lot down here. **

**so...am I forgiven? **

**no?**

**If it makes you feel any better, KiyaRaven and CaroSlickLips beat me pretty hard. I still have the hand prints on my ass. Angry Betas and Pre-readers are my favorite kinds of angry. Thank you ladies for all your hard work. **

**And, because its been a long time, here is a little summary to whats gone down..**

**Edward likes Bella. Bella likes Edward. They both know their likes are mutual. Edward has gone through a lot of shit, including a near dick massacre, to get to this point. What point? The date... When we left off, our Hero, incidentally dressed like Clark Kent, was getting ready to take Bella on a date.**

_( From CH 18...)_

_...I pulled out my secret weapon. Originally bought for a Halloween costume, the dark rimmed I-am-a-suave-businessman-by-day-and-fucking-Superman-by-night glasses had brought many girls to their knees. Literally._

_Sliding them on, I turned my head to the side._

_Clean shaven jaw-line._

_Smooth lips, complete with chapstick. No one wants to kiss a guy with chapped lips. As soon as I had read that, I went right out and bought a little roll-up tube of the stuff. My lips were like silk._

_Neat as fuck hair._

_Shirt. Pants. Shiny...I looked down...kind of shiny shoes._

_"I just ovulated."_

_I glanced at Rose, who stood opened-mouthed, staring unabashedly at me._

_"Better clean it up. Don't wanna slip." I closed the cupboard and drawers and stepped toward her, intent to pass by. She put a hand on my chest, her fingers sliding down slowly._

_"I'm just...wow. I didn't know the nerd-look worked on you."_

_As much as she had teased me before, her approval meant a lot._

_"Yeah? This works?" I asked, maybe too eagerly._

_She nodded slowly, biting on her bottom lip, unintentionally. "I kind of want to hump your leg while you read Shakespeare to me."_

_"Tho thy Lord does wish to hear moans, nay, tis not from thee does he yearn." I removed her hand from my chest and winked at her._

_"What...I just...wow...Uh..." She stuttered, and I grinned. Fucking Speechless Rose was my favorite kind of Rose. I walked to the kitchen, with a strut worthy of lifetime gold club card holder to the Bunny Ranch._

_I slid my wallet into my back pocket and picked up my keys. Turning around I saw Rose, and I needed to hear it one last time. I needed that vote of confidence that I wasn't going out on this date like an idiot._

_"So. Bella will like this?" I gestured to myself._

_"If she is wearing panties, they will disintegrate."_

_"Easy, accessible. Nice."_

* * *

**CHAPTER 19.**

The musky smell of the rows upon rows of books filled my senses as I breathed deeply and sighed again.

_Where the fuck was she?_

We hadn't officially set a time when I asked her. Because, like an idiot, I forgot that one little detail. I had recovered, and sent Alice a text and told her to tell Bella to meet me at one. I hated that I had to go through Alice to get to Bella in the phone sense; but, I was going to rectify that today.

Bella had to have a cell phone. I knew the number she had previously called me on was the diner number. Found that one out when I called it after I got home from asking her out. When Emmett answered I discovered a new skill. Turns out I can do a convincing female phone voice.

_I wonder if I'd get extra compensation at work if I three-wayed with myself during a call? _

Nah, not worth it.

Still, the fact remained, it was almost 1:15, and I was sitting alone...with fucking Wuthering Heights in front of me...at the Goddamn library.

I was fucking, stood up. I looked down—pitifully—at the book, almost curious as to what it was about. I had gone to sparknotes . com the previous night and scanned over the character list. But that was as far as I got. Did Bella like it because there was a character named after her?

_Her facebook profile did say it was one of her favorite books...Didn't it? _

I moved the book to the side, revealing my cheat sheet of sorts. A printed out screen capture of Bella's Facebook info page told me everything I would have needed to know to successfully complete this date.

I closed my eyes, I knew this sheet like the back of my hand. The amount of times I had read over it was borderline psychotic, but it was all I had on her. She knew so much about me, and I knew, well, not so much.

I inhaled deeply.

_Fuck. I can almost smell her._

I mean, if I knew what she smelled like. Ever since Rose had asked me what Bella smelled like I had tried to conjure up something. I just assumed she smelled like the diner; so fucking tasty. And as I inhaled and exhaled in a trance-like way, I felt like I was surrounded by diner.

"Edward?"

It was her. A smile lifted my lips, and I was hoping I could play down my excitement at just hearing her say my name. I should have been pissed that she was late, but I couldn't be. Not at her.

I opened my eyes and turned in my seat to see her. Standing there. In a fucking _skirt._

"Holy skirt." I muttered, my eyes greedily raking over her body. It was just like in my smoky-bar-scene dream. Granted, her skirt wasn't as short this time; we were in a library after all. But I hadn't seen Bella, up close, in a skirt before.

The legs that I had touched through her jeans were now on display. From the bottom of her skirt which hit just above her knee, to the tops of her...I paused. She was wearing boots. Knee-high boots.

"Holy-fuck-boots." I almost groaned out loud, but recovered with a clearing of my throat. I'd never forget what kind of trouble my groans could get me into.

"Ed—" she started, and took a step towards me. But I wasn't done looking at her yet. I held up a hand and stood, cutting her off mid-name.

"Bella..." _Jesus, even just saying her name I sounded like a desperate man_. But I couldn't help it. Seeing her like this, in those _boots _and that _skirt..._with Emmett no where to be found.

"Uh...hi." That was all I could manage, and even that I said to her legs. "You look—" _highly fuckable._ _Wait! You're not here for that, remember? Be polite_, "—nice."

She blinked slowly, and if I didn't know any better, she was undressing me with her eyes; peeling off my shirt and pants, but strangely, leaving the glasses on.

"You look...uh...nice too," she said softly, and goddamn if I didn't hear a shade of, "You look highly fuckable too," in her voice.

"So, um, you come here often?" she asked, and then cringed, holding a hand to her forehead. Kinda comical actually, something you'd see in a movie. Like a Homer Simpson reference.

_Good. Keep it up with the Simpsons. Great way to stave off the boner. _ I smiled. I could do this. I could keep it in my pants.

"What I meant was—" she began again.

"No need to explain." I tried to make standing still in front of her seem cool. I rested my weight on one leg, and crossed my arms over my chest. "I do, uh, come here all the time." I smirked, shifting my weight again. _Fuck this is awkward._ "And uh...Yeah, the library. Perfect place for a first date." I smiled. The take-me-home-to-your-mom smile.

She stepped toward me, a little frown on her face. She was close enough to me now that I could really smell her. I started to salivate, clenching my jaw shut so I wouldn't ruin everything and drool. _I knew I should have eaten before I came here._

"But, Edward. Its the _Library_. I thought you would want something more...intimate?" She seemed hesitant in her whispering. And while I really wanted to throw her over the table—gently—and lift up her skirt, I knew I needed to bust out the 'woo'.

"What could be more intimate than a quiet place where we can sit and talk?" I squeaked. _Jesus_. _Even my voice doesn't buy into this bullshit. _

"But, Edward..." she trailed off, looking up at me through her eyelashes. _Fuck_. I was screwed. Coy Bella had come to play. Her hand trailed lightly up the front of my shirt stopping when she got to the top un-buttoned button.

My inhaled breath was shaking. Her fingers were shaking. My body, which was covered in goosebumps at her innocently devious touch, was shaking. _Was there an Earthquake going on? _I looked around at every other library attender and didn't see anyone ducking and covering.

"I don't want to talk anymore," she whispered, her teeth biting into her bottom lip. I groaned, and then groaned even louder when I realized I groaned.

"Come with me." Bella took my hand and tugged, and like a little salivating, shaking puppy, I followed her. And I'm glad I did because the rear-view of Bella was worth acting like a little high school boy hopped up on horny-pills.

Confidently—a trait I was beginning to really love in Bella—she led me down a row of thick books. I looked above me and saw that she had taken me to the horror section. _Kinky. I would have expected the Romance, or Reference sections... _

"Bella—"

She spun around, scowling, and clapped her hand over my mouth. My eyes widened in fear. Shit, She wasn't kinky. She was going to fucking kill me.

"We're in a library. Shhh!" She smiled, and dropped her hand. Maybe she wanted to play naughty librarian? I could play the bad college student who had over due books. _I wonder where that book return cart is..._

Her red lips..._wait. Red?_ Bella's lips were always pale pink. Kinda shiny, like she just used chap stick and that was it. I looked at her. Yep, she was definitely wearing lipstick. No ones lips are that shade of red naturally. Was she wearing other make up too? I was no expert, but I didn't remember her eyes ever being that dark, and her lashes being that...stand-uppy.

If I really thought about it, everything Bella had done to herself today was different. The skirt, the boots...oh fuck, the boots.

"Fuuuuck," I groaned. I really needed to get these groans under control.

_Focus Edward. Focus. _

My eyes moved from her really fucking red kiss-me-hard lips, and moved to her hair. Jesus. It was down—and looked really thick and soft—and I wanted to smell it. Further down I looked. Bare skin, collarbones, cleavage..._Oh shit._ Cleavage. She had on a low-cut shirt.

"Fucking low-cleavage-cut..." I mumbled and quickly averted my eyes down. Big mistake. Her boots. Her knee-high, wrap-them-around-my-waist-while-I-fuck-you-against-the-horror-section, boots.

_That's it!_

I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I wanted to, honest. But it was too fucking hard being a gentleman.

I had to touch her. Just one little touch and that was it. _Promise_.

My hand lifted from where it hung at my side and made its way to Bella-Land. I followed its movements, as if it didn't even belong to me anymore, as it touched her skirt.

_Ok. You touched her. Are you happy now, Hand? Now, go back to your place at my side. _

But my hand didn't comply. It wanted skin. It needed to touch skin. And instead of just touching her hand, like a nice polite Hand should have done, it took a hold of Bella's skirt and slowly pulled it up.

_Bad Hand! Bad!_

I frowned at my Hand, mentally chastising it for missing the meeting on How To Woo Bella. Once the skirt had been pulled up a few inches, my hand took it one step further. Under the fabric it went and touched...her thigh.

I sighed. Bella sighed. And my Hand started to slide up the soft, silken skin of Bella's inner thigh.

"NO!" I yelled, instructing my obedient Hand, who had remained at my side, to remove my disobedient Hand from Bella's thigh. I realized how stupid I must have looked with now BOTH Hands under Bella's skirt, but Bella didn't seem to mind. In fact, she pushed herself against me, successfully wedging my hands between her thighs. _Oh God, its so warm..._

I groaned as our lips met, and her cleavage-exposed chest pressed against mine. Her arms went around my neck and she fucking devoured me.

My back pressed against the horror books as I took the full force of her kiss. If I wanted to put my arms around her—so I could stop looking like a pervert with my hands at her crotch—I couldn't because she was subtly grinding against me.

I groaned again. _Get it under control, Dude. _

I broke the kiss, leaning my head back against the books. I was panting, but Bella didn't seem to need air as her kisses trailed down my neck.

_This is not good. This is _so _not good._

The Prince was straining against my slacks; I could feel him against my hands. Maybe it was a good thing my hands were between her legs because if they weren't, the Prince would be right there. Jesus, right..._there._ _God, I want to be _right _there._

As if cohorts with my dick, my hands began to pull back from Bella. But I could one-up them in this game. My Jedi Mind Trick would work this time! I concentrated, which was hard to do with Bella's tongue lapping at my ear, and instructed my hands to push back to their hiding place between Bella's legs.

My hands complied—a little too easily—and Bella moaned—a little too loudly. _Oh shit! _I was aiding her in the grinding! I was using my hands as a simulated sex-toy for Bella's pleasure! This was NOT what a gentleman would be doing!

I knew if I removed my hands Prince would take their place. It was best to keep my hands between her legs and just not move.

I had to talk. That would be good. And while a string of dirty thoughts entered my mind, I knew I had to hang up on the Phone Sex, and focus on the Gentleman...sex? FUCK! No! Gentleman conversation. Gentlemen made love, they didn't fuck. And one day I wanted to make love to Bella...and then fuck her. Gotta get it in the right order.

Okay. So talk. I opened my mouth to let the verbal flow, and Bella sucked on my earlobe.

"Oh fuck!...Bella...Wait...I want us to talk. Tell me about your childhood."

_Good, Edward. Good start._

"My childhood was great." She had released my ear lobe, and I sighed. This was good. But then she nibbled on that little place where my neck met my shoulder and it sent chills all over my body, settling at my dick. _Fuck_.

"More...more talk...more childhood."

"I had a lot of Barbie's.. and uh..." she nibbled again, sucking the skin and making my eyes roll into the back of my head. "For the love of God, Edward, stop talking and put your mouth on me!"

_Fuck! _

No. It can't go this way. I refused to fuck Bella in the Horror stacks of the Library because I knew that if my mouth met hers again, or even any part of her body, I would fuck her.

I needed to get out of here. The Library was a really fucking bad idea. It was too quiet. Too intimate. Too many places to hide and fuck someone.

"Coffee!" I blurted.

"What?" her muffled voice came from that little triangle of skin at the top of my chest that that single un-buttoned button exposed.

"I think we need coffee!" I got excited. This could work. Coffee houses had all kinds of loud annoying sounds. They were always busy. I could sit ACROSS from her at a table. Too exposed to play footsie, she'd be forced to talk and let me be a gentleman.

I jerked my hands from between her legs, and she let out this really fucking hot yelped moan.

"Sorry," I whispered while shoving my probably Bella smelling hands into my pants pockets. She stepped back from me, and smiled a little smile.

"It's ok." She smiled, coyly. _Dammit_. She just used my hands absence to close the gap between us. Now the Prince got what he wanted.

_Are you fucking happy?_

Yes, yes he was, because he was pressed against the bunched up skirt at Bella's crotch. All I had to do was bend my knees and then move upwards so I could push her skirt up higher and let the Prince settle against her panties...And they would be so warm and wet. I just knew it.

"No...Not wet!" my voice was a harsh whisper—we were in a library after all.

"Edward," she began, her breasts in the low-cut-cleavage-baring shirt pressed against my chest. I swear I tried to resist the urge to look down, but as with everything else on this date, my eyeballs refused to obey, ogling her shamelessly as I begged my voicebox not to moan

"So round," I moaned out and my hands came back into action. Coming up swiftly from my sides, I knew what they wanted to do. They wanted to touch Bella's boobs, hold them, squeeze them, and push them together and get the Prince in on the action. Normally I'd be alright with this. I'd shut my brain down and let my other head do the thinking.

But not today. I had to stop them.

I diverted my commands and sent my hands to grip Bella's upper arms. Pushing her back an agonizing inch from my body. I swear the Prince was like a spring that boing'ed in my pants at the little bit of extra space he was given.

"We really should be going." I smiled, "Wouldn't want to miss those fresh pastries at the coffee house!"

"But Edward—" she began and I cut her off.

"I know what you're going to say, Bella."

"No, you—"

"Yes, I do. You're going to make reference to the perfectly good pastries you've got on your chest, or maybe the sticky buns under your skirt. But, I won't degrade you like that. I'm fully aware of how sweet you'd taste, and I'd want nothing more than to skin my teeth, tongue and fingers into and all over you. But, I won't."

"Edward—"

"Shhh, Bella. I know what you _want_. But, what's more important is what you _need_. I'm going to give you what you need, Bella. I'm going to take really good care of you."

Taking control of my formerly-traitorous hand, I allowed it the pleasure of sliding up Bella's arm and over her shoulder. I did, however, ignore its pleas to graze over her cleavage. No matter how ample it was, I wasn't going to go there...yet. I cupped her face and tenderly, because that's what a gentleman would do, I stroked her cheek with my thumb and just looked into her eyes.

Though I knew what I was doing was straight out of a romance novel, it didn't feel weird. In fact, it felt kind of nice. I ran my thumb over her smooth cheek again, and realized something I hadn't ever dared to realize before. Being with a girl wasn't all about being...with a girl...in bed. Or on a table, against a wall, in my car, or any other place I had christened. I hadn't realized until now that maybe I had been missing out on something.

But thinking about my previous conquests, I also realized that there hadn't been anyone else I'd rather cheek-fondle. I hadn't wanted to show a sensitive side with any other girl. I mean, when you're only out to get relief, why do you need to be like this?

I liked it. And it seemed Bella did too, because she sighed and kind of melted against my hand. But she didn't move back. And there was only a tiny inch between our bodies. I had to get us out of here before it was too—

Her lips pressed against mine. It was unexpected and I was royally fucking screwed.

Her lips were so soft, tender, alluring. I didn't want to part mine, and she seemed happy with a closed lip kiss. Maybe she got it. Maybe she realized what I was trying to do.

My eyes closed and I sighed like a pussy. Then she broke the kiss, pulled back and looked at me.

_When will I learn to shut the fuck up and stop making sounds when I'm with her?_

"Ok, Edward."

"Ok?" Was she granting me a pardon on that stupid sigh?

"Let's go get coffee."

I sighed again. _Thank the fucking Lord._

()()()()()()()

I opened the door to the local Starbucks and followed inside behind Bella. It wasn't overly busy, but still noisy enough to satisfy my need for distraction from her skirt, and boots, and cleavage, and mouth, and ... _fuck. Obviously not distracting enough. _

"Why don't you go find us a..."—I looked around the room, seeing all of the comfortable, cozy couches placed in little groups. _Fuck_. How can a Starbucks be intimate?—"table?" I hoped. Maybe if she picked a table, I could still go ahead with my plan to sit across from her with a barrier between us.

"Ok, will you order me something hot?" I gulped at her innuendo but stiffly nodded. She smiled over her shoulder at me as she walked away, sitting at a table in the corner. At least that was better than a couch.

I walked up to the register and made eye contact with the dude standing behind it.

"Hey," I began.

"Welcome to Starbucks, could I interest you in—" he began his practiced speech but I cut him off. I wanted to get this over and done with.

"I'll have an iced tea," _they served those here didn't they? _"And something hot." I looked down at my wallet, thumbing through the pockets.

"Why don't you just order me." My eyes snapped up and I was met with a closer view of the dude in the green apron. He had leaned across the register and his eyes were looking down my body while he wore this smug-assed grin.

"I...Um," I stumbled.

"I like your style. Its very...GQ." He was still fucking me with his eyes. I mean, sure, I looked good. Rose had even said I did, but I wasn't looking good for him. I felt like a piece of meat and I took a step back in case apron-boy was planning on taking a bite.

"Cold. I don't want your hot. I want two cold drinks. Two iced teas. No sweetener. I especially don't want your sugar. I've got my own sugar over there. That _girl _over there. That's my sugar." There. That made it clear. Surely he'd get the point now.

He leaned back, that smug look still plastered on his face.

"Shame," he said simply. "Tall, grande or vente?"

"Uh..."

"What size can you handle?" He lifted his brows at me.

This boy had some nerve! Here I was, a patron, just coming in for a drink, and he was all over me.

"I...just...Can...I just want a regular iced tea. Just give it to me." I had had enough of this guy. Couldn't he take the hint? How did girls deal with this on a daily basis?

"Oh, I'd love to give it to you." He winked and finally stepped away to make my drinks, or go jerk off in the corner. At this point I didn't fucking care anymore.

After paying, I stood to wait for my sweetless, regular-sized iced teas. All the while, apron-boy was whispering to another apron-boy and looking at me. I shifted my weight, hoping my pants weren't too tight around my ass that they were checking out.

I wasn't afraid of guys who liked guys, but this particular guy didn't seem to want to take no for an answer. Judging from the look in his eyes, he was just about to vault over the counter, rip my shirt open, and lick cappuccino foam off of my abs. He was freaking me the hell out, and I wished I had a can of pepper spray in my purse.

_Purse, Edward?_ All this Cosmo reading had turned me into a chick.

I finally took our drinks to Bella and sat across from her at the table. I placed her iced tea in front of her and began peeling the paper from my straw.

"Um, Edward? I wanted something hot," she said softly.

_Shit._ Way to fuck up a simple order. _Be honest, dude. _

"Bella, look, I'm really sorry. That guy up there was coming on to me, and I just panicked and...If you want I'll go back up and get you a coffee."

Her hand slid across the table and she stilled my nervous straw-unwrapping.

"It's okay. I'm sure I can get something _hot_ another way."

Our eyes locked and I wanted her. I wanted to throw my straw down, and lay her across the table. But we needed to clear the air.

"Bella, can I ask you something?"

"Of course. We're here to talk, right?" The lilt of sarcasm in her voice didn't go unnoticed by me.

I sighed, then jabbed the top of my plastic cup with my green straw.

"I'm really fucking this up," I said to myself. "Bella, I like you. And I know you know how I feel about you physically. I want nothing more than to take you home and—"

"Then do it!"

I paused, mouth open, eyes on her. _Was she serious? _I didn't have to be a gentleman?

No. I had to date her, court her, make this last. She deserved it. Bella wasn't going to be another Jessica.

"I want to. Trust me. But, more than that, I want to get to know you. I meant what I said in the library. I want to know more than how you feel in my arms, and the way you smell and taste and the sounds you make." _Fuck, this was taking a bad turn again_.

"Edward," her voice had dropped in pitch.

I decided to ignore my words and keep talking. Even though, nine times out of ten I talked myself into a deep hole, talking was better than nothing. Talking was better than lingering on the last thing I just said.

_Did I really make reference to her sex sounds?_

"You know so much about me already, and, okay," I chuckled, "I have a confession. I Facebook stalked you. I even printed out your info page. Which is actually still at the library."

_Okay. So when I said 'talk' I didn't mean tell her that! Shit!_

I took a long sip of my iced tea, cringing at the bitter non-sweetened taste.

"You...printed my info page out?"

I swallowed hard.

"Yes."

"So you could learn about me?"

_Fuck_.

"Yes."

She didn't answer, so I looked at her to gauge her reaction. She was smiling, and a light blush was on her cheeks.

"That's really...sweet." She looked shy and embarrassed again, and suddenly her iced tea was of great interest to her.

_Huh._

I was sweet? Personally, I thought I was rather stalkerish, but at least I wasn't creeping into her room at night to watch her sleep.

"Since we're talking—" she started, the smile still on her face, and one growing on mine, "—I think everything you've done tonight has been sweet. The library, the geeky-hot outfit, the 'research' on me. All of it."

I nodded. _Yeah, I did good!_

"And you have NO idea how sexy I find you in wanting to slow things down and talk."

_Sexy_. Bella thought I was sexy. I knew being a gentleman would be a good way to go!

"But—,"

_Fuck,_ _but's _were never good...well, _butts _were amazing, but this kind of but didn't seem like it was something I could grab a hold of. I debated whether I should cut her off and try harder at being a gentleman. Get back in the 'Sexy' mindframe and out of the 'But' frame...

"—while we're talking, I guess I have to be honest with you."

_Fuck, again_. Honest. This was never good. I should have sucked it up and gotten her that hot coffee.

"I like you, Edward. I've liked you for a really long time." I could feel another 'but' coming on. "I've never been as attracted to another man as I am to you—" _That's gotta be good, right?_ "—and, although you're unbelievably sweet in wanting to slow down our physical relationship, I've been lusting after you for THREE YEARS, and have been cock-blocked by my brother for my whole life. So if it's alright with you, I'd really just like to go back to your place, take off all of your clothes, and do incredibly filthy things to you all night long."

My mouth dropped open. This was the kind of 'But' I could grab onto. This was the kind of 'But' that men dreamed of; that _I_ dreamed of! Bella's 'But' was going to get me into her pants, AND into her head.

I smirked.

_Not that kind of head, Prince...maybe._

"Would that be alright with you?"

She didn't have to ask me twice.

"Edward?"

Or maybe she did.

I was still shell-shocked. Floored by her admission. I was gonna get laid AND get the girl!

"I've got condoms!" I proclaimed as I stood.

* * *

**I think we all know what's coming next in CH 20. It'll be coming hard, full force, so good it'll make you sweat...or so I've been told ;) Leave a review...remember, something special is coming to reviewer #1000!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks to the amazing _KIYARAVEN_ for the pre-reading, and petting, while writing this chapter. Seriously guys, if she didn't kick my ass to write, there would be no Smooth Operator. **

**Thanks also to my beta for this chapter, _VICANLP_. Baby, you rocked my world, and then some. Amazing. Really, really amazing. Can I keep your number for another round one day? **

**Also..finally...before I leave you guys to sit front row to Bella losing her virginity... **

**The '1000th REVIEWER' competition is now over. As of last chapter I surpassed the 1000th review, which means...WE HAVE A WINNER of the first CullCati reviewer award. ( and if I write another fic, and get to 1000 reviews, there will be another reviewer award )**

_**E's My Brand Of Heroin **_

**E is the winner, and will be receiving my package in her mail. Yeah, it was painful stuffing the package in that box, but it'll be worth it when she holds it in her hands. Thanks E's, as soon as you send me that last bit of info, I'll get it in the mail for you.**

**And now...on to the chapter. after 20 chapters we're finally there. And you know what that means, right? From here on out, there will be lemon scented stuff all over this story. So...if you've been reading along, thinking that you're safe from the sex even though you're underage, please stop reading the story now. I don't want any angry dads at my front door looking to kill me for demoralizing their children. **

**Rated M...or R...or X..**  
**Not Mine.**

* * *

We stood outside the door. Both visibly nervous. Bella was gnawing her bottom lip to death by her razor sharp teeth, which acted as a reminder that while naked, she was not to speak directly to the Prince.

She focused on unlocking the door, but seemed to get more and more frustrated with each miss-insert she made. When the key slipped on the lock for the fifth time, I put my hand over hers and stilled her.

"Are you ok?" I asked softly, so soft that I hoped she didn't hear me. I didn't want her to say that she wasn't ok and then cancel our little get together. I also didn't want her to be nervous about what we were about to do, either. This was supposed to be fun, and emotional and all that shit. Not anxiety-inducing.

She took a deep breath and lifted her head, her eyes meeting mine.

The hallway was silent as we stared at each other, our hands still clasped together - mine over hers, and hers around the keys. Our shallow breaths were in unison, then slowly her lips lifted in the corners, tugging mine upwards as well, and then we were just two people, staring at each other with grins on our faces.

It's like we had reached the closet door and all we had to do was insert the key to open it to Narnia.

Bella apparently couldn't open the door by herself, but we could do it together. I guided her hand back to the lock and the key slid in slowly. I turned her wrist and with the soft click of the lock, Bella sighed and I pushed the door open.

We both looked through the doorway and I half expected to see that half-man half-goat dude walking by with a cup of tea and a scarf. Or maybe the white witch would bring me some turkish delight, whatever the fuck that was.

All I knew, Narnia or not, this place was going to be magical.

Keeping a hold of Bella's hand, because I feared that she might bolt at any second, I stepped into the apartment.

I knew why we were nervous. It was the same way I got when I saw a movie I had been looking forward to. You read a comic book in high school and then find out that they're going to make a movie. Then you find out the cast, and they start filming. Years and years go by from that first book reading, and then finally...You're in the theater, with your popcorn, and the movie is about to start. Its that heart-racing-Christmas-morning excitement.

That's exactly what this was.

Three years ago I laid eyes on Bella and decided I wanted to fuck her. But then, I got to know her, and realized just fucking her wouldn't be enough. I wanted to date her. Know why she blushed whenever I accidentally/on-purpose touched her. Why she bit her lip every time she took my order. What sort of sounds she'd make if I ever got the chance to put my hands on her. And now, after more fantasies than I can count, we were finally here.

_Fuck it. I'm calling this apartment 'Narnia' from now on. _

"I, um..." I didn't have to look at her to know she was biting her lip again, "Emmett wont be back for hours. He's closing the diner tonight."

We had decided to go to Bella and Emmett's place instead of mine, since Rose was home, and she was a nosy bitch would would no doubt make the popcorn and sit on the end of the bed while I got some three-year-in-the-making-Narnia-magic action.

"Cool," was my smart reply. I honestly didn't know how to go about all of this. Should I offer to change her sheets when we were done?

I knew I wouldn't be able to tell anyone what Bella's entrance hall / living room looked like, nor would I be able to recall it later when reviewing my performance in private, because I was too fixed on every little movement Bella made.

I was waiting for a sign. I didn't want to approach until I got the sign. What the sign would look like, I wasn't sure, but I was sure I'd know it when I saw it. I had confidence that she liked me, and fuck did I want to kiss her again, but I couldn't. There was a code. And a process. I couldn't continue until I got the go ahead.

_Not that kind of 'head'._ I smirked. _Though, head would be one hell of a sign!_

"Edward...do you want a drink or something?" she asked timidly.

That was it. That was the sign. The 'or something' was my head...my go ahead...with the rest of the evening. Or, afternoon, as it were.

I cleared the distance between us, which was only about two strides, and putting my hand behind her neck, I pulled her against me and kissed her with some serious force behind it. I kissed her with out any doubt of what my intentions were. After holding back all day, I was finally going to release everything. Three years of pent up Bella-lusting was going to explode, and I wasn't going to stop it.

She moaned and it was the hottest sound I had ever heard. I tightened my grip, tangling my fingers in her hair, and letting my hands take control as the other moved to her waist. I knew what my hand's intent was. After we felt her through her clothes for a while , he was going back under the skirt. And this time, I'd let him.

I pressed my body against hers and it felt so amazing feeling her curves against my chest. The curves I dreamed about.

My hand slid down Bella's thigh and quickly under her skirt again. Instead of returning to the inner thigh, like I thought it would, it went around the back and I groaned as my fingers curved around her ass.

All too soon my hand slid from her ass down to the back of her knee. As if her leg was controlled by my hand, she lifted it and wrapped one of those fuck-me-against-the-wall boots around my waist.

I quickly scooped her up with liittle effort. Holding her to me by her thighs, I pressed her against the wall, groaning at the feel of her body so close to mine. She kissed me harder, her hands twisting into my hair.

Her back was supported by the wall as my body leaned into hers. The Prince was so fucking happy to be near her, nestled almost right where he wanted.

I couldn't help myself; gripping her thighs, Slowly I ground against her. I loved how much I could actually feel through the slacks I was wearing. Thank God I didn't go for the James Dean look in jeans today.

Bella seemed to appreciate the thinner pant material too, because she pushed back.

"Touch me," she moaned.

If only she wasn't wearing panties, that would make things so much easier.

_Maybe I could be like one of those guys..._

Finding the sides of her panties I gripped the material. My lips stilled on Bella's so I could fully concentrate, and then I tugged.

Nothing happened.

I tugged the fabric again, harder this time.

Still nothing.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked, looking down between us.

"Uhh..."

_Think Edward, think! Don't tell her you were trying to tear her panties off._

I couldn't think of anything else to say but the truth, so I just opted for kissing her again. It worked in distracting her, and fuck if it wasn't the best idea I'd had all day. Her lips were so soft and her tongue felt so good against mine.

I found myself grinding against her again, with more purpose this time, and it was all I could do to stop myself from unzipping my pants and fucking her right in the entrance hall of her apartment.

I couldn't.

But I wanted to. Fuck did I want to.

I slowly relaxed my grip on her ass and broke the kiss. She looked up at me with curiosity, lips swollen and hair slightly askew.

"Did I do something wrong?" Fuck she was so shy it was killing me. I wanted to hold her close and fuck her senseless all at the same time.

"Baby, you did nothing wrong. At all. I just don't want our first time to be in the hallway." I placed a soft kiss on her lips and pulled my hands from under her skirt, resting them on her waist where a gentleman would.

_Are we doing this again?_ _You're no longer a gentleman, dude. You've passed the test, you can be yourself now._

Funny thing was, treating her right and being 'proper' felt more like myself than I had ever felt with a girl before.

"Show me to your room."

()()()()()()()

I stood at the end of her bed, looking around her room, because this was a part of Bella I wanted to remember.

I wanted to remember that her blankets were all white, her curtains were green, and she left her closet door open.

She had blown up photos of trees on her wall, and no personal items any where, except one framed photo of her and Emmett. I quickly turned that over. The last thing I needed to glance at while inside her was her brother.

"Lie on the bed." The words were out of my mouth before I thought about how demanding I sounded. Her quick-to-act actions told me that she might like it, though.

I was about to come up with another demand, but the sight of Bella laying amongst all her white pillows on the white blankets stopped all thoughts from my head except one.

My dream was coming true.

And, like a dumbass, I was wasting time!

I tore off my shirt, as in quickly, not as in ripping it to shreds - and made sure not to smash my glasses into my face. I crawled up the bed until I was hovering over her. Her legs had instinctively parted for me and I had to keep myself from laying my full weight on her. It would be all too easy to just nestle the Prince against her and grind his way to happiness all over her clothed body, but I wouldn't do that.

At least not on our first time.

With a hand on either side of her shoulders, I leaned down, my lips brushing against hers in our most gentle kiss yet. Even if my stupid glasses slid down my nose. She responded, bringing her hands to my waist and trailing her fingers up my sides.

Normally a ticklish spot for me, it was more sensual than I thought it could be.

_Thank God I'm not giggling like a little bitch right now. _

My lips hovered over hers as I just enjoyed her finger exploration. They curved around my shoulders, her arms wrapping around me, and her fingers playing with the bits of hair that brushed against my neck. The hair that my mother would demand I tidy up and get cut.

_Why are you thinking about your mother?_

I squeezed my eyes shut, doing my best to get my mother out of my head. As if sensing my need for distraction, Bella pressed her lips harder against mine. I showed my gratitude by pressing back, full lips to full lips. I don't think I could ever get enough of kissing her.

Her hands tugged gently on my hair, enough to tell me what she wanted. She wanted more contact. But, I couldn't do it yet. I had a dream...another one...and I had to see it through. I'd kick myself later if I didn't.

I pulled back from the kiss, enjoying Bella's soft whimper, and looked down at her. She was getting more and more dishevelled by the second.

I pushed my glasses back up my nose - they were becoming a real fucking pain in the ass - and took in the sight of her. Her lips were puffy and the lipstick was slightly smeared - something I found myself loving. My eyes and hands, as if in sync, moved to the top of her low-cut-cleavage-shirt and began to undo the buttons.

Her chest heaved with anticipation - I assumed, because I was anticipating a lot right now, and my chest was sure as hell heaving - as button by button popped open. My fingers brushed against her soft skin as they moved and when I got to the bottom of the shirt I had to force myself to go slowly. I didn't want to rip if off of her. Besides, as with the panties, I wasn't sure if I could do it smoothly.

Instead, I slowly parted the material, letting it hang open. My eyes zeroed in on their prize, and locked. I couldn't look away if I tried. Even if two lesbians were making out right next to me, I wouldn't be able to look because Bella was wearing a bright red lacy bra. The same shade as her lipstick. And that bra was holding two beautiful breasts.

Bella's breasts.

My lips parted and I exhaled a breath of relief when my hands finally curved around them. I was in wonder. I had seen breasts before. Tons. Thousands. Some in person, some on my lap top screen. Every pair of breasts I'd ever seen suddenly faded from my memory, and the only breasts in the world belonged to Bella. I knew I'd never look at another pair of breasts the same way again.

These were Bella's Breasts!

And they were in my hands!

I cupped the underside of both breasts and ran my thumb over the soft lace. Her back arched to my touch and I grinned. I had hit nipple. I ran my thumb over the same spots again.

I needed to touch it. With out lace. Maybe even taste it.

_What was my obsession with nipples?_

Now wasn't the time to figure that out. I'd come back to that question during the post-game recap.

The question I had to think about now was...Do I pull down the top of the bra, or just take the fucker off?

I frowned. This was a tough question. My hands stayed on Bella's breasts and I idly played with her nipples as I thought this through.

If I just tugged down the top, the bra would just get in the way later. Because I was sure that once I latched onto those nipples I was going to want to want to be inside her pretty soon after. I wouldn't have time to un-clasp the bra.

That meant I'd have to just take it off now.

I slid both hands to the sides of her body, and as if sensing what I was going to do, Bella arched her back and allowed my hands under her. I found the clasp and began to undo it. Or more like just twist the shit out of it because somehow I had become inept at undoing a bra.

_This is why Rose let you practice on her bras!_ _So you wouldn't fuck up in moments like this!_

Shit. Shit. Shit!

Bella was going to think I was a fucking virgin at this rate. Or one of those guys that fucks hard and fast all the time without ever taking off the girl's clothes. A guy who wasn't a gentleman and I needed, more than ever, to be a gentleman right now.

_If only I could get this bra off!_

Tiring, Bella began to squirm under me, which wasn't helping me focus on her bra because her hips moved against the Prince and he was already straining against my pants.

I needed to distract her so she'd stop moving so I could focus!

I kissed her. Coaxing her mouth open with my tongue and just diving right in. Her back lowered and she relaxed against me, which would have been great since she stopped grinding against my dick, but now my hands were trapped beneath her.

_Fuck!_

I'm just going to leave the bra on. It's red. It's lace. It's really fucking hot. I'll take off her bra next time.

I grinned against Bella's lips. This was a great plan.

I forgot about the clasp and slid my hands back out from under her. I needed to get her semi-naked because I was about to bust a hole in these pants if I didn't get the Prince out of them and into her.

Sitting back up, Bella followed me, giving me the perfect opportunity to slip her shirt off her shoulders. Her hands come to the top of my pants and I watched her fingers get to work at freeing the Prince from his chamber.

As soon as she got my pants undone I moved my hands to the top of her skirt. I could have just left the skirt on and hiked it up, but I needed to see more. I needed to be able to feel more when the time came. I knew the skirt would get in the way. Unlike with the bra, this had to go.

Besides, I just knew her panties were going to be red. Girls always matched. I needed to see. Sure enough they were bright red lace. It made me think of how much effort she had put into this date. It showed me she wanted this, and it honestly boosted my confidence. I was the guy she wanted to share this with. No girl wore matching red-lace unless they wanted to share it. I felt pretty honored at that moment.

I slowly pulled the waist of the skirt down, happy with its lack of zippers, and watched as Bella lifted up so I could have more and more skin was revealed to me. I smoothly got the skirt off, impressed that it didn't catch on her boots, and then I just looked at her.

Sitting in front of me, in that sexy red bra, with her long brown hair flowing down her back. Her knees were bent and kept together and the innocence in her position only contrasted to the look in her eyes. She was hungry, and I knew her gnawing on her lip wasn't going to satisfy her enough.

Hopefully I would be able to.

My lips met hers, my body pushing against her to lower her back to the bed. My hands moved up her thighs, feeling her smooth skin under my touch. It was almost enough to just keep my hands running up and down her legs, but I wanted more.

I broke the kiss and moved back to watch her panties slide down her thighs.

The nervousness in the pit of my stomach returned. The same one that needed the second reassurance from Rose that I looked good for my date. Bella was showing me confidence and she was so clear with what she wanted.

I knew what I wanted. I wanted her. But more than that, I wanted to do this right.

I leaned down to kiss her, and even though I knew she was just about naked under me, I didn't even think about the proximity of our bodies. Well, until just then. But before that? All I wanted to do was kiss her. I wanted to be connected that way. There was something about kissing Bella that made every previous kiss I had ever had feel fake.

There was no faking with Bella.

I felt her hands on my pants, hooking into my boxers and tugging both down my thighs. Our lips stayed connected, but now my mind wandered. I felt every inch that my pants moved and it set me on fire.

It was like my time was running out. I was nearing the end. The further down my legs my pants and boxers got, the quicker I was going to get to the final goal. I wanted to draw this out as long as possible. I wanted to take advantage that we would never have our first time together ever again.

Sure, our second and third and even our thousandth times together are going to be amazing, but this? Nothing topped the first time.

_Great pep talk, dude. Way to amp up the nerves. No pressure. _

When she got as far as she could with my pants, I took over and kicked them down the rest of my legs.

I was completely naked, except for the stupid Clark Kent glasses. I decided to take them off, wanting nothing between us. I didn't want to be someone I wasn't. I wanted Bella to see me. The real me. For all my faults and fuck ups, she still wanted this with _me_.

I positioned myself between her legs, but kept my body from touching hers. I knew she was ready, but I couldn't rush this. I wanted her, and I was more than ready for this next step, but I had to work up to it, or else these nerves would get the best of me.

My elbows bent and I slowly lowered my chest down to press against hers. I kept my weight above her, but I loved how she felt against me. Our lips were close and I occasionally kissed her, just because I could, and because when I did she sighed.

Then I kissed her neck, right by her ear. I knew I was drawing this out, but I couldn't help it. I was going to be her first. Ever. This was a lot of pressure. She was going to compare me to every other guy for the rest of her life. You never forget your first.

I kinda wished this was my first time too.

_Yeah, then at least you'd have an excuse if you sucked!_

"Edward, what's wrong?" she asked softly, stroking the length of my back in a way that I never thought would be calming until now.

I smiled down at her, "Nothing. Absolutely nothing... Well, actually..." I paused.

_Should I tell her? Should I let her know?_

I may as well.

I exhaled a breath, "I'm nervous."

She laughed. Or chuckled. A soft little giggle.

"Wow. Thanks." I frowned and made a move to pull back.

_Maybe you should have just manned up and shut the fuck up? _

She held me to her with her arms around my back. "Don't go." Looking down at her smiling face, even after embarrassing myself with my admission, I knew I wasn't leaving. "I'm sorry I laughed. But, I'm nervous too."

That made me feel so much better. We were two nervous first timers, wanting so badly to impress the other. It shouldn't be like this.

"Let's just take it slow. No pressure." I nodded, agreeing to her statement.

I kissed her slowly, and as the kiss heated up I felt my body inch closer to hers, pressing her back against the bed. Her legs wrapped around me and her arms held me tightly. Our bodies moved against each other and soon we were already panting and the sex hadn't officially begun yet.

As we kept kissing and moving against each other, something kept niggling at the back of my mind, but it wasn't until she started grinding herself against me that it hit me like a ball-shriveling tsunami of immense cockblockage - after all this time, all the buildup, all the nearly getting murdered by her asshole brother, and fantasizing about this very moment FOR YEARS - I didn't have a condom! I didn't plan on even kissing Bella today, let alone sleeping with her.

I broke the kiss and took a deep breath to calm every worked-up inch of me.

_If you keep going at it this way you won't need a condom. You'll come before you ever get inside her!_

I sighed and it was my turn to bite my bottom lip. This could end the days activity and I really didn't want it to.

"I don't have a condom," I said softly. Maybe if she didn't hear it, it wouldn't be true.

"Oh." She said, she heard, it was true. But didn't seem too upset. "I'm, um, on the pill." Bella's softly spoken words could be my saving grace. I should have known she'd be prepared. "I take it because I guess it helps regulate my peri-"

"Great!" I exclaimed, cutting her off. That was all I needed to know. One of us was protected, which meant we could safely proceed.

I looked down at the girl of my dreams, noting her flushed cheeks and hoping they'd get more flushed as the afternoon wore on. My dick was pressed against her and she just gave me the greatest gift of all. A pass. A _free _pass into her.

I wanted to give her everything she gave me. I wanted her to just lie there and let me do all the work because there was no amount of thrusting I could do to repay her for this.

"Are you sure?" I whispered, looking into her eyes to gage any uncertainty.

She nodded and smiled, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. And then she frowned and parted her lips as if she was going to say something.

"What?" I prompted when she didn't speak up.

"I was wondering when you were going to take my boots off?"

"Oh right!" I sat up quickly, Bella's legs dropping from around my waist and I looked down. And then I looked up, and then I saw exactly what our kissing had been doing to her.

I drew in a shaky breath and couldn't stop staring at her, naked, in front of me.

"Do you need some help?" she asked.

_Right! The boots!_

I focused my attention on sliding each boot off her legs and after I dropped them to the floor I looked back at her. She had amazing long smooth legs.

_How the fuck did I get lucky enough to have those wrapped around me?_

I placed my hands on her ankles and slid up her calves. When I got to her knees, my previous plans altered and I had a new goal. I pushed her knees apart, and continued moving my hands up the insides of her thighs.

I couldn't ignore what was in front of me. There was no way.

Mid-thigh I stopped my hands and left them there, holding her apart as I leaned down. I kissed her right knee, and then let my lips linger on her skin as I placed more kisses up her thigh. I was never one for taking my time 'down town'. In fact, I rarely, if ever, even visited the town, but I wanted to this time.

Hell, this time I wanted to be voted in as Mayor of the town and set up residence right in the center of it.

When I reached the top of her thigh I moved to kiss below her belly button. My hands slid up to where her thighs met her body, and my thumbs brushed over her wetness. She arched against me and I used my hands to hold her back down. I couldn't help the smile on my lips at her reaction. She was so eager.

My kisses went lower and lower until I kissed her where I knew she wanted me to. When I opened my mouth to take my first taste, the sound she made resonated in the whole room and I felt like I was about to come undone myself.

"Please.." she whimpered.

I knew she wanted me to take another taste, and I wouldn't tell her no.

As I went in again, I lost all sense of time. All I was aware of was her skin, and warmth, and the noises she made that turned my dick into titanium. I had never really enjoyed going down, but with Bella? Bringing her that pleasure was almost as satisfying as if I'd come myself.

She tasted amazing, but I wasn't content to let my mouth have all the fun, so I also let my fingers come into play.

Jesus.

The feel of her.

Incredible.

Soon, I had everything working together, and before I was ready for her to, I felt Bella's body tense under my hands. Her legs tried to close and her back arched. I felt tentative hands on my head, her fingers clutching at my hair, and I knew she was coming.

When I felt her try to push me away I held tighter. I wasn't going anywhere. Not yet. I pushed my fingers deeper, and continued my gentle sucking-licking combination. When she cried out and really pulled my hair I knew she had come as hard as she was able, and I finally relented.

After she finally stopped shuddering and moaning, her fingers relaxed their death-grip and her legs fell open. I pulled my fingers from her and then knelt between her legs. Looking down at her body I took in the full effects of what I had just done to her.

Her chest rose and fell with each panted breath. Her lips were parted and her tongue licked them more than usual. Her eyes were still closed and her cheeks were blushed red. Her arms and legs lie on each side of her.

I had done my job.

_And now a little something selfish for me._

I brought my fingers to my mouth and finally allowed myself a full taste. While I had enjoyed getting her body to react and giving her an orgasm, the way she tasted on my fingers refueled me and I knew I wanted to be inside her. Now.

I leaned over her body, and kissed her gently. "Bella," I whispered when I pulled away.

If she was done for the afternoon then I'd be cool with that. On the outside I'd be totally fine. Inside, I'd know that eventually I'd have to fix my hard problem on my own. But I'd do that for her. That is, if she was done. That little factor hadn't been decided yet.

"Mmm?" she slowly opened her eyes and the smile she gave me made my ego expand like the Grinch's heart, and she was the whole town of Who's who had just taught me the meaning of Christmas. .

I kissed her again, barely pressing my body against hers. "How are you feeling?"

'_Edward's a fucking __cunninglingus __genius!' would work. _

"Amazing." _That worked too. _Her arms came around my neck and she pulled me down to kiss me, harder than I had been kissing her. "I want to make you feel amazing too."

"You already have."

"I want you." She looked me in the eyes as she spoke, and the room grew quiet. She pulled her legs up and I felt them go around my waist.

"You sure?"

She nodded again and tightened her hold around me. I smiled at the way her fingers clutched my hair. As if I would run away. There was no where else I'd rather be.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't." She was sweet to say that. To think I was that amazing that even on her first time she wouldn't feel a thing.

I had to smile at her. "Baby..."

"Edward, trust me. It'll be ok."

I nodded. There was nothing else I could say, she would have to find out for herself.

I brought a hand between us and lined myself up. This was it. There was no going back now. I had come so far and I was finally taking that plunge. I was front row to my favorite comic book movie. Fuck it, I was starring as the superhero in the movie. It felt that amazing.

_I could do this, and I'll make it the most memorable first time ever._

She was still so wet that I easily slipped that first inch in. All nerves left my body when our eyes locked. Looking down at her I knew this was perfect. It was meant to be. The pressure was lifted.

It was just me, and her. That was all that mattered.

With out realizing it I found myself fully inside her after one long, slow push. I paused.

_Did I break it already?_

I tried to figure this out. All this time I had heard horror stories about agonizing pain - for the female - when losing her virginity.

I looked down at Bella and she was still calm, and happy even. Her arms had tightened around me and her legs had locked around me, too. But no evidence of pain was to be found. Maybe some discomfort? But even that I wasn't really sure about.

"Are you ok?" I decided to make sure. I didn't want her pretending to be alright if she was really hurting.

"Yes," she answered, softly.

"You sure?"

"Mmm, yes, Edward. Please move!" A little lift of her hips and all thoughts of her being in any kind of pain were erased. She wasn't acting like she was hurt.

She felt impossibly wet and warm around me, but still, I'd take it slow.

And I did. For a few agonizing minutes of the slowest thrusts I had ever experienced. It was the most intensely built up pleasure I had felt. I was teasing the hell out of myself because I really just wanted to move more to release this pressure, but at the same time I wanted to savor it. I wanted to keep feeling every amazing inch of her.

But then she moved with me. I let her take the lead as far as speed-of-thrusting went and when she sped up and clutched at my shoulders, I knew she might want me to take control soon.

Words between us became moans through kisses and I knew I wasn't going to last much longer. I didn't know if she would come again, but the way she was moving her hips and pressing me down with her legs was my complete undoing.

Before I could ask the staple question of 'where do you want it' I began to come, inside her. I couldn't stop moving against her, milking it for all it was worth. I pulled back from our latest kiss, feeling my chest tighten from lack of breath and as my thrusts slowed, my breaths came harder and then I was spent.

"Oh Jesus." I finally spoke, feeling the sweat on my tired body and my arms shake from holding myself up so long. "I can't move."

"Me either." I looked at the beautiful girl beneath me, knowing that if one of us didn't move soon she'd be crushed by my dead-weight.

Using one final burst of energy I pulled out of her and managed to roll to my side next to her.

We were quiet then. Both in a sweaty, breathless, afterglow of our first time. I had to grin, because I was pretty sure that I rocked it.

_This was going in her diary tonight!_

"Hey..." I propped myself up on one arm. There was something I had to do before we initiated phase two of the sex.

"Mm?" she turned her head to face me.

"Where's your bathroom?"

She frowned, and I could tell she just wanted to head straight to the cuddling, but this was more important. "Uh...second door, on the left, down the hall."

After I found what I was looking for in her bathroom I re-entered her room to find her still naked on her now non-virginal white blankets. I looked at her and just smiled. Not that I-just-got-laid smile. The smile of a guy-really-falling-for-a-girl smile.

I knelt on the bed next to her and when she looked at the towel in my hand curiously, I didn't bother to explain myself, and instead wiped her thighs gently. No one wants to go to sleep covered in guy-come.

I tossed the towel to the floor and then crawled up next to her. She rolled to her side, holding tight to my arm as I wrapped around her body from behind. Our fingers linked together, and with the scent of her hair on each breath I took, I initiated phase two, and we fell asleep.

()()()()()()()

Several hours later I found myself surfing with Keanu Reeves.

"Bella!" Keanu said.

"Hey Bella? I'm home!" He said again, but this time the voice didn't match. He sounded more like Man-Bear.

_Huh. That's weird. _

Why would I be surfing with Keanu, hearing Man-Bear and smelling Bella?

"Baby Bells?"

_Oh shit!_


	21. Chapter 21

Thanks for all the reviews and PMs for last chapter. You made my first time feel extra special. I might have been tempted to cuddle with you all afterwards, but, I had shit to do...so...Anytime you guys want me to help with your first time, let me know, and I'll see what I can do.

My 1000th reviewer winner still hasn't received her package from me. But when she does, you can all hassle her to find out what I got her.

Thanks to my pre-reader **KiyaRaven ** and my amazing (new) Beta **Vicanlp**. You guys were awesome, as usual.

**Not mine.  
Rated R...or M...or X... **

* * *

It was dark.

All I could hear was my breathing. Which I had been trying to calm down, and not sound like a panting dog. The last thing I needed was for Man-Bear to find me in Bella's closet...naked. What had started out as something magical, ended up with me in the closet and Narnia on the other side of the door.

Being woken up by Man-Bear's voice wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I _had _wanted to wake up slowly, keep my eyes closed, inhale Bella's hair again, and stretch. And if my stretching hands happened to wander to Bella's breasts so be it. Maybe, with my position behind her I'd be able to get the bra off.

All that could have happened.

But it didn't.

Because of _Man-Bear._

Upon hearing his voice and recognizing the true depth of danger of what would happen if he saw my naked ass barely covered by Bella's non-virginal-white-sheets, I bolted from the bed before Bella know what was going on.

I couldn't take care of Man-Bear in my current state. First I'd have to fix the naked-problem.

I squinted in the darkness of Bella's closet, making out shapes and outlines of different things. I knew I was under a hanging rack of clothes, crouching amongst shoes.

_Yeah, found that out when I sat on a pair of heels._

I stood up, knowing that most closets had a shelf above the clothes rack, and felt around for something to cover me. I felt a few blankets and maybe sweaters, and grabbed one to see if it would work.

"Where is he?" startled, I fumbled with the sweater, upsetting the stack it was on and disturbed a shoebox that got caught up in the mix and came tumbling down on top of me.

I managed to pull a ninja move and grab the box before it fell to the floor. I froze in my awkward-box-holding pose and waited.

_Did he hear me? _

He did burst into her room, throwing that accusation around like he just knew I was hiding out after all. I waited for any sign that I had been found, but when Bella spoke I knew I was in the clear - for now.

"Who?... Emmett? Is that you?" Bella's sleepy voice made me smile. She was playing the confused-I-just-woke-up card well.

Slightly more relaxed than before, I stood back normally, and secured the box in my hands. I was really curious as to what was inside, and why was it hidden in her closet.

"I'm just playing around Baby-B. I know you would never bring a guy over. Especially without me here." I smirked. _That's what you know Big Brother._

Bella's laugh was shaky, "You know me well, Em. You're home early."

"Not really. My shift is over, it's almost 2AM."

_Shit! I was late for work! _

I hope Rose made a good cover for me. I'd be able to text her to find out, if I could get to my phone. Which was in my pants pocket. And my pants were on the floor next to Bella's bed. Along with my shirt, and her boots.

_Fuck._

"Hey, what's this?" _oh shit. _He found my clothes. _Run Bella! I'll do my best to hold him off! _"Why is our photo turned over?"

I sighed in relief. Thank the fucking Lord Man-Bear was only concerned with himself, and didn't care about men's clothing strewn across the floor of his baby sister's bedroom. Or maybe he couldn't differentiate between my clothes and his sisters. Did that mean I dressed like a girl?

"Oh, I must have bumped it."

I tuned out when Emmett told Bella about his evening, which I'm sure was like every other evening working at the diner. Instead, I focused on the box. I decided since it attacked me, it was only fair that I opened it. It was too dark in the closet to see exactly what was inside, but I was pretty good at feeling around.

There was only a few things in the box. A tube of something that I couldn't read the label of in the dark was almost all full. There was a hard ball connected to a wire that connected to a box with buttons on it that got me curious.

_Maybe she keeps her electrical things in here? Maybe bathroom things? Girls had weird things in their bathrooms, right? _

Then my hand closed around something long, rubbery, that had a box shape at the end of it, with buttons. I couldn't help it, I pressed one of the buttons and the whole thing lit up with lights like the circus, and started vibrating.

"What's that sound?" _Fuck. Man-bear can hear that? What the fuck is he? Part dog? __Why the hell did I have to press the buttons?_

I fumbled in the darkness to turn off the vibrating, lit-up, rubber thing that was about the size of a...

"It's coming from the closet..."

Bella started coughing, surely to cover up the vibrating sound coming from the... _Oh shit! It's a vibrator!_

"I...*cough cough...Don't think *cough cough* so, Em."

"No...I'm pretty sure I heard something in the closet."

There was more coughing, from Bella. At least she was stalling long enough for me to try and hide. _But where? _ I moved behind her hanging clothes, hoping Man-bear wouldn't see my naked legs clearly visible beneath her shirts.

I looked down at the lit-up vibrating vibrator in my hand, hoping I didn't get caught with something so thick and long in my hands. No wonder she didn't feel a thing! Look how big this is!

_It's all about the motion of the ocean, Edward. _

Yeah, and I motioned the hell out of her ocean.

I fumbled a bit before finding the button again and turning it off. The vibrating stopped. The lights went out. I held my breath.

"Huh, I could have sworn..." Man-Bear trailed off. Hopefully Bella's cough-cover-up worked. But her coughing didn't stop. It got worse and soon she sounded like a barking seal.

"Oh, B! Are you alright?" I heard rustling and could only assume Man-Bear was on Bella's bed trying to turn her from a seal back into the beautiful girl she was.

"Emmett!" she yelled.

"Oh God! I didn't see anything! I swear! Oh my God. I'm going to Hell. I saw my baby sister naked. Strike me down now, God. Wipe this image from my mind!"

I had to bite my fist to keep from laughing. Emmett must have pulled back the white-no-longer-virginal-blankets and revealed the beauty that is naked Bella. While I found this funny, purely because of hearing Man-Bear sound like such a pussy, the whole situation was really fucking wrong. What kind of brother just comes into his sisters room? He just barged in, no knock or anything.

_Right, because you knock every time you enter Rose's room._

That is a totally different situation. Rose isn't my sister. I'm allowed to think she's hot and maybe get horny from her tits. Man-Bear, on the other hand, is now dubbed a sister-perv.

"Get out!"

"Baby... Oh God... Bella! I'm so -"

_Jesus, this was too much. _

"GET OUT!"

"I'm so sorry..." My smile stayed intact at the sound of Man-Bear's retreating apologies, and after hearing the bedroom door click shut I decided it was time to come out of the closet.

I was pretty sure we wouldn't be disturbed again.

With vibrator in hand, I figured I could just walk out, stark naked, and it'd be fine. But, then she'd be able to compare me to her favorite toy. I had never had a problem with my size. I liked my size. I knew for a fact many girls had liked my size, too. I was pretty sure that Rose would have told me if something was wrong with my size.

I felt the length of the toy. There was no fucking way she wouldn't look from me, to it, and then back to me, and wonder why she let me be her first. I mean, I could try to explain that I wasn't currently hard, and this toy was always hard. And maybe if she just gave me a few minutes to stiffen up, we could have a better comparison test.

No. I had to cover up. No doubt about it.

I grabbed her bathrobe from the back of the closet door, and happily slid my arms into the terry-cloth.

_God, this is soft!_

I took a minute to run my hands down the front of the bathrobe, loving the feel of it against my naked skin. _No wonder women always have these! I'm getting myself one! _

_That's not gay at all, Edward. Why don't you just keep her vibrator._

"Edward?" came a soft voice, close to the closet door.

I opened the door a bit, looking through the crack to make sure my ears heard right and Man-Bear was actually gone.

Seeing only Bella occupying Narnia, I came all the way out of the closet.

Bella stood before me, her white bed sheet wrapped around her naked body. Her hair was a mess and she looked perfect. I couldn't fuck this up with her. I couldn't have her leave me because I wasn't her vibrator.

I held up my competition, "And what might this be?" I asked with a raised brow.

Her eyes widened and for a minute she just stared at the vibrator. But then, strangely, she changed into coy-Bella and she didn't seem embarrassed at all.

"That's Jack." she said, and any trace of shocked-nerves seemed to fade.

"He has a name?" _This was worse than I thought! They're on a first name basis!_

"Well, he _is_ a _Jack_ Rabbit. It seemed fitting." She reached to take _Jack_ from my hand but I held it away from her. She'd already held me recently, it was too soon for her to be holding another dick.

I'd have to be a dick myself. I had to make him look bad.

_Now it's a 'Him'? _

I smirked. It isn't a him. And I'm a him. I've already got one-up on this thing. I looked down at it, now that I could really see it in the light. It was a purple, glittery, rubber dick, that had a rabbits head attached near the base of it.

_Nice balls, Jack. _

"You do know that real men aren't purple, or glittery and we generally don't have rabbit shaped balls." _Stupid Jack._

"I do know." She smirked, and looked down at where my buddy was covered by her robe. "They also don't vibrate." She snatched Jack from my grasp and sat back on her bed. I sat on the edge next to her.

"I'm well aware that He vibrates." I glanced quickly at the closet, where I had gotten to know Jack a little bit. Then I got an idea. "Show me."

Bella looked at me, "What?"

"Show me," I couldn't help my grin, "how he vibrates, for you."

"Oh. You just press this button." She pressed the same button I pressed earlier, but now in the light of Narnia, I could see that it wasn't the dick-part that vibrated, but the bunny's ears that did.

But that wasn't what I meant when I said 'show me'.

"I know how to do that one," I said, but before I could tell her what I really meant, she began her demonstration again.

"And then you press _this_ button..." She pressed the button next to the first one and the dick-part started thrusting.

"It's...moving." I was shocked. I was in awe. I was a little appalled.

"Hence the name, _Thrusting_ Jack Rabbit."

_Thrusting. Vibrating._ I couldn't compete. All my guy could do was get hard and come. Even if I really concentrated I was sure I wouldn't get him to vibrate.

"Why do you even need a guy?" I was dejected. I couldn't even look at Bella anymore.

"Because," she began and I felt the bed shift as she moved closer to me. "Because Jack can't kiss me..." She kissed my neck, then my jawline, I closed my eyes. "Or touch me with his hands..." Leaning closer, she slipped a hand into the robe and ran her hand over my chest. "He doesn't smell like you..." She nuzzled her nose against my neck and I clenched my jaw so I wouldn't giggle. That would be another strike against me and my non-vibrating dick. "And most importantly, he doesn't feel like you, when you were on top of me."

She was right, of course. And she was telling me that I had won. I smiled, opened my eyes and looked down at her.

"Yeah, because he doesn't have a body."

She shook her head, "No. Because it's a plastic, vibrating dildo, as opposed to an actual warm, breathing man. He's just..." she trailed off, and shrugged. Showing disinterest in the toy.

_How do you like me now, Jack?_

I grinned, "Can I...use it?"

Bella's happy smile dropped instantly, and her hand stilled on my chest. "I didn't know you went both ways."

"What?" _Oh shit, _"No! No! I... I want to use it... on you."

"Oh." She relaxed and resumed her chest-touching. "Why?"

I was getting excited. She hadn't said 'no'. I felt like a boy who just got a new toy and was waiting to be told it was okay to go play with it.

"Because the next time you look at Jack, I want you to see me there too."

Bella got a wicked smile on her face, and I was a little taken back. "Like a three-some?"

Uhh...

"No. Not exactly. No." I couldn't imagine sharing Bella like that. The thought of another thing, toy or real, near her, touched by her, touching her, inside her, made me want to take her to a small island and hide her from everyone. "I want you to pretend Jack is me, when I'm not here to be me, for you."

"But I already do."

_She already did...?_

"You already do?" I had to ask. I needed clarification, because a girl telling me she played with herself while thinking about me was really fucking hot.

"Mmhm." She nodded, biting her bottom lip and shifting closer so the front of her sheet-covered chest was against my side. "Wanna see how good you make me feel?"

I exhaled a shaky breath. _Fuuuuuck,_ _coy-Bella was going to kill me. _

I could only nod dumbly.

I watched as Bella moved back on the bed, laying against her pillows. She was still covered by her sheet but I could see her nipples through the thin material. I couldn't take my eyes off them. You'd think I'd never seen nipples before, but they were just there, calling to me, begging me to lick them.

_Wait...Why can you see nipple? _

When did she take off her bra? I thought we fell asleep with it still on. Ohhh, maybe she's a sleep-stripper. How did I get so lucky?

"Edward?"

"Mmm?" Now her nipples were talking to me.

"Are you going to touch me?"

"Mmmhmm" I obeyed her nipples and leaned forward. As if a string were attached to my lips, it pulled me down to her boobs. Steadying myself with my hands, I leaned down to give her nipples what they were calling for.

I sucked one through the sheet and ran my tongue over it. My happy sigh turned into a deep moan when Bella pushed her chest towards my mouth.

I tugged the sheet down and only lifted my mouth for the second it took to pull the sheet to her waist.

_Oh God... Exposed-Bella-Nipple._

Fingers pulled my hair and Bella's moan went straight to my dick.

Why didn't I play with these earlier? Why did I let her bra keep me from her nipples? I could lick them and play with Bella's breasts for the rest of my life if she'd let me.

_That's it. We are never having children, because I don't want to share these. _

"Mmmm, Edward..." _Mmm, Bella, _"Use it..."

My lips tightened around her nipple as I a surge of anticipation charged through me. _It was toy time._

I leaned away from her breasts, enjoying how one nipple was more red than the other. Bella had really pretty nipples, too. I'm so glad she took off her bra so I could see them.

"Edward?"

I looked up to Bella's face and grinned. She held Jack out to me and I turned his vibrating rabbit-ear-balls on.

_Let's see how this baby works. _

I sat back on my heels, between her legs. Together we unwrapped the sheet from her body until she was fully exposed.

"Now, Edward. Please."

She lifted her hips up to me and I brought Jack closer to her. I lightly touched the ears to her clit and the sound she made, had me pulling my hand back. Maybe it was too soon after what we did earlier for her to play again.

"Bel -"

"No!" The way she grabbed my wrist and forced the ears to her clit was almost desperate. She was definitely fine. Playing again was clearly not a problem.

"Don't pull it away... Don't stop."

Her hand relaxed and eventually dropped from my wrist and she left me in control again. I wasn't really interested in watching Jack do his thing. I was more interested in what Bella's reaction was. I slowly looked up her body.

Her hips moved subtly, undulating in tandem with her ribs as she breathed. It looked like her whole body rolled with each exhale. Her back arched again and before I could go back to her nipple, her hand beat me to it. I watched, mesmerized as she cupped her breast, using her fingers to tease herself.

_God, she's so sexy._

"More..."

I knew what she wanted. What more could Jack do but his other feature - thrust. I had to look back at my hand for this. I positioned it at her entrance and pressed the second button. I watched, curiously, as thrust by small thrust, Jack entered her.

I had pushed the toy about halfway in before I looked at Bella's face. Her eyes were closed, and her lips parted with soft whimpers. The further in it went, the deeper the crease between her brows. It was almost a look of painful concentration that was in complete contradiction to her moaning.

I continued to watch her face as I experimented with the toy. I made note that when I moved it a certain way her eyes would seem to glaze over and when I pressed the ears down against her, her lips would part with a moan and her hips would grind up against me. I would have been jealous of how much pleasure she was getting from the stupid toy, if I wasn't the one wielding it. Besides, watching her face was almost enough to distract me from anything else at this point. Her room could fill up with playmates and I still wouldn't give a shit. Her face was a fucking masterpiece of sex.

I realized that the more I pushed the toy upwards, the harder she would push back against me, and soon I was just holding the toy steady while she moved her hips, and arched her back. It was almost getting to be too much for me. I didn't know how much more I could take before I exploded all over her terry-cloth robe.

"Bella," I whimpered, my body hovering over hers. Her eyes were still closed, and our bodies didn't touch, but I could feel every inch of her moving and arching and moaning against me.

"Edward." She moaned and I silently celebrated that it was my name, and not Jack's, that she said.

"I'm so close." She moaned again and I tore my gaze from her face down to her hand that was squeezing her breast.

"I'm...Oh, God..." I looked up at her face again, not wanting to miss the moment she came.

_Would it be too forward to whip out my phone and take a picture? Probably._ Could be fun for a little role playing another time though.

I quickly pushed those thoughts aside when Bella's moans grew louder. I was so happy she was a moaner instead of a screamer or dirty talker or one of those girls that cried. I knew I'd love her just the same though...

_Woah, Ed. Back up...Love? _

I stilled, shocked by my thoughts. I watched Bella while she came beneath me, her body writhing and arching and moving through the waves of Edward-and-toy-induced pleasure.

I was frozen by that single word.

"Edward..."

_Did I love her? _

"Edward."

_Was it too soon?_

"Edward!"

"Yes, love?" _I kinda __like how that sounded._

"Turn it off."

I looked down at the toy, and realized that I had Bella trapped between it and my body. I pulled it out and she sagged back against the bed. After pressing the buttons and turning Jack off, I took his place - again - and just looked down at her.

Our eyes met and I couldn't look away. A light blush rose on her cheeks and I wasn't sure what she had to be embarrassed about now.

"Thank you," I said, and I meant it. She had given me so much this evening.

I leaned down and slowly kissed her. An innocent, lazy kiss that meant so much. I wasn't kissing her to build up the horniess, because God already knew how hard her little toy-play had made me. And while the Prince was throbbing against the soft robe, I wasn't in a hurry to get him off. I was content.

_Hell, with her performance, I felt like I just came myself. _

"You should probably go," she said softly when the languid kiss ended.

At her words I was a little crushed that she wanted me gone so soon, but when she glanced at the door, I knew I was biding my time before a reappearance of her brother.

"Emmett..." she murmured, both as an explanation and apology.

"Can I come again tomorrow?"

Her blush deepened and she nodded.

"Can I make _you_ come again too?" I smiled when she nodded.

I was already in so deep, there was no telling how much deeper she would take me.


End file.
